It’s an idea. Is it a good one, though?

Although using Dominate on myself might offer the potential of healing my soul, it might also cause some significant problems. What would a Bond with myself entail? Who would I even be facing? My shadow-self? My evil-twin. My good-twin?

Or would something else happen? What if triggering Dominate on myself caused some catastrophic failure which essentially rendered me brain-dead? Or if I successfully finished the Battle of Wills, some self-continuing feedback loop eventuated which trapped me in the role of the Bound at the same time as the Binder and unable to be either.

The potential downsides are almost enough to make me dismiss the notion as an option at all. The only thing that stops me from deciding to move onto another idea is the question about what else to try.

I’ve spoken to Kalanthia, and she has no ideas – soul damage is not something she is at all familiar with. I’ve checked with River, and even Bastet. No dice. I’ve tried everything I can think of, and none of it has worked.

The only thing I haven’t yet tried is levelling up and committing all my points to Willpower, looking to see what happens to the Energy and trying to mimic it. The problem with that is that I’m still a long way from earning enough Energy to do that – I check my status screen; my progress is at twelve percent.

I suppose that if I spent time in Meditation, I would gain more Energy…but as of yet, I can only move slowly and do actions which don’t require much thought to maintain the state…. I’ve got a lot of things to do which will take my full concentration, meaning I can’t be in Meditation for them.

My Bound’s hunting does help, of course, as does my natural daily absorption. By using Meditation as much as possible, I suppose I might be able to level up in ten days or so. But what if that doesn’t work? What if I pour my six level-up points into Willpower, and don’t learn enough to heal myself? Worse, what if some of the points get lost by the Energy being sucked into the blackness? Or if it damages me further?

Then, at best, I’ll be back at square one, facing this same dilemma but with fewer days to go until the quest deadline. At worst, I’ll have even more damage to heal, and no sure way of doing so.

I agonise over the decision. Using Dominate on myself is so uncertain. These potential consequences I’m considering are simply based on my own fears – I simply don’t have enough knowledge to give any realistic estimates.

My estimation of the potential consequences of levelling up and putting points in Willpower are a lot more based on what I’ve seen and what I feel. I’ve seen Energy disappear into the void; I’ve sensed that increasing my Willpower, especially so significantly, is more than likely to damage it further.

Trying to mitigate the damage by only adding a couple of points to Willpower isn’t something I consider for long – seeing how much information I gained from solely levelling Wisdom has convinced me that it would be a good idea to commit a level up at some point to each stat so I can learn exactly what they’re doing to my internal systems.

Even though I’ve kind of seen that already with my physical stats, I’d still be interested in doing it with them too – now they’ve reached the limit of what is naturally possible, I’d be curious to see if anything has changed about how they’re increased.

But all of that is beside the point. I need to decide whether to go forward with my idea of trying to Dominate my reflection, or not.

Racked with indecision, I end up entering Meditation and slipping slowly into my Core space. Drifting over to the knot of Energy channels which make up Dominate, I eye them, wondering if they might give me an indication of what might happen if I try to use the Skill on myself.

Of course, it would be a massive disappointment if, after all this time spent going over whether to do it or not, I chose to do it and found that it was impossible to conduct a Battle of Wills with myself. Honestly, though, when I think about it, that’s probably the most likely result.

In my meditative state which has followed me even into this other space, I go over the Energy channels, tracing them like I might trace an etching with my fingers. It’s interesting how, as I’ve become more familiar with Meditation, Energy Manipulation, and my Core space, they’ve become more distinct from each other. At the beginning, they all melded into each other; now I can use each Skill separately. And do.

As I trace the Skill, holding the question in my mind of whether I can safely try Dominate on myself, I find that an answer starts coming to me.

Or, not an answer, exactly. It’s not like my Skill starts speaking to me and telling me what would happen. Instead, I become more and more convinced that it’s possible, and without immediate risk. I do get the sense that there probably is some risk attached, but nothing that will immediately trigger just by using the Skill.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

So perhaps no feedback loop of brain death.

The fact that I still feel that there are probably some risks to this process isn’t so heartening, but I suppose that there are risks to everything. Certainly, my only other idea of levelling up is risky too.

I pull out of my Core space and open my eyes. I’m still feeling the floaty, peaceful sense of being in a light meditative state – somehow it’s a little easier to consider the decision without all my emotions of fear and dread attached. I idly resolve to practise entering this state as much as possible – beyond the Energy gain, the clarity of thought is definitely appreciated.

My fears about an immediate failure, catastrophic or otherwise, when first activating Dominate seem to be unfounded. However, that still leaves the questions of who exactly I’ll be facing, and what the consequences of a successful Battle of Wills would be.

But without the fear of immediately lobotomising myself the moment I activate Dominate, I’m more willing to give it a go. After all, as always, if I feel that I can’t or don’t want to move forward, I can always exit the space.

And who knows; perhaps just being in the space will allow me to work on my soul damage. Perhaps I don’t need to actually Dominate myself successfully to do it.

My mind made up, I stand and go into the alcove. I brought my shaving kit with me – not that I’ve used it, despite my vague plans of evening my beard out from where it’s half-burned – and there’s a mirror inside the box. It’s only when I open the box that I realise there’s also a block of shaving soap there.

I slap a hand to my forehead: all that work to make some soap when I’d actually brought it with me in the first place! I haven’t bothered trying to shave since being here, so this is the first time I’ve opened the box and reminded myself of its presence.

I make a mental note that it exists, not wanting to forget about it again, but withdraw the mirror from the box for now. Going back outside, I take a seat.

Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I meet my own eyes in the mirror. Am I really going to do this? I ask myself a final time. Then, my resolve firming again, I focus and speak quietly.

“Dominate.”

The space is different from usual. That’s immediately evident.

I’m not facing myself, or anything, actually. Instead, I’m alone in a grey, featureless area. I can’t tell how far it extends, since it starts becoming misty from the tips of my fingers outwards; only the area directly around me is clear. It feels like I’m standing in a fogbank, but even the ground beneath my feet is grey. It feels secure, but doesn’t appear to be – I quickly look back up, unnerved despite myself.

Turning on the spot, a nasty thought suddenly occurs. If there’s nowhere to move towards…there’s also nowhere to move away from. How am I supposed to exit this space?

I try to move one way, then the other. The area of clear space moves with me, the misty area around me unchanging, making me feel like I’m walking but going nowhere. I’m starting to panic when a screen suddenly appears in front of my eyes.

Challenge initiated: level one

Commence challenge / Leave arena

“Challenge? What challenge?” I ask, though the words come out…strangely. Instead of vocalisations I hear with my ears, they seem to resonate with something else.

To my utter lack of shock, there is no response from the box in front of me. However, its presence is comforting. First, it offers me a way out. Second, the fact that it’s there at all suggests that this is actually a legitimate use of Dominate – I haven’t gone completely off-piste and into pastures new. Given how much else I’ve learned that apparently Nicolas’s world didn’t know about, this is reassuring.

I shrug to myself and pick the first option. I’ve come this far; why not see what else this new use of the Skill has to offer? I suspect that picking the second would just take me back to my body, so there’s no point in doing that right now.

A new box appears in front of me.

Error

Damage to the soul detected. Risks of damage to the soul as a result of the challenge are therefore multiplied tenfold.

Do you wish to commence the challenge regardless of the damage?

Y/N?

I hesitate, but then shake my head, frustration and disappointment mounting inside me. So this is a legitimate use of Dominate, but I can’t do it with my soul in the state it is. I don’t know what the original risk is, but for it to be multiplied tenfold is just too much to chance.

Selecting ‘no’, another box appears.

Challenge declined.

Do you wish to remain in the soul space or leave it? Note, you can leave at any time by stating ‘leave soul space’. If you decide to commence the challenge again, you must leave the soul space and reenter it.

Remain in soul space / leave soul space.

My flagging spirits perk up at this. So I don’t have to leave entirely? Now I know that it’s possible to leave, I find that I don’t want to. When I spoke, I felt something resonate, something which I’ve only felt once before. I’m suddenly convinced that this might be the key to my problem.

Choosing to remain in the soul space, the box disappears. The grey mist, once so foreboding, is suddenly alluring, seeming less like it’s hiding dangers and more that it contains secrets waiting to be revealed.

Still not focussing too much on what is beneath me, I settle down to the ground in a cross-legged position.

Right, let me see what I can do here.