This issue is, as always, the fact that I’m still suffering the consequences of absorbing too much Pure Energy. The twenty percent reduction to my Willpower, and thereby my Health regeneration rate, is a constant spectre which I don’t seem capable of exorcising.

From what I saw when I earned points to Strength and Dexterity, I’m losing part of the Energy that rushes through my inner world to the black void that is the result of the Pure Energy. I think it’s logical to say, therefore, that every level up I do while still suffering the reduction is partially wasted.

That’s simply not something I want to keep doing. I’ve already lost who knows how much in levelling up to twelve, most of those levels while suffering the effects of the Pure Energy. I didn’t have any choice then – it was level up or explode. I do have a choice now.

However, I’m not making much progress on fixing it, either. Which is to say ‘none’. I’ve tried feeding mana into the blackness, but it just seems to disappear, or be devoured or something. Either way, I haven’t felt that it’s improved in the slightest, and I’ve emptied my mana pool into it several times. Heck, I’ve probably fed enough mana into it to saturate the paranax corpse twice over, but still no sign of anything changing.

Oh well – at least all the using and refilling of my mana pool has done wonders for my Meditation Skill. I haven’t earned a new Masochist achievement, sadly, but perhaps an upgrade to that will come in time.

I’m also finding myself frustrated with my magical efforts. I still haven’t managed to ‘feel the earth’, despite trying. As for fire, that’s going better – I’ve certainly been able to ‘feel’ that, sense its connection to the world around and to me, but I haven’t yet found a way of actually asking or commanding it to do anything.

I’ve tried feeding mana to it, but, unlike with the corpses, I haven’t been able to move the mana past the surface of my skin. At least, not while being able to control it. I’ve managed to push bits of mana out, but they’ve just turned into uncontrollable ‘wisps’. The fire quite happily consumed those wisps, but it didn’t seem to offer me any sort of control in return.

I have to guess that it’s because I don’t have Fire-Shaping, or something similar, but Stealth along with my weapons Skills have proven that I’m able to get a Skill by practising actions relative to it. So I clearly haven’t proven enough competence to even get the Skill.

It’s that which makes me wonder whether I should level up and use the points to give me a better chance of succeeding in making a connection with the fire. Why am I so keen on getting Fire-Shaping? Because it will make at least one of my tasks much easier, probably multiple ones. And perhaps if I get Fire-Shaping, I’ll stand a better chance of understanding how to get Earth-Shaping, which would make at least one other task easier.

Another factor that I’ve been turning over in my mind with regard to levelling is that it could be useful to see how the mental and soul stats affect my inner world. Watching the Energy make changes to my Strength, Constitution, and Dexterity was very interesting, the Energy washing around my inner matrix and seeping into my body from there. I haven’t been able to use that knowledge yet in any sort of way, but I might be able to in the future, somehow.

I’d like to see whether Energy making changes to my Intelligence, Wisdom, or Willpower stats would be similar to what happened with my physical ones, or different. Perhaps it could even give me an idea about what I need to do.

My issue is that although I’d like to spread my points out evenly between all three stats, the nature of my level up doesn’t seem likely to tell me much if I do it. I was lucky when I was able to see how Strength and Dexterity changed my inner world: I earned each of those points individually.

On level up, I think that all changes essentially happen at once. Meaning that if I increased all three of my mental and soul stats, I’d end up seeing all the changes at once, rather than knowing which ones applied to which stat. While that might help me anyway, it would be less clear than if I could see each stat at a time.

But the problem there is that I’m not sure if I’ll be able to earn another level up before the quest. If I was going out hunting every day, I probably would be able to, despite the much higher Energy requirements per percentage point now that I’m level twelve. With me mostly spending my time crafting and meditating, though….

Actually, a thought suddenly occurs as I think about Meditation. I know what happens if I meditate while my mana pool is empty, but what happens if I meditate when it’s full?

It’s an interesting question. I sink into my inner world and just watch my Energy channels for a while. I’m intentionally not meditating, not properly. I’ve noticed the difference as I’ve increased my capabilities both with Energy Manipulation and Meditation itself.

Although at first entering my Core space was only possible with Meditation, now I’m capable of doing it at a much…greater level of awareness, I suppose. I remember when entering my Core space meant I was basically unaware of what was going around me.

Now it’s not like that. Or it doesn’t have to be, at least. I can dip into my Core space and watch the movements of Energy while still listening to a conversation, and be aware of movements around. I still can’t use my physical eyes and mental eyes at the same time, but perhaps I’ll get there.

Of course, there are consequences to not being so deeply engaged. The slowing down of time that I experience when I’m deeply engaged in my Core space is not present, which means that changes and fluctuations are a bit harder to see: they happen too quickly for me to notice everything. More relevant, it also means I don’t trigger true Meditation, meaning that I don’t gain its benefits of increased mana regeneration.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

After watching a bit, trying to get a sense for the flow of Energy coming in, I then focus on calming my mind and body, triggering Meditation. My mana pool is full, so if Meditation simply works to fill my mana pool and then stops working, I shouldn’t see any change. If, however, it pulls Energy in regardless of whether my mana pool is full or empty, the flow of golden Energy through my channels should increase.

Of course, given that I’m now experiencing the relative speeding up of my perception, that makes it a little difficult to tell if the flow has increased or stayed the same. The flow only reduces slightly in my estimation, but I have to guess that, in fact, it has sped up.

By this point with my bonuses from Beginner and Novice levels, my Energy increase should be more than twice what it was before. Shame I can’t check my status sheet in this state to see for sure. My speed of perception is probably three or four times faster while I’m deep in both Meditation and my Core space. Therefore I conclude that Meditation is most likely helping me absorb more Energy than I otherwise would.

It would help if I could see a percentage increase to confirm my idea, but since it took me two days to get the last percentage point towards my debt, I’d have to focus on Mediation for almost a full day to be sure. I’m not willing to commit that amount of time to it: there are so many other things to do.

If I do earn Energy faster while in Meditation, I muse idly, perhaps I need to see if I can access some sort of meditative state when I’m doing other things too. While I might not get the full hundred and thirty-five percent increase to my rate, if I could even get a fifty percent increase, it would help.

I might even manage to earn another level before we need to go finish that quest. Which brings me right back to where I started. Levelling up.

It would certainly be advantageous to have more stat points, I muse. Especially if I can get two level ups under my belt before heading off into the valley. I’ve already made significant inroads into my debt and still have over two hundred and fifty days before it will come due, so that’s not a reason to delay. And potentially I could learn more about how to fix my soul damage from the experience….

It seems like my subconscious has decided that levelling up is a good idea, despite the potential risks. The question now is where to put my points.

I automatically cross out Strength and Dexterity: I’ve already increased those since gaining access to my Core space. I don’t think I’ll learn anything more, and I already know that I lose out on improvements from those with my soul the way it currently is. Whatever is considered my soul by this system, anyway.

I think about Constitution for a moment. It clearly has a link with health; maybe it has a link with health regeneration that I’d be able to use to heal the damage to my Willpower stat. Or maybe not. Maybe I’d just suffer some invisible reduction to whatever Energy I dedicate to that stat.

If I was going down that route, I might as well put all my points in Willpower. That’s the one that’s damaged; potentially putting points in it might show me the route to getting rid of the continuing legacy of my encounter with Pure Energy. It’s an idea and I put it to one side for later consideration.

I dismiss Intelligence after a moment’s thought. More Intelligence would be great, sure. The way it improves the functioning of my mind is definitely a point in its favour and the mana points it would give me would be great, especially with how they now give me fifty percent more bang for my buck each time.

But I’m not sure that more mana would help me in any way. I haven’t got anywhere with as much mana as I have; do I really want to gamble that ninety more mana points would solve all my issues for me?

Wisdom, however, is another strong contender. As far as I’ve worked out, Wisdom seems to be linked to connection. Certainly, it was healing the Energy channels in my Core space which removed the penalty I’d gained to that stat after my encounter below the vine-strangler forest.

While most of those connections were woven in with each other, connecting to create the ever-flowing mandala of my internal matrix, there were a handful which reached out and then…stopped. They were, in fact, the last ones I completed and when I did, I noticed that my Energy absorption rate increased from twenty-six units per hour to twenty-nine.

So clearly Wisdom has a big impact on my Energy absorption. That’s another reason I feel that adding all six of my level up points to Wisdom might be a good idea – if I’m wrong and it doesn’t directly help me either to remove the final reductions to my Willpower, or to get the hang of Fire-Shaping, then at least it will help me gather the Energy I need for levelling up again that much faster.

I take a moment to consider Willpower again, but it’s not long before I settle on Wisdom as the best choice for now. The main problem I have with Willpower is that it’s a gamble. With it damaged the way it is, putting points there could show me how to repair it…but it also might just waste the Energy. Or worse, potentially actually damage my soul further – I’m pretty sure levelling up again before I fixed my Core would have been a bad idea, for example.

Alright, direction chosen, I act without second-guessing myself – again.

Activating the level up – something I feel I haven’t done for a long time – I’m almost surprised when the box comes up to ask me about sub-categories. I hadn’t thought of that.

Breadth or Depth, it asks. Good question.

Before all of this, I had no idea about what these might mean in practical terms. Now…I have a couple of ideas.

Having discovered my Core space, what if my internal matrix is what it refers to? What if Breadth is about spreading it wider where Depth is about enhancing what is already there? And which would be better in this situation?

Breadth might easily give me more Energy absorption per point spent, but Depth is more likely to give me information I could potentially use to heal myself. That latter is a bit of a gamble, though – it might just as well mean that it is more likely to lose Energy to the hungry black void within my Core space. Breadth, on the other hand, might help my efforts to connect with fire.

Do I have to choose? I question myself. Choosing one stat to put all my points into makes sense to me. But when it comes to choosing the sub-categories in the same stat? Choosing to split my points evenly might mean I get a bit less information about what each of the subcategories do, but I should learn more about Wisdom as a whole.

Decided, I plug three points into Breadth and then three points into Depth. If I’m lucky, the changes will happen chronologically and I’ll actually be able to see the difference between them anyway.

My last point chosen, I quickly dive back into my Core space, Meditation engaged and perception speed increased as much as possible. I don’t want to miss anything that’s about to happen!