Have you ever dreamed of a hero?

What does he look like?

Is he strong?

Is he muscular?

Is he strong?

Is he good looking?

Does he have great bravery?

Does he show his underwear off?

Most of us must have the same vision of such a weird hero eh? But, this book won"t tell such a guy.

But, I have a figure of a hero on my mind. He"s not too strong not even good-looking, he"s not stupid not even smart. Seriously, he"s the protagonist of this simple story, and just in case, I'll take a part in this story as well to make sure the protagonist won"t mess the story up as I concern.

"Hey, you idiot! Hurry up! I've prepared myself for a long time, you moron!" Someone exclaimed behind me.

Oh, that"s the protagonist. Well, please enjoy this simple story. Have fun reading. Oh, for your information, at glance, you will be confused why I use present tense on this story, normally a narrative will use past tense instead of the present, eh wait, it"s not a legend, and it"s my own story! Oh dang!

"Hurry up you moron!" the protagonist yelled at me.

Alright, alright.

Enjoy!

Once upon a time, there was a legend that has been told for hundreds plus dozens of years. The legend says that the Republic of Indonesia will be invaded by a mysterious group that the members wear polka dot cloak who has the same objective: to build their own Utopia. And the only one who can beat them is a group that is full of weirdos led by a weirdo who uses his bracelet as his weapon. Therefore, a big family has been chosen to find the guy.

They have been looking for him for centuries by horse, ship, jet plane, Segway, and such, but they haven"t found him yet. Alright, so the family is a noble family built by the marriage of Raku and Onodera.

"Hey!" The protagonist exclaimed.

"What?" I replied.

"There"s no need to explain the family you dumbass!" He yelled at me.

"Mustn't a story be detailed huh?" I asked.

"You don"t need to go that far! It"s my story, not theirs! And what the hell is that?! Raku is supposed to marry Chitoge, you pinhead! Just see the reality and move on!"(Google Nisekoi. I don"t have time to explain it)

"It"s up to me right? I"m the god here!" I yelled at him.

"Fine! I quit!" He said angrily.

"Oh come on! Alright, you grumpy brat!" I said trying to persuade him to stay.

In 1983...

"I hadn't been born you dummy!"

In 2095...

"I would be a corpse in that year!"

In 2945

"Can you be more serious? We have readers to entertain here!"

"Oh, alright."

In 2017, Bandung City is still crowded. The traffic jam, the pedestrians, and the thieves enjoying their routine marathon and obstacle course practice. There"s a beauty walking among that crowd. She is a beautiful, long black-haired, and white dressed woman, oh she"s wearing a sapphire pendant. She keeps moving her head left to right as if she"s looking for something important. As time goes by, she accidentally bumps into someone that she falls.

"Ouch! I"m sorry sir! I didn't notice you." She said in fear.

Then he turns around towards her and sees her in disgust. He looks mad from the way he sees her. His old face indicates that he"s an old geezer (though he"s still around 40, he has time to repent, but let"s go calling him old geezer OK?), she can smell nicotine from his breath, not to mention his Tosca brown skin, the sweat falls from his top beautifully and a toxic breath which smells nicotine and dead rat as if it can melt iron. This kind of event means that she has faced big trouble.

"Watch your step you little brat!" He yelled angrily.

"Kyaaa! I"m sorry! I"m so sorry! I didn't do it on purpose!" She said in a panic.

His friend beside him pats the old geezer"s shoulder and says. "Oh come on, don"t treat a girl like that. Just be gentle, dude."

"Yeah! Listen to him!" Added her in an unimpressed tone.

"Shut up!" He yelled at her angrily

She remains silent in fear.

"Well, how about we bring her to the nearest alley and...." his friend said giving a signal by winking at him with his pervert look.

Then the old geezer puts his disgusting smile on his face and says. "Good idea!"

That fat and bad-breathing human being walk towards her slowly followed by his skinny friend. She looks frightened because she knows that running is a stupid idea ever, but doing nothing is stupider. Then she holds the sapphire on her pendant and closes her eyes hoping everything will be OK.

Suddenly, a guy her age comes, he wears a thick black jacket which the right sleeve left unworn (just look at the picture, it"s hard to describe him in English, maybe that"s why I never get A in translation class) runs towards them yelling. "Wait!"

They both are surprised to see the hero-wanna-be guy running towards them.

He made it; he is in front of them now though he looks exhausted.

"What the hell are you little brat doing?!" The old geezer yelled at him

"Wait a sec." He said panting. "Hey, you stupid Author! Why the hell did you make me look lame?!!!!" He yelled at me.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"It"s up to me, isn't it?" I answered calmly.

"A protagonist must do a dramatic entrance you know?!" He yelled at me.

"It"s so old school! That"s why I made it like this to make it look more unique." I answered.

"Cut the crap already!!" He yelled at me.

The protagonist keeps debating with me. To tell you the truth, he doesn't realize that he looks crazy by doing such: yelling to no one. It"s because only the protagonist can talk with the author himself. Well, in this case, he insults me.

Meanwhile, the trio looks confused by seeing what the hell happens to them.

"What the hell is he doing?" The old geezer asked.

"Don"t ask me, I don"t know either." His friend replied.

"Is he stupid or something?" She asked.

Suddenly, she is surprised to notice something the crazy guy has. "Impossible!" She said in her mind.

"Very well, if you want to make the story more epic, please beat those 2 perverts up. I don"t want this story to turn into R18." I asked.

"Don"t you like such a thing?" He asked me.

"Why the hell did you say that? I do like such a thing, but I don't want my readers to feel uneasy." I replied.

"Yeah, I agree. I almost forgot about that. Well then." He said staring at those 2 intentionally.

Those 2 pervs feel slightly intimidated by him.

That guy is pointing them both and yells. "Hey, you dumbass!"

"You are one to talk!" They yelled at him irritated.

"How dare you to attack a weak girl. If you are men then," He said using his thumb to point himself. "Fight me!" He challenged them with full of confidence.

"A weak girl?" She said in her mind upset.

"Don"t mess with us boy!" The old geezer threatened him.

"I can"t let morons like you bother a girl as you will." He replied.

"Whoa, what"s with that confidence?" I asked him.

"Shut up! It"s a fantasy novel, right? I am sure I will win!" The protagonist said it full of confidence.

"Well, it"s true, but don"t be so high," I said.

"Just shut up and go to work! Let me handle those pervs!" He said.

Suddenly, a slight light appears around his body.

"Impossible!! His Bracelet produces Iru aura?!!!!" She said in her conscious surprise at the guy before her.

They both look frightened seeing the light. The look on their face looks panic afraid of being beaten up by that weirdo.

Then, he runs toward them ready to launch his strong fist, and when he made it punch the guy.....

He didn't feel anything.

Silence.

The atmosphere turns into total silence.

.....

The guy is beaten up already instead.

"You idiot!" She yelled at him.

Then, she releases a bigger blue aura than his. The aura turns into a big-armed-and-handed giant.

"North Gate Guardian! Cakra!" She said.

The giant then holds the old geezers" head on his left arm and his friend"s head on his right arm. He hits those heads for several times that they turn unconscious with tiny bumps, and oh, their teeth are falling like falling dandruff.

The giant then disappears in a jiffy. She then checks the beautifully unconscious guy.

"Hey, are you alright?!" She asked worrying him.

"Why?" He asked.

"I told you, don"t get so high. You don"t know your power in this part yet." I said.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me before?! What kind of author are you?!" He yelled at me irritated.

"What do you expect? Lightning strikes you and you gain a superpower? You will be dead instead!" I answered.

"Stupid author." The protagonist said.

"So... sorry, are you OK?" She asked.

Then he gets up from his beauty sleep and says. "Yes, I am OK."

"What"s wrong with you? You always talk to yourself with no shame like a crazy." She asked in wonder.

"I was talking to the novelist." He said.

"Are you stupid or something?" I said.

"Novelist? What do you mean? Don"t just waste your life like that! Good grief I could help you back there." She said irritated

"Listen to her, you fool," I added.

"Well, thank you....." He said trying to find a suitable nickname for this woman.

"Kartika, name"s Kartika." She said.

"Yeah, Kartika. Name"s Alfi." He replied. "Why did those pervs bother you? Do you have a huge debt or something?" He added.

"Nope, I am looking for someone," Kartika answered

"Do you know?" Alfi asked me through telepathy.

"Yup," I responded.

"Tell me," Alfi asked.

"Nah, the story would end if I told ya." I refused.

"It"s OK, isn't it good? You can stop typing and go watching %$#*) stuff." Alfi said trying to persuade me.

"In your dreams!" I said.

"So...sorry, if you don"t mind, would you stay in my house? You have saved me; well at least, you tried to." Asked Kartika blushed.

"Huh?" Alfi responded in surprise. "What happened? Giving me a gift all of sudden?" Alfi tempted me.

"Idiot! I won"t let you do as you want." I replied.

"But, it"s for the reader"s sake!" Alfi said.

"I know, but since you are a mega pervert, I won"t let that happen!" I said decisively.

"Boo!" Alfi booed me.

"Alfi?" Kartika called him.

"Yes?" Alfi replied waking up from his La-la-land.

"How? Would you?" Kartika asked.

"You told me that you want to look cool, right? So, don"t embarrass yourself you, idiot!" I added.

"Alright!" Alfi answered with great confidence.

"What a real pervert," I said.

"Shut up!" Alfi replied.

"Alright! Come on!" Kartika said.

"OK!" Alfi responded with a disgusting voice.

"Pervert," I said.

After walking for several minutes, finally, they both arrive at Kartika"s house. Her house is located in a simple neighborhood. The house is white with an iron fence before it. There"s a mango tree that stands around the garden before the house. Kartika slides the fence strongly and walks towards the house with Alfi. What makes Alfi confused is the house has no door at all. The house has many windows covering the wall, literally every side.

"How do we enter anyway?" Alfi asked.

"Don"t worry," Kartika answered calmly.

Then Kartika touches the biggest window in the middle of the wall with her palm. She looks enchanting some kind of spell because her lips are muttering. Suddenly, those windows lose their glass that they both can enter the house.

"Come in," Kartika said.

Alfi remains silent admiring what just happened.

Kartika guides Alfi to the living room. Nothing interesting there, just a mere white room with a unique carpet with a book-cover-like motive covering the floor. Kartika asks Alfi to sit before her. Then she looks at him deeply.

"Oh my god! What the hell is this?"Alfi asked in his conscious that lots of dirty things come to his mind.

"Like the hell, it would happen! It"s just a part of the story. What do you expect anyway? Pervert." I said irritated.

"Dang!" Alfi looks upset.

"Alfi." Kartika called him.

"Yes?" Alfi replied.

"Why did you come back there?" Kartika asked.

"I just couldn't let myself let that happen," Alfi answered.

"What do you mean?" Kartika asked.

"Well, I just hate seeing someone bullied because I know how it feels. We are supposed to respect each other not do the opposite, right?" Alfi explained.

Hearing his simple answer, Kartika smiles.

"He is a weirdo, but he is a nice guy." She said in her mind.

"Why do you think so?" Kartika asked in wonder.

"Well, I like reading books and watching Anime. If we can live in peace like the world of books and anime, the world would be a beautiful place to live, right?" Alfi explained.

"Huh? What do you mean? I don"t get it." Kartika asked in wonder.

"Blame the author! I don"t get it either." Alfi answered plainly.

"Why did he blame me anyway?" I asked irritated.

"Yup, you are an idiot," Alfi replied.

"Alfi.." Kartika called him trying to change the subject.

"Yes?" Alfi replied.

"Where did you get that iron bracelet?" Kartika asked pointing to the bracelet that he wears on his right wrist.

"I made it myself. This bracelet is priceless to me." Alfi answered stroking it softly.

"Huh? There"s something carved on it." Kartika said trying to check it. "Megumi... Who is Megumi?" Kartika asked.

"My waifu (a female character who is liked or even loved by someone, the worse is considered real soulmate that he wants to marry her instead of the real one. E.g. The author"s waifu is Mitsuha Miyamizu from Your Name movie.)′ Alfi smiled

Kartika remains silent.

"Yup, he is a high-quality weirdo!" Said Kartika in her mind.

"Alfi? Can you do me a favor?" Kartika asked.

"What is it?" Asked Alfi.

"Try to touch the carpet motive in front of you with your palm," Kartika explained.

Alfi touches the motive with his palm and then shining light appears from the whole room. Alfi screams aloud because of the light"s effect. Kartika sees it in surprise.

"Finally! For centuries. You come!" She said in her conscious. "This weirdo is the world savior!"

The light finally went off and Alfi is down.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Alfi..." Kartika said.

"Yes?" Alfi replied.

"You..."

"Yes?"

"You.."

"What is it Kartika?"

"You are Alfa!" Kartika said.

"What?! I am Alfi, not Alfa." Alfi said confused.

"You are Alfa! The world savior that I have been looking for!" Kartika said. "Please help me, Alfi! The world is in great danger!" She added kneeling on him.

"Wha...What?!" Alfi said in shock.

"Wow, it's getting intense eh?" I tempted him.

"What did you write anyway? Why did you mess up such a good name?" Alfi said.

"Hey, it's up to me remember?" I said.

"Dang."