My plan really started taking shape when we figured out that the Grignarians, as hired mercenaries, had the same buffs as our creep. They were immune to Seething Miasma, and everything we'd taken from the previous level that boosted our creep was making the Grignarians a force to be reckoned with.

As the sun sank lower, the Seething Miasma moved up the valley, and the Grignarians joined us. Skywarden Greenlight gave us that funny Grignarian salute, raising fleshy pseudopods to its forehead and wiggling them. "We hope you are refreshed by your time on the planet of your birth."

"Thanks, Greenlight," I said. "Hope you've been enjoying yourself as well."

"We were able to find and destroy several groups of enemies," Greenlight said cheerfully. At least I think it was cheerfulness. It's hard to tell with the Grignarians. With the system not translating their words and expressions as well as everyone else's, they felt stiff and formal, even when they were talking about disemboweling people.

By now, the Seething Miasma had made it past the bridge. That's what we had been waiting for. The streams of minions creeping through the cave slackened off as most of the others dropped dead. Ours were still heading for the rally point that we had set in between our little cluster and the group of aliens milling about down by the bridge.

We waited for a few of them to pile up as we went over the plan. Sage was super excited about this. "I can't believe I get to be instrumental to a plan for once," she said in delight.

Just ask yourself, 'What would Shad do?' and then don't do it, Juana advised her from chat.

"Hey!”

Sage giggled. "Shad, I think your girlfriend likes me better than you.”

"Everyone else does," I muttered.

"Wait, girlfriend?" Frank asked. "When did this happen? You had a busy time back on Earth, Shad?”

"Not now," I told him. "We've got a fight to plan."

"Right, right," Frank agreed.

The aliens started to stir, moving about a little more, muttering amongst themselves. As the Seething Miasma reached us, I inhaled and felt a strange weakness all over my body. I checked my stats. Everything was half what it should be, and there was a big red "Debuff: Seething Miasma" at the top of my stat sheet, just like we'd expected.

The incoming creep halted, and then all the ones that weren’t ours keeled over, coughing and spluttering, before expiring into a shower of sparks as the Seething Miasma killed them. Ours continued mindlessly to the rally point between us and the enemies at the bridge. We had a couple of dozen skeleton pirates and angry pigs waiting, milling around and shaking spears and cutlasses at the galactics.

"All right, go," Grandpa said. He and the forward team, Mongoose and a couple of the others, crept down the valley under the cover of Jones’s Camouflage. The rest of us were waiting with Lara for the signal.

As soon as they got close, Grandpa moved the creep lure and tossed it right into the middle of the knot of enemies. They didn't seem to notice at first, as our creep turned and marched inexorably on them, the skeleton pirates and angry cannibal pigs making their way forward.

Then a couple of the nearest orcs spotted them. The orcs pointed and almost lazily reached for their weapons, stepping forward and firing laser guns or unsheathing big swords.

Sage tossed down one of her Three-Barrel Race points just behind where we stood, readying it for later use. She leaned forward, cackling in glee, as our creep kept coming. I watched with satisfaction as more of the alien mob turned in dismay as the orcs shouted for help. That debuff was a hell of a thing. It made our mobs effectively twice as powerful as they had been.

"Let's go, Lara," I said. She activated her minivan ability. Immediately, ten of us were transported right into the middle of the fray. Sage dropped another of her barrels in the middle of combat and the last one on the bridge behind the boss. Then she teleported back to the safe spot to wait for us to call her in.

Meanwhile, I drew my gun and started shooting. Grandpa and the Mongeese emerged from Camouflage, Grandpa wielding his tomahawk and taking coup as the Mongeese unloaded their machine gun from the emplacement they'd set up ten feet away.

It was like shooting fish in a barrel. The enemies had only started to fully react to our creep when we burst in on them. They outnumbered us, but they weren't working as a team. My group focused on the orcs, taking them down one at a time as Juana called instructions to us.

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The Grignarians just strolled down to the edge of the fight and taunted some of the space elf group. I mean, literally taunting. It wasn't an ability or anything. They were just standing there, yelling insults and threatening to desecrate the sacred places and lay waste to the bones of the ancestors of their enemies or some such nonsense. It got the alien space elves hopping mad, though. They charged in recklessly, long, pale silver or purple hair streaming out behind them as they hacked and slashed with gleaming, beautiful swords.

The Grignarians used their purple melty guns to great effect. I made a note to see if the Grignarians might sell us that technology. I hadn't seen it from anyone else, and I suspected it was their own work rather than one of the common designs that most of the reality engine species liked to use. That purple goo really made people angry. I know from experience it was hideously painful to have your face or arm melted off. Hard to concentrate with that sort of thing going on.

As we made a dent in the enemy, I worked my way up forward to the edge of the bridge where I spotted the boss. "All right, trying plan one," I said, though I didn't think it was going to work. That was why we had plans two through seven.

I targeted the boss and cast High Noon. "He's immune," I called back.

Okay, Shad, based on the other data we're seeing, plans three and four are no good. Go ahead with plan two, but be ready to switch.

“Roger,” I said. I used my reload ability to swap out the rounds in my Ruger Alaskan for some special ones. I aimed at the boss and fired. I didn’t need to use Trick Shot at this distance; I couldn’t have missed if I tried. Not after over a year of solid practice with the gun. That revolver was like part of me. I felt more comfortable with it in my hand.

My first round was a knockback round. It hit the Chort square in the chest. He staggered back a step on his cloven hooves, but that was all. We had hoped we’d be able to knock him back off of his bridge onto the opposite shore. We weren’t sure what that would have done, but it was worth a try.

“No good,” I reported.

The Chort raised his head, wagging his little goaty beard, and met my eyes. His were yellow with slits. He snickered. It sounded like a goat’s bray. “You will not pass me so easily. My father has set me to guard this gate and guard it I will, though it is beneath both my skills and my dignity. You servants of Belobog will not trick me!”

That sounded like a narrative hook, a hint to how we were supposed to play this game, but I didn’t care. I made a note to ask Gideon about it, and then used Trick Shot to fire my next bullet, aiming at his lower half with a Napalm round.

It hit him square in the groin. I held back a wince. Orange fire burst out from where my bullet hit and swiftly enveloped him like the most painful loincloth imaginable.

He howled and grunted, but that was all. He didn’t have quite as much health as the old one we had fought at the end of round two. Not as much as Podaga either, but he didn’t take much damage from my round. He was at [377/400] HP, and showed no sign of falling lower.

No luck getting him to jump in the river? Juana asked hopefully.

“No,” I said. I was relieved. If the plan had worked and he’d been swept over into the river, we might have lost the keys. Wasn’t sure how that was going to work.

All right, go for plan five.

“Sage, you’re up!”

“Three, two, one,” she counted.

I cast Call ‘em Out. One of my class upgrades had made it so Call ‘em Out worked on bosses, and the Chort was no exception.

Unfortunately, it also worked on all of the enemies around me. They immediately targeted me, but we’d been ready. Frank was all the way back at our initial starting point waiting. As Sage teleported in using her three-barrel race, Frank hit Emergency Responder and swapped places with me.

I was abruptly right back where we’d started, Frank was in the middle of the crowd, and all of our enemies were streaming up the valley toward me, ignoring everyone and everything else.

“Get ‘em,” Grandpa bellowed, and we fell on the enemies. I say “we,” but I was standing back at the start like a dummy.

Sage appeared right behind the weird boss. She darted forward. “I got it! I got it!” she shouted, holding up a key and waving it.

“Inventory!” Grandpa snapped.

“Oh, right.” The key vanished, and Sage ran away just as my Call ‘em Out wore off.

Some of the aliens kept on heading for me. The rest sort of paused and turned, putting their attention on whoever was closest. The boss started after Sage, who shrieked and ran faster. It was fine. We had achieved our objective. Whatever of the aliens we took out now was just a bonus. There were still about fifteen of them, enough to make some trouble for us. We wanted to minimize our losses, but we could afford a few to get this done.

"Keep it clean," Grandpa bellowed.

But I was watching how the goat-man was chasing my sister toward the edge of the cliff. I activated Fastest Gun in the West, and I charged across that valley, straight through the melee, right at the Chort. I grabbed him around the waist. We stumbled forward. We were a foot from the raging river.

"Impudent human!" the boss-guardian, hissed at me. "My father will not be fooled by your treachery. You face many—"

I didn't want to hear it. I pushed him in the river, and I toppled in after him. The current grabbed at me, pulling me down. That was fine. I was immune to water-based damage. The boss wasn't. He started ticking down as we were borne away along the river. Rocks tore at my coat, inflicting a few points of damage, and probably more than a few points, to my clothing.

"Shad, what are you doing?" Sage howled.

It's fine. Finish up here, I texted back. Maybe we can block anyone else from getting in. Make up lost time.

It was dark now, the sky overhead lit by a half-moon, but I could still see the spray of the waterfall and hear its roar just up ahead of me. The goat creature struggled, trying to reach the shore. I grabbed him with both hands and shoved. "Let's see who respawns first!" I yelled as we went over the waterfall.

The last thing I heard before her shouts were drowned out by the noise of the waterfall was Sage yelling, "Shad! You dummy! You did it again!"