I held my shield tight to my body and adjusted my grip on {The Glass Cannon}, noting how differently it was weighted when the game wasn’t assisting me.

It feels good. Natural. Like I’m out in the forest, practicing.

The game had an ‘auto-correct’ feature, but I didn’t know it was so intrusive until it was taken away from me. When it was activated, it took away the minor inconsistencies and natural instabilities that a normal human would have when wielding a weapon. It was why your average high school graduate could pick up a bow or a sword on their first day in B&B and expect to swing it around without too much trouble.

A weapon’s balance was made less significant. The comfort of a shield strap was a non-factor. Everything was about stats, not ease-of-use.

But with those things added back into the game, I was in my element.

The lead guard — Timothy, apparently — stepped back and let his men crowd the hall. They steadily advanced, blocking off the exit to the Royal Botanist and pressing Claire and I back into the maze. She tried one last time with her bow, but it wasn’t meant to be. The arrow fell off the string and clattered uselessly to the floor.

In my head, I thanked Esko for the lessons, and Dale for the introduction. I was ready to fight.

Two guards split from the pack and advanced on either side. I held my shield low, covering the left side of my body and giving myself room to face the guard on the right. He swung horizontally, forcing me back before I leapt in and pierced his thigh. He screamed and went down.

The attacker on my left — defender from his point of view — pressed forward, apparently more confident in his skills than his friend’s. I took the fight to him, leaping forward and driving {The Glass Cannon} down. He deflected the strike, but I saw the bead of nervous sweat spring up on his forehead.

The Royal Botanist’s debilitation-grenade was nearly useless on me.

I disposed of the remaining guard and faced down the rest. Claire was repeatedly saying ‘What the fuuuuck’ behind me and making noises of wonderment. Now she knew how it felt when I saw her shoot a moving target from fifty meters away. Only this was all natural.

“Timothy! Get him!” demanded the Botanist. She’d stayed at the doorway, watching the fight with fascination. Unfortunately, Timothy and his gang weren’t so excited by the prospect.

They ran back into the maze.

The Botanist bolted as well, dancing from my line of sight. There was a clattering of pots. Maybe a wheelbarrow being knocked over.

“Come on, Claire!”

She shook herself back to reality, joining me in the chase. We rounded the corner and followed the carnage created by the panicked scientist. Pieces of purple robe stuck to all manner of sharp implements; the material clearly torn off in a mad rush.

“Botanist! We just want to talk!”

Said every villain ever.

I wouldn’t have stopped if I heard that, and neither did our target.

“Seriously!” Claire tried. “We’re just here for the Perrywort!”

A barely disguised yelp rang from between the rows. I slowed, listening out for movement. There was none.

Botanist down.

Four rows down from where we were, the Botanist lay in a pile of broken clay pottery and dark brown soil. Her head fell back when she saw us, her chest rising and falling in quick succession.

Can NPCs have heart attacks? It looks like it.

Claire went to her side, picking her way around the sharp debris.

“I’m serious. We’re not going to hurt you. Drink this.”

She held an HP potion to the botanist’s mouth. It was refused at first, then Claire was more forceful. It fixed her right up.

“My fyerlenfleur,” she said. Her gaze fell on a shattered pot with a dainty purple flower sitting in an avalanche of soil. There were tears on her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. We really don’t want to hurt you.” I tried to clean up the fyerlenfleur as a sign of goodwill. I found a new pot, gathered some of the soil of the ground, then poked a burrow in it and inserted the purple flower. It drooped, but the botanist seemed to relax.

“If you are going to kill me. Just do it. I’ve had enough.”

“We’re not going to. Just show us where the Perrywort is.”

This whole ordeal was becoming too traumatising. I’d never felt bad for an Asterian before, but I was starting to regret this whole part of the quest.

At least Bikini Lady had tried to kill us. Gave us a good reason to fight back.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

The Royal Botanist lay at our feet, sniffling and patting at the mounds of soil around her. She extricated a yellow and orange stalky looking thing from beneath her and the waterworks began anew.

“I’m sorry, little one.” She found more culprits and burst into a fresh waterfall. I was starting to think that the Perrywort could be sufficiently watered with her tears alone.

“Come on. Let’s get you up. That’s a good girl.” Claire took control, smoothing out the girl’s hair and propping her up on her feet.

Girl. Not lady. That’s really what she is. So young for a ‘Royal’ Botanist.

“You are the Royal Botanist, right?” Claire shot me a look, but I had to ask.

She nodded and clung onto Claire, resting her chin against Claire’s waist. They had similar colour hair, making them slightly twin-ish.

“I’m very sorry for the shock. Do you know where the Perrywort is?”

She inclined her head again. Her eyes fixed on a struggling plant beneath my foot. Somehow, I was managing to crush every single one of the stupid things. She latched onto Claire no problem, but I was like the bogeyman.

“Ollie, how about you keep watch behind us and leave us girls to find the Perrywort. Shoo!”

My presence was not helping, so I did as I was told. The girls chatted and Claire coaxed her along.

From my vantage point, all I saw was the two of them disappear below a row of plants like someone doing the step-down-the-escalator trick. A couple minutes later, Claire came up clutching a dark purple flower with four large petals. If it were all green, if would’ve passed as a four leafed clover.

Where’s the Botanist? What did Claire do with her?

My temporary shock was assuaged when the girl hopped out behind Claire. She looked much happier than before. She grabbed a trowel and some fertiliser before ducking back down to the Perrywort’s lair. Remaining up here was giving me FOMO. I wanted to see where the magic happened.

Claire came over and handed me the flower. “All it takes is a gentle touch. I’m guessing you don’t have any younger siblings?”

“I’m an only child.”

She tapped her temple with a knowing look. “Penelope will be back in a moment. I told her we’d help with the clean-up.”

“You what?! We’ve gotta get out of here! Those guards could come back at any moment with reinforcements, and I can’t take down an army. Has the debuff worn off?”

She nocked an arrow and drew back the string, then released the tension and repeated the process at increasing speeds. By the fifth or sixth time, the whole motion was a blur.

“I think it’s back.”

Halfway through our experiment, Penelope came out. She hopped up the last few stairs and turned a latch that sat beneath a clay pot. She didn’t look as distraught at I expected for someone who just had their most valuable flower robbed.

“Claiiiiire!” she called, bouncing over to us. She looked at me with suspicion, but Claire seemed to have put in a good word. “I’ve rerouted the aqueducts. Now we don’t have to waste all that water on one silly flower! All my friends can drink their fill.”

She seemed genuinely happy for us to loot and scoot with the Perrywort, and it kind of made sense. For someone who cherished every single one of their little herbs and considered each to have its own personality, seeing all that water go into one tiny flower probably felt unfair.

Works for me. I was expecting an intense boss fight involving deadly amounts of coriander and thyme.

Claire handed the Perrywort to Penelope, who in turn shuffled over and gave it to me.

“Thanks. I’m sorry we scared you. When we’re gone, tell the guards that we found the secret room by ourselves, okay? They can’t know that you helped us.”

She looked up at me with big eyes. It was cute.

“I…I want to go with you guys. I don’t like it here. They make me grow all these beautiful plants and then they rip them out of the ground and throw them in carts.” She looked back at the fallen pots, grimacing. “I tell them they can just trim them and they’ll grow back but…Claire said…”

I looked up at Claire, who grinned sheepishly. She mouthed something that looked like ‘Otto.’

No matter how cute she is, she’s an NPC. Could she even leave this place?

There was so much I didn’t understand about the Blade & Battle NPCs. Sometimes they wouldn’t react unless you handed them an extremely specific voice line on a silver tray, whereas at times like this, I struggled to believe that this wasn’t another player. An extremely young one.

“You wanna try?” I asked Claire. She nodded.

“She reminds me of my little sister. And she knows how to get out through the aqueducts.”

I looked back at Penelope, who’d turned on the puppy-dog eyes. I’d planned on disconnecting for a bite of lunch, but it would be pretty strange for her if Claire and I disappeared. We’d have to get well away from here and then work that out.

“Fine. Let’s get going though, I’ve had enough of flowers for a while. Don’t tell Marla.”

Penelope looked scared. “Marla? As in…”

“A friend of ours,” Claire assured her. “Very lovely person. Believe me.”

Our adoptee seemed satisfied. The longer she was around, the more cute traits I discovered. Her robes were too long for her legs and arms, meaning the tail dragged around behind her and she had to hop around wherever she went. She continuously dragged up the sleeves, revealing skinny arms covered in bits of soil and plants. Her thumbs were literally green.

“Hop on Ollie’s back, and he’ll carry you out of here, okay? He’s stronger than he looks.”

Penelope giggled and Claire smiled at her. This was fun.

I put the javelin in my inventory and knelt down so Penelope could hop on. She clambered up high, almost to my shoulders. Once she got comfortable, she clasped both hands on my forehead and pronounced herself ready to leave.

“Do you want to bring some of your plants?” I asked. “I think we can carry a few of your favourites.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Yes! Yes! Yes! I thought I’d have to leave them behind. I was sad.”

“We can’t let that happen, let’s take them!” She laughed as I ran through the rows, picking up any plant she pointed at and pocketing it into my inventory.

There has to be a limit to this. I can’t feel any additional weight.

I didn’t want to find the limit just yet, so I stopped after she selected four or five specimens. She pointed me in the direction of the exit.

Man, why do I suddenly want a younger sibling? Kids are dope.

Claire followed after, apparently satisfied with her work. We’d come for a flower and left with Asteroth’s number one botanist.

Exiting the place required a series of twists and turns through yet another maze. I couldn’t fathom why this one was needed, but Penelope seemed to think it was normal. The real shock came when we exited the maze and found ourselves on a thin ledge high up on the outside of the dome. I hadn’t even realised that we were ascending.

The view was delicious. Not only could we see rows upon rows of garden beds — which had each seemed so expansive before — but I could see the other sections of Bretonhal where the long road through the industrial district led. There was a gigantic armoury pumping out enough steam and smoke to make me worried about global warming, and further on was a multi-tiered farm of a crop that looked akin to wheat.

The place was simultaneously high tech and extremely low tech.

But something even more interesting caught my eye. It was smaller than the others, but it ignited my curiosity nonetheless.

Penelope batted on my hair. “Why’d we stop! Go, horsey, go!”

“Hey, just a sec. What’s that statue over there? He’s holding a hammer right? And that’s an anvil below him?”

“OO! You like him? That’s Great King Gonar.”