Barra didn’t have a hair out of place when Tufani asked the whisper woman to take her to the village through the shadows, so I doubted she had gone back to sleep like Tufani originally told her to do. It made me wonder if Barra had simply spent the time getting ready or if she had eavesdropped on the conversation for some reason. Not that there had been anything particularly exciting for her to learn.

The clouds had begun to separate enough overhead that the shadows of the regular pine trees had darkened enough for us to travel through them with some extra effort. When I made my shadow path it no longer felt like I was pushing ineffectually at a stone wall; instead, the shadow I wanted to exit from was a tent flap tied closed with an irritating number of knots. I got through it, but I’d never be proud of how long it took.

Wren and I had to catch up with Barra and Tufani since the whisper woman had a longer range than we did and less difficulty with the shadows. Wren kept glancing at me like she wanted to say something, but I kept my focus on the snow in front of my feet and she kept quiet.

For few minutes.

“You really like to run out into storms, huh?” False cheer coated her voice.

I clenched my jaw and didn’t reply.

Wren didn’t give up. “Prevna wanted to come too, but she didn’t think she’d make it through the shadows and slogging up the cliff didn’t make sense.”

I had put that much together on my own. Wren had picked up traveling between two shadows right after me and it didn’t make sense to send multiple people to tell Tufani or Barra about my disappearing act, especially when the cohort knew exactly where to find them. Wren had the best chance of going through the shadows and warning them quickly, which she did. Even if it was embarrassing to have her find me drinking tea at Tufani’s table after my dramatic exit.

“She’ll be relieved you weren’t lost and frozen in some random snow drift,” Wren continued. “Why did you leave the hut? We were talking Ulo down—she shouldn’t have come after you like that.”

I kept marching through the snow. Impatient to meet back up with Tufani and Barra. Wren might be cute, but, at the moment, I wished she would just shut up. Luckily, we did fall in with them while she was still giving me time to answer and then she kept her questions to herself. We caught up right outside the village, so there was only about another minute of walking before we reached the hut we had been given.

Tufani whistled, sharp and clear, outside the door flap and a moment later an answering whistle came from inside. She swept in with Barra while Wren and I slipped in on their heels. Chirp swooped down on Wren’s shoulder and immediately began to twitter quietly into her ear.

Prevna stood to the right of the entrance and when she saw me her shoulders relaxed while she let her head tip back against the wall. Her clear relief made part of me want to go running for the trees again, but I held my ground. It might be dangerous, but I knew it was already too late to put the proper protective distance between us. If I tried it now it would only hurt us both, like it had with Fellen.

I couldn’t—wouldn’t—do that again.

Now all I could do was try to make sure no one used her against me.

The others were all in their usual groups. Ulo holding court with Andhi and Nii on the opposite side of Prevna, but not near the door. Juniper, Idra, and Ento sitting in the back corner on Prevna’s side with Loclen and Dera between them and her. Breck watched over the fire in the middle of the hut.

Tufani thumped her cane. “I will not tolerate Sprouts running loose in the storms. I will hear from each of you what happened and if you try to lie you’ll get to look forward to only running laps around the lake for the next three days. No other training. I don’t care about the snow.” She met everyone’s gaze in turn before speaking to Barra. “Will you take them to Grandmother? She can put them to work while I speak to them individually.” She faced the cohort again. “I want your individual accounts. The truth. Not whatever story makes you and your friends sound the best.”

Barra led Wren and me back outside with the rest of the cohort after we grabbed our cloaks, except for Ulo. Tufani had singled her out to go first. Apparently, she had noticed more about our group dynamics than I would have given her credit for.

Barra dropped us off at the Rookery Grandmother’s hut, let her know what was happening, and told her that we weren’t supposed to speak to each other until Tufani said so. The Grandmother took our intrusion into her space gracefully and set us to work on a handful of small, miscellaneous tasks.

Prevna bumped her shoulder against mine as she stepped past to sit a pace or two away from the spot I was heading for. I would never admit it to her, but I felt some tiny, stupid worry uncoil in my chest at the friendly contact.

Time crawled by as we waited for Ulo to appear. I paid more attention to the tent flap than the tunic I was supposed to be repairing until the Grandmother idly asked if there was something wrong with her door that she should know about. We all paid better attention to our tasks after that.

An eternity passed before Ulo finally entered the hut and told Wren that she was next. Wren went a little pale at that, but she got up and left without a fuss. The Grandmother had Ulo take over Wren’s task while I tried to guess how her meeting had gone with Tufani. The splotches of color on her face could have been from her throwing a fit or from walking through the freezing air outside. She held herself stiffly, like she needed to maintain rigid control over something that no one could take from her, but it also gave the impression that if someone pushed her just a little bit more she’d explode and start ranting or bawling.

Tempting. Even just to see which extreme she’d fall into, but I kept my tongue behind closed lips. Setting Ulo off wouldn’t do any good—no matter how good it might feel to crack her semblance of control in return—especially with the tribe’s Grandmother keeping a keen eye on us.

Still, Ulo caught me looking at her and scowled back at me. Clearly blaming me for everything that had happened. So I deliberately let my eyes glaze over and looked away as if she wasn’t even there, nothing she did could touch me. It had the desired effect. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ulo get even angrier at the silent dismissal.

Prevna gave me a bit of a censoring look before rolling her eyes in amused exasperation for getting another rise out of Ulo. We both knew it wasn’t exactly the smartest move, but it was satisfying.

Juniper was called to be interrogated by Tufani after Wren and Andhi after her. An eternity of waiting between each one, pretending not to watch the hut entrance, trying to read them when they returned. Wren looked concerned, Juniper gave nothing away, and Andhi was upset.

And then there was the next and the next and the next.

Prevna gave me a smile and a nod when Dera called her name. I couldn’t do anything but hope that she wouldn’t lay out my weakness for Tufani to inspect and poke at. I didn’t need anyone else knowing about the memories. Even if there wasn’t a good explanation for my reaction otherwise.

When she returned, she shrugged at me with a look that said everything was taken care of before Prevna settled down to nibble on a bit of food she had in a pouch and got back to work.

I didn’t know what to think.

Part of me was glad that she was so confident that the meeting had went well while another part couldn’t help but still worry about what she might have shared. And a third part…rebelled at the idea that I needed someone else to take care of anything for me.

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I was the one that solved problems. For better or worse. I took care of things and I didn’t need anyone else to take care of me. I was in control. I had to be.

Even if Prevna had saved me from staying frozen. Even if she had brought me food and helped me out when I got stuck on the wrong side of the garden. Even if she hadn’t judged me when she learned I had been a healer’s daughter.

I took care of myself. Sometimes I took care of others.

No one took care of me.

That’s how it had always been.

But Prevna had never done what I expected, acted in a way that made sense. She declared that we’d be friends based on a feeling she had. She had poisoned me when we first met and I had never been fully free of her since. She was too persistent and just the right amount of annoying and understanding.

Like a huntress’s poison that worked its way into a target and then left it vulnerable without killing it.

I stared at the ripped poncho in my hands without actually seeing it. My breaths got a little shorter even as I struggled to regulate them, so I wouldn’t give anything away.

I couldn’t cut Prevna free from me. I knew that. It’d do as about much good as trying to cut poison out of a body. I also knew that I didn’t want her to go, not really.

But that still left me with the problem that had just slapped me across the face.

What was I supposed to do about this gaping vulnerability? I could protect Prevna from others, stop them from getting to me through her. But I couldn’t protect myself from her actions. Her kindness or censure, her ability to read me, the decisions she made that she thought were in her or my best interest.

I wished I could run away again.

But that wouldn’t solve anything. It never did in the long run.

“Gimley.”

My head jerked up. It wasn’t Prevna who spoke, but Breck. Calling me to go talk with Tufani again.

I handed Breck the poncho I was supposed to be repairing and headed out into the snow, thankful for the reprieve. It was only a short walk between the two huts, but the cold and open air helped me push back the rising panic and focus on what was coming next.

I was the last one to be called, of course, since I had already talked with Tufani, but I didn’t like that I didn’t know what she was going to ask now that she had spoken with everyone else.

As I got close to our hut, I slowed down my steps and tried to walk as quietly as possible. Just in case there was anything useful I could learn by listening in. I had to get right up next to the door covering before I could make out anything more than a muffled voice.

“—worse every year I swear.” That was Tufani.

“Jin isn’t known for her teaching skills.” And that was Barra.

“And no one else can be spared?”

“Of course there is. I even heard there’s a fire starter who volunteered, but the commander isn’t going to let anyone else take over until Jin stops trying to fly free of it. You know what she’s like.”

Tufani made a derisive noise of agreement. “And we have to deal with more arguments and fool rivalries in the meantime.”

“As long as they know the pointy ends of their weapons and the basics of the boons, the sects will leave it be. They’d rather the girls care for their sect sisters and set them straight with their own training than meddle with the Peacekeepers’ spat because the new seedlings don’t get along.”

“We’ll see if they even know that much if this goes on much longer.”

I wanted to keep listening, but I didn’t doubt that they’d get suspicious if I didn’t show up soon, so I pushed my way into the hut. Tufani and Barra both stood by the fire, and Tufani let Barra stay to listen in this time. I stopped a couple steps in and waited for Tufani to ask her questions.

“Do you have anything you want to add to what you told me before?” she asked.

“No.”

Tufani snorted. “Of course not. I understand you don’t do well in tight, crowded places?”

So Prevna had given her a better reason for why I might go running off into a snowstorm. I couldn’t really blame her for the partial truth even it did make the earlier anxiety flare up again. Prevna didn’t know everything, but she knew more than anyone else about me—and she could share it.

She could decide I was too much and leave.

“Gimley?”

I struggled to hold back my spiraling thoughts and focus on the current situation. Prevna wasn’t here. But Tufani was and she wanted her questions answered.

“No, I don’t.” My voice was tight, bitter.

“And that’s why you ran out into the storm?”

“Like I said, there was an argument and it was better for everyone if I left, so I left.”

Tufani gave me that look again that said she knew there was more to it than that. The difference was that this time she thought she knew what I wasn’t saying.

Barra spoke next, “We heard that your mark doesn’t let you die.”

I crossed my arms and waited.

“Is that why you thought it was fine to brave the storm?”

I met her gaze. “Does that matter?”

Tufani decided to try another approach. “Can you tell us more about the argument?”

I honestly couldn’t remember much about the specifics of what Ulo had spouted off. My focus had been on trying to claw my way out of the memory every time she said something that triggered it.

Still, I didn’t mind laying the blame at her feet.

“She started ranting at me while I was minding my own business. I wasn’t going to take it lying down, so I pushed back.”

“And?” Barra prompted in her gentle voice.

“And then I left.”

“I see.” Tufani considered me for a long moment before she turned to Barra. “Would you mind getting the others? It’s time we settle this.”

Barra glided past me and left.

Tufani settled her gaze back on me. “Do you have any intention of letting go of this quibble with Ulo?”

I shrugged. “She’s the one who insists I’m terrible and life-ridden.”

“Are you?”

“No.” She didn’t need to know my history.

Tufani nodded and gestured for me to move to the side. I did, and when the others entered with Barra it wasn’t surprising to notice that we were arranged in a gradient from who got along with me the best to the least. Prevna looked like she wanted to bump shoulders again but she held back this time.

Tufani thumped her cane against the ground. “We all have our obligations to the goddess.” Everyone stiffened as she brought the goddess into the conversation. “It’s normal to squabble and fight, but we can’t let those things drive us into stupid stunts or get in the way of our obligations. My obligation is to train you and keep you safe until you leave the Rookery. I have heard all about the spat between Gimley and Ulo, the bad blood leading up to it, and more besides. Step forward, Ulo.”

Ulo obeyed though she was still tense and didn’t look like she appreciated being called out first.

Tufani shifted so she faced Ulo more fully. “Being life-ridden is not a crime. It is a necessary, unpleasant burden some bear so that we can better serve the goddess. The obligation of those few. To be clear, Gimley is not life-ridden.” Those were words I doubted anyone in my tribe would agree with. Words I never expected to hear. Still, what Tufani said next cut through the pleasant surprise with all the finesse of a blunt knife. “She is not a healer. She can no more cut free of her blessing than you can be rid of yours. So what do you expect to accomplish by accusing her over and over again?”

Ulo faltered before rallying, “She is—”

“No.” Barra cut her off. Her voice was still gentle, still calm, but I couldn’t get rid of the image of implacable ice in my mind. “Blessings inherently can’t be life-ridden. They are of the goddess. She can take Gimley’s blessing away whenever She wishes, just as She can do to any of us.” That reminder made the whole hut somber. “If anything, I am glad that I will not have to come as close to death in the manner and number of times the goddess no doubt intends for Gimley.”

Prevna drew in a sharp breath by my side.

Tufani picked up the lecture where Barra left off. “I know you mentioned other things you think condemn her, but she has already been judged for those things by the Mistress of the Scales. It is not for you to judge her separately from that.”

I wasn’t sure I liked how swiftly information seemed to spread among the whisper women though it was interesting to learn just how much information Barra seemed to share with the Tamer.

“Step back, Ulo.” Tufani gestured to me. “Gimley, step forward.”

I did. Head held high, back straight. Not a touch of weakness for anyone to connect to my flight from the hut.

“Stop needling her.” Tufani’s declaration flicked out like a whip. “You don’t have to like each other. You don’t have to get along, but that doesn’t mean you have push Ulo to the breaking point every time you interact just because you can. I know she started it this time and that you weren’t in the best frame of mind, but I also know that this was latest incident in a string of them. Belittling your cohort isn’t the answer.”

It sure could be satisfying though, especially against insufferable girls who tried to tear me down every chance they got. Still, if Ulo actually listened to Tufani and Barra I’d be fine with going back to ignoring her. I could stop insulting Ulo. If I wanted to.

Tufani continued, “Don’t think you’re safe just because you can’t die. Not every danger is life threatening but they are still storming terrible to go through. I’m sure life-threatening danger hurts just as much when it doesn’t kill you as it does for someone dies. You won’t get a reprieve from it. Remember that next time you get the urge to sprint out into a shamble maker or some other fool’s errand.” She gestured at me. “Step back, Gimley.”

Then she settled her gaze over the rest of the group. “Try not to let disagreements fester. As you can see that doesn’t help anyone.” Tufani thumped her cane down again. “Now we’ve wasted enough time on this. I expect to see you all up at my hut within the hour. Then we’ll move on to the shoots. Run!”

We ran.

And no one had the breath to say anything as we forced our way through the snow. Insult or kindness. All we could do was reflect on what Tufani and Barra had said.