✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩
As we soared further up the river, I grew more and more tense, apprehensively staring at Wei every once in a while. It had been a while since I’d withdrawn my hand from his shoulder—in all honesty, I didn’t think I was capable of comforting him.
Being his creator, I knew exactly what Wei needed. Emotionally vulnerable and terribly lost, Wei needed security and someone who could both truthfully and endlessly reassure him.
That wasn’t me.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help Wei, it was that I couldn’t. Yang could.
“Peijin.”
“Hm?”
Wei remained silent, not making another sound as if expecting me to fill in the emptiness around us.
Observer ‘Socrates’: Jia Li, you need to do something.
With Wei’s back turned, I nodded at the notification, acknowledging it.
Observer ‘Socrates’: If you comforted Meihua, why can’t you comfort Wei?
I just… didn’t understand Wei. I didn’t understand the endlessly loyalty, devotion, and naivety that defined his character. When writing him, I’d written his downfall with the mindset that all of his core qualities were the flaws that caused it.
I could not, truly, understand the lonely man in front of me. I had memorized every fiber of his being; I knew exactly what he wanted, what he was thinking, what he needed, but it didn’t mean I understood it. I could comfort Meihua because in the end, she had taken the selfish path I would.
If I once held any of Wei's qualities or values, they died in my childhood home. If an inkling of them survived, then they were buried and cremated when he—
The sound of clamoring people filled the air as Wei peeked over the edge of Zhige's blade, staring at the growing riot outside of his temple.
Thousands of people were making their way up the river, some wielding swords and others torches, as they clamored and struggled to burn down Wei’s temple; the citizens who had broken through the wall of Anyang weren’t pleased with the failure of their god and intended on destroying him.
Wei was growing weaker and weaker with the destruction of each temple, but he couldn’t even react apart from the small, growing frown on his face.
Bai stood by the river, doing his best to drive the people back; but, he was struggling, straining to use his rather weak spiritual energy.
Bai was worshiped primarily for his relationship to Wei as his servant, but now that Wei was being ostracized by both his people and the heavenly realm, he was also growing weaker rapidly.
At once, Wei’s face darkened a few shades as he pressed his lips into a thin line, his throat bobbing up and down with a swallow.
“Are they really coming for all of my temples now, Peijin?”
I turned away from him, only focusing on guiding Zhige toward the temple for a smooth landing. “Your Highness, just… go inside when we land.”
“They really are, then,” Wei murmured, squeezing his eyes closed and bowing his head as he hung his legs over the side of Zhige, preparing to jump down as we approached.
As more and more of the crowd spotted our landing, they cried out, screaming and reaching out for Wei, enraged by his failures.
Wei would be taken by either his people or by the heavenly realm. He was trapped in an inescapable double bind, and with every passing moment, it weighed down greater on Wei than it ever had thus far.
“Please, Your Highness, just check in on your parents," I pleaded, "They’re still ill, so we need to keep looking after them.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier for them to stab me to death, too?” Wei asked cruelly, his head still lowered.
Observer ‘Socrates’: Archangel Michael is being released soon, Jia Li. You better hurry.
Agh, I really didn’t want to get skewered by an archangel.
Wei leapt off Zhige, landing by the raging river beside Bai. Bai’s face immediately lit up as he reached out and grabbed onto Wei's stained red sleeve, pulling Wei into him.
“Your Highness, you fool!” Bai cried, his face twisted with tumultuous emotions as he held onto Wei’s arms, gently shaking it.
As I dismounted Zhige, I turned toward the blade with a pained expression before it shrank down to its normal size. I let out a shaky sigh, doubting whether or not I would really be able to change anything.
So far, even though I had changed the entire situation with Wei, Meihua, and the heavenly realm’s persecution, Daji’s influence simply got stronger.
Even though I had found a cure for the demonic disease, Meihua still died, and I couldn’t cure Wei’s parents.
Even though I had altered Meihua’s entire character, she still died at the hands of Daji.
No matter what I changed, and no matter to what degree, it was as if these characters had been chained down by the fate I designed.
I knew my chances would be slim with karmic restrictions, but it was as if nothing I did amounted to anything. And now, as I watched Bai desperately cling onto Wei, trying to uncover just a sliver of the man he once was, I knew the fate of their relationship was sealed.
The only thing I could do was ensure that Wei's karma didn't worsen.
As Bai shook Wei, Wei’s grasp tightened on the bloodied ribbon before he shoved Bai backward, his lip trembling while he struggled to quell his emotions.
“Let go.”
Bai was a little stupid. He figured he didn’t need to have good morals as long as he had Wei because Wei would always make the right decision.
But, all of a sudden, he felt as if Wei now stood on the other side of the world, and no matter how hard he looked for him, Bai couldn’t find him.
“Your Highne—”
Wei whipped around as he felt a civilian breach the barrier and grab onto his robes. With a quick kick, Wei sent the man flying, not even hesitating.
“Your Highness!” Bai shouted in shock, stepping back in shock.
My gaze widened in alarm as I quickly split the two up, standing before Wei and trying to look into his eyes.
“Your Highness,” I said firmly, “Go inside.”
Bai stood back for a moment, finally noticing the absence of Meihua and Ailun. His eyes darted around rapidly, but they would never meet Wei’s.
Wei slowly looked over his shoulder, his brows furrowed as he finally looked toward Bai's feet. “You don’t need to hold up the barrier here, Bai. Let them try and burn down the temple, and they’ll see what a fallen god really looks like.”
Taking another step back, Bai shook his head as he replied, “You don’t mean that, Your Highness. You wouldn’t do that.”
“Your Highness!” I shouted firmly, “Get inside the temple!”
My heart was about to burst out of my chest from the mixture of anxiety and frustration. Wei was already losing himself in his mind, and if this continued further, he would release his rage on the world around him before being imprisoned by the heavenly officials.
As he walked away, he lifted an arm toward the clamoring civilians, shooting them with a beam of spiritual energy and causing many to falter and scream out of the pain and shock. Blood erupted onto the side of the barrier, and many collapsed on the spot, the sound of blood gurgling in their throats and lungs filling the air.
Bai reached out and slapped Wei’s arms down, but Wei immediately pushed Bai to the ground, his entire body shaking.
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If a dog could be lovely and loyal, it could also turn around and snap the arm of its owner, tearing it to shreds.
“Your Highness!” I grabbed his robes and tugged him down to my eye level. “Fucking pull it together! You’re upset, but you can’t afford to wallow in your self-pity! Get inside because we still have to get up and continue tomorrow and the day after that!”
Perhaps it was my own past, perhaps it was the fact that a part of me still saw Wei as a character, perhaps it was a mixture of many things—but my pity for him was quickly turning into frustration at his outward display of weakness.
Scathing Reviewer activated!
As I looked up, I noticed his brows were completely furrowed as tears streamed down his face. Large droplets welled up like glistening, crystal balls before they streamed down his wrinkled and bloody face, and he brought up his torn hands to try and wipe them away before wailing.
My composure faltered.
“Your Highness—”
Wei pushed me aside, walking into the temple, the bloody ribbon wrapped around his forearm, just like how it was when I first met him on the freeway during the first arc.
“Get out of here, Bai!” Wei cried, his voice cracking with overwhelming emotions. “Get out! I don’t ever want to see you again!”
Bai’s face contorted as he softly called back, “Wei—”
“Get out!”
I turned my head around to face Bai, my face finally relaxing as I heard Wei enter the temple, and my complete exhaustion finally showed on my expression.
“Peijin," Bai called.
“Just… I’m tired,” I confessed, sitting on the ground and staring at the civilians clamoring against Bai’s barrier, “Give me a second.”
“Peijin, I’m leaving.”
I looked up instantly, a look of mild surprise on my face. In Surviving My First Run he would die at the hands of Wei, after Gang, but it looked like they would both run away from their fate in this version.
Ha, smart bastards.
I laughed weakly, grabbing the skin beneath my eyes and tugging down before letting it snap back up.
“Alright," I replied simply.
Bai turned away, waiting for me to say more.
“I understand. You can go. I hope you don’t regret it, Bai.”
“That’s all you have to say?” He asked, the hurt apparent in his voice.
I nodded, shrugging with a shoulder. “Is there anything I could say that would convince you to stay?”
“No,” he admitted, “But there’s… there’s nothing I can do for His Highness anymore."
I pointed out, “You were with him ever since you were children, but suddenly this is the end for you?”
“This isn’t the man I grew up with.”
“Then leave. Don’t turn to me to empty your guilt,” I declared, standing up and fishing through my bag, handing him a few bottles of elixir. “You’re leaving His Highness. At least admit that to yourself, and don't lie about it to my face."
Bai, who had been so critical of Gang, and who had always followed his vow to never turn his back on His Highness, was now abandoning all of his values.
Feeling my self-loathing stir, I redirected my anger by questioning Bai, hardly knowing the answer to the question myself. “So, what changed your mind? You found a woman for yourself?” I asked, dropping all formalities.
Bai’s tan face turned wine red, and I got my answer.
Ha, in the end, I was still his creator.
“Then go. You’ve made your decision.”
Without another word, Bai turned around and walked away, enacting a light barrier around him to easily push through the crowd.
And even though Bai left, the weak barrier around Wei’s temple remained.
✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩
“Honey, where are Meihua and Ailun?” Wei’s mother asked, gently pressing her sickly and frail hand against his.
Her once beautiful and alluring face, as stunning as peach blossoms in clear lakes, was caked with layer upon layers of makeup to hide the grotesque black limbs growing out of her body.
Wei remained silent—it was the only way for him to keep his composure—as he gently held the bloody ribbon, not wanting her to taint her own hands with the blood.
She blinked at it before looking up at Wei, obviously confused.
“I,” Wei began, stammering and stumbling on his words, “This is… I…”
Slowly, his mother brought two trembling hands before her face, shaking her head back and forth in complete and utter shock as tears immediately spilled from her eyes.
At once, Wei’s father approached, his face dark and solemn. The sight of his ruined mother, his dying father, and the bloodied ribbon being the last semblance of Ailun and Meihua—all of it was too much for Wei to ever bear in such a vulnerable state.
Defensively, and in the irrational fear of his parents lashing out, Wei took a step back, grabbing onto the ribbon. “I couldn’t do anything! I couldn’t! You don’t understand, I can’t do everything all the time!” He cried, falling to the ground and grabbing onto his hair.
“I can’t! I can’t! I can’t do it anymore! I don’t care if they all die!
“Every single day, I got up, and I killed thousands… thousands and thousands of men died by my hand! And all my people still don’t care about me! They don’t care about me, they don’t care about Meihua, they don’t care about anyone! They don't care about anyone but themselves!
Wei let out an anguished cry, any piece of composure completely lost as he bashed his head against the marbled ground, “Now, I’m expected to come back here, and I need to ward off all of these people from my temples?! I can’t take it!”
“You don’t need to do anything,” his father replied, trying to comfort his sobbing wife, “Wei, you can just stay here. It’s okay.”
His poor, poor mother. Weeping and sobbing and wailing into her own hands at the miserable sight of her son completely destroyed, and there was nothing she could do to help. She knew very well that she was only contributing to his burdens.
“I can’t just wait it out here!” Wei screamed, his hands extended out before him in utter frustration, “Don’t you understand?! I can’t stop until I’m dead or imprisoned! There’s no way out, and I have to work like a dog until then!
“Meihua, Meihua is dead, too. I couldn’t even… oh…” Wei collapsed onto the ground, burying his face into the fabric of his robes to muffle his sobs.
Never, not once, had anyone seen Wei in such a state. He was doubled over, shrieking like a wild animal, and completely inconsolable. His mother only cried harder at seeing her glorious son fall so far, knowing there was nothing she could do.
“I-I’m so sorry,” she cried, her face pitiful and full of terrible sorrow. Her tears made her heavy makeup run down her face, only making her look even uglier. “I’m sorry that your mother and father haven’t been able to help you. We’ve been such a burden to you.”
“Oh… oh… and Ailun, I killed him. It was me. It was with my own hands,” Wei cried out to himself. Was it to himself? Wei couldn’t tell who or where or what or when anything was. Yet, he was trying his best to receive any kind of comfort, any sort of consolation from who he had left.
He needed them more than ever, even if he couldn’t reach them.
“I killed him. It was me! Me! My own brother!”
His father suddenly lifted Wei off the ground and pulled him into a tight hug. Wei thrashed like a suffocating fish, throwing his fists against his sick father’s back. He could feel the demonic limbs kicking out of his father’s body, but his father only held on tighter.
Suddenly, when looking out of the window, Wei caught sight of a familiar figure walking away into the crowd, away from Peijin.
“Bai? Bai!” Wei shouted, immediately wriggling out of his father's grasp and dropping the ribbon on the ground.
He repeated, “Bai! Bai!”
As he raced out, his parents shouted for him, but he couldn’t make out the words. He skid to a halt outside, sprinting right past Peijin before stopping at the barrier.
“Bai! Bai! Where are you going?! Bai!”
Even if Wei had snapped at him earlier, Wei wanted nothing more than to reach his arms out and grab onto Bai forever as if they were still two little boys playing in the Anyang courtyard, talking about their future palace. With a boy who had taken an oath to stay with him forever.
“Bai, don’t you dare! You told me that you’d never leave me! You said you wouldn’t be like Gang!”
“Hey!” Peijin grabbed onto Wei, pulling him back. “Your Highness, let him go! You can’t keep him chained here.”
“Bai! Please! Bai! Don’t walk away right now! I'll never forgive you, I swear! I really won't!”
Bai vanished into the crowd, not turning around.
Peijin desperately looked around, as if trying to find Yue or Yang, but there was nothing she could do other than hold onto Wei, trying to keep him on his feet.
“Your Highness, you need to rest. Please, just go back inside, and I’ll take care of everything out here! I’ll come up with something, I promise you!”
Another migraine shot through Wei, and he fell into Peijin’s arms, groaning in pain as he tried and failed to get up. He couldn’t hear any of her words as she held onto him tightly, refusing to let him go.
Gently pulling him up, Peijin tried to bring him toward the temple before dragging him under a tree, trying to nurse him back to health.
His voice was slurred as he spoke. “Peijin, please don’t lie to me anymore. Is there anything you can do? Please, please just tell me honestly”
To Wei, Peijin’s eyes always held a cold fire. They were like those of a furious cat or phoenix—cruel and unrelenting, but at times possessing an unforeseen vulnerability.
“Don’t talk.”
Wei shut his eyes, giving up.
After some time, Wei finally reopened his eyes, another wave of incomprehensible memories or visions having flooded his mind. He groaned as he gently got up, Peijin lifting him.
The surrounding riots seemed to only get more and more violent, but they were luckily drowned out by Bai’s barrier.
“Your Highness, let’s go back inside. Yue and Yang will be back soon. We’ll all be there for you, so please just hang on.”
Wei limply moved toward the temple like a zombie, his limbs dragging behind him with every step. His breaths were short puffs, and he couldn’t do anything but lean on Peijin as a crutch.
“Your Highness,” Peijin continued to talk as if it comforted her, “I don’t blame you for whatever route you take. But Meihua did what she did for you.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, Wei,” Peijin’s voice cracked as she used his real name, “But, Meihua’s selfishness was just to protect you, all parts of you, from the world.”
Wei remained silent for a moment before finally replying as they stepped onto the steps of the temple, Peijin pushing open the door.
“Then, do you want me to help all those people flooding Anyang?”
“No,” Peijin instantly replied, “I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to do anything at all. Please, Your Highness, just leave it in the hands of others for once.”
Before Wei could even process all the complex emotions behind the small woman’s words, he walked into the temple and turned toward the room his parents were in, the door swung wide open.
Two bodies hung from the ceiling, a familiar bloody ribbon keeping them suspended in the air as they swung back and forth.
Wei collapsed onto his knees.