-Fei's POV-
Before we noticed, we were in a park on a high ground. It was more or less a terrace facing the twilight and there were benches lined together.
...to think that Charlotte would find this place. I couldn't help wondering how she guided her steps.
"...Charlotte. Would you like to rest here?" I approached her and leaned to meet her gaze.
The petite yet lovable golden wheat haired girl turned to me, her cheeks tinted red and she frowned after a brief moment of silence.
"Us. There's no way I will let you go off when I could save my breathe." She pointed out.
"Yes yes. Then this way, please." I nodded and offered my hand.
"I don't know anything in Raumia so entertain me for once, would you?" Charlotte requested.
"...if that is your desire." I answered.
Then we sat down, side-by-side as I glimpsed Charlotte pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the sweats gathering on her forehead, temples and cheeks.
But... even though we toured around the town all-day long, this girl maintained her manner. For a noble from a frontier land, her speech and attitude was too much to be true had I not seen how she lived her life.
I assume it's a result of being educated by a former noble.
"......it's quite cold here." Charlotte commented.
I guess since it's on a hill, the temperature differed. Looking at her, I couldn't help myself and took out my coat to wrap Charlotte. It caused her to stare with a blank look.
"If you want a reason, I just want you to not catch a cold." I said.
"...aren't you treating me like a flower in a garden?" She tilted her head.
That's an interesting view, I said. Then I turned to the sunset.
"...Charlotte. I hope you had fun today."
"...huh? Where's this coming from?"
I smiled at her question. Such a clueless girl. Although I guess this is what makes her up and somehow, seeing her expressing her feelings so frankly caused me to feel stupid for worrying about my problems.
Hn. I think she wanted to be entertained. Although this might not be to her taste... but I want to share it with her.
At least... with her.
"You see... Raumia - this kingdom wasn't like this until fifty years ago."
"...huh?"
"When the previous Ruler was selected, he roamed the land in search of things he found interests in. In fact, he obsessed over things from the distant past to an extent that he looked like a possessed man."
As I entwined my fingers, I sighed in deliberation.
"That man invented three additional Magical Wards, four additional Absolute Walls while claiming 'glorious' victories to expand the kingdom. And yet, he chose to use the lands not for nobles but for his own research fields. It's ridiculous to count how many were sacrificed due to his whims."
Especially when he ordered to have the Wards and Walls built in five years, I added. I couldn't help but be horrified at the exploitation and all the hatred the people had but the Royalty could never be toppled.
No. From the beginning, hoping to resist is like dreaming for the impossible. That was why this kingdom which divided the poor and the rich, the weak and the strong had lasted for centuries. The Royalty has always been the wielder of absolute power.
That is why Raumia could be said as an impregnable fortress of greed. An everlasting chaotic home for the heinous scumbags.
"...the previous king... is he your father, Fei?" Charlotte questioned.
"Yes," I nodded. "He's a man who would do anything for his selfishness, even if it's about money, fame, strength or even women. Particularly about women as he kidnapped them to bear his children."
...just remembering it already made me sick. But when I found Charlotte's ghastly face, I realized I may have talked too much.
Why did I even tell her this?
"...Fei... are... are you...?"
Sensing her doubts, I didn't want to continue further. But... I can't. I think this is for the best. Maybe... I can stop her with this.
"...I'm the Seventh Prince. An illegitimate heir and an ordinary village girl's son. Although I've never once met my mother and all I got was a dying will in the form of a letter."
I raised a hand. Recalling the moment where I found a letter in my study, I thought it was something like invitation but...
"The letter she wrote said only one sentence - 'I never wanted to give birth a monster.'"
"What...?"
"Doesn't it sound funny? She was my mother bound by blood yet she stated that I'm a monster before committing suicide."
Then I heaved a sigh, "It was around five when I read that letter. Everyone treated me way worse after that, ignoring my words, turning away from my deeds and denying my presence. Even the man who's supposed to be my father did nothing other than sending me to battlefields where I must kill to survive."
Imagining wouldn't be enough to describe it. How it felt to kill a life. How any misstep would cause death and how elating it was to kill an enemy aiming for one's life.
Battlefield is where madness lived in.
Where juggernauts and saboteurs are let loose, where limbs scattered and innards were trampled upon, where peopled cried for mercy only to be devoured by the maw of death. In such place, I grew and understood how much humans could distort themselves beyond recognition that they could live with their madness hidden from the masses.
Because power WILL corrupt anyone regardless of the reason or goal. No matter how justified or glorified it is, to wield power is to wield violence, to threaten others and to harm balance of values.
As I felt how distant those days were while thinking of my future, I felt a strange gaze and noticed the Princess' eyes glistened with strange light.
"...there's nothing to be saddened over, Charlotte." I muttered to convince her. "This is how I live and I don't think I can change it anymore. I... I think I had enough of struggling."
I proclaimed my defeat while flashing a bitter smile. Even though regrets were contained in my words, I kept smiling
Because for me, pain didn't matter. For me, my suffering and despair could never matter.
"...compared to the world or anything like that, what I want the most now is your happiness."
"...Fei..."
"I don't mind if you think I'm not like what you want. I don't mind you leaving my side, but I want you to be happy. I want you to live in happiness so..."
I held my breath right then and there. As I stilled, I could feel my heart beating anxiously. Worried if I could make her understand. Fearing if my words could not be accepted. Scared if the girl in front of me replied it did not matter.
"...Charlotte... I..."
I know that this choice is wrong. I know that I'm doing it wrong.
To tell the truth, I wanted to be with her.
But... I can't say that. I can't allow that. I mustn't let myself be carried by the flow or else I will repeat the same tragedy again.
I couldn't save anyone. Not my mother. Not my siblings. Not my friends and not the people who trusted me. I let them down and allowed death to take them away.
That's why... it's better for me to stay alone and let everyone be happy. So as not to harm their happiness. So as to be able to protect her...
"I... I don't have the right to--"
"Fei!"
Right at that moment, my cheeks were slapped. I felt stinging pain as emerald filled my vision.
"Wh...!?" I gasped as I realized how close Charlotte was.
She was staring deep in to my eyes. There was a calming light inside those emerald spheres and I felt myself drawn into it.
What... what is this? What's wrong with me?
"...Fei. Why are you throwing tantrums after this far? What are you, a child?"
"What...?"
As she gazed at me, her aura which signified her current emotion was absurdly calm. Charlotte was special as her emotions seemed to affect her flow of aura and mana but...
Since when? Since when did she become unreadable like this?
"Tell me, Fei. Did you or did you not think of your own efforts?"
"Huh...?"
"Answer me. Have you ever thought of the consequence of your action?"
...that's... I think you should reflect in the mirror about that. I'm quite certain I have lived while knowing what will happen after I've acted. Isn't that common sense?
"Nope. That's what you try to ignore." Charlotte said as if she was reading my mind.
"What are you talking about...?" I questioned.
"I'm talking about your past actions. Have you ever thought of what the others felt after you took up an action?" Charlotte asked back.
...Something like feeling... as if I'd know that. In fact, I was certain they were living in misery.
"People died for me. So many soldiers. So many noble warriors laid their life for my selfish desire. Because of me, everyone..."
*smack!* My words were interrupted with a headbutt. I staggered back and fell from the bench, my head ringing and I felt light concussion.
"Urgh...!? What... what was that for - *BANG!* - Guah!?"
When I tried to stand up, my head was struck again. This time, it was using the sheathed Reilixia Arma Charlotte had.
"Eei! Stop whining and blaming yourself, you damn masochistic hero!! Do you think the world is all about negativity and misery!?" Charlotte shouted.
We both faced each other. Glaring at one another, somehow, I felt like I was dragged by the flow as I pondered how the world worked in that way.
"You damn moron! Then what about me!?"
"Huh-"
Charlotte swung her sword and pointed at the twilight. Her expression was stern and her aura flared like a raging flame. Yet there was some rhythm which seemed as if she was holding back from snapping.
Her figure bathed in twilight was dazzling. Even for me, I couldn't help wincing as I tried to capture this moment into my memories.
"Look at me! I was saved by you! My life was protected by you for times!! Isn't that one of the many consequences!? Am I not a result of your action!? Is the people living here not saved by your choice!?"
"...that's...! That's different! It was just a fluke back there and I even dragged you into my affair!!"
"Then do you think we meeting each other as nothing but luck!? Do you feel not grateful I'm alive after all that!?"
...'not grateful'...? How... how could she said that!
"Of course I'm grateful! I'm so glad I met you! I felt it was a miracle for me to talk with you!!"
"Then why do you deny your efforts? Why do you not think that your action brought us together? Didn't your desire to escape from this kingdom caused us to encounter each other?! Wasn't it through your selfishness, will and effort that carried you to my side?! So why do you think it's wrong for you to acknowledge it!?"
"......!"
...that's... those words of hers... I couldn't say anything to them. certainly, what she said rang true inside of me. Of all things, I could acknowledge that my friends' sacrifice and my desire was rewarded when I met Charlotte.
But... even so...!
"I... there's no way I can accept such blissful reward! I killed many people! I only know how to steal life, not how to protect it!! What else can I do other than killing?! What else can I do other than destroying someone's life and future?!!"
"Don't you have the brain to think? Why not try something else? Why can't you find something to do? You can do a lot more than swinging around your sword, right!?"
"AS IF I NEVER TRIED!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME!"
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
I roared from the top of my lungs. My body felt hot, my lungs hurt and my throat was parched. I panted as somethimg seemed to suffocate me and blurring my vision.
"...I tried. I tried to learn it. Living like a human. Staying as a person rather than as a tool... but... I can't..."
I shook my head. Right there and then, I remembered how warm those hands took mine and brought me under the sunshine. I talked with those of my peers, sharing stories while entrusting my back to them.
But... in the end, they too died... They died when they had brighter life than me. They departed without being capable of achieving a single thing. They left my sides without saying anything like farewell even though they promised to return alive.
All because of me. Because I took out my sword and sent them into their death...!
"...there's no way... I can allow myself to be happy like that......!"
I clenched my fists tightly. Holding back my tears caused my shoulders trumbling. I couldn't... raise my head and be proud of my deeds like that. I just... I just... can't......
"Whoever gave you approval or denial of your wish?"
Suddenly, I heard a voice. Calm and serene, it was an utter contrast compared to her previous tone.
"Raise your head, Fei. Look around you."
My heart shook upon her next words. Even though... even though I already said I can't... why us she pushing me to do it?
Why? What are you saying...?
"Please. I know you can do it. After all... because of you, I found my happiness."
"......huh...?"
I didn't know why I reacted. Right there and then, it was as if the strings that restrained me vanished and I moved in surprise.
But the moment my gaze shifted and ascended, I saw a glimpse of glittering golden color and emerald. Then I felt my collars being pulled down and the momentum dragged me to...
"......Nn."
......a soft and warm sensation on my lips.
It was... it was a kiss. Right on the lips.
"...Charlotte...?"
The girl pressed her hands on my cheeks and smiled from below. Her sudden movement caught me off-guard and she even stole a kiss so daringly. My mind was blank as white paper and my heart almost like it had stopped beating.
"You really are a dummy. Girls can do anything as long as it's for their loved one." Charlotte said as if she read my mind again.
...h-huh? What did she just say...? I think my head stopped working. But unfortunately (or is it fortunately?) I could recall the scene and remembered it for thousands of times. My powerful skill in memorizing things shook me as this meant the earlier would be etched forever even if I died!
However, Charlotte pursed her lips, her cheeks tinted cherry red and her upturned gaze drew a string inside of me.
"Like... I... said... I can do anything. As long as it's for my loved one, I can even overcome my fate." Charlotte repeated.
This time she pouted. But it struck me so hard my heart was beating fast. Faster than when I met her. Stronger than when she slept in my arms. And longer than when we reunited.
"And look. You can do it if you try, right? It's so simple to raise your head right?"
"...this is..."
At the same time, my body felt hot as if my blood was boiling. I couldn't control my thought and sputtered nonsense like 'ah' or 'uh' or 'Umm...' like an idiot I am!
Wait a second! Do anything?! For her loved one?! Did I just hear it correctly?!
"E-eh? You have a lover...?" I blurted out my thought.
...In the next moment, Charlotte's eyebrows fell and a sharp glint full of bloodlust appeared.
"You dense idiot!!"
Before I noticed, a full power blow sent me flying and I crashed in to a bench, breaking it as a result.
-
-
-
-
"Honestly! How could you be so clueless! This is why anti-social guys are so...!" Charlotte complained with ano irritated snort once in a while.
...ah... I made her angry. Urgh... and that blow was quite heavy. What did she use? Was it mana or aura?
Somehow, Charlotte had become stronger like no other... Uhm. From that blow alone, I calculated her strength would be enough to defeat an A-Rank Magical Beast by herself... If added with Relixia Arma, I'm not so sure in what place she would stand at.
"Eh. Stop right there... There's a more pressing matter." I shook my head to wipe out any delusional thought.
Standing up, I patted my uniform and exhaled a sigh. Urgh... While it seems my body returned back to its normal state, why do I have an insurmountable sense of disappointment on myself?
...I think I got my head hit hard enough it took huge damage. I hope this will heal soon... Also.
"...um... I'm sorry. About earlier... what did you mean...?" I lowered my head.
"Not telling anymore!" Charlotte grunted and crossed her arms.
...Now she hated me. Damn it... to think I committed a fatal mistake in such crucial moment.
"......hm. Looks like your head is a bit clearer now."
"Huh...?"
Charlotte put her hands behind her back. As she approached me, her eyes wandered and seemed to observe me from head to toe.
What is she doing? She even circled around me with a light smile plastered on her face. As she faced me, she showed a canine while smiling.
"Hn. Then I'll say it again," Charlotte nodded. "I love you, Fei."
......huh?
"...Charlotte...? What did you... You... you what...?" I asked in broken speech.
The girl blushed and averted her eyes. Before long, she stared back at me as she stood in front of me. Her upturned gaze once again caused my heart to beat furiously like a drum used for festival and my mind whited out.
"Don't make a girl repeating herself for the third time. You'll fail as a man otherwise."
Why...? I wanted to ask that question but... her words were stuck in my head and filling it with them like a forbidden-class magic spell's chant.
It was... it was too much for me! I stepped back and felt as if my face was burning! And the first question that came to mind was this.
"Wh-Why!?"
"Do you need a reason to love someone?"
That's... I guess... uh... no...? But still...!
"H-how did you... Or rather, why...!? I'm just a tool! I can't do anything other than killing people!!"
"You're still dragging that topic...? Honestly, you're a real pain-in-the-ass."
Ow! Her words stung! Wait, that's not right. A girl such as her isn't suited to use insult like that!! At least use a more... indirect proverb or anything other than that...
"Agh... are you toying with me...?" I complained.
Putting a hand on my face, my head was dizzy and I couldn't stand straight. Damn it... I had enough.
"Of course not. Don't you dare taking love so lightly, you immature brat."
"Now you called me a brat...?"
"I'm already an adult. Compared to you, I still win by 13 years wide margin."
...what are you talking about...? I sighed as it felt like if I get reeled up, it'd be my defeat. Yeah. Let's calm down and...
"...is that... true? Your feeling..."
"Un. If not, I wouldn't go through this length and lectured you."
Although it does feel embarrassing, she followed. Charlotte squirmed with red face and complex expression. To be honest, she looked lovely.
...damn. Stop my impulsive thought. At this rate, I might lose myself and dragged by the flow.
"So... don't you get it? Your actions were not useless. In fact, you never failed seeing how you stole my heart despite what I am."
Haa... I didn't intend to show off nor did I intend to steal your heart. I just wanted to protect you, Milady...
But if I said that, I probably will be her Cursed Sword's first victim. I wouldn't want that as something like that can actually kill me. Also... being killed when I haven't understood anything would piss me off.
"...I don't think I did something great..."
"Well, of course. Regardless of the reasons, killing has never been right. If you think about it, what about the ones left behind and the one who stole life? What do they feel when an instance took something precious away from them?"
It's a complex thing, Charlotte said. Even I couldn't help but agreeing in that point. Still... Isn't that all the more reason that...
"But tell me. Did you regret freeing the people from sufferings? Did you regret saving my life? Did you regret stopping your brother from traveling the path of destruction? Did you ever regret taking your sword to fight for something you want?"
Charlotte then raised a finger.
"Guilt might be there. Regret might also be there and you might resent yourself. But isn't that why you must accept them and move forward?"
"...still..."
"Fei. Why did you even escape from this kingdom?"
....that's... it's because...
"You want happiness. You want freedom. You want the world to recognize you. Then it's all the more reason for you to acknowledge your actions."
Of course...
"Of course, I never meant for you to think nothing of it. You just have to learn from it, improve yourself and prevent tragedy from happening again."
Then Charlotte chuckled.
"It'll probably be hard and harsh. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy. But it's fine. Even if you grovel in the mud. Even if you have to crawl like bug and screwed over by someone, don't lose hope."
After all... Charlotte leaned forward. In that moment, she beamed a smile at me. It was a radiant sight that was complemented by the color of twilight.
As she was illuminated by the dusk light, her red cheeks and her warm gaze seemed to shatter any ill memory I ever had.
Everything was blown away. My fear. My doubts. My grief and longing. My loathing and resentment on myself.
With just that... with that smile of hers...
"You're my knight. My beloved knight worthy of all my love. I'm sure you can find your happiness as long as you hold on to that."
......I... realized... that I too...
"So... what is your reply? Tell me, Fei."
The girl tilted her head. Her golden wheat hair reflected the light of the twilight and seemed to glow. Her beautiful visage was incomparable that I nearly lost my thought in watching.
Enrapturing myself as she extended her hand to me.
But I broke free from all of the restraint preventing me from acting. She gave me the path and all I needed to do was to walk forward.
Even though it was so simple, it was hard at times. Even though it was straightforward, it took me almost all of my strength to step forward even once. Honestly, it might really be a hard journey to follow with how shaken I am.
But... even so.
"......I..."
To raise my head and live with pride. To aim for tomorrow. To gain my own happiness... In order to do all that...
"......I... love you too... Charlotte."
...then I will grab her hand and run straight toward the light.
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
A/N: And... cut!
FINALLY! I FINALLY reached this stage! Talk about arduous battle in delaying the inevitable!! Bah, and I have to say... I have done a good job again. Somehow, Probably. Also, I won't skip the ladder. NOT YET considering the volume has finished the First Half. On to the Second Half!