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Summoner of Darkness (Quaraun Vol. 11)
Chapter 24A: The Dungeon Master's Manual, 4th edition

Chapter 24A: The Dungeon Master's Manual, 4th edition

"How can the apple red Sun Fish of healing result in a crazed celebrity chef eating a bowl of tomato soup?" GhoulSpawn muttered to himself as he read a book titled: The Dungeon Master's Manual, 4th edition.

"What...?"

"Arrgh!" GhoulSpawn screamed as he jumped to his feet and spun around to see Quaraun.

"What are you reading?" Quaraun repeated his question.

"Do you make magic items?" GhoulSpawn asked, suddenly becoming interested in their conversation.

"Yes," Quaraun answered. "It's what I do for work, when I need money. Not that I ever need money these days. I killed a dragon, you know. Now I've more gold then I know what to do with. Make magic items when I need them or when somebody else needs them."

"Do you make staves?" GhoulSpawn asked unable to hide his excitement at finding a wizard who knew how to make magic items.

"Staffs?" Quaraun thought about it for a moment. "Probably could. I've made wands. It's the same basic principle, just bigger sticks."

"Could you make me a staff?" GhoulSpawn asked eagerly.

"Possibly. What do you want it for?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"You haven't decided?" Quaraun hesitated, blinking with bafflement. "If you haven't decided, then why do you want one?"

"Because I don't have one."

A dazed expression glazed over the Necromancer's eyes as he tried to process the half-Elf's logic.

"Do you need one?" Quaraun asked in a baffled tone.

"A wizard should have a staff."

"I don't have a staff."

GhoulSpawn shuddered inwardly at the thought.

"Why not?"

"Never needed one."

"But you're a wizard."

"Yes. I am."

"Shouldn't every wizard have a staff?"

"Have you ever known a wizard who had a staff?" Quaraun challenged.

"They're the latest fashion in America. Every wizard at ComicCon has one."

"ComicCon?"

"Humm."

"What's that?"

"Oh!" GhoulSpawn suddenly remembered he was back in the 1400s again and that he wasn't supposed to be talking about his trips to the future. "It's a group. A fair of sorts. Merchants set up booths to sell books and dice and stuff... I have some..."

GhoulSpawn reached into his pockets and began pulling things out.

"Hims pockets is like ya bag of holding," Unicorn said to Quaraun as they watch the half-Elf pulling endless piles of stuff out of every pocket in his long dark green velvet coat.

"I come prepared for everything," GhoulSpawn explained.

He stopped and stared at a small box he pulled out of another pocket

"Batteries not included," he said, reading the package. "Well how am I supposed to use it then. Do they I can just run back to their time and grab batteries at will?"

GhoulSpawn set the box on the table. Quaraun picked it up and turned it over several times.

"What is it?" The pink Necromancer asked.

GhoulSpawn was muttering to himself, naming each item as he pulled it out of his pockets and didn't hear the Moon Elf speak...

"Pencils, pens, erasers, I should get a pencil box for these... rubber bands, paperclips, calculator... calculator? When'd I get that? These take batteries too. Why do I keep having things that need batteries? I don't have any batteries. I need to stash up on batteries. You have no electricity back here..."

"Should we..." Quaraun started to say, but GhoulSpawn wasn't listening.

"Sharpies! Oh! 36 colours! Look at the colours! I love colours! So pretty! You know I have a Crayola Big Box around here somewhere. They have 120 colours in 2016 now! Forgot I had them. Pencil sharpener! I needed that. Tape, string, scrap paper, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, Purell is a much better brand, I gotta go back and get some more of this. Just avoid 2020 on that trip. They had a worldwide shortage then."

"You're a time traveller."

"Moist towelettes, wipes. Tampons? Hmmm? Why do I have tampons? Oh dear. I was supposed to give them to my wife, wasn't I? Which one? I don't remember who I got these for. Which wife was getting them for? It's so hard to keep track..."

"Which wife?" Unicorn asked. "Ya has more than one?"

"I have a wife in every time period..."

"Time period?"

"At least one. One in every town. Thirty or Forty at least."

"Ya has t'irty or forty wifes?"

"Yeah. I lost count."

"Ain't ya a bit young?"

"I'm nineteen."

"And yar has 40 wives?"

"Yeah."

"Damn. How'd ya do that?"

"Oh. Furry movement and I'm the real thing. These ain't a costume." GhoulSpawn pointed to his sheep legs and cloven hooves. "In the 21st century, if you're a furry, you can laid in every town."

"So," Quaraun said. "Not a Satyr, but as sex crazy as a Satyr."

"Band-aids. I needed those yesterday. I need to organize stuff. Scissors, LED light, post-its in various colours, highlighters, hole punch, ruler. What's this?"

GhoulSpawn stared at the tiny wooden chip in his hand.

"A Q scrabble tile, who was I playing scrabble with. I got to return this to them. Can't play the game without all the pieces. A deck of cards, a lighter, another calculator?"

He held up the small thin item.

"Oh good! This one's solar powered. No batteries need. I love solar power. Greatest invention ever. A shot glass? I don't drink. Who put that in there? Did I steal a shot glass? Ah! The Book of Mormon! I gotta finish reading that."

He suddenly pulled out a very large statue.

"Uhmmmm," GhoulSpawn stared at the stone beast.

"What that?" Unicorn asked.

"Uhm... it's a... a gargoyle," GhoulSpawn stammered trying to not explain the creature. He bit his lip as he looked away, then swallowed hard trying to manage a feeble answer. He wasn't good at lying. "Yeah. A gargoyle. Has nothing to do with Gorgons."

He shoved the white stone beast back into a pocket.

"Teabags, handy invention, have tea anywhere. And a... uhm... a paperweight? Is that a paperweight? I don't know. Hmmm. I should clean out my pockets. I don't know what half this stuff is. What was I looking for? I forgot."

"You wanted me to make you a staff because everyone at ComicCon had one," Quaraun answered.

"Oh yes! The Wizards of the Coast!"

"Wizards of the Coast?"

"Yeah, it's a group of wizards from Oregon, they make all kinds of books on making magic items and how to cast spells and defeat monsters. Most fascinating books I've ever seen. But vague, Very vague. They don't really go into much detail of how to make the stuff. It's kind of an encyclopedia of types of magic items with charts. Magic users are supposed to take the book to the local Dungeon Master and have them give the charts to a Wizard trained in making magic items. Here it is... The Dungeon Master's Manual, 4th edition."

GhoulSpawn pulled out a large bright coloured book, flipped through the pages and began reading:

"I don't know which one I want yet, but I narrowed it down to these:

Animate Staff Created from a number of iron rods, copper gears, and silver screws, this staff constantly shifts and changes.

Cephalopod Staff This dark mahogany staff is carved in the shape of a squid's tentacle and smells strongly of seawater. When grasped, the staff animates, writhing momentarily until it regains its rigid, wooden form.

Chaotic Staff Made up from a number of different materials, including wood, metal, and possibly pieces of flesh, this staff seems to shift in shape and form over time.

Dragon Staff Made from a large dragon bone, wrapped in scales and topped with the fearsome image of a dragon, this staff radiates power. Each dragon staff is linked to one type of chromatic dragon: black, blue, green, red, or white. All the spells that can be cast using the staff are tied to that choice. Any energy types chosen by spells from the staff must match the type as well (black and green are linked to acid, blue is linked to electricity, red is linked to fire, and white is linked to cold).

Ember Staff The reddish brown bark of this charred manzanita branch shows only in patches. The staff is a mere 3 feet long and balanced for use as a masterwork club.

Gravedigger's Spade The sturdy, well-polished oaken shaft and the sharp blade attached to its tip allow this magical staff to be used as a masterwork shovel when not employed in spellcasting.

Heretic's Bane This sturdy wooden staff is crowned by a holy symbol, surrounded by wicked barbs of metal.

Holy Staff This staff is made from polished birch, inlaid with ivory, and topped with a pristine white gemstone.

Hungering Staff A ring of curved fangs circles the tip of this 7-foot-long bone staff. When magic mouth is cast from the staff, the resulting illusory mouth is filled with countless needle-like fangs.

Lawful Staff This staff is crafted from a perfectly smooth triangular rod of silver, and its top is crowned with a golden sphere.

Many-Eyed Staff Whenever the user is holding this wooden staff, 10 bulging eyes carved along the length of the staff animate, granting the user a +5 competence bonus on Perception checks as long as he is grasping the staff. As a move action, the wielder can select a creature within 100 feet and see through its eyes with no saving throw.

Monstrification Staff The figures on this scrimshawed ivory staff slowly morph from one monstrous figure into another, and often grow to take up more space on the staff's surface.

Musical Staff This staff is made from high-quality wood and festooned with brass rods and keys, looking almost like an instrument.

Spark Staff Thin golden strands snake through this transparent shaft, seeming to flow from one brass end-cap to the other.

Spherewalker's Staff This slender darkwood staff is topped either with a star-shaped crystal or a butterfly-like silver head.

Staff of Abjuration : Usually carved from the heartwood of an ancient oak or other large tree

Staff of Abjuration Usually carved from the heartwood of an ancient oak, ash, sequoia, or other large tree,

Staff of Accompaniment This staff is adorned with musical notes.

Staff of Acid This staff is made of a rust-colored metal that has been corroded by acid, with a sickly green gem at its tip.

Staff of Aspects This stout staff is made of ash. Four faces of animals-a bear, a falcon, a stag, and a wolf-are carved at its top.

Staff of Authority This stout ironbound staff functions as a +1/+1 quarterstaff.

Staff of Belittling Someone who carries this blue-and-white staff need never feel small nor weak, as the staff brings everybody and everything down to size.

Staff of Blessed Relief This simple wooden staff is given to young clergy when they first set out into the world to spread the charity of their faith.

Staff of Bolstering The top of this rosewood shaft narrows and then expands again, bound by a number of metal rings.

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Staff of Cackling Wrath The thorns embedded in this gnarled length of wood make it rather tricky for the unwary to grasp.

Staff of Charming : Made of twisting wood ornately shaped and carved,

Staff of Charming Made of twisting wood ornately shaped and carved,

Staff of Conjuration : This staff is usually made of ash or walnut and bears ornate carvings of many different kinds of creatures.

Staff of Conjuration This staff is usually made of ash or walnut and bears ornate carvings of many different kinds of creatures.

Staff of Courage This sturdy-looking hickory staff is capped with a figurine of an angelor other benevolent spirit, wings and arms outstretched as if in welcome.

Staff of Curses This gnarled wooden staff is bedecked with broken charms and burnt fetishes that were once used to ward against bad luck, but now are in shambles.

Staff of Dark Flame Made from bleached bones that have been fused together, the head of this staff burns with an unholy fire.

Staff of Defense : The staff of defense is a simple-looking staff that throbs with power when held defensively.

Staff of Defense The staff of defense is a simple-looking polished wooden staff that throbs with power when held defensively.

Staff of Divination : Made from a supple length of willow, often with a forked tip,

Staff of Divination Made from a supple length of willow carefully selected to have a crooked, forked tip,

Staff of the Doomsbringer The staff of the doomsbringer is a twisted and cracked length of glossy black wood.

Staff of Earth and Stone : This staff is topped with a fist-sized emerald that gleams with smoldering power.

Staff of Earth and Stone This staff is topped with a fist-sized emerald that gleams with smoldering power.

Staff of Eidolons This crooked staff is made of mahogany and decorated with the bones of eidolons that jut out of the wood.

Staff of Electricity This staff is made of shining silver, with a tip shaped like a lightning bolt.

Staff of Enchantment : Often made from applewood and topped with a clear crystal,

Staff of Enchantment Often made from applewood and topped with a clear crystal,

Staff of Evocation : Usually very smooth and carved from hickory, willow, or yew,

Staff of Evocation This smooth staff carved from hickory or yew

Staff of Feast and Famine Leaves sprout from this wooden staff, some green and some black. When the wielder uses the staff, he plucks one of the leaves: a green leaf to provide sustenance or a black leaf to cause hunger or thirst.

Staff of Fire : Crafted from bronzewood with brass bindings,

Staff of Fire Crafted from bronzewood with brass bindings,

Staff of the Flame Lord Crafted from cherry wood and ornately carved to resemble a column of flame,

Staff of Fortune This staff is made of ivory and gold and is topped by a large, flawless piece of quartz.

Staff of Frost : Tipped on either end with a glistening diamond, this rune-covered staff allows use of ...

Staff of Frost Tipped on either end with a glistening diamond, this rune-covered staff

Staff of Healing : This white ash staff, with inlaid silver runes,

Staff of Healing This white ash staff is decorated with inlaid silver runes.

Staff of Heaven and Earth Topped by a swirling cloudy stone and wrapped with black iron filigree,

Staff of Hoarding This gorgeous teak shaft has many gold and silver coins hammered into it.

Staff of Hungry Shadows This staff is made of scorched and twisted wood and is set with a crystal sphere filled with swirling smoke.

Staff of Hunting This length of aged ivory is carved with numerous hunting scenes which seem to animate and tell a story when the staff is rotated.

Staff of Illumination : This staff is usually sheathed in silver and decorated with sunbursts.

Staff of Illumination This staff is usually sheathed in a layer of silver and decorated with gold and amber sunbursts.

Staff of Illusion : This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved into an intricately twisted, fluted, or spiral shape.

Staff of Illusion This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved into an intricately twisted, fluted, or spiral shape.

Staff of Internal Assault Crumbling bark continuously flakes from this solid, aged oak staff without diminishing its size.

Staff of Journeys This walking stick, which still has dark gray bark along its entire length, branches into an ornate fork at its top, decorated with wildflowers and different kinds of leaves.

Staff of Life : Made of thick oak shod in gold,

Staff of Life A staff of life is made of thick polished oak shod in gold and decorated with sinuous runes of silver or ivory, which depict various cycles of life and death according to different cultures.

Staff of Many Rays The elaborate swirls and delicate flecks of shining metal adorning the head of this pale wooden shaft make it seem almost as much a long mace as a staff.

Staff of Minor Arcana This gleaming staff is made of polished silver and capped with a simple gemstone. It is frequently given as a gift to apprentice spellcasters upon completing their tutelage.

Staff of Mithral Might This staff is made of silver, with a shimmering sphere of mithral at either end. One end features a golden snake wrapped around the staff and cradling the larger of these two mithral spheres. The staff may be used as a weapon,

Staff of Necromancy : This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved with the images of bones and skulls.

Staff of Necromancy This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved with images of bones and skulls mingled with strange spidery runes.

Staff of Obstacles Dark and solid, this worn staff appears to be carved of rough stone, yet feels and weighs like light wood.

Staff of One Hundred Hands Sculpted into the shape of dozens of grasping, distorted hands, this staff appears to be carved entirely from one piece of clear crystal. When held, the hands that form the staff distort to resemble the gloves or hands of the person holding it.

Staff of Passage (no description given)

Staff of Passage (no description given)

Staff of Performance Soon after falling into the hands of a new owner, this piece of finely varnished cedar develops ornamental brass keys, strings, or other decorations that make it look like a stylized version of its owner's favorite type of musical instrument.

Staff of Power : The staff of power is a very potent magic item, with offensive and defensive abilities. It is usually topped with a glistening gem, its shaft straight and smooth.

Staff of Power A staff of power is a potent magic item with varied offensive and defensive abilities, carved from magically hardened wood. It is usually topped with a glistening gem or orb that burns from within with a flickering red light.

Staff of Radiance This silver-tipped willow staff constantly emits light, as if from a light spell-the radiance is emitted from the staff's metallic end and flickers as if with flame. The staff's wielder can deactivate or activate this glowing light as a swift action.

Staff of Revelations The forked top of this walnut shaft resembles a combination of a dowsing rod and the curled horns of a beast, and a delicate gemstone hovers between its enfolding arms.

Staff of Rigor This iron-shod wood staff...

Staff of Shrieking Holes in this metal shaft cause it to emit an eerie moan when swung through the air.

Staff of Size Alteration : Stout and sturdy, this staff of dark wood

Staff of Size Alteration This staff of dark wood is stouter and sturdier than most magical staves, with a gnarled and twisted knot of wood at the top end.

Staff of Slumber Smoky spirals adorn the length of this staff, and have an almost hypnotic effect.

Staff of Souls This ominous staff is made of twisting wood and topped with a small skull.

Staff of Speaking When the wielder of this hollow wooden staff speaks or shouts, it reverberates with the sound of her voice, lending a booming insistence to her words.

Staff of Spiders This staff is constructed from thousands of carefully prepared spiderwebs packed around a base and layered to make a shaft just as hard as oak, if not harder. A staff of spiders functions as a +1/+1 quarterstaff.

Staff of Spirit-Talking A staff of spirit-talking is made of ebony or other dark wood, with the bones of numerous small animals dangling from it.

Staff of Stealth This twisted, dark gray staff

Staff of Swarming Insects : Made of twisted dark wood with dark spots resembling crawling insects (which occasionally seem to move),

Staff of Swarming Insects Made of twisted darkwood covered with knots and nodules resembling crawling insects (which occasionally seem to move),

Staff of the Avenger This shining golden staff is topped with a radiant gemstone that emits light like a torch.

Staff of the Freed Man Just over 7 feet tall and topped with what looks like a large iron skeleton key, this unassuming oaken staff appears to be nothing but a common walking stick.

Staff of the Hierophant The staff of the hierophant is a powerful magic item with the ability to both heal and harm, which also gives its wielder a number of protections. The staff is crafted from platinum and topped with a glowing blue diamond.

Staff of the Magi : A long wooden staff, shod in iron and inscribed with sigils and runes of all types, this potent artifact contains many spell powers and other functions.

Staff of the Master (no description)

Staff of the Planes This obsidian staff twinkles as if reflecting the star-filled sky at night.

Staff of the Scout This staff is carefully crafted from the branches of a tree, still intertwined as they grew and crowned with living leaves.

Staff of Woodlands : Appearing to have grown naturally into its shape, this oak, ash, or yew

Staff of the Woodlands Appearing to have grown naturally into its shape, this oak, ash, or yew staff

Staff of Toxins This length of hemlock-shrouded oak gives off the faintest whiff of rot and corruption.

Staff of Transmutation : This staff is generally carved from or decorated with petrified wood

Staff of Transmutation This staff is generally carved from or decorated with petrified wood or fossilized bone, each etched with tiny but complex runes.

Staff of Traps The tip of this dark wooden shaft holds a piece of hard, chalk-like stone between black, claw-like protrusions.

Staff of Travel This staff appears to be nothing more than a finely made walking stick, but closer inspection reveals that it is inlaid with a fine copper tracery that makes up an intricate and incomprehensible arcane map.

Staff of Tricks This thin staff is made

of stiff wood that has been wrapped in colourful bands of cloth and topped with a number of feathers, bells, and other decorative baubles.

Staff of Understanding This polished maple or oak staff is inlaid with ivory strips along its length, and runes of various languages also formed from inlaid ivory span the shaft.

Staff of Vision A clear crystal orb is affixed to the top of this length of brass and scaled skin, and a smaller, crimson orb is set into a spherical ornament near the base of the shaft.

Staff of Weather The carved surface of this solid oaken beam always depicts a scene with the opposite qualities of the current weather (rainy on dry days, dry on rainy days, and so on).

Staff of Wings Angels crafted the first staff of wings to assist their mortal allies during a fiendish invasion onto the Material Plane. Copies have since been made by secular crafters. A staff of wings is made of light birch and topped with a carved pair of angelic wings made out of precious stone. This staff produces flight effects, and the wielder gains translucent, illusory wings upon casting them.

Staff, Acolyte's These slender crystal shafts span 4 to 5 feet in length, with facets covered in deeply etched white runes of unknown make.

Staff, Totem (no description)

Unholy Staff This twisted iron staff bears ominous stains along its length, and ends in a black skull with red gemstone eyes.

I'm not sure why some of them were listed twice.

Staves seem to have descriptor tags tacked on to them, based what spells they contain, and the spells they contain seem to be determined specifically by the material made out of, the shape carved into, and the adornment on them.

But you are right, in every case the word is simply "staff" not "long staff" or "board staff".

I think this is because each staff is unique, often hand carved by the wizard himself, thus he has no need to go to a blacksmith and say "I need a ___ staff of Holding"

GhoulSpawn finally stopped talking.

"Uhm..." Quaraun did not know what to say.

"Can you make one?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"I'd have to examine the book and see what I could figure out. Maybe. Making magic items IS what I do. You're gonna have to narrow it down to one."

"Yeah, eat dick ya fuck!" Unicorn said to the half-Elf.

Unicorn stared at him, blinking, then turned to Quaraun and said: "Him is crazier then ya be."

"How?"

"Him just read entire book, un we did no ask him too. Fucking pogo man."

"Actually, that was just the table of contents," GhoulSpawn pointed out as he held up the book. "See?"

Quaraun took the book from GhoulSpawn and examined it. He had never seen anything like it before. It had a smooth glossy cover, it's equally glossy pages filled with bright colours pictures of creatures Quaraun had never seen before.

"Dungeons and Dragons," Quaraun read out loud. "Where did you get a book like this? I've never seen one like it."

"They're ... uhm ... I ... they're not from around here," GhoulSpawn tried to think of a way to explain a book he'd brought back to the past with him from the future, without telling anyone he had recently discovered time travel. "They're made by a guild that call themselves Wizards of the Coast, but I don't' know what coast. Never meet them. They're in Oregon I think. Or maybe Washington. I don't think it's California. Just like reading their books. They have strange magic they do. I'd like to learn it. I find staves fascinating. I'm going to use their books to make some. Only I can't figure out how."

"I've never heard of these spells," Quaraun said.

"Nor have I," GhoulSpawn agreed. "It's the strangest spell book I've ever seen. But there's tons of them. I keep going back to get more of them. See?"

GhoulSpawn pulled out a few more Dungeons and Dragons game manuals and handed them to the wizard.

"I like the 2nd Edition spells but the 4th Edition has the best pictures. There's these new 5th Edition ones have a lot more detail but, the spells are very confusing. I can't get any of them to work. You're the most powerful wizard to ever exist, I figured you could figure out how to get these to work."

"It say Players Handbook," Quaraun said. "And this one says Game Guide on the cover. I don't think these are real spell books. It looks like a children's game."

"Yes, HellBorne pointed that out to me already. And the Humans of the future don't seem to have any magic in them at all..."

"Humans of the future? Where did you get these books?"

"Uhm... not here," GhoulSpawn tried to think of a way to get Quaraun's mind off his slip of mentioning time travel. "Even if they're not real spell books, you're a real wizard. You write spells. Could you not find a way to write real versions of the spells in these books?"

"Why?"

"I really want a Chaos staff."

"A Chaos staff?"

"I'm a Chaos Wizard..."

"I suppose that explains why my world seems to turn to chaos every time you show up?"

GhoulSpawn reached out to take the book from Quaraun, but Quaraun refused to let it go.

"I'll read it and get back to you."

"I really shouldn't let it out of my sight, things from other times... er... places, tend to ... cause trouble if they get out and about."

GhoulSpawn tried the pull the book out of the little Moon Elf's hand, but Quaraun's sweet expression changed to pure rage, as he tossed his feather boa over his shoulder, startling the half-Elf.

"I'll sic my Lich on you if you don't let me read it," the Necromancer snarled.

"Lich?"

"He's a Lich." Quaraun pointed to Unicorn.

"The Phooka?"

"I is King Gwallmaiic," unicorn say, his eyes glowing blue and his flesh melting away to reveal the skeletal Lich underneath, "Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords, Servant of the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish."

GhoulSpawn looked at Unicorn, now a Lich and then back to Quaraun.

"You're the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish? Evilest Necromancer of all time?"

"How many pink transvestite Necromancers do you know?" Quaraun asked. "Or did you not notice the way I was dressed?"

"Uhm..." GhoulSpawn stared at Quaraun. He hadn't noticed the way the Moon Elf was dressed. "I should go. I really shouldn't be talking to you... you're... I gotta go."

GhoulSpawn turned and ran off, not bothering to retrieve the Dungeon Master's Manual from The Pink Necromancer.