Quaraun slid the mug across the table to GhoulSpawn.

"I don't drink," the half-Elf said, sliding it back.

Quaraun shrugged, took the mug and drank it himself.

"Elves don't usually drink," GhoulSpawn said.

"I'm not your usual Elf."

"I noticed."

"You still fucking every whore you see," Quaraun asked.

"What?"

"As I recall, last time we saw you, you liked fucking Humans. Lots of them. You were hiding from multiple angry husbands, because you were having yourself too many wives. None of them yours."

"Yeah. I don't like talking about that."

"Why not?"

"There's no angry husbands in this town yet."

"Ah! Then there are whores in this town, yes?"

"You shouldn't use that word."

"Whores? Why not?"

"It's not nice."

"I'm the world's most feared Necromancer. Who ever said I was nice?"

"You're dressed Barbara Cartland!"

"Who?"

"She's an author. You wouldn't know her. From the future. In the 1960s. She wore pink dresses all the time just like you do. Except she was a women."

"Does my wearing dresses bother you, GhoulSpawn?"

"No... it's just... you... you look like a girl."

"So?"

"I... uhm..."

"You're horny."

"You shouldn't say that word either."

"Horny? What's wrong with horny?"

"It's not polite."

Unicorn leaned closer to Quaraun.

"This one worse then the Gnome."

"BeLuna?"

"Aye."

"How so?"

"BeLuna was na half so much a stuffy bitch."

"That's not a nice word either," GhoulSpawn said the the Phooka.

Unicorn glared at the Half-Elf.

"Did I says ya could speak to me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Just because my Elf likes having ya ass around does no mean I has to be likesing ya."

"Unicorn," Quaraun placed his hand on the Phooka's shoulder. "He's not bothering anything. Leave him be."

"Him bothering ya cock."

"The chastity cage you put on me is what's bothering my cock."

"If would nay be bothering ya, iffy ya was no having erection over the Half-Elf."

"Your's is the only cock ever in me, so what difference does it make who makes me have an erection. You're the only one that's ever gonna fuck me."

"Ya keeps saysing ya wants him to fuck ya."

Unicorn shifted out of his Humanoid form back into his natural horned horse form, stamping his hooves as he did.

"You keep saying you want to fuck every one!"

Quaraun stood up and yelled at the little black pony. Every one in the tavern was now staring at the back table to find out what the Elf and the Unicorn were yelling at each other. GhoulSpawn was wishing he was any place else right now. Being the only three non-Humans in the building, didn't help matters any.

"I a horse. Fucking every one what we do."

"Have you ever even heard of a monogamous Elf. We live in large family units. Every one fucking every one else."

"Un that makes ya want to fuck half-Elves now?"

"I can't fuck anyone and you know it. I had a damned sword stuffed up my dick, remember? I'm a eunuch now. All I can do now is be fucked by you and watch other people fuck each other!"

"Can you two stop using that word?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"What?" Quaraun asked. "Fuck?"

"Yes."

"Yis is damned fucking igit," Unicorn snarled at GhoulSpawn. "I can uses any fucking damn word I fucking damned well please. How dare ya tells me how to speak ya damned fucking half bred."

"You're a half breed yourself," Quaraun yelled at Unicorn.

"I is a Phooka."

"You're half Aswang and you know it."

"My fucking bitch of a whore mother abandoned me. I does nay acknowledge her kind."

"That doesn't change the fact that you are half Aswang and you have no right to be putting him down for being half blooded, when your half blooded yourself."

“You’re drunk.”

“So?”

“Why are you so wasted right now?”

"I is not."

"Then why do I have a hangover?"

"Because you're an asshole."

"Hate to break it to you but I am not an asshole."

"You sure seem like one."

"Well maybe if you weren't being a dick then you wouldn't be getting a headache from drinking yourself into oblivion."

"Fine. Maybe if you weren't such a fucking bitch when we met then I wouldn't get the feeling of being constantly on guard all the damn time."

It was a quiet night at the bar. It wasn't very crowded as most of them were out partying or hanging out with their friends. He had only been there for about half an hour before he saw him. A tall blond man sat alone in the far corner, nursing his beer like no other guy in the place. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to him; more like, he just really wanted someone else to come over and talk to him. Not many people came into this bar to socialize anyways so he had gotten used to being alone.

"Yis want ta be fucked by him."

"I like being fucked by you. You're a double dicked stallion. You think I'm gonna find another pair of barbed cocks like yours?"

"Than why ya getting horny over him?"

"Why the hell not?"

"It cheating."

"I'm not cheating on you. I couldn't even if I wasn't mutilated. You put a damned chastity cage on me!"

"I shoulds puts it on tighter next time."

"I'm sure you will next time."

"You two have strange dinner conversations," GhoulSpawn said, hoping the couple would stop talking about their penises.

A waitress with a new bottle of Fairy Wine was standing beside the table, not daring to speak to the 3 non-Humans.

"What?" Quaraun yelled at her.

"Your drink?" She held the bottle out, trying not to get close to the Elf. Elves were terrifying creatures after all.

Quaraun snatched the bottle from her hand.

"Get out of here," he snarled.

He watched the girl as she ran off, then he sat back down and poured himself yet another drink.

"You really shouldn't drink so much," GhoulSpawn said.

"I'm evil now. What does it matter any more."

"You're not evil, Quaraun. Though right now, I think you might be drunk."

"Drunk. Hhhmmmm. Probably. High Elf. I tend to not notice it."

"You drink too much."

"You don't drink at all."

"I like to know what I'm doing."

"Hmmm. Certainly does help with life. Knowing what you are doing. Of course I rarely know what I'm doing these days."

"What happened to you?"

"With what?"

"Didn't you used to be a wizard for hire. Helping people."

"Yep." Quaraun started drinking from the bottle. "Now I help myself and people worth helping. Let the rest fuck themselves."

"Your life is a mess Quaraun."

"Get used to it. I did."

"Last week I saw you ... you know ... high.... or low... or..."

"Vomiting my guts outs after a very bad trip?"

"Yeah."

"It happens."

"And now your sitting here in a tavern, drinking like a drunk fish."

"That happens too."

"What happened?"

"Explain what you mean."

"You used to be respectable."

"I used to be a lot of things."

"People used to look up to you."

"Did YOU used to look up to me? You know, before you met me and found out I was a drunk, drug addict?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Poor kid. You shouldn't meet your heroes. They never turn out to be what you thought they were."

"I'm not a kid."

"How old are you?"

"It's hard to say."

"Is it?"

"I was born in a Hell Dimension, where time doesn't exist. Then I lived in 1974 for a while. Now I'm back here in 14 whatever the hell year this is."

"It takes 120 years for an Elf to reach adulthood. Are you 120 years old?"

"No."

"Younger?"

"Yeah."

"A lot younger?"

"Yeah."

"You're still an Elfling."

"I'm a Half-Elf."

"Your race doesn't matter to me."

"It matters to other High Elves."

"Well I'm not other High Elves. And you know that or you wouldn't be sitting here at my table talking to me, now, would you?"

"No."

"It'd be nice to be young again."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know. 300? 400? 700? I'm old."

"Why don't you know?"

Quaraun shrugged.

"You don't even know what year it is. Why should I know my age?"

"Do you know what year you were born?" GhoulSpawn asked the old wizard.

"I think I was once told, I was born in 983. Or was it 783?"

"Well it's around 1450ish now. So that makes you about 475 years old or 675."

"Does it?"

"Yeah."

"If you say so."

"Can't you do math?"

Quaraun shook his head.

"Numbers is not something I ever learned."

"I could teach you."

"You think someone my age wants to learn anything new?"

"I think you've been hurt too much and gave up on the world."

"That'd be about right."

"You could do a lot of good you know?"

"Could I?"

"You're famous."

"There's that."

Quaraun poured himself another drink and quickly drank the whole thing.

"You don't like being famous do you?"

"Nope. I liked living a quiet life. In a house. With a roof over my head. And privacy. I used to have privacy. And a family. And not having to change towns every week. And not living on the road. Not living on the run."

"What are you running from?"

"The Guild."

"Why they after you?"

"I'm a Necromancer. Remember?"

Quaraun drank another glass.

"Why do you drink?"

"Why don't you drink?"

"Mormon."

"Oh."

Quaraun thought about it for a moment.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"What's a Mormon?"

"It's a religion."

"Like the Di'Jinn?"

"Nothing like the Di'Jinn, but yes."

"Are you a priest?"

"No. Just a member."

"I'm a priest."

"Of the Di'Jinn?"

"Yes. I am a Wizard of the Di'Jinn Order. I took vow of celibacy. Abstinence from beer..."

Quaraun held up his mug then stared down into it's empty pit.

"Guess I have trouble keeping my vows."

He set the mug back down.

"And the damned cage itches."

Quaraun threw his feet up on the table and scratched his balls.

"You have no manners at all, do you?" GhoulSpawn stated.

"I used to. I used to be an aristocrat. I used to have etiquette and manners. All prim and proper. Used to eat at tables with servants and silverware. Now look at me. I live on the road, eat over an open fire, sleep in taverns. Get my ass fucked by horny horses. I hate sleeping in taverns. I'm a king you know. Of course, I killed all my people, so..."

Quaraun shrugged again. Then yawned.

"I'm not sure what I'm a king of any more. Can one still be a king without people to rule?"

The Elf yawned again.

"I am so tired. Is there a whore house in this town?"

"Thought you didn't have sex with women?"

"I don't. Often. But I do like a warm bed to sleep in. And a warm body cuddled beside me. And wouldn't mind watching you fuck a whore."

"Watching me...? You... Uhm... why?"

"Why not?"

"I... uhm... I..."

"You're very beautiful, GhoulSpawn."

"And you're very drunk. And what about Unicorn?"

"What about Unicorn?"

"Don't you sleep with him?"

"Aye," Unicorn answered. "Him does. But for some reason him gets horny whenever ya be here."

"Should I leave?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"No," Quaraun answered. "I like having you around."

"Why?"

"You're beautiful. And you're an Elf. We are hard to come by these days."

"You're sexually attracted to me?"

"Yes. Very much. Would be why I am... hurting... right now. Seeing how I can't have an erection with this cage on."

"He really put a chastity cage on you?"

"Yes he did."

"Because of me?"

"Yep."

"He's that threatened by having me around?"

"Yep."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"What's bothering you, GhoulSpawn? His jealousy of you or my sexual attraction to you?"

"Uhm... Both? I... I'm really not comfortable with any of this."

"I remember being a young innocent little Elf once, uncomfortable with sex. That was a long time ago. How did I get so old?"

"What changed you?"

"I meet him."

Quaraun pointed to Unicorn.

"He's perverted if you hadn't noticed."

"Oh, no. I... I noticed. Kind of hard not to. He's also kind of violent."

"He is also," Unicorn added. "Sitting right here, listening to hims slut of an Elf lusting after ya."

"I should go," GhoulSpawn said, trying to get up.

Quaraun quickly grabbed his arm and forced GhoulSpawn back into his seat.

"You don't have to leave," Quaraun said. "I'm a slut. He's jealous, and it's not your fault."

"Everything's my fault."

"Don't say that."

"But it is. You don't know what I've done."

"We've all done things. He's a rapist. I'm a murderer. You're a home wrecker with sheep to fall back on..."

"I don't have sex with sheep..."

"Not denying you're a home wrecker though?"

"There isn't a town on the entire coast that doesn't have an angry husband wanting to kill me."

"ZooLock's a cultist..."

"Where'd ZooLock go?"

"I don't know. We lost him, back when we meet that river boat man woman."

"River boat man woman?"

"Yeah. They was riding on an otter. I think."

Quaraun turned to Unicorn.

"Did that really happen or am I remembering some drug trip I took?"

"It happened. Does nah nay know how. It could no be real, but I saws it with ya. An I was no high."

"Was I high?"

"Ya always high, Quaraun. It why ya a High Elf."

"Oh. Okay."

Quaraun shrugged and turned back to GhoulSpawn.

"I think someone has been casting spells to trip us up. So many weird things been happening."

"And you lost ZooLock?"

"Yes. I'm not sure how we found him to begin with."

"He didn't fall through a portal did he?"

"A portal?"

"Yeah."

"Portals are illegal."

"Yeah. I know."

"The Guild sealed them up."

"I know."

"Same time they tossed The Ghoul into a Hell Dimension."

"I know."

"There shouldn't be any portals."

"I know."

"Why than, would you think ZooLock fell through a portal?"

"It happens."

"Does it?"

"Yeah."

"Strange. Those Hellhounds..."

Quaraun pulled up his skirts to look at his wounded leg. The bite from the Hellhounds was now bandaged, but blood was seeping through the cloth.

"The ones that bit me. They just appeared out of nowhere. Like they fell out of a portal."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I was there, remember?"

"I do."

Quaraun pulled his feet off the table and sat up properly in his chair, folding his hands across his lap.

"I also recall, you weren't there. And then suddenly you were. Soon as I was bitten. You showed up and you knew exactly the spell to make them dogs disappear."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You weren't supposed to get hurt."

"I hurt once before. An army of Humans ran out of hole in that appeared in mid air. I almost died. And my Unicorn did die. Many times."

"You killed my people. I'm the last Sun Elf."

"You practice portal magic don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I'm looking for my father."

"The Ghoul? That's why they call you GhoulSpawn isn't it? Your the half Elf spawn of the Ghoul."

"I don't have a name. I wasn't deemed worthy enough to have one."

"Did you reopen the portals that the Guild sealed shut when they cast the Ghoul into Hell?"

"Yeah."

"And so the Hellhounds that bit me? They were what?"

"It wasn't my idea."

"What wasn't."

"I should go."

GhoulSpawn tried to get up again, but Quaraun swiftly forced him back into his seat.

"You'll go when I say you can. Don't look so scared. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"But you did mean to send those HellHounds after me?"

GhoulSpawn nodded.

"Why?"

"HellBorne."

"HellBorne? You mentioned him before. Who is he?"

"He's a... he thinks he's a Necromancer. He wants to hurt you."

"Why?"

"I.. I don't know. He's a member of some cult thing or something. I'm not sure. He's got this idea in his head that if he gets you to his house, he can kill you and drink your blood and become the most powerful wizard f all time. He thinks, drinking the blood of a wizard, gives him that wizard's power."

"And the Hellhounds? Where do they come in?"

"I was trying to get you to not come here. I.. I just wanted them to scare you away from the area. I didn't... I wasn't trying to hurt you. I didn't... I didn't think you'd get hurt."

"The river boat man woman?"

"I don't know what that was. I.. it... it wasn't me. It might of been HellBorne. I don;'t know."

"The highway men?"

"I didn't do that."

"So just regular highway men?"

"I guess."

"What about the field of poppies?"

"Poppies?"

"I had very strange trip. I'm still not fully over it."

"I don't know."

"Would you in the future, come back here to your past, our present, to drug me?"

"I don't know."

Quaraun reached into his bag of holding and laid a small box on the table.

"Do you know what that is?"

"No."

"Open it."

GhoulSpawn took the little box and looked inside, then gasped.

"You know what that is?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah."

GhoulSpawn quickly closed the box and placed it back on the table.

"You want to tell me what it is?"

"Where'd you get it?"

"From you."

"Me?"

"A future version of you. Much older, calling himself The Gremlin. Gave them to me. I ate some of these, just before I had my trip down the rabbit hole."

"Some?"

"Uh-uh."

"As in more then one?"

"It's not candy is it?"

"No. Well it is. It's sugar cubes...but..."

GhoulSpawn reached into his pocket and pulled out some identical pink crystal squares.

"It's LSD. You're lucky you didn't kill yourself. You shouldn't take more then one."

"Well, I certainly know that now, don't I?"

"I'm sorry. You could have got hurt really bad."

"It seems like you of the future is back here going out of his way to try to hurt me, because you of the now failed at stopping me from getting to this town."

"Why would I do that?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know."

"This HellBorne. Do you live with him?"

"Yeah."

"You of the future, said you shouldn't. Said I should get you to stay with us. Me and Unicorn. Said it was imperative to change history."

"Change history?"

"Yes."

"Why would I tell you that?"

"So that's why I asked, if there was any whore houses around."

"What?"

"You like whores. You have no money. I have more money then I need. I don't mind paying for them for you. There must be some in this town you like? And wouldn't mind watching you fuck them. Of course I wouldn't mind you in my bed either. You're very beautiful. And you've already slept in my bed with me before. I very much liked feeling the warmth of your body beside me. I'd like even more feeling you in me."

"I don't..."

"I know. You like females."

"Why me?"

"You're an Elf."

"I'm a Half Elf."

"You're alive."

"Un I is not?" Unicorn did not try to hide his growing anger.

"You're dead, Unicorn. You are a Lich. There is no warmth in your touch."

"Yi wants to fuck with him."

"Yes, I do. That would be why you put this cage on me, remember?"

Quaraun pointed down to his crotch.

"But you don't have anything to worry about, because I'm a male and he's a male and he doesn't fuck other males, so you can stop getting yourself worked up over it, because nothing's gonna happen between us. Okay?"

"Except now ya wants ta watch him fuck women."

"So? You're obsessed with every on's sex life."

"Un I is na cheating ya."

"I'm not cheating on you, Unicorn. I'm a eunuch, I can't fuck him. He likes women, so he won't fuck me. I like be sounded by Unicorn horns, so you're certainly gonna continue doing that. And you know how much I lust after your thick, double dick, and how wonderful your barbs feel in me. You ain't got anything to worry about."

"You're used to bossing people around, aren't you?" GhoulSpawn asked Quaraun.

Quaraun looked at the half-Elf but said nothing.

"And buying people," GhoulSpawn continued. "You don't know what it's like to actually live with people do you?"

"I've avoided people my whole life."

"It's kind of obvious. You're very crude, you have no manners that I can see, you order every body around, you act like you think you can just pay for anything and make it happen..."

"I can pay for anything. I'm an aristocrat. I could buy this whole ingrate town if I wanted to."

"And do what with it?"

"Live in that tower."

Though he couldn't see it from inside the tavern, Quaraun pointed in the direction of the massive black lighthouse that was towering over the town.

"Black Tower?"

GhoulSpawn suddenly looked terrified.

"Aye," Unicorn answered. "It all him been talking about."

"Is it?"

"It why we is here."

"What do you mean?"

"Him does want the tower."

"Why?"

"Him been saysing it speaks to him. It called him here."

"Called him?"

"Aye. Dat, an some black cat that I has no seen as of yet, been telling him to get ye away from HellBorne."

"You've seen the Eel Kat?"

"The Eel Kat?" Quaraun asked.

"She's not a cat. She's not from this planet. And that tower's not a tower. It's a space ship. And you need to stay away from it. We all do."

"What's a space ship?"

"A ship. Only instead of travelling across oceans country to country. It travels across the sky. From planet to planet."

"Ah!" Unicorn nodded. "There is reason they calls ya GhoulSpawn the Crazed, eh? Yis raving lunatic, yes?"

"The future you was talking about cats in space," Quaraun said. "And while you appear sane right now..." He took another drink from his mug. "The future you seems to have trouble holding a sentence together. And talks to things that isn't there. But you still have your sheep."

"Why would a future me visit you?"

"Why is the present you visiting me?"

GhoulSpawn didn't answer.

"You're a stranger. We don't know you. You don't know us. And yet, here you are, for the 3rd time in one week. Who are you and why are you here?"

"HellBorne wants to kill you."

"You said that. I'm the world's most powerful wizard and he wants to gain my powers by drinking my blood. What's it to you if he does or not?"

"I'm a half-Elf."

"You say that often. Clearly it bothers you. You have no pride in what you are. You wish to be something else."

"The only happiness in life is to love and be loved in return."

Quaraun raised a questioning eyebrow. He'd heard those words before. He looked to Unicorn.

"I know those words."

"Aye."

"Where did you get them from?"

Unicorn shrugged.

"Me house was haunted."

"I know. The day Gibedon died. I meet the gingerbread house's ghost. I think it's why you died. Gibedon hadn't stabbed you yet. A shadow appears on the stairs, dragged me back to the basement, wouldn't let me help you. The only happiness in life is to love and be loved in return. That's what he said."

Quaraun turned back to GhoulSpawn.

"Was that you? You're a time traveller, you've said as much. How much of my life have you interrupted and changed?"

"As of yet, not much, perhaps I do in the future."

"Why?"

"I was born AFTER the portals were opened, because my father used the portals to hide me from the Guild. And yet, I'm the wizard who opened the portals. I discovered them. And now everything's mixed up. Life no longer flows in a smooth order of things and somehow... somehow... you.... you don't belong here. I can't explain it because I don't understand it yet. But near as I can tell... you died a long time ago, but some how you're still alive. And somehow that changed everything."

"I'm a Thullid."

"Yes, I know."

"Quaraun the Elf, died centuries ago. I just live in his body."

"Quaraun does things no other wizard can do. It's why HellBorne wants to drink your blood. But... it's because you're not really a wizard are you? You just pretend to be."

"I am a Wizard of the Di'Jinn Order."

"The Di'Jinn are dead. Just like my people. The Sun Elves are dead. The Moon Elves are dead. The Pixies are dead. The Katopas are dead. You killed them all. They made you angry, when they hurt the one you loved the most, when they hurt BoomFuzzy, and you killed them, simply by saying one word. Die. And they obediently dropped dead. You're not a wizard. Not a Di'Jinn. And not a normal Thullid. It's true what the Thullids say. There walks among them a god. And she is you. You're the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish. You escaped a dying planet. You've taking up residence in the body of a dead Elf. You don't belong here. You're not part of this dimension's normal history. And by being here, you've disrupted the flow of time. BoomFuzzy was supposed to die that day. In the correct history of this world, he died and Gibedon took his place. But because you were there, he lived and Gibedon died. But in another version. You both died. And things were worse."

"BoomFuzzy died, because of the stab wound he got that day. A stab wound he got, because you prevented me from going upstairs? That means his death was your fault."

"You both would have died. By saving you, I also saved him."

"He died."

"You had the power to resurrect him. You loved him. You loved him more than life itself. He shouldn't see me as a threat. I've seen the future and the past. Many different versions of both. One thing always remains true: You love him. And you'll turn over Heaven and Hell to keep him alive. You did. You unleashed hoards of Demons on this world. The Kats changed history. But they changed too much. They had to stop the Battle of Ongadada, but, you died when they did and it made things worse, so they had to fix it. They asked me to help them."

"You're rewriting my life?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I've been to Ongadada. They took me there. You get too powerful. No one can stop you. You kill every one. Not just on this planet, but on every planet in the solar system. All life on three planets dies. It's why they call you The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets. But your time line is off, because now you are already calling yourself that before has even happened. And HellBorne noticed that. The Kats think, they somehow took you out of your proper time in the future and brought you back here, but you forgot most of it. They're not sure how or why or what to do to fix it."

"And that's why the HellHounds back there?"

"Yes. I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"And this time line... is continuing on?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"We can't change it any more."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes things happen, that can't be changed, because they affect too much. Apparently, when the HellHounds attacked you, that event, set into motion something that's going to happen that can't be changed, no matter what we do."

"You die," Quaraun muttered to himself.

"What?"

"The you of the future. Gremlin. He showed up, right after the HellHounds. Right after you left. He said something went wrong and I had to stop it because no one else could. He said you died. He told me to get you away from HellBorne, because HellBorne's not what you think he is. And then he said... Don't trust ZooLock. He said I died as well. Later. But he was quite insistent that we had to keep you, away from HellBorne."