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Scathing Reviewer [Satirical LitRPG Prog Fantasy]
Chapter 14: Dungeons of Great Turmoil - Ep. 3, III

Chapter 14: Dungeons of Great Turmoil - Ep. 3, III

“Peijin!” Yang screamed, darting toward me and flinging the spear forward, but the wolf had already reached me.

Just before the wolf could clamp down, the blue sweatshirt seemed to be suddenly possessed by a great force as it thrusted upward into the air, dragging me with it. I slammed into the ceiling of the dungeon, cracking the bricks with my body before the sweatshirt dragged me across the ceiling like a mop.

My hands wrangled with the sweatshirt as rocks and debris filled my mouth. “S-stop! I’m already out of the way!” I shouted, twisting the fabric of the sweatshirt while I was being flung like a ragdoll; my body was being smashed and dragged along the eroded walls of the dungeon, flinging loose debris and jagged rocks everywhere.

Observer 'Socrates': ... this is giving me really bad second-hand embarrassment

Observer 'Hedgehog1938': STOP IM LITERALLY GOING TO GET AN ANEURYSM AHAHAHA

Observer 'Nipon23': I'm about to join you

Dammit! This was completely humiliating! I bit down on the fabric of the hoodie, but it seemed to retaliate by repeatedly flinging me up and down and smacking me on the ceiling, then floor, then ceiling again. I was a flattened pancake with all my screams cut short everytime I caught a mouthful of moldy brick.

Divinity 'Supreme Commander of the Heavenly Hosts’ turns away from the broadcast and mutes it.

Even Archangel Michael??

Scathing Reviewer activated!

Blue sparks flew off of the hoodie as it fell limp, causing me to crash into the ground once last time and leave a human-shaped crater. I groaned as I got onto my feet, my legs trembling and my hair resembling a bird’s nest.

The shield was heavy in my hand, but I lifted it before me and prepared to face the wolves; however, as I looked around, the wolves were latched onto one another’s throats, sending blood flying in long red streaks. With wild snarls, they launched at one another and gored each other. One dug its hind legs straight through another's stomachs, digging with rapid and deep strokes, while another tore off its nose.

My eyes widened at the sight before immediately flickering over toward Amelia.

Amelia stood in the front, the hand with the silver cuff outstretched before her. Glowing a powerful white, she wielded the power and drove the beasts toward one another. Yue knelt down beside her and whispered into her ear, presumably guiding her.

Hindsight activated!

Hovering above Amelia's small frame, the towering silhouette of a woman holding onto the antler of a deer in one hand and a bow in the other peered down: Artemis.

Bingo!

The alpha wolf snarled in front of Amelia, its massive scared nose a few inches from Amelia’s own face, but it wouldn’t move any closer. Wide blue and ferociously animalistic eyes peered into Amelia’s own, but she didn’t back up. Her hands began to tremble with the effort, and the light from the cuff began to flicker.

I opened the Azure Dragon Store and searched for a powerful mana potion, throwing it at the ground before Amelia as it erupted into a deep blue gas that whirled around her in a blinding shimmer. Blood dribbled from the corner of my mouth, but I quickly wiped it away and darted up to Amelia, a mixture of amazement and awe in my expression.

With one last violent snap in the air, the alpha wolf was subdued as it pointed its ears back and bowed before Amelia, pressing its head against the dungeon ground. Amelia let out an exhausted sigh and fell to her knees before the wolf.

I gently guided the cuff to the wolf’s nose, and the wolf exploded into white shimmer. Looking down at the amulet, a new engraving of a beastly dire wolf was etched into the metal.

Time left: 19 seconds

As soon as the chest appeared, I flipped it over and dumped out everything, immediately starting the next dungeon level.

“Peijin! We can’t beat the next round!” Wei cried, trying to reach for the chest, but it was too late.

I turned around to face my party while a giant portal formed behind me, my voice rushed and tight. The dungeon expanded once more, this time to accommodate a creature of horrific size. “Trust me! Shut your eyes now!”

A massive foot the size of a semi truck exited from the portal, causing the entire dungeon to violently shake and tremble. Then a pointed snout appeared from the portal, covered in azure-blue scales. Rows and rows of snaggle white teeth covered its face, and menacing red eyes peered down at me.

It was a fully grown Azure dragon, the same kind as Chang.

Appearing before me at three stories tall, I gawked at it in sheer amazement while it opened its jaws, letting out a deafening roar that threw all of us into the back wall of the dungeon. I scrambled back onto my feet and darted forward once more, a thin smile grew on my face as I took a step back, admiring the creation before me with a mixture of wonder and sheer horror.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Yang shouted for me again, his voice loud and hoarse. “Peij-!”

“Keep your eyes shut!”

Time left: 4 seconds

At the sound of my roaring voice, the dragon launched toward me before I could even process the movement. I ducked down and buried my face into my shoulder while thrusting my arm forward.

Medusa’s head squirmed in my hand, and all at once, the dragon fell silent. I slowly opened my eyes to find myself peering straight down the throat of the dragon with its jaws unhinged. Its lower body thrashed, and its hind legs kicked against the walls in a futile attempt to escape before its entire body became no more than a stone statue.

[‘Peijin’s World Dominion’ has completed four dungeon levels.

Your party now has five minutes to collect rewards before the next set of rooms.]

I collapsed in exhaustion before the new, glowing chest. The rest of my party members uncovered their eyes, surveying the empty room.

“What happened?” Wei asked, walking up behind me.

Amelia replied, her voice louder than it was prior to the arc. “Adult Azure Dragon. A lot scarier than Chang.”

Yue’s hands were placed on her hips while she berated me. “What the hell happened to splitting the coins and teamwork? How much did you get from that alone?”

“... five thousand coins," I whispered slightly embarrassed.

“I want to appeal for a shared party bank account. And a union,” Yue angrily retorted as Yang and Wei sifted through the chest.

This time, the chest held various exclusive or rare items and three weapons: a dao, qiang, and jian. With Yang’s spear, my party now had the four Chinese martial weapons.

The jian was a double-edged sword, and this specific one was the Dragon Gulf sword, part of the legendary and precious swords of Ancient China. The initial owner stabbed himself in the thigh with the sword in an attempt to atone for killing an innocent person.

An intricate gold dragon was detailed on the hilt and appeared to be swallowing the blade of the sword. This sword was excellent, even in later arcs, for disciples determined to be “judges.”

My gaze shifted over to Wei, who glanced at the sword with a conflicted expression. It was possible he recognized it from a past memory, but it wouldn’t have been recognizable to him yet.

“You should take the Dragon Gulf sword, Wei.” To my surprise, it was Yang who had spoken.

I gave Yang a surprised look, and he let out a repressed laugh before elaborating. “I was a history major and mythology minor in university. This is a sword of justice, and if Wei’s constellation sponsor is an Archangel, it fits him the most.”

I nodded in agreement, and Wei took the sword. A part of me felt awkward now knowing that I had missed such a key part of Yang’s personal life despite knowing him for years. No wonder he picked up faster on the constellation references than the rest of the party had.

The qiang was a long spear with a glistening silver leaf-shaped blade and red horse-hair tassel below. A spear sword was attached to the long shaft to make it all the more deadly, and written on the blade was the name “Hua Mulan.”

“The Mulan?” Yue posed the question with immense interest, immediately bending down to stare at the spear.

I nodded and handed it to her. “Do you want it? It’s pretty powerful since Mulan is a popular legend.”

For once, Yue actually seemed grateful as she took the spear, testing the weight of it in her hand. I sighed before looking into the chest. Clearly the only thing I had to do to get on her good side was to play into her fangirl tendencies.

The last weapon left in the chest was a dao, also known as a saber. It was a long, thin single-sided sword. Despite recognizing which weapon family it belonged to, I didn’t recognize the actual sword.

It was a somewhat dull silver and seemed to have a dark gray stain within the detailed engravings. The end of the hilt was carved to resemble a flame, the rainguard twisted into opposite directions to look like snaggle teeth. Most notable, however, was the shut eye just below the rain guard. It was a simple, thin black line, almost unnoticeable.

“Yang, do you recognize this? I’ve never read about a dao looking like this.”

He shook his head, confirming my suspicion. “It’s not in any myth I’ve studied.”

It reeked of an ominous spiritual energy—was it potentially a ghost or demon’s sword? Gods typically had spiritual weapons associated with them that were incredibly powerful, but they were subsequently deeply cherished. It should never be found in a dungeon chest of all places.

“Yue, can you grab it?”

“Why? So I die first if it’s evil?”

“...” I mean, she wasn’t wrong, but she didn’t have to put it like that.

I grabbed all the miscellaneous items around it, including a dragon’s broken heart, countless powerful potions, and small sheets of glowing blue paper before dumping it into my expandable bag.

“Are you going to grab it or not, Yue?”

“Am I seriously going to die?”

I shook my head and continued to stare at the sword. “No, but your constellation sponsor is a demon, so he probably clashes with other demons,” I explained, trying to sound like I was crafting an elaborate theory. “If you reach for it and can grab it, then it’s a ghost’s weapon. If you can’t, then it’s a demon's.”

Yue sighed but reached down to grab it, yet just before she could grab the hilt, an invisible boundary pushed her back and small blue sparks flew out.

“Must be demonic then. Thanks, Yue,” I gave her a friendly, but rather powerful, slap on the shoulder before bending down to grab the dao.

It was rather heavy, not because of the material but rather how overwhelmingly powerful the evil spiritual energy was. I spun it around a bit before inspecting the stunning hilt once more. Although hindsight was helpful, it didn't seem to recognize the weapon at all—this dao must not have originally existed in Surviving My First Run. But, was I going to turn down a demon's spiritual weapon?

Absolutely not.

“I’ll take this one then. No clue what it is, though.”

Suddenly, my arm locked, and my hand felt welded to the silver hilt. I let out a sharp cry as the dao began to violently tremble, sending giant orange sparks flying off of my arm. It carried waves through my body as I gripped my shoulder to try and regain control of my arm.

The eye on the hilt opened instantaneously, revealing a blood red iris with a snake’s pupil glaring straight at me.