Before I knew it, I was lying down with my eyes gazing blankly at the ceiling. The darkness was overlapping with flickering orange light and I could hear the crackling of burnt woods. As memories returned completely as if rewinding a cassette, I sensed... warmth.
"This... place... Is...?" I whispered.
"The 19th Floor. Near the river where I found you." Someone answered.
...Eh...? I rotated my head and from the corner of my vision, a silhouette wavered before settling down right beside me. Once I looked to it, there was deep blue draped by a field of white with wrinkles, which were well defined and could be said as the main traits of cotton shirts and beyond it... was the color of skin shaded slightly darker and a pair of obsidian grey eyes nearly covered by jet black strands of hair.
"...Fei...?" I held my breath once I called out to him.
"...yeah. It's me, Princess." The youth replied.
Prin...cess...? Ugh. Suddenly my head was assaulted with pain and my cheeks felt unbreakable hot. I tried to get up but my vision swayed to the sides before dropping—
"You okay? Your fever is... no. Your illness relapsed again, huh?"
...ah... what... this warmth... I rolled my eyes up and I found myself being embraced by my childhood friend. The heat dazed me and for some reasons, an odd sense of shame exploded within me.
"Wh-wh-wh-what!? Uwaaaaa!! Th-this... that...! Umm..."
"Calm down. You're going to worsen your illness, Princess."
U...Uuu... He's right... B-but... this situation is just awkward and why am I feeling so embarrassed when I'm a… Wait. Why is he calling me 'Princess' again?!
...
"...I see... so there is an Asura and the Kerberos is roaming freely."
What trouble we're having now, Fei uttered from beyond the bonfire. He was gazing at the emptiness and complaining. Meanwhile, I was lying on the ground and I wore no clothes under the cloth covering my body. Of course I nearly screamed again when I found out my uniform was in ragtag states and my underwear was being dried above the bonfire.
Unfortunately, I had no energy to focus on being the straight man now.
Still… this reminded me of something in the past. Just remembering it caused me to laugh and I tried my best to drop it down a notch into a stifling giggle.
"What's wrong?"
"No... it's nothing."
"...just rest already. Your fever hasn't even receded."
Yes yes. I know that already. Even so, this guy is a real blockhead to not even notice why I laughed. Oh well, I don't think I can do anything in this state and being conscious is my current limit. As always, this odd illness eats my stamina and strength like a glutton.
Exhaling, I transferred my gaze to the dim ceiling with the color of dark oak brown. Many things happened and I was utterly disappointed about how I got myself distracted so easily. And it led me to this state which could bring anything from [Death Flag] to [Bad End] plus [Game Over] had Fei not found me.
"...ah... now I really want to cry."
"......you already did you know?"
Ha? I looked at Fei but he averted his eyes while saying.
"You did. In your sleep, you were crying like a baby. It's annoying to hear it."
"...Wha..."
N-no way...? So... so... this guy heard me crying? And he even saw my crying face!? I became dizzy and it felt as if my head was boiling. Then I realized. Fei saw me. He saw my tears...!!
"N-nooooo! Erase that! Erase the fact that I cried from your memory!!"
"How am I supposed to do that...? And I refuse."
"Why!?"
"Well... because I have never seen you crying ever since five years ago."
Are you a sadist!? Why are you showing a bright smile like that while reminiscing a woman's tears!? I couldn't do anything but groaning and I turned around to hide my flushed face from Fei.
"You jerk." I said.
"Really?" Fei asked.
"Yes you are." I answered.
"Then, do you hate me?" Fei asked.
......Huh? While trying not to hide my sudden shivering, I gave a glance at Fei who was gazing at the bonfire with a thin smile containing sorrow.
"...I guess you really hate me. I did broke my promise by leaving your side without talking with you, Princess. I'm sorry."
...what? Did I just hear Fei apologizing? Unlike when he tried to do some suicide attack... this apology really, REALLY made me feeling goosebumps. It's a really odd feeling and I was uncomfortable with it... Somehow, my body tingled and there's this discomfort coming below my stomach.
"...though saying that, I doubt you will forgive me, right?"
"...what do you know about me?"
"That you're a Princess who wanted to achieve something to the point of overworking and hurting yourself. And that you're not used with being called as 'cute'."
...ha. He really said it, but...
"Is that all?" I asked with the tone of my voice raised at the end of the sentence.
"Who knows? I'm not good in guessing how 'maiden heart' works." Fei answered indifferently while his pupils rolled down.
"Well, I guess someone like Fei can never understand women," I commented. “You’re a seriously dense bastard after all.”
The young man frowned. He who already reached the age of 17 must have thought he's being ridiculed by a kid. Well, I showed him a smile so it forced Fei to furrow down his brows deeper.
"That's not my problem."
"Nope. That's your weakness."
"It's nothing to worry about."
"But you won't get a wife much less a girlfriend with that attitude."
"I don't have any interest in finding romance."
"But you panicked when you saw me half-naked."
"........."
Fei slumped down his shoulders. He glared at me in order to shut my mouth but it didn't have any persuasive strength so I laughed again.
"Hehe, you really can't win if it's about arguing."
"Shut it. Leave me alone."
Fei scratched the back of his head when I replied with a clear and resounding "No."
"...you really do hate me huh, Princess. You even pretended to forget about me."
Hm... really? Well, that's my fault since I couldn't control my emotion. Also, I didn't want to involve myself with the nobility and its affairs. Especially when I realized I'm the last heiress of my mother’s household.
I don’t want to invite more trouble, and I don’t want to get people around me in trouble, especially those I was really close with. I already made a bunch of enemies by acing Instructor’s class after all, though...
"Why would you think so?"
"Because I'm a Monster and no one likes a Monster."
What? That’s just idiotic. I sneered at his answer and commented.
"But you're my Knight."
“………”
We looked at each other. Before anything could be said, the youth curved down his lips as he gazed at me. Shimmering warmth was conveyed through those obsidian grey pupils.
"......as I thought, I can't deal with you, Princess." Fei said.
"Is that a compliment?" I questioned and the boy answered "Not at all. It's a sarcasm."
..........that time, I thought my heart fluttered and flying over the moon when a sudden arrow brought me down to the ground headfirst.
"...You really are Fei," I blew air softly from my nose. "You have no delicacy."
"And you really are Charlotte," the youth said. "You're as cute as a Princess you are."
"Stop calling me cute!!"
“Well, then, my cute and lovely Princess. Would you like to be called as ‘adorable’?”
“Like! I! Said! Stop calling me that and I refuse your offer with all fibers in my body!!”
Like that, the first conversation after five years of separation went on. Not long after, drowsiness attacked me and I closed my heavy eyelids. Darkness once again engulfed me.
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...Aah... when was the last time I ever feel this way again, I wonder?
...that's right. It's before I reincarnated. I think this place is... Spirits' Lounge. The place where dead souls waited for their turns to be called by the gods who intended to take the souls to the afterlife. Last time, I was taken by Freyja-sama to be brought over to Magnis.... but being aware of the darkness didn’t do anything to ease my confusion and anxiety.
*ring!*—ouch! Wh-why is my head ringing...? I felt like I have heard this sound somewhere before but I couldn't recognize it...
Also... the darkness was getting fainter. The surrounding was... lighting up? Why? Am I not dead already? I was bathed by the bright light which forced me to close my eyes, and it soon faded and was replaced by... a world of grey.
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Tick. I heard a drop of water hitting the dry ground. Everything became clearer after a few moments and my eyes widened.
There were rows of square stones, crosses or wooden sticks with writings on them. Neatly lined up and caring not a thing no matter what religion they’re based of. As those things were poured with rain, I could see objects which were placed in front of some of them. Those which were known as offerings... and I instinctively realized where I was.
A cemetery... what...? Why...? Why am I...
"Onii-chan... Onii-chan...!!"
...! This... voice...? I turned and there were many people dressed in black outfits in front of a grave. Black umbrellas were opened and people paid a prayer in turn as a small group of people detached from the crowds tried to comfort a young girl with black hair...
....that's... What...? Why... Why is Arika... and there's Haru, Akashi and Fukaki too... Wait. Then... then... this place… is… where my grave is…?
The scenery distorted. I heard a ringing sound as I was accompanied by intense headache but I tried to reach for Arika.
"Arika...! Arika! I'm here! Hey!! Arika!!"
Then the darkness consumed me. I saw nothing but darkness. And I found nothing but darkness.
Why... Why is she crying...? Why... did Freyja-sama not tell her about me? I don't get it, but... that sorrowful voice. Those tears...
I could feel a pang of pain. It hurts... it's painful... Why... couldn't I be there? My family... my friends.... Why can't I tell them I'm still alive? No... but... I... died... again right..?
I looked at myself and gasped. My body was drenched with blood. The clothes were smeared with blood and full of cuts, and my right hand was holding a sword stained with flesh and crimson liquid. Flame was everywhere. Scarlet flames were blazing through the forest as a certain memory emerged again as reality.
"Why... am I... Here again...?"
I couldn't grasp anything. I looked behind and I was terrified by mangled corpses which I recognized as orcs.
Those... monsters... I...
"...I'm sorry."
I heard a voice. I turned back and what appeared in front of me was... Fei.
"…what... what are you saying, Fei....?"
The boy looked at me. His gentle gaze was like in that fateful day and his smile did nothing but hurting my heart. Why....? Why is he smiling like that?
As the boy turned around, he apologized and walked away. He was going away and I knew what would await him there.
"No... Stop...! Don't go there, Fei...!! Fei!!"
I yelled but when I realized my voice would not reach him, I tried to stand up. However, I couldn't move my body. Why!? Why?!!
"Fei...! Fei...!! Don't go...! Please don't go!!"
I tried to reach his back with my hands. Knowing it was futile, I begged while still extending my hand to him like a fool.
I don't want this. I don't want this!! Why can't I move! Why can't my voice reach you...!?
"Don't go...! Don't go...!! Please... Please don't go, Fei...!!"
That person was vanishing from my sight. He was going to disappear from my life. He who brought me a reason to live... that person who gave me a reason to be stronger...
As if the strings which prevented me from moving were torn off, my body became as light as feather and I sprang in action. Trying to catch up with Fei. However, I stumbled and fell down. When I looked up, there was nothing but rows of fire which suffocated me while the smokes clouded my vision.
He's gone. He's gone.... like everyone... no. I couldn't... catch up to him. I couldn't become his equal.......
"Why... Why can't I do anything..."
Even though I asked, nobody answered. Even though I wanted to know why, no one told me and my consciousness sank into the darkness once again.
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I woke up again, and it seemed... not much time has passed. The woods were in flame and I guessed that this Dungeon might have some plants if not drop items left behind by monsters or people.
“…a… dream…?” I mumbled as I felt tears trailing down my cheeks. Uuu… I really did cry again…
My eyes traced the surrounding then I found Fei who was resting his back against the wall nearby.
...He's sleeping like that? Sitting like a soldier holding his gun, ready to spring in action at any time.
As the burning pieces of woods made a crackling sound, I heard slight noise of water. Quite far but I did sank in a lake. Maybe the water current brought me along the underground water veins.
"...ouch. It hurts..." I whimpered as I raised my hand.
My body was sore all over. Pain shot up to my brain and I whimpered every time I moved my limbs. What's more, I couldn't really feel my left leg and once I pulled the cloth up… I found white bandage wrapping it though from the looks of it… Did Fei tore his coat just to tend my wounds?
…Aah... I haven't been so close with death ever since I fought Bravzgaim. And now I'm shamelessly resting while knowing nothing about my group.
Cold air stabbed my back and the restlessness coming from my disappointment over my weakness surrounded me with guilt.
"...how hopeless. Haven't I promised to be stronger?"
I always fell whenever I became too confident with my power. I thought it's enough but I was scolded by the harsh reality in the form of wounds and those nightmares. The fact that I couldn't deny them meant I haven't even passed the starting line.
As the dream was brought up in the form of flashing images, my heart ached and dizziness assailed me. It hurts... again...
".............."
I suddenly turned around. I noticed Fei's lips quivering and he held his sword tighter. His shoulders heaving up and down before trembling again. After a long observation I realized the slight shade of purple on his lips.
The bonfire was letting out warm light. But away from it, the boy who was guarding me suffered for no light nor warmth touched him. The pain in my heart intensified yet the desire to reach for him overtook my body.
"...that's right... I haven't told him yet." I resolved myself by moving my limbs.
My left leg was like stone and… sharp pains attacked me. Even so, I crawled to Fei and the moment I glimpsed over his face, I saw him grinding his teeth. His brows knitted down, his grips over his sword tightened as if trying to break it and cold sweats trailed down his temples before dropping off his chin.
...I raised my hand to touch Fei's cheek, but a sudden pain in my head made me lost control over the balance of my body.
*THUMP!* I heard a beating sound. The profound sound of a heart thumping could be felt along with spreading warmth which eased my mind the more I indulged myself within them. When I looked up, there he was. His sleeping face open to view, his soft breaths brushing over my head and the more I stayed like this the more my cheeks heated up. However... it's warm... and cozy......
"......as I thought... it's because you are you, I..."
I touched his cheek again and the pain intensified once again. It hurts. It hurts. My body trembled as if trying to reject my desire. However, I resisted the pain and clutched on Fei's shirts. Bearing the pain which gradually increased along with my fever, I collapsed after I muttered quietly.
"You're here... right...? Fei..."
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...I'm quite troubled at the moment. Charlotte suddenly sneaked in to me and she easily touched me without me being aware of it. Even though I trained myself in the past five years, this girl always did the impossible.
Yet, the fact I saw her as someone who could do the impossible caused me to almost forget one thing. She's just a girl who wanted to chase after the mirage of a Hero. Chasing after the hope I instilled in her by accident.
"I see... maybe that's why she's upset."
There's no way for a human to imitate a monster, and there's no way a monster could imitate a human. Nobody can hope to become like me because I am myself, but I never desired for anyone to pursue me. This girl finally realized that I am not an existence she could pursue yet she craved to reach me even more as if clinging to a thin thread of hope in Purgatory.
"...before I noticed, I put my hope in you and burdened you very much."
The small and fragile shoulders looked as if they would break like glass once touched. The body which was always injured for a selfish dream. The will which was always pressured by risks of failure and death constantly. Even her path in life was being twisted ever since I met her.
At this rate...
"...I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Charlotte..."
I wiped the tears streaming down her cheek. I wanted her to live happily. I wanted to protect her smile. However, I... could never hope to do all that because my Destiny is already preordained.
All I can do now... Is only to bring death and spreading oblivion. As long as I wield the Lagnaris, my Destiny will consume all dreams and destroy her happiness.