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Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven

You looked up at him with those droopy, puffy eyes of yours. Medic didn't look like he was too sure of what he wanted to say. He kept shaking his head slightly as if dismissing each idea. You couldn't blame him. What would be the right thing to say here? Then, he finally looked to you.

"Do jou vant to vait for jour training? It doesn't seem like the best zhing for jou right now vith how jou are feeling," he asked, readjusting his glasses.

"Um, yeah. That'd probably be best anyway. I don't think I'd be the best student the way I am right now," you gave a small chuckle. He nodded.

"Zhen ve can start it later today. For now, come here."

He helped you off of the medical table and supported you the way to the beds on the far wall. Your legs felt like crumbling under you by the time you both arrived by the bed. He helped you in it and tucked you in. Immediately you felt warm and comfortable, or maybe that was just the exhaustion taking over.

"Are jou comfortable Strategist?" Medic asked, and you nodded. Your eyelids felt heavy and started to close.

"Hey Medic?"

"Ja?"

"I'm sorry."

"Vha-? Vhat do jou-?" The darkness cut him off and you were out like a light.

-+-+-

You knew you were dreaming when you were sitting on the medical table again. Medic was there, sitting in a high chair. He still managed to be slightly taller than you despite him sitting down in a lower position. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but kept changing his mind. You still felt like shit despite the dream. Very funny, brain. As Medic was staring at his hands, you took the time to sit in silence and observe his face. He had a five o'clock shadow and droopy eyes of his own. You looked down and saw that even the tie for his vest was slightly shambled. I get you man, I know how you feel. Then, he looked up at you.

"Uh, (Y/)-Strategist. Do jou, auhm, feel okay?" Medic looked up, slightly stumbling over his words. I don't understand. Your headache crashed like another wave, the medicine would take time to take effect, even in a dream. It kind of makes sense, as you need the medicine to help your brain and all. Either way, it really hurt. In response to the pain, you placed a hand gently on your forehead.

"Um, I hope I will be, if that answers your question Medic," you looked up at him with a slightly apologetic half-smile.

"Vell, yes but no. I meant, erm, emotionally. I just noticed jou aren't acting like I know jou to." He kept fidgeting with his glasses. They never seemed to sit right to him.

"What do you mean?" Archimedes flew back and paced along your right shoulder a bit before settling down. Medic eyed the bird before looking back at you as if he was trying to figure out what to say. When the wave of pain passed, you stroked the dove on your shoulder. It didn't complain.

"Ah, well. Jou aren't as strong headed today. Jou know, usually jou defy everyzhing." You raised your eyebrow. "Vell, no. Zhat's not vhat I mean, I-"

"I know what you mean Medic. I noticed it, too. I'm sorry for the way I acted," you bowed your head. "I wasn't kind to you or the others. I wanted to push you all away, because I couldn't bring myself to try to trust any of you. I'm not good at new relationships with people. I want to put my best self forward, but in all of my worrying about how I appear I forget to connect with others. You were right, I let the pride get the better of me, because I still want to do the things I thought I could on my own. I couldn't tell you why I'm this way, or well, hopefully I can just change. Anyway, it was a lot at once to be pushed into this whole situation and then worry about nine grown men and lie to my friends and family back home. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it, but lately it's been as if I don't want to get the hang of it. I'm the supposed Strategist, level-headed, and yet I can't help but be quick-tempered lately. I'm especially sorry for lashing out at you when I had little to no reason, Medic. I wanted to honestly apologize for disrespecting you that night. I wanted to back out of it after I said those words, but the damage was done. I was exhausted, but that doesn't give me the excuse to be rude." Your voice died in your throat, and you felt tears prick the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall. Archimedes headbutted you a couple of times, cooing in a concerned way. You felt a hand place itself gently on your left shoulder and you flinched as finger lift your chin up.

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"Look me in zhe eyes (Y/N)," Medic spoke softly. Your eyes met his. A tear fell down your cheek and he wiped it away for you. "I forgive you, and I'm sorry as vell. I shouldn't haff treated you in zhe way I did. Jou're right jou shouldn't haff acted zhe way jou did when ve tried to help, but no one should haff pushed you. I zhink ve both let our emotions get zhe better of us. I get it, jou vouldn't vant to trust a bunch of new people, adults no less!" He let out a small chuckle. "I put a lot of pressure on jou vhen I shouldn't haff. I can't expect jou to be perfect." He lowered his hand from your chin and Archimedes pecked at it. He lightly scorned the dove and smiled.

"I really just wanted to do something good, and instead I keep royally screwing up and concerning the others." You let out a breath. "I put up walls and instead of helping the others tear them down I forced myself to relentlessly fortify them. I'm not good at this."

"I'm not good at zhis either. I'm much better at healing and hurting zhan I am trying to talk like zhis. Vhat matters is zhat jou let us finish our mission of tearing zhe walls down." You smiled and nodded.

"No doubt about that."

"Hah, ja. Jou shouldn't be upset about messing up, though. Jou haffen't even had jour first battle yet. No vone should expect jou to be a perfect level-headed being of some sort."

"I guess so. I just push myself too hard, but I think that if I don't I won't be able to reach my full potential, y'know?" Medic nodded.

"I know vhat jou mean, but how could jou do zhe best jou can vhen jou push jouself too hard? Look vhere zhat got jou."

"You're right. I just wish I could figure this out for myself before pushing myself through all of this mess."

"Ah, vell. Pushing jourself into messes is vhat makes jou better, right? Besides, jou don't need to push jourself in such crazy vays. Jou haff us to teach jou vhat to do before jou do it. Ja?"

"Yeah. You're right, Medic. Hah, between you and me, I like this version of you versus the one that's real."

"Hm, vell ja zhis is just a dream unfortunately, but who says jour Medic can't be like me?"

"For one he's insane." Medic gave a hearty chuckle. It just feels so much more real and... innocent when he laughs compared to the Medic outside of my head.

"Zhat's true, but an insane friend is better zhan an insane enemy, ja?"

"Heh, 'Ja'. I wish I was kinder to him, but it's hard. I don't know him that well and the only experiences we've had together have been, well,... they turn out dramatic and awkward."

"I know it's hard. Jou're both humans vith flaws. It'll take time to get in synch vith each other, but I promise jou it vill be vorth it. Just take everyzhing as it goes and try to handle it zhe best jou can. Besides, I'll always be here vhen jou need me."

"Thank you, but who are you? You don't seem like a normal dream for me. This conversation is too real. Why do you look like Medic?"

"I'm more or less a representation of jour soul. As for vhy I look like jour Medic, I cannot tell jou. I know my purpose here is to talk vith jou vhen jou need it. It's veird, I know."

"No, no. I mean, yeah it's sort of weird," you both laugh. "But, I like being able to talk to someone like this, even if it's really only myself. It's easier to follow through or believe what someone else says rather than my own thoughts. Or, at least for me." He laughed and you joined.

"Vell, it's almost time for jou to get up, ja? I zhink vith zhe doctor's medicine jou'll feel a lot better. Just remember to come back and we'll chat anytime ja?"

"This'll definitely be different, but because of how much better I feel, I will. I'll try to at least, and I'll try to be better to Medic."

"Zhat's good. Try to be better to everyvone zhough, not just jour Medic, okay?"

"You got it, boss."

Without warning, Medic stood up and pulled you into a hug you didn't know you needed. You weren't much of a hugger, but this one felt comforting, protective, and safe. Medic's arms were strong as they wrapped around you and you felt just that much more confident. You pressed your forehead into his chest and closed your eyes. It was nice for once to not have to worry about anything and just hug someone who cares for you.

-+-+-

You opened your eyes, waking up still slightly tired, but overall feeling much better. The MedBay was empty. You wanted to go back to that hug, but you didn't know how much time had passed while you were asleep. At least you know your soul is still strong, however weird it may be that it's represented as Medic for some reason. You didn't have time to ponder it anymore, though, because the real Medic walked in and noticed you were awake.