River rears back from me.
Master, it’s not necessary, he says, a hint of pleading in his voice.
“River…it is.” When he looks like he’s about to argue with me, I hold up a hand to stop him. “Even if you don’t think it’s necessary for you, it is for me. I just don’t know how much of this is genuine, and how much is the Bond,” I tell him, gesturing between us. “I’ve said before that as soon as all debts were cleared between us, I would release you from the Bond. Now that the Forest of Death has been destroyed and your village is safe, that time is now.
“However,” I continue, looking seriously at him and pushing my sincerity down the Bond so it is unmistakable. “I want to again make it very clear that this is in no way intended as a punishment. Or a case of trading you in for a new samuran. I will say it now that my ideal situation is that you wish to Bond again afterwards, whether Tame or Companion Bond, and that we can continue as we have been. I only want that, though, if it’s what you want too.
“So, please, take your time to think. Make sure that if you choose to Bond again, it’s purely because you feel it will be most beneficial to you.”
There’s a short pause as River just looks at me silently, emotions flickering so quickly through the Bond and over his spikes that I have no chance of interpreting them.
But…what about the village? River asks hesitantly. I look at him quizzically.
“What about them?”
If I chose not to Bond again with you, would you…? Would you change your plans? I consider his question, then give a slight shrug.
“If you’re concerned that I would leave them to the tender mercies of Kalanthia if you chose not to continue as part of my group, then no. I’ve invested enough time and effort already in them; I might as well see it through to the end. I need to discuss with that herbalist of yours about it all, but one way or another, I’ll take over the village. How much of a part of that you wish to be is up to you.”
I consider it carefully for a moment. “I don’t think you need to worry about Kalanthia attacking you despite not being Bound to me – you’ve already ‘paid’ your dues. No, as long as you don’t actively work against me in the village, you’d be welcome to remain part of it, even if you don’t rejoin the group.”
But then I wouldn’t have the connection to everyone else that I currently have, he says softly.
“No,” I agree. “That’s true. But if you’ve got your village back, would you even need it? I’m not planning on being a very hands-on leader here, not once things have been set up more to my satisfaction, anyway. If you choose to stay and not Bond, you probably wouldn’t see the rest of us very often.”
I see, he replies neutrally. I can’t get a read on him. Well, I probably could if I dived deeply into the Bond, but given this whole thing is about severing that, I probably shouldn’t. Even if I am tempted – though I’m trying to keep cool about it, to not let on how my own emotions are in tumult, I can’t help the feeling of grief, of loss. It’s like my subconscious is already resigned to losing him, to him turning his back on me like too many friends and family members have done to me in the past.
“Do you have any other questions?” I ask, not sure whether I want the answer to be yes or no – whether I want the opportunity to procrastinate further, or be forced to just rip the band-aid off.
I do not, River answers, still just as unreadable as before. I give him a short nod.
“Alright. Brace yourself. When I did this with Bastet, it was very…unpleasant.” I see tension creep into the lines of his body. Then, unable to stop myself from closing my eyes, I focus on releasing the chain that stretches from my Core space to wrap around River.
The pain that hits me makes me groan quietly. It’s like the ache of losing a tooth combined with the wrench of saying goodbye to someone close who you know you will never see again. It feels like I’ve just watched a train pull out of a station carrying a close friend, destined for somewhere on the other side of the world, in a reality without the technology to keep communication.
The ache of the tooth eases after a few moments, but the gnawing ache of loss remains. It’s not as bad as the pain I still carry at the loss of either my mother or my father, but it’s not dissimilar.
I force my eyes open. River’s…Runs-with-the-river’s face is lined with pain too, his eyes full of it.
“How long will this last?” he asks, only my Animal Empathy allowing me to understand his words, just as it allows me to understand any other unBound samuran. His words sound flat in a way I’ve never noticed, the depth of emotions filtering through the Bond completely absent. It’s the same as with any other samuran without a Bond, but I’ve never experienced it with Ri-Runs-with-the-river.
“I don’t know,” I say, then, seeing the lack of understanding on his face, realise what I forgot to do. “I don’t know,” I repeat, focussing on letting him understand me. “It was painful with Bastet too, but we quickly Bonded again afterwards, so it didn’t linger. However, if this is soul-damage, which I suspect it is, it will get better – in time.”
How much time is indeed the question – I remember seeing how my soul had already started healing the damage I inflicted on myself with the Pure Energy, but not enough to start making any real difference.
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“I can have a look at what the damage is on my end of things, to get some sort of idea,” I offer.
“If you will,” Runs-with-the-river asks. It doesn’t suit him, this stilted politeness. I nod and am diving within myself before I consider that, now not one of my Bound at all, River has no restrictions on attacking me. When the thought does occur to me, already entering the soul space, I consider it and then push it to one side. My other Bound around would come to my aid if I needed it, I’m sure. And I can’t stand to think that River might attack me. Not River any more, I remind myself.
Seeing as I’m here, I might as well as check things out. Close inspection reveals that indeed there are small marks in the substance which makes up my soul. It’s like a chain has pulled free, taking a small chunk of soul with it. I suspect that it will take a few days to a couple of weeks to fill in again. And that’s with me intentionally releasing it. If it had been ripped out against my will, how much worse would the wound be?
I suspect that Runs-with-the-river’s wound is much worse. I can’t see his soul, but from what I’ve learned about the Bond, the effects are always worse on the Bound than on the Binder. I suppose I can understand Kalanthia’s anger more now that I can see that the Bond’s release has actually had a visible effect on my soul, and a probably far greater one on River’s. Runs-with-the-river’s.
Pulling out of my soul space, I sway a little in disorientation. Only having spent a short time there, the effect isn’t too bad. And, sending a frisson of relief and hope through me, the samuran is still sitting in front of me patiently, apparently not having moved.
I tell him my findings succinctly, not trying to soften them in any way. Better to know what he’s dealing with than to have false hope that the pain will resolve quicker than it probably will.
“I see,” he says finally, emotions once more flickering quickly through his spikes. “I wish to take advantage of your offer to think things over a little, if I may?”
“Of course,” I agree hurriedly. “And although you don’t need to feel obligated to do so, if you do decide to stay with us tonight, you’re welcome to eat the food available.”
“I thank you, Honoured Pathwalker,” he says, tipping up his chin briefly. “May I be excused?”
“Sure,” I agree again, watching as he steps away, joining the group around the carcasses. My eyes are narrowed, watching as he walks away. I see the pain still running through every line of his body – we’ve spent enough time together, and I’ve seen him suffering frequently enough that it’s unmistakable. Is that why he’s being so formal? Or is he just falling on old habits for lack of direction of what else to do?
Certainly, his final address indicated that, Bond or not, he recognised me as being at the same level as the leaders of his village, which I guess is a good sign. One, because it probably means that he doesn’t intend on obstructing my attempts to gain control of the village. Two, because it might indicate that he still considers me as part of his group, even if it’s the greater group rather than the smaller, more intimate one we’ve had for the past while.
Hope and despair war within me and I try to push them away. Denial of emotions isn’t great, I know, but wallowing in them is just as bad. I told River…Runs-with-the-river to take some time to think about it. That he hasn’t suddenly jumped to wanting a Bond straight after the last one was cut is a good thing – it means he actually wants to give this some thought. I should be glad of it – or so I tell myself.
Either way, until he comes to me and tells me straight out what his choice is, I can’t do anything about it. I might as well go and do something productive, namely speaking with the new Evolved samuran in our midst.
Pushing myself off the tree I started leaning on when I moved to enter my soul space, I head with determined footsteps to where Joy and the herbalist sit, a carcass sitting between them, apparently only for them. That makes my mouth tighten in displeasure.
Pausing before I get to them, I send an Inspect at the herbalist. Her head turns to look right at me, anger on her face and in her spikes. I only catch a glimpse of that before the box of information returned by the Skill appears in front of me.
Samuran: Grubs-in-the-dirt
Tier 2 Beast (Evolved)
Special abilities: Transmutation, Healing Infusion
Health: 540u
Mana: 1220u
Minimum Willpower recommended to Dominate without other impacting factors: 72 (70)
Open to a Bond: Uncertain
A member of a samuran community; one of its highest-ranking leaders. While this beast is mostly suited to non-combat activities, she can apply some of her special abilities in combat if necessary. Social Beast with a strong capacity to form bonds.
Close message? Y/N
The description is almost identical to that of Joy’s, but there are some key differences. Her name, for one – I get a moment of amusement at the image that it brings up. She has a little lower health and higher mana than Joy too, and the Willpower needed to Dominate her is higher, though still within my capabilities.
Then there’s the fact that she has two special abilities. I can kind of get what Healing Infusion probably does, but Transmutation is very intriguing. It actually sways me more towards wanting to let her live, just to see what that’s about.
I dismiss the screen to see her glaring at me. Apparently, she felt that.
Well, perhaps that’s not such a bad thing – it showcases that my abilities aren’t limited to fire and binding.
“So,” I say, moving forwards to sit next to the carcass, like the two Pathwalkers are. “Grubs-in-the-dirt is an interesting name.” I see her stiffen next to me – I gambled a bit on starting like that, judging from Joy’s reaction to me knowing her name. From the looks of it, though, it’s hit a mark.
Reaching forwards, I use my knife to cut a slice of the carcass off. Then, holding it between two fingers, I summon fire to surround it. It sizzles and I feel my fingers starting to burn from the heat of the meat itself. Not wanting to reveal pain and ruin the little scene I’m trying to create here, I reduce my pain sensation by a little – enough that I can keep a straight face without completely losing all sensation.
“Do you remember what exactly you were grubbing for at the time?” I ask as if I’m not grilling meat between my own fingers. Once it’s cooked enough, I dismiss the fire, then pop the meat straight in my mouth. Keeping my pain off my face and my fingertips hidden from her view, I send healing magic through my system to the burns I’ve just caused myself.
Perhaps that wasn’t terribly well-considered, but from the impressed look on both Pathwalkers’ faces, it’s certainly had the effect I wanted. Point to me.