It took you at the very least ten minutes to get yourself together. Who cares if they talk to you? You don't need them. No, I don't want to think of that, because it's not true and I don't want to start believing that. Just, we need to get back to school work. I have to be really behind schedule.

You unceremoniously plopped yourself into your chair, checking the time on the alarm clock sitting on your bedside table. It was about three o'clock. You rubbed your eyes once more, having to stop yourself from scratching them, because they were irritated. You blew your nose and tossed it into the trash can under your desk before opening up your computer. Logging into your school account on Peak Learning, your year flashes before you showing how you were slowly falling behind schedule like you were slowly losing your grip. A flutter of panic shivered throughout your body. You shook most of it off before searching for the most important thing to do. Unfortunately, it was a close call. History, English, Science, and Math slowly surrounded you and were closing in on you like a pack of hungry wolves. You were the sheep with barely anything to hold them off. Math was the wolf closest to you, so you clicked into it to see the most immediate thing threatening your grade.

It was something called Quadratic Equations and dealt with a zeroing method of some sort to solve or square something. You were fairly intimidated without knowing what much to do with this crazy math presenting itself to your eyes. You scanned the resources the program gave you to help you learn how to do this crazy thing, but you were met with little success. It looked like you had to go online for this today. You opened another tab and went to YouTube. Moving your mouse to the search bar a thumbnail caught your eye. The video said it was a "Kill Count" of one of the horror movies you liked. It wasn't very long, and you had time so you clicked on it. It was surprisingly funny and informative, the host being one of your new favorite people. Suddenly, twenty minutes had passed and you already felt so much better. It crossed your mind that you should be doing math right now, but it didn't actually seem that hard and you had plenty of time until you had to sleep. One more wouldn't affect too much, so you clicked on another and had a great time.

It was only when someone's hand knocked on your door that you realized hours had passed and it was many movies later. Oh fuck nuggets. What did I do? Light-hearted reaction aside, the flutter of panic returned at it brought its friend disappointment. Oh no, oh shit oh no! What have I done? Why did I let myself waste my day on this? God I'm such a fuck up! Why did this happen? The knock sounded again, once more snapping you back into reality.

"I-It's open!" You called to the door and a texan slipped inside smiling slightly.

"Ah called ya for dinner, but ya didn't come to the table so I came to check on ya. Are ya ready?"

"Um," you voice cracked so you stopped short. Shit, I'm embarrassing myself, why do I do this? Your eyes burned and you blinked looking down while trying to keep the oncoming waterfalls back. Why am I such a crybaby? When you looked up, Engie was sitting on the edge on your bed next to you. He was leaned in slightly with his head cocked to the side slightly to meet your eyes. You looked up to him, frantically looking away from his gaze in an attempt to keep him from seeing your tears. As if that helped. Why do these situations happen to me? I can't keep doing this! I just need him gone so I can learn my lesson and finish the math I have left before I get too tired!

"Darlin', you should know by now that I'm here for you to ta speak to me. Come on, what's botherin' ya?" Engie asked, his voice soft and low giving off a calming feeling. It helped, but you didn't know if you wanted to tell him what was really bothering you, how you were feeling like everything was slipping through your fingers and your attempts were too feeble to catch it. You couldn't bring yourself to make the words, so you just shook your head slowly. Engie sighed, leaning back and taking his hat off. He set a gloved hand on his forehead and sat in silence. This wasting time, it's awkward, and I have to get him out of here. "I can't help ya unless you tell me what's wrong," Engie added. Maybe I don't want your help. I can take of this myself, do you mind?

"I'm sorry," you whimpered into the air. You weren't at the point of uncontrollable hiccuping and noises yet, but you were nearing it so you had to get him to go.

"Well?"

"It's just math. I d-don't really know why I'm upset. I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry you. It might just be hormones," you gave him your most really laugh you could muster. It didn't seem like he was convinced, but he didn't press you and instead changed the subject:

"So, do ya want me to help with it?" His voice strained to sound more cheerful. I do, but I'm not weak. I can do this on my own.

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"No, no I'll be fine I promise. I just have to refresh my memory and I'll be good to go." You impressed yourself with your ability to keep your voice level. It was as if you were feeling better already. You were a great actor.

"Ya sure? Don't lie to me now." You gave him a smile and wiped your old tears away when new ones were on their way.

"I'm sure." He didn't show on his face whether or not he really believed it, but he let it go nonetheless.

"Alright, well the guys are probably mostly done by now, so I'll bring a plate to ya. Be sure to let me know if you have any math questions, I am the Engineer y'know." Together you laughed slightly with him as he stood up and left, but not without sending a glance back at you.

He left the door slightly cracked. You took the chance to let the tears fall in your bathroom for some kind of power-cry, trying to force them out of you and get yourself together before he got back. You shook yourself and quickly washed your face. Feeling slightly better, but not really, you sat back down at your desk. Footsteps traveled from the MedBay heading towards the kitchen. At the same time, footsteps echoed their way in the opposite direction. That's when you heard Medic stop Engie.

"Vhat happened?" Medic's voice was as stern as ever.

"Strategist was doing math homework and accidentally missed dinner. Ah was bringing her some food," Engie replied unfazed.

"If she vas hungry she could just get food herself. Zhis is zhe second time jou've done zhis. Vhat happened?" I know you know Engie, just please don't tell Medic of all people! I would say to tell anyone else but they'd probably tell him! That hope died as you heard Engie sigh.

"Look, she said she was doin' math, but she had no notes and her screen was on YouTube. I thought maybe she didn't understand it and was tryin' to figure it out on her own, so Ah was plannin' on helpin' her later if she asked. Ah just didn't want to force her to do somethin' she was all that com'terble with." Oh if only you really knew.

"Oh please, she's foolish but not stupid. She know she can ask jou. Clearly she just let herself get caught up in somezhing and didn't do anyzhing. She's just upset she didn't get anyzhing done and got caught up in her feelings. It's a pride thing."

"Well Doc, Ah-" You stopped listening. A pride thing? I'm mad at myself for not getting important stuff done! How is that prideful?

You turned in a silent huff back to your math and grabbed your notebook and a pencil. Putting your earbuds in, you watched the first math video you found. I don't need anybody's help for this. I can't believe Engie told him!

Unconcerned with anything else, you plowed through different videos but still kept getting answers wrong. Once you were fed up with them, you turned to just websites instead of YouTube. You searched for answers fruitlessly for what felt like hours. You didn't stop, but you couldn't stop. You felt like you had to figure this out and finish this up before it was too late! You didn't let anything else cross your mind, it was just math. Soon the only thing in your life that you were concerned about were those two little squares you need for the equation, even ignoring your stomach's desire for dinner. When you guess five, it was four. When you thought maybe it could have been ten, it wasn't even an answer on the multiple choice question. You were missing something that the websites didn't explain; that the YouTube videos didn't bother mentioning. Each wrong answer slowly chipped away your sanity, but oh no you would figure it out! Even when you managed to somehow get a question right you knew you just guessed. You weren't there for guessing anymore oh no. You were there to never get another answer wrong ever again on this topic.

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Only when it was pitch dark outside did you finally have it figured out. The whole process seemed so easy to you now, but it took too long to figure it out. You leaned back into your chair, staring up at the ceiling. You stretched and your elbow bumped a plate slightly. You looked at it and recognized it as the food Engie brought you. I must have so caught up in math that I didn't even notice him come in and set this beside me. You placed your hands in your hair and let yourself cry freely like the crybaby you were. There's no reason to cry, but I really am prideful just like Medic said. Engie just wanted to help wear he could, but I pushed him away to prove something that wasn't worth proving. I put myself through this mess just to finish it myself and did a poor job. I didn't treat Engie well, I pushed him away when he wanted to help my succeed out of my own selfish desire to do it my own. Hell, I've been a jerk to Medic too. Sure, he's controlling and pushy, but I should be able to control the way I react to that. I let my pride get in the way of resolving an argument peacefully by fighting back at him.

You caught tears in your hands. The wolves weren't your subjects coming for you, there was only one wolf. It waited in the shadows for you, Pride waited for the right moments to control you. Now that you knew you were ashamed of yourself. You hugged yourself with your knees to your chest. I've been avoiding schoolwork because people knew I'd get it done. They wouldn't hold me accountable for it, but now my grades could slip. I thought I had time when in reality time didn't care about me.

How do I fix this? I don't want to be prideful. Sure, I could try getting better at how I deal with Medic being an ass, but that doesn't change how I react to things like this. I can only be so watchful of myself. Maybe, I could ask Engie for help. I don't know if he wants to do it. Honestly, I don't think I really trust anyone else except maybe Heavy to help me with this. To watch and make sure I don't do something stupid. Maybe that would be too weird. I don't know, but I need help. I don't know...

You fell to sleep, the plate untouched and cold.