“Tabitha! You look…lovely!”

To be honest, I was only half joking. Her dress covered most of the barnacles on her legs — not to say that barnacles can’t be attractive — and she’d somewhat adapted her overall appearance to be less monster-ish and threatening.

Of course, the third eye in the middle of her forehead was slightly off-putting.

“I’ve spoken to the other Stakes. You seem to have made a good impression on Wright. He said you were sparkling, whatever that means.”

She looked at Claire as she said ‘sparkling’. I apparently hadn’t impressed him with [Shield Wall] and a spear to the gut.

“That’s great! You only needed one extra vote then, right? Can you tell us who agreed?”

She fixed all three eyes back on me. Percival trotted over, though he seemed to be struggling to speak. I tried to ask him a silent question with my eyebrows, then I noticed his lips.

They were sewn shut.

For whatever reason, Tabitha didn’t want to be announced.

“I needed two extra votes, since Marla voted no. She said that she was scared of what she might do if she were released. You see what you’re going to make me deal with?”

I felt a lot worse for Marla than I did for Tabitha. Placing your own daughter under conditions where they didn’t trust themselves to be out in the world with other humans was some serious trauma. I wondered if I could encourage Penelope and Claire to go on a girl’s trip with Marla. It would be tough to convey to Penelope just how serious of a decision that would be, considering the danger.

“So it was you, Ooze Ma— sorry, Wright, and two others on the yes side, and then Marla and two other for no?”

“Correct.”

“And should we expect any backlash from the three no voters?”

“Only if Marla goes on a rampage and proves us wrong.”

“Awesome.”

I figured it was about time to get Lord Piliton involved. He’d probably had enough of single women for the day, but I predicted that he wouldn’t be Tabitha’s type.

At least she didn’t smell like the others. Benjamin must’ve brushed his teeth that morning.

“Well, Lord Piliton is upstairs. Would it be okay if you were to…um…un-sew Percival’s mouth? He’ll head up and grab him.”

Tabitha rolled her top eye as though it was a big ask, then her right eye gazed at Percival and flashed yellow. His lips came apart and he sucked in large breaths.

“Finally! I had a blocked nose, could barely breathe!”

He continued his heaving breaths all the way across the foyer and up the stairs. Tabitha didn’t seem to think it was that big of a deal.

While it was just the three of us, Claire spoke up.

“Tabitha, have you spoken to Marla about…stuff? I’m guessing you had to get her vote somehow, but I was wondering if you’d discussed her reintroduction to the world.”

For the first time, Tabitha looked uncomfortable. It was a very human emotion, which didn’t suit her face despite being technically human. All her eyes looked downwards simultaneously, and she kind of bobbed.

I bet Claire didn’t expect to be tutoring a demon lady on how to be a mother.

“I thought it would be best to wait until we’d confirmed everything. We have some additional demands that need to be met before we take part in your plan. I didn’t want to get her hopes up and then crush them if your lord says no.”

“But she voted no,” I said. “It sounds like she’s hoping for nothing at all. At least some encouragement that this could be a good thing might be a good idea?”

Tabitha and Claire both looked at me and delivered near identical sneers.

Girl’s topic. I get it.

“I’ll butt out. Carry on.”

Somehow, Claire’s attitude at the lake and her insistence on patching things up with Marla had put her in good graces with Tabitha. And her stunt with the muffin endeared her to Marla. Even Ooze Man — goddamnit! Wright! — had some kind of messed up respect for her destruction capabilities.

She’s a natural. Befriending super-monsters left and right.

All I’d managed to do was be a fly on the wall.

The how-to-be-a-mom talk stopped once Percival and Piliton returned. As expected, Piliton carried a hefty glass of whiskey. He had enough lordly tact to place it on a shelf near the stairs before he came over and introduced himself to Tabitha. He held out a hand, and she batted it away.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

“No, no. If I touch any of you for too long, you’ll turn into something that you’d rather not turn into. Greetings are sufficient. It is your pleasure to meet me.”

Lord Piliton went slack-jawed for the tiniest part of a second at her brusque introduction.

“I…I’m sure it is. Would you like to sit? Percival could prepare some…nevermind, I don’t think there are any humans in the freezer.”

Holy hell. Steady on, old bloke.

The guy must’ve had a death wish to say something like that. Somehow, Tabitha interpreted it as a genuine apology.

“That is absolutely fine, Mister Piliton. I ate before I arrived.”

I couldn’t imagine what she’d found on the roads between her lake and here. Pictures of more happy couples and tragic picnics on sunny mornings flooded my mind.

Livestock, Ollie. She definitely just ate a sheep or two.

“So, I won’t waste any more of your time. Oliver and Claire mentioned that there would be additional stipulations on our agreement. I want you to know that I am open to this, but I will not allow myself to be walked all over. If you are not open to negotiation, then we may as well bid each other goodbye.”

Tabitha’s eyes flashed, but not in a way that would spell the doom of everyone in the room.

Not yet.

“That’s correct. As I indicated to your two agents here, I do not feel that gifting you leadership over an entire nation is equal in value to letting a little girl out of a forest.”

“She isn’t quite like most other little girls, though, is she? My young friend Penelope is down the hill at the orchard — I think she would be a better example.”

Even Penelope is far from normal, but okay.

I felt like I was watching a tennis match. Tabitha served up a big hit, but Piliton was slapping the ball right back at her with a nasty forehand. Both were adamant that the other would either give up the point or run so far that they would tire themselves out and lose the set.

“Regardless of all that, I’m giving you the option to say yes or no. The fact of the matter is that Marla being released is a guarantee — the others are, as you said, open to negotiation.”

I wanted to grab another biscuit, but I felt glued to my chair. My current posture was uncomfortable, though I wouldn’t have moved even if someone told me I was sitting on a bomb that was set to go off in five seconds. The fate of Asteroth was being decided right behind me, and I was being distracted by a bit of hunger and a sore back.

They went back and forth for a while. I was eventually given reprieve when Piliton suggested a break to think over a specific set of terms. Tabitha finally gave in and sat down. She checked behind the cushions for something before she let herself relax.

Once Piliton was well into his fourth whiskey, and Percival was subtly trying to hide the decanter in one of his kitchenette cupboards, they finally seemed to strike an accord.

I’d been listening to them talk while I read a book about a magical artist from Herayule and watching the proceedings out of the corner of one eye. By the time it was all said and done, I was getting quite bored.

“Fantastic!” Piliton blared. “I’m glad we’ve struck up a bargain.”

Tabitha smiled and curtsied. It was stoic, like she had pins and needles from sitting for so long.

“I agree. And to make doubly sure that we’re on the same page — we will organise the hopefully bloodless overthrowing of King Rallar, as well as supplying you with a protective guard of one Stake for the first six months of your reign. In return, you will continue our contract with the current king which allows us access to The Ancients, you will agree to release my daughter, Marla, from her prison in the Hollow Forest, and you grant us immediate access to your chambers and court at any time of any day, for any purpose.”

Woah. The last one is big.

“I agree.”

The manor went silent after that. There was no formal agreement just yet, but there didn’t need to be. Both sides knew what they’d lose if they didn’t comply.

For some reason, Piliton and Tabitha locked eyes on me, as though I had to do something to officiate their contract.

“Umm. Thanks guys! Really productive, really good. I think that wraps things up, so unless you want to stay for tea, Tabitha…”

“I shall leave.”

I nodded. “Okay! That’s cool! I think Percival mentioned something about going vegetarian tonight, so you’re not missing out on much. Umm, yeah! Let me grab the door.”

Again, Percival rushed over to do his duty. Tabitha inclined her head to him as she walked out. His lips remained un-sewed.

Once the door was closed, I let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding. Claire appeared at the top of the stairs. She’d been investigating the collar room and the amphitheatre.

“All good?” she called.

“All good,” I replied.

Piliton slumped into a chair and let out a long groan. His faithful butler immediately rushed to his side.

“My Lord! Are you well? How can I help you?”

Piliton smiled. “I’m relieved, my friend! That was terribly stressful — even more so than my first horse auction! What a rush! Negotiating with the Third Stake and holding my ground!”

I wasn’t sure if he’d held too much ground. He’d given all of the Seven Stakes free access to his chambers and court, and in return clawed back six months of private security. Tabitha had said there would be extra conditions, though, so at least he’d gotten something for conceding to them.

It made Claire’s and my situation slightly undefined. Until it all went down, we were in a strange limbo where we had no obvious purpose except acting as a conduit in case the situation changed. I was keen on pursuing the Gonar quest, but Piliton and Percival wanted to keep us close.

“There’s two extra bedrooms in the south wing that Percival will set up for you. The other members of his team will bring you your meals and place hot bricks under your mattress for when the nights get particularly frigid. How does that sound?”

Claire politely declined, and I tacked on my sentiment with a number of head nods. With the amount of time I’d been spending in the Pod recently, the last thing I should’ve been doing was sleeping in it, too.

Percival was a little miffed, but he let us go. We assured them both that we wouldn’t die between now and whenever he claimed the throne.

Until there’s twenty thousand krad in my account, I’m not taking a single risk.

I spent the afternoon finishing off the book about Herayule’s greatest artistic export. It wasn’t because I was particularly interested in going to see one of his shows, though. What piqued my curiosity was determining just how much effort had gone into the teeny tiny details of Blade & Battle. Piliton had stacks upon stacks of books in his house, and if someone had to write them all…

Not someone. Someones. The story I’d read was relatively thin, but it was genuine. It had a plot, characters, arcs, even a weird plot twist. It was real, and it was human made.

Every single book here has some kind of information about B&B. And since it’s in the Bill’s Yard zone, in a rich geezer’s house in the middle of nowhere, I’m probably the only person to ever see it, let alone read it.

It made me feel both very large, and very small.

Right when Percival was getting ready to announce our departure — a gift of chocolate chip cookies included — the patter of tiny feet slapped along the marble, and something impacted my leg and hip.

“Ollie-ee! Claire-ee! I want to come with you!”