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Not My First (Space?) Rodeo [A Sci-Fi Action LitRPG] (Book 2-5)
3.3 - Honey, It's Raid Night: How To Convince Your Spouse to Handle ALL the Childcare Duties

3.3 - Honey, It's Raid Night: How To Convince Your Spouse to Handle ALL the Childcare Duties

A trio of shorter than average humanoids with balding heads and thick beards appeared and blocked my path. “You! Desecrator! We are here with a warning!”

I studied them, but my brain was busy telling me, These are dwarves. These are definitely dwarves.

They were wearing lederhosen and heavy boots and had axes through their belts. One of the three had a full head of golden hair done in braids and a braided beard. With a start, I realized she was a woman. Definitely dwarves.

"Uh," I said, then regained my composure. "Are you sure you're talking to us?”

“We know who you are,” the one with a white beard told me. He poked one thick, stubby finger at my chest. "You are one of our rivals. You share the valley with us."

"Ah," I said, "nice to meet you. We hadn't figured out who we were up against yet."

Juana took a step forward, spreading her hands. "We are willing to discuss cooperation."

"No cooperation," the elder dwarf spat. "We Akazan will have nothing to do with defilers and those who consort with the unsouled.”

I shared a look with Juana. "I'm sorry?”

“You deny having made an alliance with those?" He swept his arm out and pointed dramatically. I turned to look where he was pointing. About thirty feet off, past another six clumps, were tall, misshapen, three-legged, tentacle-faced aliens. I recognized them at once as Grignarians, though whether they were the ones we had teamed up with or not, I didn't know. "You deny making common cause with those?"

"Oh, right," I said. "We had a temporary alliance." And a deal to hire them as mercenaries in Phase Three but I wasn’t going to share that.

"Bah!" That was the female dwarf. "So it is true. We will enjoy teaching you a lesson."

"Look, I know those guys aren't the most popular, but we needed their help.”

“And so, you will find you have chosen your vein and now you must mine it," the dwarf said. "We look forward to beating you to the treasure that awaits.”

With that, they threw their hands up in a three-fingers-up, two-fingers-touching gesture that made me think of death metal bands. I stomped off. Juana stared after them. "What on earth has gotten into them?"

"I don't know," I said, "but I'm really starting to wonder why everyone hates these Grignarians so much. I'll have to ask Veda when she's got some time.”

“It is simple."A tall man wearing robes strode through the crowd. They parted to let him through without even seeming to notice he was there. He had a bald head and a necklace with a symbol on it.

I recognized him. "Patriarch Kvaltash?”

“Human Shad Williams. I do not know your friend.”

“This is Juana Lopez, the brains of our organization."

Juana blushed. "Patriarch, I am pleased to meet you."

"So you don't like the Grignarians either?" I asked.

"It is not a matter of liking," Patriarch said. "They are not children of the Progenitors."

"Oh?" I frowned. "I thought the beings who created these reality engines had gone and reprogrammed themselves into the DNA of all of the worlds that would eventually produce intelligent life. Your people and mine and the orcs and the lizardfolk, we're all progenitor spawn."

"That is correct," the Patriarch said. I wasn't sure how I felt about this particular cosmological revelation. I'd never been worried too much about where I'd come from, considering my own family tree on one side looked like a kudzu plant. But the thing of it was, I didn't see how it made any difference right now. Even if we were all cousins deep, deep down, it hadn't prevented the Galactics from royally screwing us miners over and stealing Earth’s inheritance out from under us.

I shouldn't be surprised, considering what we humans had done to others who were undeniably of our same species.

"The Grignarians are not the children of the Progenitors," the Patriarch said.

I scratched my head. "I know they're kind of funny looking, but how's it you know for sure?”

"They, unlike any other sentient species we have encountered, are unable to absorb soul coins. Therefore we know they did not inherit souls from our ancestors."

"Wait, wait, wait," I said. There was a lot to unpack here, even ignoring the bit about inheriting souls. "Are you saying they don't get soul coins? 'Cause I thought that was the only way we were able to be here, to participate in this reality engine at all."

"They have admittedly very clever technology," the Patriarch said. "It allows them to interact with the reality engine on a virtual level. But they do not attune, and they do not experience the reality engine as the rest of us do."

The Grignarians were getting more and more interesting by the minute. If they had technology to interact with a reality engine like that, then they must understand it a whole lot better than anyone else here.

"So that's why everyone's so mean to them?" I said.

"They are trying to take an inheritance that is not theirs," the Patriarch said, as though that explained everything. "They are soulless. My order teaches to treat them kindly when we encounter them outside of reality engines, but when inside, we show them no quarter. It is no fault of theirs that they have no souls."

“It's possible our translators aren't handling words right," I said. "When you say 'soul,' you mean?”

“The eternal spark which is and was and will be," the Progenitor said. "That which bonds with a soul coin in order to attune to a reality engine. The part of a being which continues after that being's physical death."

"Right. Okay. So it is more or less the same thing." I rubbed my head, wondering if they really had proof of eternal souls and if the Grignarians were truly missing out.

Juana spoke up. "Where did the Progenitors come from?"

The Patriarch turned to her, beaming. "My daughter, you have touched on the central mystery of my faith. Indeed, that is the question that drives us all on. Where did they come from? Where did they go?"

“Didn’t you just say they turned into us?”

"Some of them did. Some of them, we know, became the heart and mind of these reality engines they left behind. But we have clues, tantalizing clues, that some of them went elsewhere, remaining much as they were. It is possible that they are still out there, somewhere deeper in our galaxy, or perhaps in the void between galaxies, waiting for us to mature enough to meet them and understand them. My own belief, one that is permitted yet not endorsed entirely by my church, is that this is a grand cosmological cycle that just as the universe itself expands, then contracts, then expands again, renewing itself every time it runs low on energy. So too are the Progenitors and the reality engine a cycle. In time, we will ascend to become the creators of reality, those who can shape worlds with a thought, to wield the power that right now seems to us like magic. In that time, we will understand why it is that the Progenitors made the choice they did, and we shall face the same choice ourselves. We shall begin the cycle anew."

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Great. An alien cultist with apocalyptic beliefs, and I needed him on my side because the Church of the Progenitors was the one who had gotten us the Phase Three license, and I wasn't sure yet if they could get that revoked. I cleared my throat. "Thanks for speaking with us, Patriarch, and thank you for backing our entry here into Phase Three."

"Indeed," the Patriarch said. "I must say I have slightly exceeded my mandate here. We saw early on signs that this reality engine might retain more memories of its Progenitors than the average when we saw how your species tunes so deeply with the engine."

"How's that?" Juana asked.

"Your classes are a clear example," the Patriarch said. "Most reality engines offer their sponsored species a set of 6 to 8 easily defined classes. Warrior, monk, healer, that sort of thing. Your engine has at this point offered 5,762,314 distinct classes. No more than 10 humans share a single class, and that class is Soldier."

"Really?" I said. "I assumed that was a standard reality engine thing."

"We have seen it a handful of times before. When you have engaged in as many reality engines exploits as we have, everything comes up sooner or later. It is, however, a sign that the reality engine retains more of its original core. This is a good thing. It is my fervent hope that if you humans manage to penetrate the core far enough to claim a share of the reality engine, that it will reveal some of its truths to you. By the terms of our license, you must turn over all data you collect from your endeavors in Phase Three."

I nodded. I had seen that clause when we accepted the license endorsement from the Order of the Progenitors. I hadn't liked it, but it only said they could see our data after we had finished, not before.

"Now," the Patriarch said. "Excuse me, please. The announcements will begin shortly. I suggest you find a seat."

He moved off through the crowd before I could say anything. "What seat?" I asked, and Juana pointed. A little farther on in the room, rows and rows of pale white backless benches had risen from the floor. The partygoers were moving toward them. Juana and I joined the throng. The benches were long enough for five or six people to sit. We took the end of one, and a moment later, a pair of orcs plopped down at the other end. They ignored us.

As everyone was seated, the light around us changed. Purple faded to black, green lightened to white, and a glow started at the front of the room. A moment later, it blossomed into light over a raised dais where six people were seated. A seventh, the Patriarch, was climbing the six metal steps leading up onto the dais. He took a seat at the end of the row, and the system began to speak.

[Welcome, sponsors and team leaders of Phase Three. Thank you for attending tonight's function. This informational period will be short. At the end of it, information packets will be made available to your entire team. And after the auction, you will be permitted to return to your outposts to continue preparation for the opening of Phase Three.]

"Auction? What auction?" Juana and I looked at each other. She shrugged, clearly having no more idea than I did. Someone tapped my shoulder. I looked back. Grandpa and Veda were seated on the row behind us. Grandpa was grinning.

"Don't worry. Veda's been filling me in on this," he said. "We'll want to stick around for that."

"We even have any funds?" I asked.

"I've tapped a line of credit," Veda said. "We actually should be making quite a bit of money from our Phase Two earnings, but that's all going through a brokerage right now, so we don't have cash. They're not willing to extend very much credit because even though you've done incredibly well on Phase One and Two, nobody's ever heard of an Indigenous group in Phase Three before."

"Good, then they're underestimating us," I said, though I felt uneasy deep down. I turned my attention back to the stage.

[Tonight we have with us the heads of sector for our three major backing corporations, Proxima, Alabaster Sky, and ConSweGo], the system continued. Three of the beings on the stage waved hands.

[We also have Patriarch Kvaltash of the Order of the Progenitors, Guildmaster Gorak’Tal of the Crafters, and our Greater Galactic Observers, as appointed by the Milky Way Galaxy Reality Engine Exploitation Committee.] The last two raised their hands. I made a note of them. Outside observers might mean nothing, like when the UN sends in peacekeepers to watch atrocities committed and sends sternly worded letters to those responsible, or it might mean they have the power to shut all this down with a snap of their fingers.

[They, together with your hosting reality engine, have hashed out the details of this exploit's phase three rule set. As some of you have guessed based on our opening statement, you will be facing a multi-part adventure challenge.]

Images flashed up in the air in front of the dais. Pictures of varied earth landscapes, and then fantastic buildings, temples, castles, towers, fortresses, imposing structures I had no name for. Then, an assortment of creatures. There was some sort of giant mermaid hurling lightning tridents, followed up by a dragon breathing fire. Then, a couple of yeti in a snowy glade bent over the corpse of a bear. Images came faster and faster, showing fantastic creatures and oddly dressed humans. Dark haired men wearing olive leaf crowns and togas. Tall willowy women in sarongs. A man dressed in what looked like traditional Ojibwe costume. A woman wearing a grass skirt and flower necklace.

[Drawn from the local planet's history and mythos, these challenges will stretch your teams as never before. You will be tried in combat. You will be faced with puzzles of wit and intellect, skill and luck. Those who pass the first challenge will have an opportunity to go even deeper. Work together with those in your challenge group, or thwart each other, but once you have passed the first challenge, you will be asked to choose a faction to join. Those exciting details are being kept secret until you’ve earned them, but we can promise your faction will matter in ways you can’t even imagine yet!]

“Of course they’re not telling us anything yet,” Grandpa grumbled. “I bet you anything the galactics know more than we do.”

“You see how the observers are here in person?” Veda said. “That’s unusual. Someone has filed rule complaints. That could be good for you, or bad. But it means everyone is going to be pretending to follow the rules. They might be in the dark as much as we are.”

[Details about your individual challenges must be gleaned. Some challenges may take more than one attempt to pass. We look forward to seeing your best!]

The images faded. A murmur of voices filled the room. Patriarch Kvaltesh rose and began to speak. I realized after a moment he was giving a ritual benediction or perhaps an invocation of the Progenitors.

Juana leaned over to me. "Do you understand what we're looking at here?"

Grandpa leaned forward to hear my answer. "Yeah, I think I get it," I said. "It reminds me of some games I played a little bit in the army when I was in places with decent internet. It's called a raid. It's where multiple players work together as a group to take on a series of related bosses. Usually you have to take out one boss before you can progress to the next. Sometime’s there'll be a reset every week or so, so you have to start over again from square one. But each boss drops loot so it gets easier and easier. Plus, once you've done a fight once, you know how it's done. I'm not sure that that's how this is going to work, though. But it does sound like it's going to be multiple bosses that we have to learn to defeat.”

“I guess that doesn't sound too bad,” she allowed. “We'll have to see how it goes.”

“Hopefully by the time we get back downstairs, the rest of our team will have gotten better intelligence than this. If it is a raid, though, I would expect the environment around the outpost will give us some clues. Like, we'll be able to identify what sort of challenges we'll face based on the wildlife we find. Or maybe there'll be ruins that point us in the right direction. I was thinking our location looked like it might be Eastern Europe. So maybe it's got a basis in mythology there.”

“So we could be going up against Dracula?” Grandpa asked.

I shrugged. “I’m not really an expert in that area of the world But somebody out there will be. And hopefully Arjun can put us on to them. That might give us a leg up.” I shut up because I didn't want any of the aliens around to get the idea to start researching Earth history and mythology in order to get clues.

The patriarch finished his invocation and raised his hands. "Enjoy the evening, my children," he said. "The auction begins in two hours. Until then, enjoy the hospitality that is offered."

Music struck up from nowhere I could see, a cheerful waltz. It wasn't anything I recognized, but probably could have been from Earth. People around us rose, pushing back their benches and heading out.

I turned to Grandpa. "We done here yet?"

"Nope," he said. "Come on. Can't leave until after the auction anyway. You should try to enjoy yourselves."

We started moving toward the edge of the crowd. Veda talked quickly, filling us in on details of the people we passed. We had almost reached the edge of the crowd, when she stopped dead. I nearly ran into her.

I pulled up short as a Human man I had hoped was out of my life forever approached. He was wearing a uniform, too.

“Major Waters.” I couldn’t keep the sneer out of my voice. I kept my hand at my side.

“Lieutenant Williams.” He nodded. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“First, it’s Captain now. Second, I’m not saluting you. You’re a disgrace to that uniform.”

Grandpa intervened. “Waters. What are you doing here?”

“Just escorting a friend of my new employer.” He turned to the woman with him. “Go ahead, it’s your turn now.”

Beside me, Veda had turned pale. She was staring at the woman with Waters. The other woman looked like she might be the same species as Veda, with that pale, ethereal look that didn't quite come up to space elf standards. They even had same silvery eyes and hair.

"There you are," she said. "I've been looking for you all evening."

I got a glimpse of Veda's face. She looked knocked back. “Mother? What are you doing here?"