I was getting frustrated. For the third time today I was woken from a lovely nap. While Victoria softly saying my name was a nicer way to wake up then the train whistle I was gross and sticky and the bed was still wet. It did not feel nice.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Just half an hour.”

Not long at all, that explained the bed.

“The kitchen won’t stay open all night, and I figured you would like a shower before dinner.”

My eyes having finally adjusted to waking up I rolled over and got a look at Victoria. She wasn’t wearing the red and gold dress anymore. Instead she had black dress pants on with a slightly shiny dark gray suit jacket. No shirt, no bra. Her hair was in a tight bun and she had taken off her makeup. The outfit did things for me.

Victoria laughed at me, “I thought you would like this better.”

I nodded and got up, looking around for a towel or something.

“Towel?” I asked.

She pointed to a drawer under the bed.

“Not to be rude, but I need a shower.” I said while wrapping the towel around myself.

“Of course. Do you want to eat alone, with me, with your friends? I can keep you away from them if you want to not see them without offending them.”

“You don’t have to do that, all of this.” I replied, standing in front of the door, awkwardly gesturing at her outfit while holding the towel up.

“This emotional stuff is my job, really, more than the sex. That is why people come to fancy brothels like mine, and it is a nice change of pace to help someone who has real problems.”

“Rude.”

“You need to hear it.”

Yea she wasn’t like Anne at all. Maybe because she didn’t know me and wasn’t trying to be my friend she could be, well, mean about it. I knew she was right, already I was in less pain than I had been since I enlisted, but I wanted to get a jab in.

“Hopefully you get a better bedside manner before you become a healer.”

I regretted it after I said it. Why did I want to be mean to her, she was helping me so much. I was unbelievably lucky she was the one who was here with me.

She laughed, “not my fault you’re stubborn.”

I laughed a little too, mostly out of relief. I didn’t want to offend her, this wasn’t the army, I shouldn’t be making fun of everyone or be too worried, even if someone was making fun of me, doesn’t matter, what could they do to me?

Thankfully the shower is the perfect place to think about such things. I was worried about adjusting to civilian life but it would be more than that. I would have to get used to the city, and meeting so many people, and having lots of people in my life. I didn’t have that growing up. The smell of the soap distracted me. It was this weird floral perfume smell that didn’t smell like any flower I knew, and then I noticed I was hungry. I didn’t mind the quick shower. The hot water was nice but I wasn’t in that much pain so I didn’t feel the need to try to relax my muscles in the steam. I realized I could try a proper steam room soon. So many things to try, to consider, when I was in the city with some money.

Victoria was waiting for me in the bedroom. She was reading from a little notebook which she slipped back into her pocket when she heard me.

“You never said who you wanted to have dinner with?”

“Right, sorry Victoria, I want to see my friends I think.”

“When would you like me back?”

“Back?”

“From my meal, I need to eat too, I only had a little lunch.”

“Oh, I imagined you would be with me, making sure I ate enough and, well, I don’t know, you’ve kinda set this tone of bossing me around. I kinda thought it would last the whole week.”

“Do you want it to?”

I took a deep breath before answering. “Yea, I’m not as dense as I seem – “

“You’re not –”

“Let me finish.”

I waited a bit before continuing, to make sure Victoria wouldn’t interrupt me again.

“I know I don’t know a lot. My mom, gods bless her, is asexual and aromantic and not well liked. I think that is why they let her adopt me, to humble the uppity woman who was too well educated. She’s a pharmacist, only one for miles around Paratonnae. People had to get medicine from her. And she tried, she built a bookshelf and filled it full of books on demons, cheesy romance novels, porn, psychology, child rearing, those creepy how to get a man books and weird domestic woman guides, anything she thought might help her understand me and raise me right, but it’s not the same. I couldn’t go to school, so she taught me, and I couldn’t work for anyone else when I got older, so I worked for her. And where could I go to meet someone like me? We had one horse, and I couldn’t take her ‘cause how would my mom do deliveries, and there isn’t a train, it is like a two week ride to the nearest station. So I’m stuck, and I can’t take over the family business, no one would buy from a succubus, and I can’t work at the brothel ‘cause men repulse me and I know something is wrong with me I knew succubi shouldn’t be in as much pain as I was, but the army was the only option and I’m just there following orders for years, until now and I’m rambling I know but what I’m trying to say or get to is that I have never made a decision in my life. I had to get home schooled, had to work for the family business, had to join the army, then had to follow orders. Gods I never even choosed who I fucked, just whoever was cheapest and available, and Anne because no one else would, and you just showed up, not that there’s anything wrong with you, fuck dressed like that I would choose you and it’s not like I’m not excited but it’s scary and just seems like effort and I already feel better and I don’t want to face parliament weak and in pain and, and … I guess that’s it.”

I exhaled and leaned forward putting my head in my hands. My little speech took a lot out of me. Victoria sat on the bed, I guess she was waiting to make sure I was done.

“Hug?” She asked me. I sat down next to her and hugged her. It was nice.

“You should get dressed.” She said.

I nodded and looked around, finding my uniform folded nicely on the chair. I started to get dressed and Victoria pulled out a second set of bedding from under the bed.

“I can do that, it’s my mess anyway.” I didn’t like being cleaned up after.

“I thought you wanted to be bossed around.”

“I do but –”

“Then get dressed. I am changing the bedding.”

“Okay.”

“And you shouldn’t think of the results of what you do with someone else as just your mess.”

I sighed, “Okay.”

Victoria looked at me curiously when she saw me loading my pistol.

“You really need that for dinner?”

I shrugged, “probably not, but I’ve had a gun of some sort on me in public since I was 12, been shooting since I was eight, with an old flintlock musket. I feel a little naked without something.”

“Eight? That must have been dangerous.”

“Nah, used less than half a charge, and I grew up in a forest, it was dangerous not to have something to scare wild animals off.”

“Damn woman you must have had quite the childhood. You must be a good shot.”

“If I can rest the gun on something, or if it's small caliber, otherwise I don’t have the strength for it.”

I put the now loaded revolver in its holster. Victoria finished making the bed and stood by the door.

“Zal, I need you to understand, you don’t actually have to listen to me, you can say stop or don’t or just not listen. I won’t be hurt, this is work for me.”

“Of course.”

“Also, should I get a shirt?”

“That’s up to you isn’t it?”

“Let me rephrase, will your friends be uncomfortable?”

I laughed “No, gods no. We have been naked around each other so many times. We’ve kept watch for each other while one couple fucks, once we had sex next to each other.”

“For fun? Not that I know you but that doesn’t seem like you.”

“No, we were in a rush, and there was only one shed, and we couldn’t agree on which couple should get it so we went with both.” I couldn’t help but smile thinking back to when Anne and I were together.

“Okay so no shirt, and we will eat in the dining car. It’ll be good to get out of here for a bit.”

“Oh, you don’t want a shirt for that?”

“You should know, one of the advantages of being a succubus is you and people with you can get away with more. I might be asked to leave if I was with a human man, certainly would be if I was alone, but with you there will be no issue.”

“Doesn’t really answer my question.”

“I’m working for you right now. Tell me honestly, do you want me to put on a shirt?”

“Of course not.”

“Then no shirt.” She winked at me and I couldn’t help but smile.

It had only been a few hours but everything with Victoria was so intense it felt like I hadn’t seen my friends in days. They were playing poker, using coasters as chips.

“What are you playing for?” I asked.

“Zalgeth! You’re alive! You look better!” Anne was so happy to see me. It hurt a little.

“The bar has a lot of beer,” Kate explained, “so we figured we would drink the other stuff when we’re here, and take the beer when we leave. One coaster is one bottle, you want in?”

“Maybe later,” I answered.

“Actually,” Victoria said, “we were going for dinner in the dining car and I don’t know if you three already ate but Zal wants – ”

“Her name is Zalgeth.”

“Rebecca, it’s fine. I am trying to be, less thorny, I don’t know.”

She looked at Victoria.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

“Well,” Rebecca said while looking at Victoria, unbuttoning her jacket and adjusting her holster, “we should meet the woman who managed to get Zalgeth to open up a bit.”

We three knew how protective Rebecca was so we let her threat linger as we went to the dining car in silence. It felt nice to have someone threatened on my behalf, even if it wasn’t needed. Victoria was too savey not to have noticed, but she didn’t react, keeping a perfectly calm demeanor.”

We got a lot of stares when we entered the dining car but, like Victoria said, no one asked her to put on a shirt. Most of the eyes were on her of course but four soldiers, three not human, in a rich dining car, it was certainly unusual. The hostess took us to the second level which was empty. I suspected discrimination but the second level was nice and quiet and there was a lovely skylight.

“The fuck is this stuff, squab, venison?” I asked Victoria.

“Squab is pigeon, venison is deer.”

“You mean the shit I hunted cause we couldn’t afford beef or pork is rich people shit?”

“It is hard to get on the coast, and they tend to like whatever is hard to get.”

“To pick it over steak though? Seems a waste.”

“The venison might be a nice reminder of home.”

“I guess.”

Anne, Kate, and Rebecca watched curiously. It was out of character for me to be so open with someone new. They probably thought it was just really good sex, so they were surprised when the waiter came by and I actually ordered the venison.

“So,” Victoria said, putting one arm on the table while leaning back, “I’m Victoria, the brothel General Karter contacted sent me. I will be around this week, helping Zalgeth.”

“I’m Kate, this is my wife Rebecca.”

“And I’m Anne.”

Victoria looked at Rebecca even though it sounded like she was talking to the three of them.

“I would prefer if we could be friendly. I am trying to help, and I want to. Worst part of my job for me is how pointless it feels, and my girlfriend, Catherine, is a succubus, so I know. I get treated differently when I’m out with her, and she of course tells me her struggles, and, this part is selfish, but I wasn’t looking forward to a week of keeping an act up. I know I’ve trained out the accent but just like the rest of you I am a poor girl from deep in the continent and I would rather just be that.”

“Where from?” Rebecca asked.

“Linte.”

“I think I know it,” Rebecca said, “Southern savannah, not too far in, on a lake.”

Victoria looked confused, “no, north, near the foothills, we are at the end of a rail line. Ivory hunters passing through is what most of the business is.”

“My wife, you’re being paranoid again.” Kate rubbed Rebecca’s back.

“It is just suspiciously lucky.” Rebecca said.

“I trust her, she, knows things, about succubi, things you can’t just find out.” I had to say something, I wanted them to get along.

Rebecca rolled her eyes, “fine, but I was right to test her.” She looked at Victoria, “Your accent is gone, I can’t get a hint of it, and ya can’t trust humans.”

“Of course,” Victoria replied, “and I can’t imagine how crazy this shit must be for y’all. What you did is all you, and you deserve the shields, at least from what Zalgeth tells me, but with it happening so fast, and knowing your lives have been changed so much and so quickly all because of a battle on the other side of the world.”

“What?” Anne asked, though we were all surprised, and she just said it first.

“You don’t know?” Victoria asked, “It was in the papers last week.”

“We were in a trench being shelled last week.” Kate said.

“Sorry, I knew that, wasn’t thinking.” Victoria looked at us.

“Tell us about it, please.” I wanted to know.

Victoria took a deep breath.

“Okay so everyone is calling it the battle of the Rosberg Sea. The war is between the Clarenher Empire and some new republic, Triroy, I think, Trira? Doesn’t matter, point is the empire tried to blockade the city of Triroy but they were intercepted and there was a battle right outside the city, lots of people watching. Both sides had a couple of these new kinds of ships called ironclads. They are made of metal, and float barely above the water. No sails, no deck, all enclosed in metal. The wooden ships didn’t matter, the shells bounced off the ironclads. Eventually all the wooden ships retreated and the ironclads fired at each other for hours without any damage done. Eventually one of the empire’s managed to ram one of the republic’s but they still didn’t sink. The impact fucked up the engines on both of them or something, both started smoking and had to be towed away and that was it, that was the battle.”

“I don’t get it, why does that matter?” Anne asked.

Victoria was excited, she clearly found it fascinating. “Don’t you get it, multiple first rate ships of the line couldn’t damage them, shore artillery couldn’t. They are invincible, at least from the outside. The journalist thinks it is unlikely they could make their way here across open ocean but every great power is working on them, and if they wern’t they sure as fuck are now, and as soon as someone builds an ocean worthy one our entire navy is obsolete. The ship tax has only been enough to convert a few of our ships to steam, never mind building these new ironclads, and we don’t have a lot of coal, we still have to import some, and we would need coiling stations, fortresses full of coal on small islands all along the trade routes, all to fuel these new ironclads. The money has to come from somewhere and a lot of people think that a big part of that somewhere should be the army, but parliament doesn’t want to gut their branch of the military so the government has ground to a halt. Your political purpose is likely to drum up popular support for the army and parliament and remind everyone there is a war in the mountains. For what it’s worth I think it is fucking stupid to gut the army. My parliamentarian sentiments aside, a few ironclads won’t be much of a deterrent to the great powers if they know they will have no opposition if they land troops.”

I laughed a little, trying to ease the tension, “well the General was open about wanting us to get money for the army, just didn’t tell us why.”

Rebecca nodded, “Things will be tense in Marticourt. We shouldn’t say anything about this, maybe pretend we don’t know, focus instead on the trenches, if people ask about where the money should go, say non-threatening things like boots, socks, delousing.”

“Smart.” Victoria said in agreement.

We sat in silence for a bit. The waiter brought buns. Victoria took one for herself and put three on my plate. I started munching away at them, not looking up. It was surprisingly embarrassing. I didn’t know if I would rather my friends think it was some sex thing or the truth that I was genuinely worried about my ability to take care of myself.

“I don’t like this silence. Mind telling me some stories? I bet you four have some good ones.” Victoria’s confidence continued to impress me.

“Most of war is boring, but we do have some good ones, just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” Kate said.

“Oh! The great chicken heist, we have to tell her that one.” Anne said, excited. She loved sneaking off and disobeying orders. Strange I was the one to kill an officer, seemed more like her thing.

Rebecca smiled, “we did have some crazy nights in Gannaburg. I wonder if we will ever be able to do shit like that again. I know you made it to a few of ‘em, but I wish you were there for all of them, Zalgeth.”

“I know, I do too, I just couldn’t stay awake.”

Anne smiled as she said to me, “If you keep fucking and eating this much I will take you out one night. It’s criminal you’ve been in the army so long and haven’t had the energy for a truely fucked up night.”

“Anne.” Rebecca said, sternly.

“What? Stop talking to me like I can’t care about her, like I don’t. I want her in my life.” Anne was mad, she wasn’t yelling, but she didn’t have the level head that Rebecca did.

“We talked about this Anne, you agreed.”

“Did I? Or did you two corner me and tell me what to do. No fucking way did Zal ask you two shits to talk to me. And how tall are you anyway Rebecca, 6’6”. 6’7”, ‘cause I am only 5’3”, I wouldn’t stand a chance against you.”

“Anne, you know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Do I? ‘Cause a few minutes ago you threatened to shoot Victoria.”

“Not really, and –”

“What the fuck, no, not “not really”. You think if you don’t say it, if you’re subtle enough it’s not a real threat, like you’re not a war hero threatening an unarmed woman, and for fucking what, helping Zal? Victoria did in a few hours what I spent months trying to do. Did you see Zal? She came out of that bedroom without needing the rails on the wall, she was smiling, her skin has real color in it, there is a light in her eyes I haven’t seen before. It took all I had not to run to Zal and kiss her like I used to, fuck, I wanted to kiss Victoria too. Look, she even has her eating even though she had a massive breakfast with us.”

I looked down and was surprised to see I was still eating the bread Victoria had put on my plate.

“But Anne, after what happened at the General’s I thought –”

“Maybe you shouldn’t think, you aren’t that good at it.”

“We talked about it.”

“When Zal was sleeping right there in the carriage, you know I can’t keep my voice down, fuck, listen to me now, I’m basically yelling.”

“Yea, pull yourself together Anne.” Kate said to her.

“No, fuck that, I’m done pretending my heart didn’t break the moment I fell in love with Zal, and that it didn’t break again on the bathroom floor. The last time I will get to hold her, my last kiss with her, and I know how much it hurt her. The woman I love was in so much pain she couldn’t stand, she could barely move, and only then was my touch, my kiss, the less painful option. She didn’t want to kiss me, and I didn’t get to hold her after or help her up or help her get dressed or feel her leaning on my shoulder as I hold her up. I had to be strong for Zal, but you two were always there. I haven’t had a moment alone since I did the worst thing I ever had to do. I am gonna have nightmares about how hurt Zal was after what should have been an act of love and care, and after she saved our lives. We’re all getting the shields but we know it was all her, even you Mrs. can’t trust humans didn’t have the guts for it.”

“Careful.” Kate said.

Anne laughed, tearing up a little. “Oh it’s pretty gods damn clear I don’t do careful. I joined the army to be a better mother, to give my future children a better start to life than I had, with the pension and healthcare I would get, but I cozy up to the one woman out of hundreds who I can’t start a family with and whoops I fell in love with her. She just seemed lonely, or maybe some part of me knew. And you Rebecca just fucking had to rub salt in my wounds all fucking day. After I told Zal I couldn’t be with her it hurt so gods damn much that I talked to you two about it so you fucking knew how I felt about her and she is right there leaning against the window sleeping instead of against me where she belongs, and for how little you trust Victoria, for all your beastfolk solidarity talk, it seems you are fine with humans when you're using your wife’s humanity to start a family, isn't that right Rebecca? ‘Cause for hours, fucking hours you two are all cuddly talking about how many kids you are gonna adopt. Where are you gonna live, are you gonna homeschool them, what names you like, seeing them grow up. And I am right there and so is Zal and we can’t and I had to listen to you two have everything I wanted with her, everything I couldn’t have. Do you even know the law?”

“Demons can’t adopt?” Rebecca was clearly unsure.

“Nope! If only.” Anne smiled, it was unsettling. She leaned towards Rebecca and continued in a stage whisper. “I bet Victoria knows though, I bet she has every word of it burned into her soul from all the time spent crying over it, like I have. Can’t trust humans though, right Rebecca?”

I was thankful Rebecca had enough sense not to respond.

“Victoria dear,” Anne continued, in a normal speaking voice, or as normal as she could manage considering she was all anger and pain at this point. “What’s the law?”

Victoria looked a little shell shocked, but her voice was steady, calm.

“Demons, as God has made them universally infertile, are by nature and by God unfit parents. Demons’ perverse physical and emotional needs cause irreparable harm to any child they are in extended and repeated contact with. Any parent who allows such contact shall be deemed an unfit parent and may lose access to their children. Criminal charges may be applied.”

“See Rebecca, some of us are not so blind as to not recognize our sisters. Look at her, she can barely hold herself together after that, and you threatened her.”

Anne was right, Victoria was struggling. I took her hand in mine and gently rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. I was fine, for now. It was like after I murdered the lieutenant, it would hit me later, for now I could try to comfort Victoria a little.

“Anne, Rebecca and I are –”

“Don’t.”

“We –”

“Fucking don’t!”

Anne owned the silence. She waited until Kate and Rebecca knew that before she continued.

“I feel dirty now. Both of you held me when I went to you for help, it was the day I learned that law. When Zal said she couldn’t have a family I thought it was just that she couldn’t adopt, like us beastfolk, and I could work with that. I could get pregnant and we could raise the kid, who cares if it isn’t legally Zal’s but no, they would take our child away. We would have to keep it secret. I would never hear our child call her mom, never live together, no public affection, and one slip up and we lose everything. And when the woman you knew I still loved was in the next room fucking some whore instead of me, no offense Victoria I know now you’re amazing, you two were counting out bottles of beer for fucking poker. Are you too stupid to think to comfort me or did you just not give a fuck?”

“We thought if we didn’t acknowledge your feelings, your relationship, it would be easier for you to get over.” Kate explained.

“Too stupid then. I shouldn’t’ve but while we were playing and you two started planning visits to meet each other’s families I imagined Zal meeting my family. It’s massive and they are so important to me, but that damn law. Even just bringing Zal every solstice could get my siblings taken away from my parents, so we couldn’t even have that. It’s somehow worse that one visit is legal, like a drop of water in the desert, a taste of the life we could have had together. And you two just kept taking, just, fuck both of you.”

“Anne, we were trying to help.”

“Shut the fuck up Kate. I wonder what Rebecca thinks, if she can manage to say anything, after all, it is harder than threatening to shoot an unarmed woman a foot shorter than her.”

Rebecca took a breath. “We thought it was an infatuation. We thought since you wanted a family, and you talked about your ex-boyfriends, and then being around only women, and Zalgeth can be intense, passionate, and we’ve seen each other naked.”

“What is your gods damn point woman!”

“Zal is beautiful, and tall, and she is a lot, with ya know, and well with you only having ex-boyfriends.”

“Oh, ew, okay, just no. What the fuck is wrong with you two? Do you think so little of me, of bi women, that I would come to you crying about being in love with her multiple times and I’m wrong and it’s just ‘cause she is pretty and has a big dick and I just think that is love, like I’m one of those best of both worlds creeps. Fuck both of you. Is it a succubus thing or would you be this shitty about it if she was a trans woman? What kind of shit do you really, actually no, I don’t need to know, I don’t care, I can’t anymore. I’m done. Sorry Victoria, and we should talk sometime Zal, obviously.”

Anne started to leave but Victoria grabbed her arm.

“Please, stay.”

Anne nodded and sat back down. Victoria then took a key out of her pocket and put it on the table.

“This is the key to my cabin, the number is printed on it. You should stay there the rest of the trip. The bed is a little small but you can deal with it. Someone will stop by for my stuff at some point. Do I need to ask for your pistols?”

“No,” Rebecca said, “I would never.”

“Rebecca, sweetheart, we should. Victoria doesn’t know us and I think we made the worst possible first impression.”

Rebecca shrugged and they both put their hands up. I took their revolvers. Kate’s wasn’t loaded, but Rebecca’s was.

“Ask them to send your food to the cabin, and don’t try to talk to us, we will reach out if we want to.” Victoria was perfect. I was in no state to deal with this, and Anne really wasn’t.

“Sorry,” Kate said, not looking at us. “We were clearly in the wrong about, we will, I don’t know what to, I, sorry.”

They left and we sat in silence. I didn’t like it. I looked at Victoria and sighed dramatically.

“I should have had you put on a shirt.”

She laughed a little, “yea.”