Stupid Cave! Stupid Cave! Stupid Cave!

I pick up a rock off the ground and throw it in the air to let out my anger.

‘Meister...Can...can I do anything to help?’ Cake shyly says over the link.

‘No, Cake just give me a second,’ I say mentally and eventually I cool off and I look around.

After finally escaping out of the cave I’m able to see without the sun blinding me; due to all the biomass, I put into my radar sense. I look all around me, and I see a pure wasteland of dirt, glowing radiation, and small holes in the ground.

Am I in hell?

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t expecting this.

‘Meister, I believe we should go before that gas catches up with us.’

‘Right...Cake where is the volcano?’ I ask Cake since my vision doesn’t reach far enough to be able to see the volcano.

‘It is behind us, Meister but I am starting to get tired of running. You may abandon me if I am slowing you down.’

‘No, Cake I will never abandon you as long as you stay by my side,’ I try to encourage Cake before saying, ‘...but we should really get going.’

*snip*

We start to make our way through the wasteland of mud and radiation, avoiding falling into any holes. I wonder how those holes were made? Actually, I would rather not find out. I’m sure I wouldn’t like the answer...whatever it is.

Cake turns around using her half-human body and looks toward me.

‘Meister, I can see a wave of radiation behind us.’ Cake says.

Welp...that's not good.

‘Just keep moving, and I’ll think of something!’ I send back.

Cake continues through the wasteland carefully avoiding falling into any of the holes, while I try to quickly think of a plan.

‘Cake, how much time is left before it catches up to us!’

‘I do not know Meister but if I were to guess I would say 40 seconds.’

I have 40 seconds to find a way to save Cake and Kiwi. I have never tested my secretion on a literal wave of gas before, but hopefully, it holds up for long enough to get clear of the radiation.

I begin to smack against Cake’s body to try to prepare for the incoming wave and the small liquid droplets from my body start to lose their grip on me and begin to stick to Cake instead.

I make sure to focus on any part of her body that is not covered in thick shells such as the muscles and skin.

‘Meister, I don’t mean to doubt your wisdom but I believe you forgot to spread your amazing secretion here.’ Cake says flaunting her carapitic chest.

Don’t say it like that!

I smack Cakes chest to keep the radiation from damaging it, and her chest isn’t very soft, actually it felt more like I was beating against a wall rather than actually touching boobs.

As I’m doing that, however, the wave of gas enters my vision and I’m able to make out that something is a little out of place with it.

Yeah...that’s not a wave, Cake.

That’s a tsunami.

...of radioactive gas.

‘ZzzZzz’ Kiwi sends sleeping sounds from inside of Cake’s shell.

Shit! I have to smack Kiwi too otherwise that gas will sneak its way in through Cake’s cracked shell and irradiate Kiwi into a bubbling mass of mantis sludge!

‘Cake! Open your shell!’ I send to Cake.

*snip* Cake snips and her shell pops open and I quickly squeeze through.

The light from the outside of Cake’s shell comes through the crack and lands onto the sleeping mantis.

My whole body hurts from slapping it against Cake and Kiwi isn’t as strong as Cake is but I have to get this radiation cream on Kiwi otherwise well...Kiwi will die.

And I refuse to let that happen before I can make a final judgment on Kiwi’s cuteness as a monster girl.

There just has to be an easier way to get this goo off my body.

‘ZzzZzz’ A mantis with scythe-like arms sleeps in front of me.

Wait! That’s it! I just have to use Kiwi’s arms to shave it off but...

*mental nervous laughter*

Hehe...maybe I should have gotten sharpness instead of speed because I don’t think this is going to be a very comfortable shave.

‘Kiwi get over here and shave this goo off my body.’ I tell Kiwi.

‘Zzz...Really?’ Kiwi wakes up confused.

‘Are you really sure about that, Meister?’ Cake speaks for both Kiwi and herself.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

‘No...but do it anyway.’ I say unsure of my decision.

Kiwi gets up and saunters over on four stick-like legs and I spread a goopy tendril for Kiwi to begin to shave.

Kiwi uses all four arms to scrape off the secretion and it is extremely terrifying and uncomfortable being on the receiving end of Kiwi’s small scythes.

Imagine going to a barbershop for a shave, and the barber is an alien mantis with four arms that could chop off your head in an instant. Kiwi isn’t that strong but that alien mantis part is completely true and that is the part that scares me most, especially since Kiwi isn’t the most active of monsters so I wouldn’t be surprised if she cut me using those dull blades.

...Which is why I’m not surprised when it happened.

‘Sorry, Maistear.’ Kiwi tells me as inky black blood comes out from my tendril.

‘Kiwi! You hurt our Meister! Meister, allow me to punish Kiwi by giving Kiwi lessons on Tap Dance #2.’ Cake says, giving her suggestion.

‘Maistear! Kiwi! Sorry!’ Kiwi pleads with me after hearing Cake’s suggestion.

‘I don’t care! Just hurry up and get this stuff on you as fast as possible.’

‘Yes, Maistear.’

Kiwi instantly jumps into and starts to roll around in the small pile of watery goo that the mantis managed to get off my body.

I peer through the crack in Cake’s shell to figure out how much time is left before the gas hits us. If I had to give an estimate, it would be approximately.……………..NOW!

*WOOOOSHHHHH!!*

The gas completely engulfs Cake, and it starts to leak through the crack in Cake’s shell as well as from the entrance to Cake’s shell.

‘Cake! Are you okay?! Are you taking any damage?!’ I ask Cake to make sure my goop worked.

*snip*

Cake snips once to show she is okay before responding with, ‘I am okay but I can no longer see, Meister.’

‘Just keep moving forward as fast as you can and hopefully you guys can make it out, alive.’

At least, I don’t have to worry about radiation for myself since I have all that gooey stuff that is attached to my body to stop any radiation from hurting me.

I begin to feel an itch crawl up the tendril that Kiwi shaved.

...Hey, Kiwi can I take back some of that goo. You may have shaved off a little too much on that tendril.

Oh! You need more than me because if you don’t have it you will die?

Well, that’s fair I guess.

After a few minutes of enduring the itch, the gooey liquid on my skin comes back, and the itch goes away and I’m back to my rad-proof self.

‘Meister, I do not mean to make less of your abilities but I'm starting to itch. I can endure it, though.’

Shit! The goo I put on Cake is starting to lose its effectiveness. I need to go out there and fix it.

‘Open up your shell and tell me where,’ I tell Cake.

‘Behind my far left leg,’ Cake says before she opens up her shell allowing the gas to freely flow in causing a strong gust of wind.

I crawl out of her shell and start to tend to Cake’s leg by slapping it once again to avoid any more cuts from Kiwi.

The gas bashes against my body at high speeds and it is impossible to see anything more than a few feet in front of me.

‘Zzz-itchy-Zzz’ Kiwi mentally says while sleeping.

Damn it!

This back and forth of slapping and shaving goo off my body continues as I try to keep them both alive through the gas.

However, eventually, my tiring work pays off, and I’m finally able to see some light come through from the sky.

‘Meister, I do not believe I have enough stamina to make it.’

Shit! What do I do? We are nearly through the worst of it, and Cake used all of her stamina to get this far! I need to think fast otherwise Cake is going to pass out in this gas from exhaustion!

‘Cake, you need to slow down and conserve your stamina.’

‘Are you sure, Meister? That would mean you will have to continue to use your goo to care for us?’

‘Yes, I’m sure! I can endure a little suffering to keep both of you alive!’

Both Cake and Kiwi shiver in excitement before speaking at the same time,

‘Meister, You do not need to think so highly of us. We are but your loyal servants to do your bidding.’

‘Zzz-Yes-Zzz’

‘...,’ I do not reply.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?! That I would like both of you to sacrifice your lives for me just for me to avoid a little bit of pain. It would have been slightly easier for me to respond if they just said something like, ‘I love you (insert “Master” replacement here)!’

But instead, they worded it as if they are being mind-controlled to say those things!

…

*mental cough*

Which they are but I would like them to act a little bit less like mind slaves just to avoid these awkward conversations.

Cake slowly makes her way out of the gas tsunami and eventually, the gas starts to thin out after about 20 minutes of painful slapping and shaving meaning we are finally through the worst of it and I no longer have to worry about them dying.

*far-off honk*

Who the hell would come with a truck all the way out to a gas tsunami?!

“It would appear that I need to update my previous calculation from 96.4% to 99.98%,” GagOs says.

Oh...Gothalyn, that’s who.