Courage was a familiar stranger to me. I found him at the weirdest times. When I’m angry, upset, tired and sick of the world. When it's convenient, or maybe when it’s a good day, I could sometimes almost grasp him, find something in myself I didn’t know I had. But by now I had begun noticing a familiar pattern. Whenever I needed him the most, he vanished. Like the avatar.
See, just like my friends, my courage only stuck around while the weather was fair.
As the roars of the crowd died down, I did what I did best. I turned my tail and fled. The lions chased after.
As the cheers of the crowd became boos, I remembered, far too late, that the correct course of action was to turn around and stare the lions down. Well, no use crying over spilled milk I suppose. Crying wouldn’t do me any good.
Not that running would either. But what else was I meant to do? Fight a lion without special powers? I almost died already! Once was enough for the day.
Not that I had much of a choice in the matter. By the looks of things, I was going to die a second time. I probably would’ve, if the world didn’t just freeze.
“Calling… Lydia”
Accept?
[Y/N]
I clicked yes. “Lydia! Quick, there isn’t much time! I’m here in the colosseum and lions are trying to eat me!”
“Oh dear. That sounds… dreadful.”
“You have to help, get me out of here! Quick, please! I’m at 1% battery!”
“A battery? Like a lightbulb battery? Also, what is this… ‘per-cent’? Is it a currency?”
I blinked. No shot…
Lydia continued, oblivious. “This is… new. Why is there a blue screen?”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t used a computer before?”
Lydia’s voice was wavering. “Erm… computers? Like… like those math girls at NASA?”
The f*ck? How did she know harem isekai, AIs, and adventures but not computers? And I thought the state of my school was bad. Apparently it was even worse in heaven!
“Ok ok, besides the point.” I said hurriedly as I looked at the battery. Still 1%, hanging in there. “Do you know how to help me?”
“I’m not sure! We’ve been using clipboards since a hundred years ago!”
Right. She was probably older than my grandpa. And even more clueless about technology!
“Wait! What does the screen say?” I asked desperately. “I can walk you through.”
“It says, erm…”
[System]: Battery Depleted. You may not access the main menu until recharge is complete.
Ah, f*ck.
I dove to the floor as the lions pounced. I saw one on my right, another on my left. Then more, and more, everywhere, until all I could see was a sea of brown and yellow. I tried backing up, but then I felt the cold, stone walls of the colosseum behind me.
No. No. No. No. No.
The lions had surrounded me. They formed a semi circle, staring at me from every direction. One begin slowly padding forwards, snarling with his sharp fangs bared. I caught a whiff of his breath, still stinking of blood and torn flesh. It was all I could do to not vomit.
It was then that my salvation appeared. A blank screen hovering above the colosseum.
Loading video…
Then Lydia’s face appeared, looming over the arena from high above. “Roland?”
I looked around nervously. The lions were fast approaching, and the crowd was cheering them on. My fellow victims were huddled near the other end of the arena, forgotten, for now. The lions had teamed up on me. Identified a threat and decided to work to eliminate it? Or did I just look too tasty?
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Whatever the case, I would soon be their lunch unless I did something. So I did what I did best.
“Lydia! Help!”
“Roland? Wait… where are you?”
“Right behind you!”
Lydia frowned, and I saw her turn around in the screen. I cursed.
“No, your screen! You see the colosseum, don’t you? I’m on the other side!”
“Oh!” I heard some frantic clicking from her end. “Wait! How do I turn it around?”
Oh no.
“Is there an instructions manual anywhere? A help button?” I tried.
“I don’t know! I’ve never used any of this before!”
F*ck.
One lion lunged.
I howled in pain as teeth clamped down on my arm. I jerked spasmed, bled. Then the lion prepared another bite, and I yanked my arm away. Just in time.
95/110 (+3 bleed, lose 3 HP per cycle until staunched)
I heard a cracking sound as the lion crunched down on empty air.
I ran again. Clutching my arm. The pain was gone, but I could still feel a lingering sting. An aftershock. Like phantom fangs, still locked onto my arm.
“Ah ha! I think I’ve found it!” Lydia’s voice came. “It says… uh… what’s right click?”
You’ve gotta be kidding me…
“The right part of your mouse!” I yelled as I dodged another swipe. But the next caught me. Lydia’s next words were lost on me.
The world turned red. Blood splattered over my face. This time, I was too hoarse to even scream. Helplessly, I turned around, only to stumble headfirst into the jaws of another waiting lion. I took a breath, and jammed my arm down it’s gullet before it could take a bit somewhere else more… sensitive.
Crunch.
HP: 37/110
I found the voice to scream again. Bones snapped, tendons ripped, flesh teared. But this time… I couldn’t yank my arm out. The lion held fast, eyes burning red. Then they started watering. I heard a muffled gurgle.
“No way…” I croaked.
The lion thrashed, and I held on for dear life.
“Roland! Are you okay?”
I flopped in the air as the lion began shaking, choking, desperately trying to get my hand out of his airways.
“I’m getting mauled by a lio- oof!” I winced as I hit the ground. “As I… ahhh!” I went through the air again. “You motherf*, do I look ok? Do something!”
Well, she couldn’t see me, so I guess she couldn’t tell.
Her voice rose a few pitches. “I’m trying? What’s is this ‘mouse’ you are speaking of? Can’st thou see my efforts?”
Wait… was that…
“Lydia! Modern English please?”
I could hear her gasping for breaths, calming herself. “I- sorry. When I’m nervous-.”
“All good.” I said, struggling to stay calm myself as a lion choked on my arm. The mouse, the thing in your hand! You see there’s a left side and a right side, yeah?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, so-” A lion bit down on my leg. “F*ck!”
“Pardon?”
“Drag it! Hold the right part down, drag it!”
I saw the hovering screen in front of the colosseum begin to shake. It drifted left, then right. Then up, and down. Randomly, suddenly, like some badly animated videogame character.
“This way!”
Lydia’s oversized face swung in my direction. “I see you!” She said excitedly. “You… oh.”
The lion on my hand gurgled one last time.
Now, if you’re like me, you’d be saying: what the actual f*ck? But don’t worry, it all makes perfect sense in hindsight. See, Lydia explained it to me some time later. When designing a basic game health system, it almost never worked according to plan. Early users would lose body parts, organs, etc. Now, they wouldn’t die, of course, but it made for some pretty shitty quality of life and eventually user complaints would force a change. No matter how much force was exerted, you couldn’t be separated from your birthday suit or anything underneath. Except blood, of course.
All that went out the window once you died, so it was technically balanced. But then, I just choked a lion to death by doing nothing, so you could say it was overpowered? Well, in any case, I digress.
Where was I?
[System]: Enemy {Lion} slain! +500 XP
[System]: Level up to level 6! [please select your reward]
[System]: Level up to level 7! [unlocked, {new chat}]
My health jumped all the way back up.
But then, there were still five roaming about, and two of them were chewing on me.
“Get them off me!” I shrieked.
“I’m trying!” I heard frantic typing on her end.
[System (admin)]: Kill all the lions.
Huh?
Lydia continued pecking at the keyboard.
[System (admin)]: Please? Kill the lions? I’m begging you!
“That’s now how it works!” I kicked at one lion. It released one of my legs, and then promptly bit down on another. I winced. “Try /help!”
[System (admin)] slash help
“No no. The slash! Like… on the keyboard!”
“What’s a slash?”
Like… the sideways L, the letter. Lowercase.” I quickly added. “You can- ahh!” I heard a snap.
[System]: HP: 18/100 (message too long, please access the menu to enable long text notifications)
[System (Admin)]: \help
Another lion approached, salivating hungrily. It opened its maw wide. Rows and rows of sharp, dagger-like teeth came into view.
I didn’t even have the heart to feel scared anymore. I sighed. Like the helpless inmate, walking to death row.
Then the jaws came down around my neck. I gurgled. Blood flooded my throat, hot and sticky. Teeth closed in, and I felt my windpipe get crushed.
I couldn’t even scream.
[System]: HP 15/110 (message too long, please access the menu to enable long text notifications)
[System]: (message too long, please access the menu to enable long text notifications)
[System]: (message too long, please access the menu to enable long text notifications)
[System]: (message too long, please access the menu to enable long text notifications)
I thrashed, kicked my legs. The world disappeared. All I could see was the faint glint of light reflecting off yellow teeth, and the slimy flow of blood. Then darkness.
[System (admin)]: /help
[System (processing…)]:
Commands:
/playerinfo - outputs player’s information
/power - edit’s player’s game based powers
/pause - pauses the game
/kill {entity} - kills {entity}
/charge {link} - links player’s {charger} to target device {link}
[More…]
[System (admin)]: /kill {lion}
[System (admin)]: /kill lion
[System]: HP: 12/100
[System (log)]: Error; worldSetting.cheats=false
[System]: HP: 3/100
[System (admin)]: /pause
[System (processing)]: