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The World isn't as Ugly nor Beautiful as You Think
Too Reluctant to Live, Too Shy to Die

Too Reluctant to Live, Too Shy to Die

Dark.

Cold.

Quiet.

Our protagonist now is crouching in his own inner. He is just crouching there without knowing what to do while his friends are having a fierce battle out there. Meanwhile, he is just AFK there. Oh well, AFK means Away From Keyboard, yet the term is well known to be referred to do nothing.

"Can you just shut that shitty mouth of yours up?" Alfi asked me in a disgusted tone.

"What? I am just writing the narration as usual. Am I doing something wrong here?"

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" He scolded me out of sudden.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Making me unconscious like that?! Did you forget that a Doki-doki user has immunity against anything that doesn't come from one's Iru?"

"Then?"

"I shouldn't have been fallen unconscious like that!!!"

"Did you forget that the poison which entered your body came from Franz's Iru. That's why the poison affected your body that you fell unconscious."

"Eh, Really?" Alfi looks wondering.

"Give me some break already. Didn't I give you the Doki-doki manual already?!"

"Well, yes, but it's full of TBA here!" He shows the manual to the sky.

He is opening every page. And yes, most of them are full of TBA.

"TBA? Since when did I write about basketball in the manual?"

"TBA, TO BE ADDED. NOT NBA, NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION, YOU DUMBASS!" He yelled at me.

"Oh, my bad. Well, I just want to make a conflict that attracts the readers' interest."

"By making me AFK?!"

"Not only that."

"Kartika, right?"

"I swear, I didn't expect that she would end up like that."

"YOU DISGUSTING BLASPHEMOUS NOVELIST!"

"Like you are the one to talk. Did you forget? You are the one who asked me to write anything that your imposter di to her. You even enjoyed it."

"Well, you got a point there."

"YOU DISGUSTING BLASPHEMOUS PROTAGONIST!"

"By the way, seriously? Is there anything I can do here? I even can't see what is happening out there in the real plot and I even can't summon Megumi here."

"It's because of the effect of the poison that attacked your Iru circulation. That's why you can't summon her."

"So, I can't do what I want here, eh?"

"Give me some break, please. You do know that the situation is critical like this, but why are you still able to think about kinky stuff?"

"Like you are the one to talk. Just take me to your world and lend Mitsuha to me."

"Do you want me to make you be raped by your imposter for a whole week or something?"

"Sorry."

"Now, let's continue the plot already."

"Will you get me outta here?"

"In your dreams."

"Fuck."

"Say, if you are a Shonen anime series protagonist, you must find a way to get outta here."

What I mean by shonen here is related to the general anime series in which the protagonist is an edgy boy that the story is mostly full of battle and romance that it will have the R18 fanmade in your favorite sites. Yup, nothing can escape from the almighty Rule 34.

"But, it's novel, not anime. Please take control of your delusion."

"Oh, my bad."

"Moreover, I disagree with the story resembles shonen. I'd rather say that it's an R18 that shouldn't be known well in public."

"It's because of the shitty mouth of yours."

"And it's also your fault as the novelist!" He scolded me.

"No, it's your fault." I deny his argument.

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

"No, it's your fault!"

"No, it's your fault."

We just keep arguing like that for more than an episode of seasonal shonen anime (around 24 minutes) that we end up panting. I didn't expect that arguing can be this exhausting.

"Then, if you are here not for saving me, then why are you here?"

"I just have some time to kill."

"YOU BASTARD!"

"You have to educate that shitty mouth of yours, you know? You may hurt someone with it." I said in an innocent tone.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"*Sigh*, you are just like the old me in the times of stupidity. You have to be an adult already. Just stop behaving so childish. I even can take control of my mouth now. You should be embarrassed about that." I explained.

"You disgusting blasphemous novelist!"

"You are free to insult me. your cheap mockery won't get my nerve."

"Mitsuha is a slut!"

"NAON SIA, KEHED?! SIA REK DIPAEHAN KU AING, HAH?" That shitty mouth of him gets my nerve.

I won't translate it for you. Just learn how to speak Sundanese if you still want to know what the meaning is.

"Guess I have to leave now. Mitsuha is waiting and it looks like the readers are satisfied with this scene."

"You are an asshole, you know that?"

"They say that man is divided into two types, asshole and gay. As I am straight, I choose to be an asshole. That's why I made a dick like you."

"Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!" Alfi kicked me out while throwing salt to the sky.

After I leave him alone, he starts crouching again waiting for him able to open his eyes. He is worried about everyone.

Quiet...

He is doing nothing but crouching there all the time. He doesn't know why he is doing that. He can't see anything but the darkness that surrounds him.

"Kakak..." He hears a girl's voice calling him out of the blue.

And it sounds familiar.

He sees a short-haired girl approaching him.

"You are..."

He then remembers something as he sees her. She is that short-haired girl with an empty gaze. Her white dress looks worn-out and it is full of water stains. Yes, she is Dewi, the mysterious girl that entered his inner while he was encountering Kiki in Situ Buleud.

What? You think that she is just a mere extra character? Who is the novelist here anyway? Now, as I am involving a little girl here, I have to be careful with my absurd mindset. It's because the cop has surrounded my house already. It looks like they suspect me that I will make her get raped by Alfi just like how I made Kartika suffer in the previous chapter.

"Dewi." She said in a plain tone.

"Oh, right. Sorry for not asking your name before. I thought we wouldn't meet again."

"You don't want to see me anymore?" She asked in an innocent tone.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Regardless of her empty gaze, he can tell that she feels sad for hearing what he said before.

"There, there, please don't cry." He then hugs her tight.

HUGGING! HE IS HUGGING HER! HEY, ALFI! GET OFF HER ALREADY!

He then let her off and squats so that his face can be close to hers.

"Who said that I don't wanna see you anymore?" He smiles at her.

WHY ARE YOU AIMING ME?! IS SMILING AT A CHILD A CRIME?!

She just shakes her head and says, "Are you in despair?"

He just chuckles and says, "Who taught you that word?"

He then strokes her hair gently.

*CLICK*

IT'S JUST FUCKING HAIR STROKING! A 9-YEAR-OLD GIRL JUST HAS HAIR ON HER HEAD!!

She is startled by what he is doing to her. Her emotionless face is blushing. Seeing that, he then stops stroking her hair.

"Oh, my bad. do you hate your hair being stroke like that?" He asked.

She just shakes her head without saying a thing.

Actually, she has never felt how her hair being stroked like that and you can tell that this is the first time her hair being stroked this gently. And... She feels happy with her hair treated like this.

CAUTION! YOU HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED ALREADY!

DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN THIS?!

"Don't you want to pull my hair?" She asked in an innocent tone.

"Why would I? You have such good hair. It would be a waste if I pulled it, wouldn't it?" He strokes her hair gently.

Her robotic face is blushing. Seeing that, he can't just stop stroking her hair.

"I am sorry, I just like stroking hair." He smiles at her.

"Kakak..."

"Yes?"

"Why are you still fighting?" She asked.

"What?" He raises his left eyebrow as he is wondering what she means by fighting.

"Don't you feel like to give up as you know that you will get hurt in every fight you encounter?" She asked in an innocent tone.

"How do you know that?"

"Kak Alfi, I've been watching you all this time. You always fight for your friends' sake, don't you? Why?" She asked in an innocent tone.

He sees her innocent face. She doesn't seem to hesitate to ask that to him.

"Come." He smiles at her while asking her to take a seat next to him.

ALFI! DON'T YOU DARE TO DO SOME KINKY STUFF TO HER IF YOU WANT THIS CHAPTER TO BE ISSUED!

That's because they have point their guns at me. Don't they have any better things to do than disturbing a novelist building the plot?!

She then slowly takes a seat next to him. He then strokes her hair gently. She just does nothing wishing that he would keep stroking her hair longer.

"Do you have a friend?"

Suddenly, the robotic face of hers turns to the gloomy one. Seeing that, he is realized that he has hurt her feeling.

"Don't tell me that she doesn't have any??" He wonders. "Dewi?" He calls her name in a gentle tone.

She just shakes her head slowly.

"I am sorry, I have no idea that you don't have any." He feels sorry for making her in blues.

"It's ok, kak." She said in a plain tone.

"You did say 'it's ok' though you are not." He said in his mind.

He then shows his right pinkie to her. She sees that and she looks at him with a wondering face. He just smiles at her and says, "What if I become your friend?"

"Eh?" Dewi gets startled by what he said to her.

She then slowly takes off her dress, but he suddenly stops her.

"What are you doing?!" He is really surprised by what she was going to do.

"If someone wants to be my friend, I have to take off my clothes." She answered in an innocent tone.

"Who taught you that?!"

"Everyone. They are my friends. They like seeing me naked and inserting stuff to my body while beating me up with hard things." She explained in an innocent tone.

He is shocked by her explanation. He can't believe that this innocent girl is a victim of sexual harassment and public violence. And, what makes him shocked more is this girl is still innocent and she doesn't seem to have any kind of decay in her body and mind. No one will believe that she is a victim of sexual harassment and public violence. Somehow, he can see himself in her. We can say that he used to be a victim in his childhood, but the good thing is, something like pedophilia was known as taboo at that time.

He then strokes her hair and says, "Please don't do that again. It's bad for you, you know?"

"Why?"

"You don't need to know." He just smiles at her while stroking her hair. "You still have a long way to go. You don't need to do something like that for now."

"May I do it once I become a woman?" She asked in an innocent tone.

"No."

"Is it because I am still too young?"

"Nope."

"Then, why?"

"Here," He clears his throat and stops stroking her hair. "We, human, will encounter happiness and sorrow, right?" He asked gently.

"What are 'happiness and sorrow', kak?" She asked in an innocent tone.

He then remains silent. He thought that she was sad with everyone treating her like that. But he was wrong, she doesn't feel sad nor happy when they treat her like a sex slave in the Jahilliyah era (Jahiliyah era or duping era is an era where Islam hadn't been discovered. In this era, the people were stupid. They would do as they pleased, including slavery). He then strokes her hair gently.

"How do you feel when I am stroking your hair like this?" He smiles at her.

"I feel good. It's so warm and soft. I feel warmth in my body, not like the heat like when they inserted those strange kinds of stuff into my body. This warmth feels good." She replied as she enjoys her hair being stroked like that.

"Hasn't your hair been stroked before?" He asked.

She just shakes her head,

"That's one of the examples of happiness, and sorrow is the opposite of happiness itself. You don't need to know what's uncertain for you for now. Just consider it as I forbid you to know that so that you can live happily, you get it?"

She just nods.

He actually knows why he forbids her, yet it's just hard to explain the reason to an innocent girl like her. He then sympathizes with her. Everyone must involve with bully whether he becomes a doer or a victim. She reminds him of his past self as the one who always encounters death as he used to be bullied in a hard way: public violence. Yet, he can't believe this, in her so young age, she has to be a sex slave. He then realizes something, the water stain on her worn-out dress doesn't come from mere water. The typical scent and the color tone. Yup, it's jizz stain.

"Dewi," He calls her name gently. "You did ask me why I fight regardless I know that I can die anytime, right?"

"Yes, kak."

"It's because of my friendship bond."

"Huh?"

"Dewi," He pats her head gently. "friends exist to protect each other. Do you know what is the scariest thing in this world?"

"BDSM?" She answered in an innocent tone.

"Nope." He said.

"This girl is dangerous." He said in his mind.

"then, what is it, kak?"

"It's loneliness."

"Why? Aren't you afraid of death?"

"You will be afraid of death when you don't feel lonely, yet once you feel it, you will be the one who comes to death itself without any hesitation." He explained with a sad look on his face. "I used to be tortured in the past that I had an idea to kill myself, yet I was sure that one day I wouldn't feel lonely anymore."

"Aren't you lonely?"

"Of course." He smiles at her. "They are the ones who make me want to stay alive so I can protect them all the time. No matter how great the pain I'll take, I'll just get up and win!"

She is startled by hearing that. It does sound trivial, yet after seeing his struggle all this time, her admiration for him is rising.

"Kakak, May I ask something?"

"What is it?"

"Why do we always encounter happiness and sorrow?"

"That's how life works, Dewi. No matter what we do, some will get it wrong and that's normal. Human is created with a various rate of intelligence and stupidity. That's why some will like us and hate us. And that's what triggers happiness and sorrow as we can't make everyone happy no matter how hard we try."

"But why stupidity, kak?"

"It's because we tend to insult each other than praise each other. But, if it's possible, I don't want you to be like that, kay?" He strokes her hair gently.

"And that's why we become too reluctant to live yet too shy to die. We don't want to live longer as the sorrow we might encounter yet we do expect something good coming to us. Well, the world isn't as ugly nor beautiful as you think. The world has a secret for everyone. You might find happiness after surpassing this torture, or even your life is full of torture like Hell." He explained.

Somehow she can understand what he means.

"If I manage to get outta the Supernatural realm, I'll see you."

"Eh?"

"I can tell that you are a Doki-Doki user. You must be trapped here too, don't you?"

She just nods.

"How can you tell?"

"I can sense your Iru even though you don't wear your Jowa. But, don't go wandering without your Jowa on. That's dangerous."

*CLICK*

He pokes her forehead gently.

"We are friends, right?" He smiles at her.

"F.. Riends?"

"Yup, friends. You don't need to strip. I don't want you to be lonely. I will always be there for you, Dewi. Not to mention you'll have more like auntie Kartika, uncle Herman, uncle Varz, and more!"

"F.. Riends?"

"Yup, friends!" He shows his right pinkie to Dewi.

"What is that, kak?"

"It's a pinkie promise. A sort of promise to stay together so that none of us will be lonely anymore. wrap your pinkie to mine." He replied excitedly.

She is about to wrap her pinkie to his, but suddenly something like a red and black glowing smoke is coming to them. The temperature goes down and down as it comes closer as if his whole body is frozen already. Seeing that, he gets up to protect her from the smoke.

"Dewi, run, leave this one to me!" He exclaimed.

"It's not made of Iru, so it's not from Franz. But, what the Hell is this smoke?!" He hesitates whether he can protect her from this smoke. "Fuck it, no matter what will happen to me, I have to protect this girl!"

"I'm sorry, Kakak." She said in a plain tone.

"Eh?"

Suddenly she punches his back strongly that he is shoved entering that red smoke.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!" He screams in pain.

He feels as if the smoke is tearing off his body. He can see his jacket being tattered off by it and now he sees his own skin being shredded by itself. The smoke is devouring him while tormenting him like that. He can't see Dewi anymore. That girl has disappeared ever since before his body being torn off by the smoke. and the torment is still ongoing in his dark and chilly inner.

"Tch, reinforcement, eh?" Franz clicked his tongue. "I taught you, devils, prefer one by one."

"Hey, we are devils anyway. Of course, we will use anything to win!" Mammon exclaimed. "Sre you afraid of me, you blasphemous human?"

"Afraid? Really funny. I have no time for a bunch of inferior beings like you!" Franz is coming to Alfi's direction to take his body, but suddenly Mammon appears launching a very strong fist that blows him away.

Mammon then dashes at incredible speed and sends a kick to stop Franz's body.

"BWAGH!" Franz is in pain.

With her leg, Mammon slams his body to the surface and stomps his body really strong that he is barely to breathe.

"'Inferior beings', you said? Watch your mouth, you blasphemous human! You are right before this Mammon, one of the Seven Princes of Hell representing Greed." She stomps his face and kicks it sending him flying.

She then clenches her right hand and something like a sigil with a motive like an F with B on the bottom with a typical demon tail at the end of the bottom. The sigil os on her right wrist and it's glowing yellow.

She then enchants the runic spell.

"

$query = $this->db->query('SELECT * FROM teknik WHERE id_dosa = 3 AND WHERE tingkat = 3 AND WHERE type = "offensive")->row();

echo $query->teknik;

?>

"

"If you are a match for Leviathan, then let's see whether you can handle this!" Mammon launches her fist to the sky and a lot of yellow fists come out from her fist.

All of the fists are hitting his body in midair. He feels like his body is being beaten up by a barrage of strong fists and the barrage is ended by a fist that triggers a great explosion. The explosion results in a cloud of thick smoke in the sky.

"Huh, so he is not as strong as I thought. Speaking of a letdown. Leviathan! You did let your guard down!" Mammon exclaimed firmly.

"Mammon! Watch out!" Levi exclaimed warning Mammon.

Levi sees Franz with a pair light blue of Steller's Sea Eagle wings on his back is coming to Mammon's direction. He then flaps his wings shooting ice needles to her. Seeing that Mammon is enchanting a runic spell as she raises her right arm.

"

$query = $this->db->query('SELECT * FROM teknik WHERE id_dosa = 3 AND WHERE tingkat = 3 AND WHERE type = "deffensive")->row();

echo $query->teknik;

?>

"

Her sigil is glowing yellow and something like the face of a caucasian guy with red on the left side and purple on the right side comes out from her right hand. The face is split into two parts, red and purple. The red one flies and attaches to her left shoulder and the purple one attaches to another one. The purple one glows purple summoning something like a dome that is made of glowing purple Mana surrounding Mammon and the others.

"That won't enough to protect you!" Franz is about to thrust his sword against the dome.

"What an idiot," Mammon said.

As the edge of his sword touches the purple Mana of the dome, something like a purple flame is coming from the edge of his sword burning him alive.

"Don't underestimate us, the Princes of Hell, you blasphemous human," Mammon said arrogantly.

He is thrashing away on the surface as his whole body is being burnt. He then summons an elephant trunk from his nose and sprays a lot of water through the trunk to put the flame off.

"Guess, no more Mr. Nice Guy." Franz gets up with Leak and Alfi behind him.

"Belphegor!" Mammon exclaimed.

"Okay," Belphegor replied.

Belphegor then enchants a runic spell.

"

$query = $this->db->query('SELECT * FROM teknik WHERE id_dosa = 2 AND WHERE tingkat = 3 AND WHERE type = "deffensive buff" AND WHERE persenjataan = "gelembung" AND WHERE persenjataan = "drone")->row();

echo $query->teknik;

?>

"

Her sigil which looks like '9ge' in a cursive font which is on her left hip glows light blue. Remember, I didn't describe what kind of bottom she wears in the previous chapter, did I? That's because she doesn't wear any, she just wears a jacket that covers her haunch.

After her incantation finishes, Kartika and the others suddenly find each of themselves being surrounded by a light bubble that floats mid-air with so many drones floating around them.

"What is this?!" Kartika is startled y what just happened.

"Just stay there and leave them to us," Belphegor said.

Kartika then sees Alfi is laying inside the bubble before her.

"Hey! If you want to restrain us, at least let me in the same bubble with him!" Kartika exclaimed as she is upset.

"Whoa? Don't tell me that you want to do something naughty with him in a situation like this, Kartika." Asmodeus tempted her.

"Hey! That's not fair! Let me in too" Levi exclaimed.

"ENOUGH!" Mammon yelled at them.

"Relax, the bubble heals you guys," Belphegor explained.

"Kartika, I think you can use your power to create clothes, right? They are looking at you, you know?" Asmodeus chuckles.

Hearing that, Kartika realizes that she who is wearing only a black coat has become a good view for everyone. Kartika then gives them her deadly gaze that they have no guts to make look at her anymore. She then concentrates and channels her Iru to the coat she is wearing. The coat then turns into her white dress out of the blue.

"Don't worry about him, the bubble is healing him," Belphegor said.

The fake Alfi is running with Pelidi and Tipit on his hands.

"How persistent." Belphegor sighed.

The drones are shooting light blue Mana lasers to the imposter. He swiftly nullifies all incoming lasers by hitting them with Tipit. The bubble with the real one is on the horizon. As the imposter is about to pop it with his weapons, the bubble suddenly turns into a great flame that devours him.

He falls crashing the surface hard and gets up with flare around his body. He is panting yet he doesn't seem to give up yet. He draws the magic curtain and throws it to the sky. It flies passing Franz, Leak, and him, and returns to his bracelet.

"Leave that imposter to me, Kartika." Asmodeus touches her abdomen burning her dress exposing her abdomen with the sigil with a motive of an iron bow that is wrapped in thorny iron wire.

"Huh?" Kartika is wondering why Asmodeus really cares about her.

Asmodeus then enchants a runic spell.

"

$query = $this->db->query('SELECT * FROM teknik WHERE id_dosa = 7 AND WHERE tingkat = 3 AND WHERE type = "defensive buff")->row();

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?>

"

Her sigil glows blue, yet nothing seems to happen.

"Ready!" Asmodeus puts a smirk on her face.

*CRACK*

*CRACK*

Mammon is cracking her hands while smirking, and says, "Let the battle begin!"

The battle continues.