“You want to talk about last night?”

“No.” I was lying on my stomach, face buried in a pillow, I didn’t want to look at Anne. She traced her finger around the sore spots where my wings were starting to grow. They hurt more than usual, everything hurt more than usual. Anne waited, she knew I would talk eventually.

“It went well I don’t know why it fucked me up so much.”

“That means it fucked you up because it went well.”

I sighed, “I don’t like that.”

“It’ll be easier next time, and the time after that, and after that, until it’s easy.”

“Good things shouldn’t be hard.”

“No, they shouldn’t.”

We stayed like that for a while. I wasn’t able to fall back asleep but the rest was nice despite that.

“I’ll order us some breakfast, and now that you are officially working for the military I think our liaison will give us a schedule, so I’ll send a letter to him, then –”

“Then I’ll talk about it, if only a little.”

“Anne, I really don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t have gotten high after that really didn’t help, but they were great, I was just, in my own head. I knew I wouldn’t fit in exactly, and I didn’t, but it didn’t matter, they made sure of it, they included me, it didn’t feel awkward, I …”

“I think you were, are, overwhelmed, and that’s what feels bad.”

“But you seem fine, happy, we went through the same things.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“This isn’t about the army, this is about growing up alone.”

“I had –”

“Your mom, I know, one other person isn’t a family, and you had no other demons.”

“I feel like we’ve had this discussion before.”

“Probably, and nothing wrong with having it again sometime.”

“We should do something today,” I didn’t like that Anne was going to be alone, and even though it was silly and it was days away I didn’t want to leave her while I did whatever the army wanted me to do. Hopefully the time we have now would make up for it. I stood up, wincing from a sharp pain in my knee.

Anne frowned at me, “that won’t go away on its own.”

“I really can’t even skip a night now.”

She kissed me, “Good, I don’t want you to be used to being in pain.”

I smiled and pulled her to me, holding her. She was getting through to me and I wanted her to know that. For as much as we were trying to change our dynamic it was Anne who pulled me towards the bed. I knew she wanted this, wanted to take care of me, she was even purring, but it couldn’t stop some sense of wrongness from deep within me, that the pain was mine and I shouldn’t involve anyone else, but I knew Anne was involved with it anyway, that she wanted to be involved, so I kept going.

It was different this time because I wasn’t turned on, well at this point I was, or at least my body was. Anne was naked on the bed, my fingers almost touching her clit. At least she would enjoy this in a way I wouldn’t. It was easy, I knew her too well, to tease her in just the right way, suggesting I would go for her clit, or enter her, pulling back at the last moment. It was easy, I knew her too well, to tease her in just the right way so it would be easy to push her over the edge, suggesting I would go for her clit, or enter her, until I did, holding her down with one hand when I pushed two fingers into her and rubbed her clit with my other hand. Normally I would draw things out, enjoy it more, but this was all I needed. I could feel my aches and pains fade as I lay on the bed holding her in my arms.

“We really should do something,” Anne said before we both had a little nap.

The next night we went out with stablemaster Fanaka and his husband. The place they took us smelled overwhelmingly of cheap weed, beer, and grease. I loved it. Talking openly about the war in a way we only could with another veteran was nice. I didn’t realise how badly I wanted to talk about it until I had the chance. His husband was so affectionate towards him, it was cute, and it made me feel safe to do the same with Anne. It took her a little while to trust them but when she did; I had never seen her that happy, or that high. She got very quiet and ate a lot, it was honestly impressive. The four of us were almost asleep by the time we left, and gods the ride back was difficult but I managed, and it was worth it when we got back to our bed and could sleep it off.