Snowflakes drifted through the Seedling Palace. Beyond the tips of the gigantic trees the snow poured down in heavy drifts and howling winds snatched it sideways. Prevna was out in that. Freezing, wind lashed, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

I punched the stuffed practice dummy in front of me.

Here, in the Seedling Palace, the snow was more spectacle than anything else. A pretty contrast against the purple and blue black needles until they melted in the Palace’s constant even temperature. The winds also didn’t howl here unless the goddess willed it. The rest of the seedlings and whisper women, along with most of the firestarters, were wrapped up in celebrating the First Flurry. There was food and drink, stories being swapped, weather watching, symbolic starts to cold season work. It was a lucky time for new beginnings, so likely there were new relationships being forged and projects being started.

I wanted no part of it.

Not the crowds nor the merriment. Prevna needed to earn her boon and she could take care of herself. I knew that. But I also knew the agony I had gone through in the storm of storms, so I took out my frustrations on the practice dummy.

Everything would be changing soon. I needed it to in order to become a whisper woman, but change didn’t typically bode well for me. I made my choice and I’d stick with it. That was fine, but it was finally starting to feel more real. That I’d be joining a sect and likely separated from the cohort unless some of the others decided to join the same one. Even then the dynamic would likely change.

I’d be fine on my own. I had my knowledge, my skills and boons, and I was doing what I could to sharpen them. I’d make myself so competent that no one would dare look down on me.

There was only one problem.

Nights like this reminded me that I’d gotten used to not being on my own. Not completely. I wanted Prevna near or, if I couldn’t have her, maybe someone from Wren’s gathering. Someone I knew to some extent.

The thought of letting even more people in, getting to know them, was daunting. Nauseating. Even if it would be the smart move to make more connections among my new sect, it still felt like I’d be giving the other person a knife and asking them what they’d like to carve out of my chest. Prevna I could trust, but anyone new? And with the sect politics that were likely to come into play?

I kneed the practice dummy.

No. Not unless I wanted to be naive and idiotic.

I didn’t.

I beat on the practice dummy until I was out of breath and everything felt slightly numb. Just to the point where I could interact with others without feeling like I’d snap at every little thing. Then I left the small, forgotten practice area and made my way back to Mishtaw’s home.

Her group was inside: Eliss, who’d think I ruined the celebration no matter what I did, and Creed and Petra and their son. I considered going in. Even just sitting in the alcove set aside for us while they continued to celebrate.

Laughter wafted out of the home and I decided to sit on the bench on the balcony instead. I could always go back to the practice grounds if I needed to if I stayed out here, while trying the same inside would just draw questions.

I watched the storm and tried to be glad that Prevna wasn’t being assaulted by a dozen different kinds of weather at once. Really, though, all I could draw up was frustration and worry. Frustration that she was in a position that I had to worry about her and worry that, despite all assurances, something could still go wrong while she was earning her boon.

And this was just a taste of what it would be like when we were in separate sects. Though perhaps the benefit then would be not knowing what dangerous things she get involved in so I couldn’t worry about them.

She could handle herself. I had to trust that—nor would she be alone. Wren would be joining the Beastwatchers too and there’d be the other people in the sect. She was better at getting people’s good side than I was.

I heard the door flap get pushed aside and I watched Mishtaw step out, glance around, and focus on me. She strode over to the railing next to the bench and gripped it.

“I thought you might be out here,” she said. My mentor kept her gaze out on the storm swirling all around the Palace. “Difficult to relax?”

I nodded.

“Control is a wonderful illusion, but the world has a way of reminding us that’s all it is.”

My jaw clenched. I’d still control what I could. “Shouldn’t you been celebrating with the others?”

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Mishtaw ignored my jab. “Do what you can and others will too.” She caught my gaze. “Whatever sect you pick remember that it doesn’t define you. Not its goals or ideals or whatever else the whisper women you’ll meet will say. Don’t let it swallow you. If you need a reminder come to me and I’ll set you straight as your mentor.”

Part of me was surprised she’d still be willing to associate with me. There were times when my stubbornness exasperated her to no end. “Even if I don’t join the Seekers?”

Her expression turned resolute. “I was your mentor before your choice and I’ll still be after. I’ll do what I can for you.”

Her show of support wasn’t Rawley’s personalized pouch or comforting patience, but I still appreciated that she had given me what she could.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at the rare display of gratitude and nodded before gesturing back to her home. “Join us?”

“Not yet.”

Mishtaw went back inside without pressuring me to change my mind. I was grateful for it. No matter how lonely it might be, this was better than forcing a smile or ruining the mood inside the dome. They could have their celebration and I could watch the snow in peace and quiet. A bit of solitude to center myself before the cermony.

I only went inside when the others left and Mishtaw and I settled down to sleep.

- -

The declaration ceremony was going to be held in the Gathering Spot, the same place where I had been judged and lost healing for a second time even as Mishtaw was assigned as my mentor. I had no desire to enter the tunnel full of luminescent symbols again, but if we had a choice about what order we entered in then I was determined to be the first.

We were given special robes. The whole robe was the color of fresh pine needles. A sprout with a single branch had been stitched onto the back of Prevna’s robe. My own was blank, though I did have what looked like a storm circling my sleeves.

Mishtaw explained that the leaves represented the number of invitations to the sects a seedling had earned. Dera would have a full sapling with six branches and I had none, which were both rare in their own way. The storm around my sleeves meant that I had earned all my boons which meant everyone would know I had braved the storm of storms and won. Apparently, it was even more rare to have a blank back and storm sleeves. I was glad that they didn’t insist on listing out our blessings and what wellspring we earned. Mishtaw said that any competent person at the ceremony would like know those any way—this was more of a symbolic power play, so everyone would know at a glance how badly a seedling was wanted when they first entered the Gathering Spot.

There were also bets on which sects might have invited which seedling and if the seedling would join this or that sect and how many of us might join a particular sect and so on. The symbols helped inform the odds. I didn’t like wearing anything that helped others decide my worth, but I couldn’t get out of wearing the robe.

Prevna helped me get my hair put up into a braided bun before she set to work on her own hair. I wasn’t allowed to help since she said I was good at two hairstyles—my normal braid and her ponytail—and neither was fancy enough for the ceremony. Which was true, but I didn’t like that I couldn’t return the favor. Instead, I got us some food so we wouldn’t get hungry. She did appreciate that. She also appreciated my concern about how her tempering went, but she never offered up more information than that it had been cold and she was looking forward to braving the Warming Winds.

We packed up our things so they’d be ready to be delivered to the sect of our choice by firestarters after the ceremony. I wanted to keep my pouch with me or even my eating knife, but the rule was special robes only. No weapons, no accessories. So I put the pouch at the bottom of my pack and hoped no one would be stupid enough to mess with it.

After that it was time to gather with the rest of the cohort and their mentors and friends on Departure Branch. It was a large branch in the Peacekeepers’ tree that was perpetually covered in deep shadow, so that if the goddess’s army need to move en masse they’d always have a place to do so from the Seedling Palace. It wasn’t a place I had ever had reason to visit before since any other shadow in the Palace had worked just as well for my needs, so I wasn’t expecting the sheer number of people packed onto the sides and surrounding branches.

We had walked through the Seedling Palace, which had seemed suspiciously empty, rather than take the shadow paths at Mishtaw’s instruction. Likely so we wouldn’t end up randomly showing up in the crowd. Now it seemed like all of the Seedling Palace from the black handed healers to the whisper women and firestarters were watching us. Murmurs swelled and died as we made our way down the branch’s gentle slope to where it flattened out.

Wren was already there with Chirp fluttering over her head and Dera a few steps away. Both of them were being mobbed by well wishers. Ulo was also further down with Andhi. A smaller group was around them, though most of them seemed to be trying to speak to Andhi over Ulo.

A loud swell of chatter came from behind us and I twisted around to see that Breck was a crowd favorite. Loclen, Nii, and Juniper seemed to be swept along in her wake though there was interest in them as well. Ento and Idra sauntered in last.

My robes seemed to act like a warning to keep others away. Esie’s sister came with Kaylan, the lazy sentry, to congratulate me on making it to the declaration ceremony, I got a nod from Malady in the crowd, but other than that only Hattie, the Peacekeeper squad leader who had given me the nickname ‘Little Diver’ came to greet me. It helped that I didn’t need to be polite to hordes of people I didn’t know, but I also couldn’t help but notice the larger gatherings the others had.

I suppose I could also count the reluctant nod of acknowledgment I got from Eliss after she finished speaking to Prevna as well as Creed and Petra’s cheering in the crowd. That was something.

Prevna also had a smaller crowd than the others due to her time away from the Palace, but I noticed that a handful of random people were willing to go up and congratulate her. She deserved every bit of praise she got.

Then it was time for us to line up in the middle of the branch so that everyone could see us easily. Mishtaw announced that we were to enter the tunnel to the Gathering Spot as soon as we stepped out of the shadows. Our skill with shadow walking, our very first boon, would determine our order.

I allowed myself to smile and imagined myself as a stone plummeting into black waves.

Soon the ceremony would truly begin.