Being comforting, in all its forms, did not come naturally to me. I didn’t want to touch Dera and I didn’t think saying “stop crying” would be taken well or get the desired effect. Prevna and Wren both looked at me though as if Dera’s tears were my fault and responsibility. I flicked my attention between both of them, silently hoping for some advice or help. Prevna gestured for me to approach Dera, but I stayed still. I wasn’t keen on getting more involved into a unknown situation.
When I didn’t immediately move to stop the crying Wren shot me an exasperated look and turned to her companion. I looked back at Prevna, whose amusement at my obvious discomfort was only tempered by her concern for the redheaded girl.
Prevna shifted her stance so that she could whisper without the others overhearing, “You know, standing there like you’ve been caught out doing something stupid isn’t going to help the situation any more than if you at least tried to stop her crying.”
I hissed back at her, “Why don’t you do anything?”
She huffed out amused breath, “I don’t remember doing anything to make her burst into tears. Can you say the same?”
I glowered back at her. We both knew I couldn’t.
Prevna made her go-ahead gesture again, more insistently this time.
I turned my attention back to Wren and Dera and took in the scene before me. Wren had her back to me, hands braced on the other girl’s shoulders, while she occasionally said some comforting words and Dera hid her tear streaked face behind her hands. Chirp, surprisingly, wasn’t anywhere to be found.
I swallowed and took a few cautious steps forward. What was I supposed to say? Or do? It wasn’t like I had been particularly close to either of them before I had been forcibly taken to the shore. Nor did it help that the flutters of nervousness that always wanted to rise up when I was around Wren threatened to do so now. I crushed them down and resolved to do what I preferred to do when confronted with an unknown situation.
Get information.
I cleared my throat and spoke, though my voice was more hesitant than I would have liked it to be, “Why are you crying?”
Wren pulled Dera further into her arms and twisted slightly so that I was in her sight line. An irrational spark of jealousy flashed in my stomach at the sight followed quickly by shame when I reminded myself it wasn’t my place to care about who Wren embraced. Not when I hadn’t bothered to think of her over the past month.
When Wren answered my question I forced my gaze away from her arms and up to her face. “She blames herself for your fall and punishment. If she hadn’t grabbed your wrist she thinks that everything would have been fine.”
From the tone of her voice, Wren held me somewhat responsible for Dera’s distress. I couldn’t say that I didn’t blame the red haired girl for what happened, at least in part, unless I wanted to lie. A lie I wasn’t sure I could pull off easily right now. Nor was I in the mood to accept full blame for the fall; for what happened after, fine, but not for my slip off the thin paths. If I had still had my protective cold distance, then I more than likely would have been focused enough to get across the narrow bridge safely.
So, instead, I tried to bypass the the issue. “Oh. Well. I’m back now?”
Prevna sighed audibly behind me and all of Wren’s usual cheer was devoid from her face and posture. Instead, she radiated resentful disappointment at me before focusing back on trying to comfort Dera who was making a visible effort to stop crying.
I glowered a bit at the back of her head. She should have known what she was going to get when she expected me to comfort Dera in the first place, not be annoyed at the results now.
Dera managed to mop up most of her tears after a long, awkward minute before offering me an apologetic, embarrassed look over Wren’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for grabbing your wrist. And crying. I…I’m sorry for everything you went through.”
The rare, unexpected apology shocked me. I didn’t deserve it. As much as I wanted to, and did, blame Dera for the fall, it had had more to do with my own background and problems than anything to actually do with her. I knew that even if I didn’t want to admit it.
Prevna’s presence pushed at me from behind. If she hadn’t helped me I would likely still be frozen to my core right now. And Dera looked awfully a lot like Fellen had when I cut up her gift.
I didn’t want that. Couldn’t handle it.
“Why did you grab my wrist?”
Dera looked up, surprised, at my soft question before taking a few steps free of Wren’s embrace and tucking some hair behind her ear. She kept her eyes on the ground when she answered, “I…I wanted to know where you were planning to go look, so we could coordinate different areas. But you were already moving away and…” she trailed off.
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I wanted to growl or groan to relieve the frustration boiling up behind my ribs. Of course, it had been for something competent that I had overlooked in my hurry to move on with my training and escape Jin. Part of me wanted to snap at her on reflex, but I held my tongue until I found something useful to say.
“Next time, don’t grab me. I don’t…take well to being touched without permission. Just say my name or something. If I don’t respond then it’s probably better to leave me alone for awhile anyway.” I drew in a breath, glanced at Prevna, and then added, “Don’t feel guilty about my punishment. You had nothing to do with me attacking those two whisper women.”
Dera swallowed thickly while silence reigned on the housing platform. Wren was caught between surprise and appraising me, and Prevna looked worried about something.
Dera spoke into the quiet, “The fall, though, it could have been much worse.”
“I can’t die.”
She glared at me, suddenly angry. “Can you recover from having all of your bones shattered?”
The implication that that’s what would have happened if I had missed all the branches and hit the ground or one of the roots was left unsaid.
I pressed my lips together and didn’t answer because I didn’t want to say I didn’t know, especially when my previous recovery rates leaned the answer towards probably not. I’d survive, that much was certain, but the state I would be in or heal to wasn’t nearly as obvious.
We all stood there for a few more minutes in awkward silence. I couldn’t think of anything else to assuage Dera’s guilt, other than the obvious lie that she wouldn’t believe, it wasn’t a good time to ask Prevna what had suddenly turned her so pensive, and I had nothing remotely appropriate or useful to say to Wren. The others seemed to be in a similar situation as we all took turns pretending not to look at each other.
Finally, Prevna shook herself out of her thoughts to ask, “Can you tell us more about what you learned about earning the boon of shadow?”
Wren brightened, clearly pleased to have something to focus on. “Of course! Let’s go into our dome and I can show you what we found so far.”
I took a few moments to set my things in my own dome and center myself. Thankfully, neither Loclen nor Nii were inside, but it still felt odd to be inside the sleeping space again. Like I had been gone for years instead of little over a month.
Once I felt like I could face the trio again and focus on the task at hand I approached their dome and whistled to let them know I was outside. Wren brushed the curtain aside and beckoned me in.
Inside, Wren settled onto her bedroll. Prevna and Dera were already sitting on theirs, so that they all faced each other. Oddly, Prevna didn’t give me a mischievous look and pat the open space on her bedroll. Still, sitting next to her beat sitting next to either of the other two, and I could tell Dera was going to protest, repeatedly, if I tried to sit on the floor. So I sat on the end of Prevna’s bedroll and she snuck a wide eyed look at me when I did.
I nearly rolled my eyes. If she was going to feel guilty about pushing my boundaries now of all times, then it was more than a little late. Despite what I said to Dera, and the truth that I didn’t like being touched as a general principle, I had come to expect Prevna to try to get close and it felt odd for her to not do so now.
Besides, the discomfort of physical contact mostly came from the implied vulnerability and unexpectedness of it. It wasn’t something I was used to. However, it got easier as I got to know the other person, like with Fellen, and it helped that I knew Prevna took comfort from it. That reminded me that I could take comfort from the physical contact if I wanted to, too.
Still, just to give Prevna a taste of her own medicine, I shifted closer to where she sat and took some small pleasure in watching her eyes bug out in wary shock.
Wren held up a small, deep blue, perfectly round stone. “Do you remember the stone Chirp found hidden in the statue of the Beloved’s hand?”
Of course I did, especially when it was held out in front of me. Prevna and I nodded.
Wren smiled. “We found more.”
She pulled out a small pouch from her things and dumped out its contents on the floor between us. Seven more stones, each a unique and impossibly vibrant color, rolled out. Deep, rich green, bloody russet, white as bone, mourning yellow, ember bright orange, glossy violet, and warm brown.
“You think these are the key to getting the boon?” Prevna asked.
Wren nodded. “When I asked Jin about them she didn’t really give me an answer, which isn’t all that surprising given what we know now. After you all left, Dera, Loclen, Chirp, and I scoured the whole of the Seed Landing as much as we could. We kept finding these stones. The trouble is that we still seem to be missing four and we’re running out of places to look.”
I broke in, “How do you know you’re missing four?”
Dera spoke up, “You know the tunnel staircase right after that statue? We kept finding the stones in notable places and it seemed unique enough, so even though it was right next to where we found the blue stone we went to check it out. We didn’t find anything at first, it was always too dark, but then Loclen had the idea to bring one of the pine cone lamps from our domes—”she waved to the one currently glowing softly overhead, “—and it became really easy to spot what the tunnel was hiding. We didn’t find another stone, but we did find that the branches of the tunnel make twelve eyes on one side of the staircase. The stones fit right into them.”
I had no desire to go down into that pit of darkness again.
Wren added, “If you add a drop of blood onto the stone when you put it in, the stone glows, but it doesn’t work if you try to do more than one. We think it might be a hidden doorway or something.”
After a handful of moments Prevna mused, “Twelve spots and there’s twelve of us.”
I was immediately put in mind of all of Jin’s lectures and lessons that pushed us to work together. I doubted it was a coincidence.
Wren tilted her head in acknowledgment. “We think we have to get the others to help to reveal whatever the eyes do.”
Prevna smiled dryly. “How hard can it be to get them to hold a stone in place?”
I kept my gaze on my hands, so I felt more than saw them all glance at me. Wisely, no one chose to comment out loud the difficulty my presence would likely cause.
We ended the meeting shortly after given that, overall, the premise was absurdly simple and Wren and Dera didn’t have much more to say other than to speculate where the last stones were. Nor did I have an answer about how we could convince all of the others to help when my blessing and attitude disturbed more than a few. I might be able to adjust one, but not both.