Volume 6 ~A Vengeance to Fulfill, a Disaster Awaits~

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Tonight, I saw another dream.

One that was familiar to me. A dream that I always saw whenever my illness relapsed. Despite me having no recollection of it before, I somehow recognized the place.

This time, what kind of dream will I see? What will I find, after all that I have gone through? It's an even stranger experience for someone that reincarnated to a different gender and finding out she has lived multiple lives like me.

As I descended into a golden meadow, I breathed in air. The flavor of wind. The scent of wild grasses. The bristling sounds of snuggling leaves as wind blew over the meadow and going past me.

I looked to the sky, my hair fluttering in the winds. The vermilion sky where blue of day and dark of night conflicted together as stars powdered the ceiling of the world like glittering candies.

In the western sky, at the borderline of horizon was the setting sun. The symbol of dusk illuminated the meadow with its warm and yet fading light, while the coldness of the moons were signified at the opposite direction.

I looked around, finding nobody in the vicinity. Usually, they'd appear at this moment but...

"If my Patron Goddess isn't going to appear, then I guess I can sleep here." I sat down on a slope while making sure I don't roll down like a snowball.

After that, I watched the dusk changed with the curtain of the night and felt at peace.

I've seen this place before. I know this place like I know everything about myself. Because in this place...

"Charlotte."

A voice. I turned around, and my eyes widened.

"...Vainticel... I've got something to say..." I paused, seeing the black-haired Goddess accompanied by a man with white hair and pure golden eyes.

He was staring at me as if boring a drill through me. I shuddered involuntarily but I realized the gaze he had was not hostile nor is it malicious by nature. If so, why? Why did my heart throb for a an instance the moment I laid my eyes on him? It felt as if...

"...You are..."

I... know. I know him too... His name is-

"Helios...?" A foreign word rolled out from my tongue and caused the man to exasperate.

Vainticel was smiling wryly as she exchanged gaze with the man I believed as 'Helios'. Even though I didn't know him, I recognized him.

I knew it was him. Why? How?

Before I could understand anything, he stuttered and suddenly knelt at one knee in front of me.

"It has been a terribly long time." He said, like a knight that had been waiting for his king's triumphant return. "...my deepest apology for having unable to determine who you are. I did not believe that your 'Will' is still living despite your complete annihilation..."

It was me this time that exasperated. As I stared at him, facing Helios, I raised a hand to point at myself.

"...you... know me...?" I asked, but realized I was wrong. I quickly corrected myself. "...you still... recognize me."

Helios lowered his head. I felt strange as a God known with his free dominion over the concept of morals to even bow down like this to me.

But it's not that he was irritating me. I felt it was a hassle. As if it's just something that can't be helped.

"I do. I almost thought we will never meet again." Helios answered. "...even if your soul is shredded apart, and your existence forgotten by almost everyone... You brought us together as one."

...I see. So he's been waiting. For all this time, he's waited. And the meaning of his words...

The only way a Major God such as him to say something like that... meant...

"...was I one of you?" I asked.

Even though I knew it was stupid, I wanted to know. I wanted to know the previous me. The original me. The life I first lived.

I can't help being curious about it. I felt a sense of familiarity everywhere I go to, as if no matter how much time had passed, there are things that never changed. Iris told me the Fragmented Souls were once a single entity.

And she... Vainticel always hinted as if I held something even greater in value than the rest of the Fragments. If not, she would've appeared not in my dream but Iris' or others'.

Yet, when I searched my memories using Radiata as a medium, all I saw have nothing in relation with me. The other Fragments always had a persona that was stronger than common people, always composed, mature, even mother-like if not downright ally of justice-type of people. They're far more stable than me.

"...no. You are not one of us. You were... Neither a God, nor a human."

Even so, the answer was different.

"...if I am not a deity like you, then what am I? Who was I?" I questioned further, doubting both myself and Helios.

He didn't budge. He recovered his posture and stood in front of me, next to Vainticel who was smiling ever-so-bitterly.

"In due time, you will know. However, you mustn't pursue it. Or else, you might never be able to turn back." Helios stated.

I will never... be able to turn back if I know?

"...Charlotte." Vainticel called out to me. "Please understand this is for your own good. We don't want you to suffer."

...even so...

"...why are you two here then...? I feel like I know you. No... I... I knew the two of you, but I don't remember anything at all...!"

I stood up and shouted.

"Why is everyone hiding everything from me!? Why am I not allowed to even understand one of them?! 'For my sake'... then you should've known that I won't mind the pain to follow the truth! I WANT TO KNOW!"

In frustration, I balled my fists. I clenched them tightly, and my vision began to blur.

"I just... I just want to know... Even though I believe that what I'm doing is right for 'me' to do... What am I? Who am I...? Why do so many people seemed to know me? Why do they hunt me down as if I'm just expendable resource?!"

As a leftover of a dead existence, I reincarnated. I was allowed to live even though I'm just an incomplete existence. But for what reason? Won't my life be the like the other?

Doesn't that mean that even if I reincarnated for eternity... nothing will change...?

"...I'm sorry."

Then I heard it. I looked up at Vainticel. The Goddess that was always smiling and hiding her intention...

"I'm sorry for keeping the truth from you, but you must not know. You can't know. So - I'm sorry, Charlotte."

She said. She apologized. Even as my eyes shook alongside my heart, I felt a lump was stuck in my throat...

And I felt bitter about it.

"...is it. Is it because I'm still weak...?"

My Patron Goddess shook her head.

"It's because the weight 'you' carried has always been too large for 'you'. A kind person such as you does not deserve that weight, much less anyone else."

"In all, I... 'We' want to protect you. To thank you for what 'you' have done. For all the sacrifices 'you' have made... we wish to repay 'you' in this life."

Repay... sacrifices... Something tugged my heart as if to deny it strongly. That they're doing the wrong thing. That I don't deserve a form of gratitude by them. And when I tried to form words out of my tongue...

"...I... I don't think what I have done was correct." I murmured.

Vainticel smiled. "Yes. But you're not wrong either."

...now I can't argue any more.

"...it's irritating to know people know me more than I know myself." I complained.

There was a giggle. While Helios was glaring at Vainticel, she soon choked and cleared her throat. The usual smile she displayed returned as she waved a hand.

"Well..." She paused. "At the very least, you're what some people wanted to be. One of them being the Vagnalos."

...huh...?

"Wait... what do you mean by..."

And before I knew it, the world became completely black and my consciousness ended.

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It feels warm.

I opened my eyes as the world split into two before crisscrossing and combining in a chaotic mess. I rubbed my eyes as I realized my body was blanketed, and I felt...

Weak. Heavy. Also lightheaded.

"...ugh..." I groaned as I tried to lift my upper body, only to receive groaning bones and muscles pain.

It... hurts. Kh... but I won't be defeated by pain alone...

After a while, I was capable of sitting, and recognized myself in a bed. The room was built entirely from wood while an object similar to oil lamp was hanging on the ceiling. The furniture was by far modest and simple, while the bed was made from strapped hay covered by cloths.

As I found myself in an unknown place and not knowing what time it was, the door creaked and a redhead I knew well entered.

"Oh, sis! You woke up!" My brother, Leonhardt exclaimed with a bright face I rarely saw.

In response, I smiled warmly. "Un. Good morning... I guess?"

Leon nodded down twice, but his dark jade eyes widened a bit. He soon calmed down and spoke in the way he always did at school.

"Morning as well. But to tell the truth, I'm glad you made it out alive."

Eh...? What's that supposed to mean?

"Sis, 'that' was too reckless, even for you." Leon chided with a half-glare that I laughed bitterly.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

'That'... Now I knew what he meant.

"Sorry... But I'd rather not be abducted. I'm not a Princess after all."

Leon exhaled, as a bitter smile crept up to his face. "But you fit the role well. Which do you prefer: War Maiden or Frail Princess?"

It took me no time to answer.

"Neither. I'm fine being myself."

Leon snorted.

"I thought as well too."

"Oh, quit it, you furball!"

"Aah? Who do you think you are, dimwit?!"

Like that, my recovery started with a sibling argument. Ah, this is really nostalgic.

"Well, I'm going out first, sis." Leon waved a hand as he exited the room.

I waved a hand as well at him and he flashed a smile. Soon enough, there was impeccable silence but it's fine. I can reflect on my actions this time.

So - according to Leon, we're in a village close to the Ruin. Villagers often referred to it as 'Ascheral' since it was once a village as well.

Next, we've been in this village for a week. My condition disallowed me to be moved, no thanks to my wounds, and I woke up on the ninth day ever since our stay.

Lastly, the local healer's judgment (passed by Leon) was I mustn't exert myself else my wounds will reopen and breaking something inside of me. I didn't want to know what will break so I decided to stay obedient till my little bro's return in search of medicine and whatnot.

"No wonder I look like a mummy... again." I heaved a sigh.

Sheesh, how many times have I ended bedridden like this? I shook my head as I sensed a presence touching my Aura Threads. Hmh, looks like I can now make it on standby and passive mode that I have no need to remind myself. So I stared at the door. This presence...

"You can enter, you know?" I said bluntly.

And there entered my second guest... who turned out to be someone I knew very well that I didn't need to describe him at all. Black hair, grey eyes. A young man at his peak of youth with the countenance of a caucasian. I was plain disturbed by the empty sleeve that was flapping by, and the small roll of fabric he held... What's that? Some clothes?

"Fei," I called out, "You sure took your time to get ready in meeting your girlfriend."

I smiled with a slight sarcasm put in my intonation. Obviously, the youth with dark hair and obsidian grey eyes exhaled before rebuking.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not a lazy Princess that likes to stay in bed."

Hey! I take offense in that!

"I didn't want to get bedridden in the first place..." Groaning, I gave an accusing gaze at my Knight.

But this time, it was his turn to smirk. "Then don't get into troubles, Princess."

I rolled my eyes to the side. This guy doesn't change... Maybe I should've taken back my words after all.

But, as I found myself staring at Fei's left sleeve that was hanging loosely, it was as if...

"My left arm got done in." Fei reported.

It's obvious that my expression didn't look good in Fei's eyes. As always, he put on a bitter, yet accepting smile as he approached me and sat on the bedside, still staring at me with his grey eyes.

"It's worth the troubles. After all, I got rid off the Curse and I can no longer become a Vagnalos. I'm a normal human now."

Yeah... I didn't expect that as long as you break the weapon, you can be freed.

"...even so, you fought someone who's exactly like you. Heck, if Ancient was right, you're his carbon copy right?"

Fei nodded down, the annoying smile still plastered on his face.

"But no more." He added. "I'm 'Fei Cruelheart' now, and there's no denying it."

...uh...?

"Haven't you been 'Fei' for as long as I remember?" I tilted my head, prompting the youth to chuckle.

But without me noticing, he rubbed my head and suddenly laughed.

"Hah! Of course I am!"

*RUB RUB RUB*

"Uwa-wa-waaaaaaaahhh!? St-op it! Hey! Stop rubbing my head, you rude bastaaaarrd!"

What's wrong with him, honestly!? I never thought Fei could be so boisterous and... and direct! Heck, his teasing became physical this time!?

B-but, for some reasons... this feels... nice?

"Uuu...! I'm not a kitten! Get your hand off me already!" I fought back by throwing my arms up, but...

*crack* That dissonant sound came from somewhere around my body and a shivering wave of pain attacked.

"Oooooowwww...!" I curled and whimpered. "Tha-that... seriously hurts..."

While I was in the middle of my suffering, Fei, as I predicted, exhaled. He literally wanted to make fun of me, huh...?!

"You're so childish..."

"Grrh...! What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Exactly like I said. Anyway, here."

He handed me the roll of cloth. Huh?

"What's that?" I asked.

"Change of clothes." Fei answered.

"Who's?" I tilted my head, somewhat unsure of his point.

"Yours." He replied in the same matter-of-fact tone.

"...you're joking right...?" I pointed at myself as Fei frowned instead of snorting.

Oh wow. Why so serious?

"You're still wearing that dress more than a week. There's a limit for being lazy, Charlotte."

"B-but...! This's a summer dress! And it's a one-piece! How the heck am I supposed to wear it when I can't even swing my limbs around!?"

And this time, Fei was the one who tilted his head. Oh no... now I'm afraid of what I'm going to hear...!

"So? If you can't, I can do it for you."

I KNEW IT!

"Y-you blockhead...!" I wanted to shout at him because of that dense-like-bricks brain of yours!

Gah! Now I can feel blood rushing to my head...! Why did I have to imagine the nightmare to come when it's totally WRONG in so many places! Heck, what kind of sick pervert are you!? Don't you have any shame at all to say all that as if you're saying the sky is blue?!

..well, I think that's certainly a way to put it, and it's not like I'm unhappy if Fei is doing it, BUT...!

"Aren't you skipping the ladder as of lately!?" I shouted out of reflex.

...eh? W-wait...! Crap! Aren't I hinting the obvious now-

"Ladder? While it's true that this room is at the second floor... Why do I have to skip it? Do you want me to enter from the window again?" Fei bluntly asked in response.

...no. I guess not. I felt like I understood how the infamous Tsundere Quadra feels when she received that ring from her Gynophobic Partner... And I have an almost murderous urge to plant a hand on my face now...

I'm sorry for not understanding how Tsundere-type fared when they confronted an ultra-dense love interest. If all they responded with is with something this simple, then of course they would sound as if they're testing your patience...

"...forget it. Just..." I paused as my face continued to grow a shade redder than before.

"Just...?" Fei parroted with a curious gaze.

And I couldn't help but to turn to the side. With a pout and a sigh mixed together, I finished my sentence as if warning him.

"...just... don't think of anything weird when changing my clothes, got it?"

Fei's smile couldn't be wider now.

"Huh?"

Wait. Did I just see something wrong or is there something wrong with my eyes? I blinked but the smile he had was still unmoving.

Wait. Wait a minute... Could it be...

"Then," Fei paused. "I'll be sure to do just that."

He tricked me! He's going to use all the chances for his own entertainment!

"You! You...! You're faking it all this time...!?" I almost shrieked as I scuttled back only to cry in pain from my injuries.

No! I felt like I'm facing Takeru again...!

"Ah, well... It's just, it's very fun seeing you so embarrassed about things, Charl..." Fei remarked as he inched closer, the dress unfolding in his hands.

Waaaaaaggh! He's a wolf in sheep-clothing! It's the Evil of Raumia father always told me...! I was careless! Fei's actually NOT A HERBIVORE MAN!

"St-stop right there! I'll hit you if you have that kind thought around me!" I yelled.

"And what kind of thought do you think I'm currently having, my lady?" Fei asked with a handsome grin.

Gaaaaaahhh! I dug my own grave! Why why why!? Why am I so idiotic to get tricked by wordplay!? And why is it so freaking easy to picture 'that sort' of thought!? No, stop! At this rate, as if I can hide my blushing cheeks from Fei, and it's him of all people...!

"Uu! Uuuu...! I-I swear, I'll hate you if you try to do anything like this here!"

And so I shouted like a child in the verge of crying. Like a wimp, really, but all I got was silence so... I lured my sight upward sloooowly...

I saw Fei sitting still. After the blank face he put on, it slowly shifted to bitter expression.

"I see... Did I go too far?"

"...eh?"

The Vagnalos then bowed down with downtrodden mood.

"I'm sorry," he said remorsefully, "I didn't know you hate it so much. To be honest, I have been trying to learn what it means to be a human, and knowing how it feels to have my own heart."

...egh... That... that sounded really deep. Did I open another can of worms without being aware of it? Now I wanted to kick myself again... Ugh, I should really stop this from being 'bad' to 'worse' then...!

"It... it's fine... Fei! I was just... I was surprised, just that!" I said in hope of convincing Fei.

Well, as if he'd be reassured when I didn't sound 'fine' at all! Why do I have to be so awkward like this when I wanted to fix things up?! If I could, I would have smashed my face to the wall while cursing my stupidity!

"Truly?" Still Fei asked.

I nodded furiously, "it's fine! I was just caught off-guard!"

And so, with desperate hope as if clinging to a lifeline, I watched Fei getting silent... then he smiled.

Yes. He smiled. It wasn't something odd, really. But unlike his usual smile, it was a genuine, naturally formed smile that told one how happy he was. And there was no need to ask what kind of collateral damage I received just by seeing it.

"Uuu...!" I squeaked while repressing the blush from appearing on my twitching face, "that's just unfair...!"

Fortunately, he didn't catch my mutterings. Fei simply gazed on me with a sweet smile and we stayed like... like a cou...

"...ugh." I groaned, feeling if I strayed to that direction, I would pass out completely.

Even so! Stay calm, Charlotte...! I know that fighting against the wild imagination driven by hormones is just asking for trouble but control yourself! This place isn't appropriate! It's still broad daylight outside! And both of us are still injured with one having one less limb to use!

"...ah, that's right." I blurted out.

"Hm? What is it, Charlotte?" Fei asked.

"Err... well, it's just..." I stuttered and after several seconds I exhaled deeply. "Fei, does your arm... hurt?"

The boy blinked, looked at the stump which I winced at whenever sighting it, and he snorted. Not in irritation, but amusement.

"Yeah. This won't kill me. Or rather... even though I've become what my kind could never hope to be, I'm still fundamentally one of the Vagnalos." He explained, "at least physically."

Uh... "What does that mean...?"

Fei chuckled, then ruffled my head.

"It means I can still regrow it back if there's someone out there with knowledge of maintaining living golem." He told me in a very simplistic way.

Un... I guess that's good to hear. It wouldn't ease my sleep if I heard my knight being disabled and having no finger to put a wedding ring in...

Wait, what the hell is with that last part?

"So? Charlotte, I've told you my reasons. This time it's my turn." Fei remarked.

Ugh... that sure diverted a lot of things, Mister. Well, I don't like dwelling in complicated matters so it's fine.

"Ask away." I permitted the Black Hero.

Fei nodded, "Why didn't you run?"

Hue?

Fei narrowed his eyes, "you fought an army. Not just any ordinary army consisting of bandits or farmers with pitchforks, but a legitimate, superior army led by a veteran knight that should have received the title of a Grandmaster. My personal army."

Agh... straight to the point aren't you...?

"Charlotte. You should've seen their insignia. The 1st Knight Order is formed under the banner of a Royal Knight, and even among the rotten nobles who bought their positions, Richard Orleans was one who exerted his blood, sweats and tears to earn his title. With almost all of his lifetime poured into military service, he's a foe to be reckoned with, especially when he grasped the Lagnaris."

And so...

"Why didn't you run?" Fei asked with a tone signifying finality.

...haa... If even you saying that with such expression, I guess I have no other choice huh...? Though since you asked for it, Fei...

"I didn't want to leave you behind." I decidedly answered truthfully.

The Black Hero, the knight who pledged his devotion to me gaped in response, his mouth hanging open comically. I didn't know if I should smile or not but I reached out, and placed a hand over his which was on the bed.

It's warm, I thought as my first impression. Un, it's warm. I guess that Fei's hand will always be this warm, and I can't help but feeling it more, a small part of me yelling orders to simply grasp it, hold him tight and make sure that I would be enraptured by his warmth. Still I superseded the urge.

It's not time yet. This isn't the right time, because I do not intend to run away. Yes...

"You see, Fei. I hated it, when I left you behind in that forest that night."

He shuddered noticeably when I mentioned that past. That night where everything began. That night where I learned how cruel Magnis could be as a world to its inhabitants.

I softly rubbed his hand, slowly intertwining his fingers with mine as I felt and saw the calluses.

"I couldn't do anything right back there. And I don't think I've done it better until now."

"That's..."

"Un. Ridiculous isn't it? After all, your smile told me a lot to deny that thought. Still..."

I held my gaze, green of emerald and gray of clouds reflecting each other as I used my remaining hand to clasp his tightly.

"I couldn't help you. I couldn't be there during the blank five years where you suffered the most."

Firmly, I held his hand tight. Drawing near to him, I continued to exchange gazes with him, ensuring there could be no lie or miscommunication between us. Even if it's scary, even if it's hard to do...

"That's why I'm going to do it. I'm not going to fail now. To fill up those spaces, I'm going to be with you regardless of your intention. After the space is filled, then I'm sure we can start over, and do what I promised you."

The boy didn't budge. He didn't flinch. Yet his lips twitched, and his fingers trembled as I readjusted my grip to reassure him. Smiling widely, I once again told him.

"Let's live. Together, with everyone. And then we'll see it, the world beyond this kingdom... This Territory."

As I told him that, something echoed inside me. I didn't know what it was. Even so, it was there, and it let loose something.

A noise? A sound like no other. It was foreign to my hearing but as if something told me... and I knew.

'Do you think you can do it?'

I was shaken by the coldness the noise carried. Even so, I couldn't take my eyes away lest I would cause more disasters. I didn't want to worry Fei too much. I had too much in my mind now that I laid my feelings bare whenever I was with him.

And so-

'What about your own secrets? Can you tell him that...?'

That's...

"...I get it." Fei's voice echoed, breaking the silence and alongside the sudden darkness that swallowed me.

I looked up, I blinked twice, and when I opened my mouth-

"I get it already, Charlotte. No matter what I say, you'll persist on staying next to my side, aren't you?" Fei asked, his gaze seemed melancholic.

I nodded slowly, and the Black Hero smiled softly. It was a resigned smile but there was relief tugging in that facial.

"And here I thought as a knight, I should be in the frontline all the time..." Fei breathed out.

"I'll have to deny that. Your life is mine so you're not going to fall before my eyes." I grinned triumphantly.

"I really do have a handful Princess to serve, do I?" He shook his head.

Oh, are you being sarcastic? That's so unlike you, my knight. But even so-

"If you can trust me enough, then I'll trust you back with my everything. It's give-and-take with no bad deal right?" I remarked.

Fei chuckled audibly - and suddenly stopped. I noticed his breath was hitched so I leaned my head to the side curiously. Several seconds passed...

"Everything? Oh, so that's how it is."

"Huh-"

"Charlotte..."

Um... why are you getting closer like that? Wait, this is just too close...! I can feel your breaths you know?! Hey, stop staring with odd light in your eyes like that...!

"If that's the case, what about now?" He asked with sharp glint. "Can you entrust me with some of what you have?"

Eh... uh... I... well, technically, I certainly did so...

"...I... guess...?" I replied in a very uncertain tone. "What's your point anywa-"

"Then your personal privacy is mine for now." Fei cut off abruptly.

...huh?! Wait, don't tell me...!

"No! Not the dress! Hey! Stop it! Stop! N-noooooooo...!"