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Scathing Reviewer [Satirical LitRPG Prog Fantasy]
Chapter 8: Leveling Up - Ep. 2, I

Chapter 8: Leveling Up - Ep. 2, I

Physique level 10 → level 15

My body made thunder as I slammed against the storming water, and the wind was knocked straight out of me. I coughed and sputtered, wheezing as mouthfuls of polluted water flooded into my throat.

“Gah-!”

Thankfully, spending more stars to upgrade my physique level made up for most of the pain, but my body still throbbed and ached from the force of impact. I would definitely have a nasty purple bruise in a few hours. Quickly reaching for the pigeon’s lung, I reattached it to my mouth and took in a big breath of air.

Before I had time to recover, the upper body of the sea serpent dove back down into the water, its body barely leaving a ripple in the raging waves.

Damnit! There was no way I could get through this. It wasn’t possible in my novel, and in a world governed by rules, my written word triumphed.

The sea serpent suddenly whizzed past me, its gaping jaws wide open and unhinged as I jerked my body sideways to avoid it. I looked back up toward the collapsing bridge, squinting my eyes to see if the rest of the group made it.

“Good,” I whispered to myself, a little smile on my face as I saw their small black silhouettes reach the end of the bridge, peeking over the cliffside. Yang could take care of all of them. With Sun Wukong and Archangel Michael with them, they would be just fine without me.

I quickly shook my head, disappointed in my own reaction. Yang and Amelia were the only non-characters; there was no need to get caught up over characters. After all, did they even have free will?

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood as I jerked my head to look below me. The sea serpent's wide jaws snapped open beneath my legs before it flew upwards, sending me soaring into the sky with an explosive rush of water. My arms flailed in the air while I hovered in between its gaping jaws, looking down its burgundy and fleshy throat.

I let out a surprised scream, and my eyes were squeezed shut out of sheer terror at the sight. This was far scarier than what I had originally imagined—what would the rest of this world look like with cannibalistic demons, gored ghouls, and vile beasts??

Agility level 1 → level 10

I grabbed onto the fang of the serpent, holding on and trying to swing myself onto its scaly nostrils.

A blue flash appeared before me as a small dragon popped up. Seeing these two side by side, they looked incredibly familiar with their same colored scales and red eyes.

[My my, look at what we have here! It’s very impressive you haven’t died yet, but you’re sure to meet your end soon.]

That damn money hungry moderator. To these people, I was nothing more than a character. It was like they were tuning into their favorite show at night.

I dug my nails into the serpent’s scales, slowly pulling myself up and grabbing its whiskers. It let out a horrific cry, its voice reverberating throughout the air all around it.

The sea serpent was one of the most powerful beasts. Unlike most dragons where there were hundreds of tales involving their brutal deaths, tales of a serpent’s death were much less common—except for when Medusa was involved.

Observer ‘Socrates’: This is so cool. It’s like I’m watching you write a new chapter before my eyes. Unless you die, obviously

Observer ‘Socrates’: Oh also Athena is watching you so don’t be an embarrassment again

The serpent slammed back down into the water, dragging me along as I struggled to hold my grip; my fingers and knuckles turned white from the sheer pressure as I slowly inched up its whisker.

The serpent violently flung me into the riverbed as I gagged, quickly spitting out mixtures of water and saliva down my chin.

I scrambled for the pigeon’s lung that started floating up toward the water’s surface and reattached it to my mouth. It formed a small air bubble around me, but it wouldn’t last long.

[You’re still putting up a pretty good fight. I’m surprised you’re not dead yet, Wu Peijin.]

The Azure Dragon laughed under the water, bubbles exiting its mouth and floating up to the top as it cackled.

[This is such fun! You really don’t want to die!]

Stars left: 18,800

I quickly swam into a small cave in the riverbed, hiding as the sea serpent raged outside, slamming its wide-open jaws into the rock to try and grab me. I swam farther into the cave before reaching a small air pocket. Gasping for air, I pushed my slick hair off my face.

“Socrates! Give me some of your spiritual energy so I can talk to Athena!”

Observer ‘Socrates’: What no

“Even if you hated me as a person, you can still like me as a character,” I gasped, barely able to steady my breath while treading water, “You said you were excited by this, right? I’ll show you something even better.”

Observer ‘Socrates’: What makes you think I wouldn’t watch another broadcast?

“You’re the only one aware of… me other than Nipon and one other. You’ve hidden your messages to me from my party members, so I know you’re only interested in watching me through these arcs.”

[Can you not do this whole secret messaging thing right now? You’re upsetting the viewers. You’re being a bit cryptic right now.]

Suddenly, my breathing calmed completely as if a restorative wave rolled right through me. Ha, so Socrates really did give me a bit of spiritual energy. This would be enough just to spark a conversation and permit Athena to send me messages.

“Chang! I want to sign a contract with Athena!” I cried out at the creature, wet hair clinging onto my skin in the dark.

[A contract? With Athena?]

He burst out laughing, holding onto his stomach before his eyes turned menacing. Chang’s fangs seemed to grow before me as he took on a horrific look reflecting that of the sea serpent outside.

[You think you can open a contract with her? You’re weak. Here you are about to die after making it past just the introduction to this world.]

“Athena!” I shouted, completely ignoring Chang, “I know you’re watching me! I have enough spiritual energy to communicate with you without the candle.”

With the hindsight skill activated, I could see the faint silhouette of her figure staring at me, an owl perched on her shoulder.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ is surprised by your bold request for a contract.

I scowled under my breath; the constant attacks of the sea serpent caused small rocks to crumble and smack down into the water beside me. Had I known it would play out like this, I would’ve done more to gain Athena’s favor. My eyes glistened blue in the cave as I activated hindsight to try and find a way out.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

I opened the Azure Dragon store, quickly swiping.

Shield of Truth: 20,000 stars.]

It was that expensive? It wasn’t that strong of an item outside of any arcs involving Medusa, but I needed to try and replicate the original story to have a chance at escaping.

Editor’s Pen activated!

Shield of Truth costs only 2,000 stars.

Error! Impossible within karmic restraints.

Potential edit: Broken Shield of Truth costs only 15,000 stars.

Was my skill seriously bargaining with me? Well, there goes all of my stars. I made the purchase and grabbed the item as it appeared before me, taking it into my hand. It was a large stone shield with good weight to it, but only half of it was present; a large crack ran down the center horizontally, but it thankfully still shielded most of my body.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ realizes your plan.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ sponsors 5,000 stars.

I glared at the notification before looking up at Chang.

You have returned 5,000 stars to divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front.’

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ is angered by your hubris.

“Don’t send me stars right now, Athena. I don’t need money,” I declared loudly as I continued to search the Azure Dragon store for what I needed, “I need you to sign a contract with me.”

Sending back star sponsorships wasn’t even something the disciples dared to do in Surviving my First Run. Admittedly, I desperately needed the money, but I had to get the contract signed if I wanted to survive.

“Chang, open up the contract.”

Chang puffed out his chest and crossed his arms in a stubborn gesture.

[You’re making a lot of enemies, Peijin. I’m going to have to put up an ad break if this continues. You’re bringing me in a lot of viewers, but it’s crashing my system.]

“Put on the ad break. I’ll let you have a say in the contract terms.” My voice was firm and serious, and I was no longer playing around.

[Deal.]

I could virtually see Chang’s eyes fill up with dollar signs as he floated up into the air, batting his long gold lashes. [I’m so sorry to all my beloved viewers, but unfortunately the next segment will be ads. Feel free to buy the Platinum subscription to my channel to skip them in the future!]

Countless observers and gods are crying out in anger!

Observer 'Aslan': ARE YOU KIDDING???

Observer 'ZebraMM': This is corrupt! You're a shitty moderator!

Observer 'CommerceADK': This is such a bad story. Contemplating leaving a 0.5 / 5 review.

Countless observers and gods wish to see Disciple Peijin’s death!

… Okay.

He winked at the camera, bringing two of his claws beside his eye in a humorous peace sign before flicking off the broadcast.

[I’m sure they don’t mean they want you to die. It’s just so exciting!]

The bright blue screen opened up in front of my eyes, yet this time it was iridescent, gleaming with an almost gold sheen. Half of my small cave had collapsed now, and I could see the sea serpent’s bright orange eye staring at me through a gap, its thin line of a pupil flickering back and forth. Gold and brown veins gave it a horrific look as it continued to peer at me.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ warns that you’re setting dangerous precedents.

My face remained completely nonchalant as I proposed my plan. If other gods discovered that Athena was making this deal, she could face severe backlash—same for Chang, but I didn’t care about what happened to him.

“My sponsor Eternal Wish isn’t one anyone should recognize. Eternal Wish doesn’t exist,” I stated confidently, looking up at Chang. “More importantly, one of my skills is ‘Editor’s Pen.’ I can fully rewrite aspects of the arcs to go the way I want to. That’s how I afforded the shield,” I declared, lifting it up before me.

“Despite my ability to make edits, I couldn’t influence anything involving Eternal Wish. Do you know why?”

Chang blinked absentmindedly at me, clearly confused—but the blue notifications appearing before me gave me enough of a sign.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ says what you’re suggesting is impossible!]

I smirked at the blue screen, looking up at Chang with a cocky grin. “Eternal Wish is a completely unknown god, but he has enough power to influence the early arcs. That should be impossible for any god given the karmic powers. That’s what Editor’s Pen told me when I tried to change my sponsor.”

Editor’s pen hadn’t explicitly stated that; however, the fact my edits were impossible in the story implied that Eternal Wish had unspeakable power. Editor’s pen wasn’t even able to provide an alternate edit like it just did for the shield.

[Eh?! How could you have put all of this together? Are you really a fortune teller?]

Chang replied, completely stunned as he stressfully tugged on his whiskers.

[Ahh, I could make so much money off of this! A disciple this powerful in my broadcast? But I thought Yue said you weren’t a fortune teller.]

I replied firmly, staring up at him. "Yue is right. I'm not a fortune teller."

His small blue head cocked to the side as he stared at me, confused.

[Then how do you know so much?]

With the blue glow of the hindsight skill in my eyes, I appeared menacing in the cave while glaring at Chang. My voice remained cool despite the water splashing against my parted lips.

"I'm a god."

[Hahahahaha!]

Chang burst out laughing, throwing a complete fit while rocking back and forth in the air. His clawed hands grabbed on his tail, tugging and pulling it with each cackle he let out.

[You should go into comedy! There's always an opening with a pretty good star salary.]

"Qiu Feiyu is a disciple in this area who has not chosen a sponsor and has sworn to tear all gods down from the heavens or drag them through hell. The next arc is a personalized dungeon room that'll test every single person in the parties we made. After that, the top parties will battle to pick, and the winning group will pick the following arc out of three proposed options.

"In the ninth arc, Athena will fall at the hands of Feiyu."

At my words, the entire cave fell silent except for the sloshing of water against the cave walls. Chang froze, staring at me with widened and shaking red eyes. Even Athena herself seemed to have vanished from the scene.

[... What are you the god of?]

"Fate and fortune."

[Why are you here as a disciple? You should be in one of the realms if you're this powerful.]

"That's where I'm trying to go back to. So help me, and I'll make you unparalleled in your power and wealth."

Divinity 'The One Who Fights in Front' is stunned.

Divinity ‘The One Who Fights in Front’ says you’re relying on too many assumptions.]

“No assumptions if I’m a god,” I wink. “Besides, what other disciple could have a skill as powerful as mine? Athena, grant me Medusa’s head so I can survive this. If you do, I'll show you the best story out of any other disciple here. I’ll uncover Eternal Wish.”

[https://i.imgur.com/K4Dt2Ss.png]