I'm not mad GladOs, not mad at all. I am as calm as a cucumber, I am one with the veggies. I just have to risk my life…one more time.

Everythings fine.

Totally.

Completely Dandy, with Cotton Candy.

That was a lie it is not dandy and I do not have cotton candy.

GladOs give me some pity points here! I know you have a secret stash of Biomass!

(...) No reply.

You...you… I see how it is!

(...) No reply.

Fine...I don't need you and I won't come crawling back!

One dead crab later:

*mental cough* So about what I thought earlier, I was mad and I thought some things that I shouldn't have thought. I hope you can find it in your servos to buy me that upgrade.

I came crawling back

I search through the Mutation Store and I quickly find the upgrade that would allow me to steal and use a monster egg to raise my own monster to fight by my side. After all that has happened to get this thing, I better be able to tame something with this.

-Monster Egg Latcher-

A Mutation that creates a separate entity in the body, designed to create a submissive subject to the host, by inserting itself into selected Monster Eggs.

Can only be used once unless the link between subject and host is broken.

Cost: 50 Biomass

…

Buy it.

A piece of blood soaked paper appears in front of me with glowing letters. I read it.

‘Thank you for your patronage, kind sir/madam. I am the one who manages this storefront and I would like to have a continued and long lasting relationship with you, and as such I have made sure that there are no other Mutation Storefronts other than mine. I hope you made the right purchase, because I do not offer refunds.

With Annihilation,

Gilbert the Monopoly Penguin

_[_]_

(^v^)

<(....)>

W W

Wow...just wow. Where do I even start with this one, probably with the PENGUIN WITH A TOP HAT! And his name is Gilbert, who names their god Gilbert!? Imagine it, millions of people and penguins alike pray for Gilbert the Annihilator to make their inheritances come early… pffft!

After making fun of the god some more and stopping, because it is probably not the best of ideas to make fun of a being that ends their letters by stating, ‘With Annihilation’. I calm down and open my status.

Name: Joy

[Species: Lola Fetus

[Gender: N/A

[Level:9

[Stats:

[Health: 70/70(100) (Radiation Poisoning)

[Stamina: 70/70(100)

[Material Storage: 7/100

[Mutations]

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

[Appendages

-Draining Spike: Draining( Medium) Breakthrough:( Slightly Strong)

-Suction Cups: Grip: (Medium) Power:(Medium)

[Internal

-Regeneration Gland: Speed:(Slow)

Usability: (Weak)

-Flesh Motor: Speed: (Slow) Usability: (Very weak)

-Radar Sense Clarity:(Medium) Distance:(Slightly Far)

-Lola Core: Defense: (very Weak) Usability: (very Weak)

[Ability

-Flesh Flash: Distance:(Very Weak) Speed:(Medium)

-Monster Egg Latcher: Amount:(1) Progressor: (0)

[Perks

-Tier 1 Mutation Store

This is an Ability? I thought it would be an Internal considering I now have a little parasite growing in me, but I guess not? I can upgrade the Amount and Progressor. Amount is pretty obvious, it means I can increase the amount of parasites. Progressor is a little bit more obscure, but it would likely ‘progress’ my parasite or eggs, getting an ‘progressed’ egg right off the bat, I hope that means I can skip my eggs starter evolution. Although I do imagine it is outside of whatever my budget currently is, let's find out.

I ask GladOs to upgrade the Amount on my new parasite ‘ability’.

(Error, you are missing the required 100 Biomass to Upgrade Monster Egg Latcher: Amount from (1) to (2)

Yep, I knew it. Obviously if it cost 50 to get one, it costs a lot more to get two. But, it is another goal to work toward at least.

Speaking of goals it is time to go egg searching.

When I killed that last crab and leveled up, I noticed something a little bit strange, more juts in the ground followed by scraping, and there was a lot of it, the only thing weird about these tracks is they were a little too deep to be just a little old crab. I think I may have found the tracks of the momma crab. And where there is a momma there are eggs.

I go back and follow the trail in the cave, sticking to the ceiling in pill form. I start to see large groupings of hermit crabs and snails move in the tunnels ahead. Some of the hermit crabs spot me, but luckily they can't do anything about me being on the roof. The snails can though, but they are even slower than the crabs and able to be easily dodged by moving behind them. The tunnel starts to open up and reveals the nest of the hermit crabs, I can see at least a hundred of them moving about. A large boulder moves about in the distance surrounded by other crabs and snails.

The amount of shells moving around blocks most of my sight but, I can clearly tell that is not a boulder, it is momma crab. I can also see small crabs too big to be considered ‘earth’ normal but smaller than all the others. There are not a lot of them but, I think they are being nurtured by Mrs. Boulder over there, they are definitely the baby crabs, I just have to find where they keep the eggs at.

Mrs. Boulder is the biggest threat here as if she tried to, she could most definitely pluck me off the ceiling and feed me to her children...alive.

Mrs. Boulder and those baby crabs are my only lead on the location of the eggs. I just hope she doesn't notice some of the crabs looking up at the ceiling snapping their claws at me.

The crabs crawling all over the boulder pause, the crabs in front of the boulder open a way, the crabs around the boulder move away.

I get a good look at Mrs. Boulder from all the angles...I regret it immensely.

Mrs. Boulder shall no longer have a Mrs. as that would imply that it is somewhat feminine and that is really saying something because even my suction cup mother could be implied as feminine.

The ugly boulder is a mix of a goopy snail and a hermit crab, it has tentacles coming from its shell and has many goopy legs pulling itself along while covering its front. Any semblance of eyes seem to be half melted amongst the goop, it has four serrated claws just to top it off.

It started to scrap its shell toward me meaning that it had indeed noticed me but, when it moved I could see a fresh monster egg from where it came from.

I need that egg, the parasite is starting to really pester me inside my body, along with the itchiness and radiation sickness starting to make its way back into my mind, if I don't get that egg, I might really go insane or at least more so than I already am.

No Boulder will stand in the way of my egg! That is why I have come prepared with crab meat from some very willing volunteers outside of the nest.

I did some more scientific tests on the effects of giving crabs, crab meat and I have come to the conclusion that all crabs are just closet cannibals that haven't figured out that they can eat their siblings.

I unload my crab meat upon the rave of shells. Some crabs start to nibble on the meat dropped from the heavens above them, others ravenously devour it and two in the back are playing tug-o-war with an eyestalk!

I zoom overhead using Flesh Flash and I get above the egg. I can see the Boulder scurrying around to collect and feast on the meat, throwing the other crabs and snails around the room that tried to get at it.

I drop down and grab the fleshy egg sac, I can't jump back up to the ceiling and I am surrounded by a sea of cannibalistic crabs. This is a prime time to run as a frenzy over the crab meat has broken out.

I begin to bolt through the shells by stretching a tendril from one shell to another.

This doesn't go unnoticed though as a certain big boulder begins to search for the little tendril monster that brought that delicious mystery meat. It finds it carrying an egg of its creation.

The boulder starts to chase after me, smashing through shells in the process sending crabs and snails alike launching through the air.

I continue hopping between shells making my way to the exit as fast as tendrily possible.

Eventually the shells start to dissipate and I am forced to make my way back to the ground. Behind me I can tell that the Boulder is not giving up any more potential crab meat or its child, but somehow I can tell that it cares alot about the more crab meat.

ARE THOSE CRAB HEARTS IN YOUR EYES, I AM NOT GOING TO BECOME YOUR CERTIFIED CRAB DEALER! KILL YOUR OWN CHILDREN IF YOU WANT THEM SO BAD!!

The Boulder has finished smashing its way through the nest as I exit through the tunnel I came from, I get up on the roof again, putting the egg below my body. It barrels down the same tunnel smooshing any other shell creatures against the wall as its own shell scrapes against the roof like a knife.

I am not going to easily escape that cannibal without pulling out my final trump card. Plan M, I never had a Plan C or anything but I had a Plan M. The M stands for millipede by the way.

I turn a corner and start to move toward all the millipede dark spots. Big Boulder behind me, continues to chase after me and we both move into the millipedes territory. This wakes up the millipedes and they make their way to the commotion.

Actually, A Lot more millipedes make their way out of the tunnels than I was expecting, so many in fact that I can see one, no matter where my Radar Sense is!

Where do you all breed?! I would hate to find out how many you have in your nest!

I am cornered by millipedes, there are so many that if they work together then they can reach me on the roof. I just have to hope that they care more about the moving boulder behind me than a creepy little monster suctioned to the roof.

Luckily I was right.

The millipedes all pass by me and crash into the monstrous hermit crab mother behind me. Even at least ten don't slow it down though, luckily for me though, ten millipedes always have a few friends with them, like 500 of them if I were to guess.

Even more millipedes barrel into the Boulder Hermit causing me to lose sight of any boulder or hermit related thing as the millipedes crawl over every inch of its body making it look like a ball of millipedes that decided they need to give you your daily dose of nightmare fuel.

While I continue speed crawling away from that battle I just caused. I can see the two sides battling it out with neither side winning, four claws pierce through a millipede each. The battle starts to heat up as other slowpoke hermit crabs start battling it out too.

I may have just started a war over one egg and my vengeance against the two species,

but in the end,

...I wouldn't have it any other way.