I’m feeling a bit too antsy to just sit still and meditate, so decide to do something useful: moving my store of firewood under shelter.

I hadn’t done it before because there was no space in the alcove and I didn’t want to overflow into Kalanthia’s area – I don’t think she’d be happy with that. And putting it in my Inventory means that it isn’t able to dry any more than it already is. But now I have this convenient little space, keeping my firewood dry is actually feasible. That will be especially useful in the rainy winter.

The physical activity is perfect for contemplation. It takes almost no brain-power to move firewood, only a little being reserved for making sure the logs are stacked in a way that means they’re not likely to fall. The rest of my focus can therefore be on working through what just happened to me.

Deciding that ripping the bandaid off is the most effective solution, I focus on the core of the issue, the thought that had sent me reeling away from the fire with my hands shaking and my legs feeling weak.

I almost lost my sense of self and became part of the fire. And I can’t help but think that it might have even been on a permanent basis.

But what does that mean? If it hadn’t started licking at my clothes and jarred me out of that state, what would have happened? Would my body have dissolved into flames? Or would it have been left there, mindless, as my consciousness lost all connection with it?

And what would have happened when the fire went out? Would my mind have returned to my body, should it still have been present? Or would my mind be snuffed out with the flames, rejoining the greater Fire in whatever way normal flames do?

Perhaps it’s not useful to think of such what ifs, but I feel like I need to. That I need to work through what could have happened emotionally.

I could have lost everything. Because, ultimately, without my sense of self, what am I? I can replace tools, clothes, furniture, shelter. But I can’t replace friends. And I can’t replace myself.

I suddenly sense that I’m touching on something with that thought, but it vanishes even as I chase after it.

Giving up after a few fruitless attempts to follow the idea, I sigh and return to the issue at hand.

I feel like…. It’s almost like some part of me was pulled adrift, askew – like a tablecloth tugged sideways off a table. It’s still on the table, but not as it was before, not hanging evenly on all sides and smooth across the top. The physical activity and contemplation is helping, like somehow each minute that passes twitches the tablecloth back into position, its well-worn creases settling over the edges and corners of the table as always.

I know I said to River that I’d be done as soon as possible, but I can’t help settling on the ground near the entrance to the cave when I’m done with moving the firewood. Closing my eyes, I drop into my Core space.

It’s only when I see my internal matrix with the burning sun of my Core that I realise I didn’t even take a single deep breath, let alone any other form of clearing my mind.

Actually, it’s funny. I remember back to when I first got the ability to see connections around me, back in the cage in the middle of the lizard-folk village. I had to focus on clearing my mind, relaxing my thoughts, and paying attention to my breathing for quite a while before it worked. When I first discovered my Core space, it wasn’t much different.

Now, though, I can slip into either state as easily as breathing, merely needing to close my eyes and concentrate to get here. Am I even meditating any more?

I pause on that thought, observing the flow of Energy around my matrix. What is Meditation? And is it the same as meditation anymore?

The movement of Energy is like a pulse, like the internal matrix truly is the network of blood vessels that I’ve compared it to many times, and my Core is the heart. The golden light rushes towards my Core in a small wave, then rushes away from it as if pushed. It’s not all that dissimilar to what happened when I levelled up, actually, just on a much, much smaller scale.

Curiosity suffuses me. I know this isn’t what I came here to do, but I can’t help wanting to satisfy my desire to know. Pulling out of my Core space, I take a moment to slow my breathing, to calm my mind.

And then, instead of diving into my Core space, appearing there abruptly, I…drift downwards. Like a burning fragment of ash through the air.

The ultimate destination is the same, but I feel different about it. Like I am now, I’m calmer than before, more peaceful. And interestingly, I feel the connections leading out of my body more strongly. I’m inordinately tempted to follow the connections I sense are my Bound, perhaps repeating what I did with Fenrir once.

Later, I promise myself. When I’ve at least warned them I’ll be trying something. I wouldn’t want to accidentally disrupt them in the middle of a fight, after all. The thought sobers me and I return back to the centre of my Core space from where I was drifting to the outer reaches.

At first glance nothing has changed. The Core is still ‘beating’; the ripples are still moving back and forth like waves on a beach.

What has changed, I realise, is the intensity of the waves. Now the waves moving towards my Core are at least twice as big. Increased Energy absorption? I wonder to myself. I guess that proves something: it’s not necessary to use Meditation to get to my Core space, but it is if I want to gain the benefit of the Energy absorption.

Can I gain the benefit while moving? I wonder thoughtfully. If I could, would I sky-rocket my ability to gain Energy for levelling up? It’s worth a go.

Trying to maintain the same feeling of peace and tranquillity, I slowly open my eyes. I attempt to avoid concentrating on anything in particular, focussing on my breathing and relaxing my mind.

Slowly, I roll myself to my hands and knees and then push myself to standing. It takes me about five times as long as it normally would, but I sense that I haven’t pulled completely out of Meditation. Pulling up my status screen, I can’t help but grin as I see it.

Name: Markus Wolfe

Race: Human

Class: Tamer

Level: 13

Energy to next level: 10%

Energy absorption rate: 56u/hr

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Energy towards debt: 84% (254)

Intelligence

36

Mana: 540/540 (15u/IP)

Wisdom

40

Mana regeneration rate: 1000u/hr

Willpower

42+8 (+20%)

Health regeneration rate: 40u/hr (-20%)

Constitution

20

Health: 200/200

Strength

20

Stamina: 113/120

Dexterity

20

Stamina regeneration rate: 200u/hr

Class skills

Dominate – Novice 7

*Companion Bond

Tame – Beginner 9

Fade – Initiate 3

Inspect Fauna – Beginner 6

Inspect Flora – Beginner 8

Inspect Environment – Beginner 8

Fire-Taming – Beginner 2

Non-Class skills

Flesh-Shaping – Journeyman 3

Stealth – Novice 3

Animal Empathy – Initiate 1

Meditation – Initiate 9

Energy Manipulation – Journeyman 9

Sensation Management – Beginner 5

Spearmanship – Beginner 5

Archery – Beginner 3

Blunt Weaponry – Beginner 5

Short Blades – Beginner 1

The fact that my Energy absorption rate is at fifty-six units per hour instead of thirty-five indicates success, even if not full success. Thanks to my gains at Beginner and Novice levels, I should be earning a hundred and thirty-five percent more Energy per hour when Meditation is fully active. But even if I’m not earning that much more, I’m still earning more Energy than I would normally, proving that it is possible to use Meditation while moving.

Of course, my excitement at realising that sends my sense of peace and tranquillity vanishing like fog under the hot sun, and my Energy absorption rate drops back to its normal level. But that’s OK – I just need to practise.

While I’m practising, I consider something else that I’ve been meaning to try. Only being able to heal while concentrating fully on my target is a bit of a drawback which I’d like to see if I can overcome. After all, if Meditating is possible while moving, surely healing is too.

And isn’t it fortunate that I have some new burns here to deal with? Actually, I’d almost forgotten the burns in the excitement of River’s and my own experiments. Yes, they hurt, but they’re only first-degree burns, and my pain tolerance is pretty high by this point.

Instead of closing my eyes and dedicating all my focus to the task, I try to draw the mana out of my Core and through my internal matrix just standing here and staring into space.

It’s hard, very hard. It’s just as difficult as trying to heal my Bound at a distance, though in a different way.

That’s difficult because it’s like trying to use a long pole with a pen on the end of it to write on a board – the fine detail becomes increasingly trickier the longer the distance. This, however, is difficult because it requires me to split my attention in a way I’m not used to. Like trying to have a conversation with someone at the same time as trying to solve complex maths problems. Possible, because they’re two different subjects and use different parts of the brain, but not easy.

Still, the chances are that practice makes perfect, so the more I do it, the more likely it is that I’ll be able to use this in a combat situation. Ultimately, that’s what I need to aim for in order to be at least as effective as I was with Lay-on-hands.

So, despite the way it makes my head feel like it’s being split with my own stone axe, I refuse to close my eyes, clenching my fists and furrowing my brow as I try to cope with two different sets of inputs at the same time.

I don’t know if I’m surprised, relieved, or simply unmoved by my success, because as my burns start healing, I’m just concentrating too hard to take note of my emotional reaction. By the time I’ve moved onto the third burn, it’s starting to get easier. Perhaps because, having done one burn, it’s simpler to do others. Or perhaps I’m getting used to it – I never realised that directing healing with my mind would be comparable to working out in the gym, but it is.

As the task becomes easier for me to do, I challenge myself further, beginning to actually move and continue my task of shifting the firewood logs between one pile and the other.

This is even more of a challenge, and I mostly move on autopilot, the odd disruption of logs dropping on my feet or splinters piercing my fingers threatening to tip me off this delicate balance. But I keep going doggedly until, finally, my fingers grasp at empty air and my mana fails to heal.

It’s only then that I realise I’ve both moved all the firewood and healed all the burns.

The corners of my mouth tug upwards tiredly. I have a splitting headache, like someone truly has taken my axe and got their kicks out of cleaving my head with it. I consider trying to use mana to deal with the headache, but refrain. Something tells me that this kind of pain isn’t actually anything that mana is going to be able to fix. If I’m unlucky, it would actually make things worse.

I do want to make sure that I haven’t accidentally done myself any damage, though, both from this particular activity as well as from the fire earlier.

Dropping into my Core space – without Meditating this time – I do a quick scan over myself.

No problems as far as I can see, I conclude after completing my inspection. My Fire Taming Skill seems to have grown a little, taking up just a touch more space than it had been doing before. I examine it a little longer, moving around so I can see it from different angles.

After a while, I give up, dissatisfied. It’s changed a little, but I can’t work out exactly how or what the implications are of the changes. Perhaps it will become clearer later. At any rate, it proves that what I did with the fire has had an impact. A good one or not, we’ll see.

Interestingly, Energy Manipulation – or the dense interwoven lines I’m pretty sure belong to that Skill, anyway – has grown too. I guess that’s normal. I don’t think I’ve received any notification, though, so it obviously hasn’t crossed from Journeyman into the next rank yet.

A quick look over to the void area proves that nothing’s changed in that region, either. I make a mental note to do some experiments on that this evening – I have some ideas from increasing my Wisdom that I’d like to try.

Opening my eyes, I pick up my stick and poke my drying hide a bit more, eyeing the fire. Risks aside, both physical and mental, I do feel like I’ve made a bit of a break-through with my understanding of fire. Where it will take me, though, is another question. Where I want it to take me is again a separate matter.

Honestly, I’d still like to try for Fire-Shaping. Fire Taming is potentially good, but it seems far more limited. I can think of so many applications for Fire-Shaping, but I don't know if Fire Taming will be able to fulfil them. And I have a deadline: the time I have to complete the quest ticks down one more day every morning.

The reason I have for wanting Fire-Shaping before then is linked to the vine-stranglers. They are both an obstacle in my way, and the threat to River’s village – dealing with them would kill two birds with one stone.

Since they seem so flammable, fire is the obvious solution. But I have no desire to create another forest fire. A fire like that is indiscriminatory and will hurt friend just as easily as foe. Furthermore, from River’s own experience with a forest fire I could end up hurting lots of lizard-folk with my attempt to save them.

While killing off the whole village arguably solves the issue with Kalanthia, I have a feeling that River would be…upset. And it’s not like that would be any better a solution than just letting her take her due from the village in the first place.

So, if I start a fire, it needs to be one I can control. If I can Tame the fire sufficiently to be able to do that, then great. However, I suspect that I can’t. Not without significantly more points in Willpower, anyway. The small campfire I lit was loath to give up its fuel, and only did so in exchange for some mana to burn instead. How much more difficult to control would be a forest fire?

All that is why I’ve decided to continue meditating on fire in the hopes of either deepening my connection to fire, making it easier to Tame, or expanding Fire Taming into Fire-Shaping fully. Of course, whether even Fire-Shaping would enable me to be capable of controlling a forest fire is another question.

The risks are worth the potential benefits, I decide, unconsciously nodding in agreement with my own thoughts. But forewarned is hopefully forearmed; I don’t want to experience the realisation I had while kneeling in the fire.

That I could have lost it all and not even known it.