About a minute after my conversation with Grandpa, a system notification popped up. [Attention! This floor will be closing in two minutes. Please make your final selections and proceed to an exit.]

I hurried away from the stairwell I'd been lounging in and regrouped with what remained of my party. By now we had sent three of the Misfits, as well as Bill and Bob, back to our outpost. Jones and Smith were arguing over the merit of a treasure they'd found.

"Give it to Brown and let's get out of here," Grandpa snapped. "What does it mean by exits, anyway?"

"Probably that," Sage pointed at a glowing green aperture about a hundred yards behind us that definitely hadn't been there before.

Brown took our find and disappeared. The rest of us made for the 8-foot tall green rectangle. I plucked Grandpa's sleeve. "You think the timing of this is a little odd?"

Grandpa nodded. "Keep it quiet. We'll go to Threshold after we're done and debrief."

I had a suspicion growing in the pit of my stomach. The system was always here, always watching. We knew from what Ames had said that it had various subroutines that would bring matters of interest to a higher level of attention. I had the feeling the message I had just received from the ghost in the machine wasn't something the system approved of.

I wondered if perhaps the ghost had slipped it past the system's watchdogs. Now the system was trying to get us back under control, move us along through the scripted adventure.

I stepped through the portal and emerged in an echoing hall. Statues lined the walls, Greek sculptures depicting various gods and heroes from legend. I recognized some of them as definitely Earth-derived and wondered if the system was rewriting this level on the fly. The previous rooms had been Progenitor-influenced. Had it scrubbed off interesting details, or was it rewriting everything for us?

Tall Smith examined one of the sculptures. "Hercules and the Nemean Lion," he said. "This looks like a wing of a museum to me." He crouched and tapped the plinth. "See? Label and everything. I thought it must be when there was no paint on the statues."

"Museums are a great place to find other people's treasures locked up behind glass," Grandpa said. "Keep a sharp eye out. We'll loot the place if we get a chance."

We proceeded along. Statues gave way to vases, equally ancient-looking, equally boring. The hall ended at a rotunda. Seven other halls ran off the rotunda like the spokes of a wheel. In the center was an enormous glass case with a fancy chandelier hanging from the cupola above.

I approached the case. It was full of trinkets, gems, brooches, little feathery contraptions, all small items, all looking either valuable or made with care. Grandpa stepped up and looked over my shoulder. "That," he said, pointing at a pipe in the corner, "is an authentic ceremonial pipe."

"The tag says it belonged to Sitting Bull, that it’s a chanunpa," I said.

A system pop-up appeared, telling me that this pipe could be used to buff a party. All members of the party, after passing the pipe between them, would share a three-hour blessing; their first attack against a new enemy would automatically hit, the first attack an enemy made would miss, and they’d gather Soul Coins at an increased rate. It made me a little queasy, seeing a replica of what should be a genuine historical, and cultural, artifact used to apply a game mechanic. But it was a pretty damn good buff at that.

The other items had similar abilities, all aimed at buffing a party. I suspected Phase Three was going to involve more direct combat than this phase had so far. Like everything else we had looted, they were soul-bound, and anyone who claimed one would be transported out of the event immediately.

Grandpa opened the lid of the case. Immediately, an alarm went off. "Warning! Intruder alert! Security has been alerted to your presence. Warning!"

A timer popped up. Five minutes. I didn't know what would happen when we got to zero. Another system message appeared. [Get out if you can. Five of your party must remain to complete this event. Escape pursuit or be eliminated from this event].

"Right," Grandpa said quickly. He pointed at various party members. "Mitch, you grab that pipe. Annie, that blue diamond there." He handed out assignments, keeping me, Sage, Tall Smith, and Jones in reserve. Fifteen seconds later, we were the only ones standing in the hall. "Let's get clear," Grandpa said.

"Where?" I looked around. The halls all looked identical.

Sage had hurried over to the side of the room where a tall pillar separated two of the halls from each other. "There's a map here," she said. "Emergency exit this way." She pointed down one of the halls, and we took off running.

I kept checking my map, looking for other miners’ dots. We sprinted past museum displays, showcasing mankind's achievements throughout the years. I didn't have time to get a good look at them, but something about it felt off, like we were being shown parodies or mistakes. There was a picture of the Great Wall of China being built, as though someone had photographed it. It showed hundreds of corpses being laid in the foundation of the wall. I was pretty sure that was BS. Decaying human bodies are not structurally sound.

The next one along had columns of distinctly Viking-garbed slaves being lined up in what appeared to be a coliseum, with lions prowling around the edge of the crowd. Again, it felt like someone hadn't paid enough attention.

Or perhaps, a thought struck me, like there were two warring intelligences here trying to control the narrative. Like the ghost couldn't directly change things now that the system was aware it was nearby. So it was making little tweaks, trying to signal that this was all fake. I didn't know why it would bother. Of course this was fake, and only humans would recognize the anachronisms.

We skidded around a corner, and there was a bright red glowing exit sign over a door. 30 seconds left on our timer. Sage crashed into the door, pushing it open under her body weight. We stumbled through and onto the sands of an arena. The crowd in the stands roared.

The seats were filled with every kind of alien that I had seen on Threshold. There was even a box full of Grignarians waving red and blue pom-poms.

The arena was a baseball stadium, and not just any stadium. We were standing in the infield, along the third-base line. This was Chase Field, where the Arizona Diamondbacks played. The retractable roof was in place. There were big red A logos everywhere.

I had gone to a couple of games there myself, though it was a hell of a long trip from the Strip. Grandpa looked around, his lip curled. "Interesting," he said.

The system announcer spoke, voice distorted like over a stadium's PA. [Welcome to the final event, the Last Stand Brawl. Five representatives of each surviving team have been selected to compete. You will go head-to-head against four other teams in a vicious melee. Whoever remains standing at the end will receive a special boon. First, though, and before we reveal your opponents, you are all given a choice.]

A system box unscrolled in front of my face.

[Option 1, 3 stat point upgrade to be allocated as you wish.] That was pretty damn good. We got three points on a level up, and while my XP had been going up in Phase Two, it wasn’t as fast as in Phase One. Level 6 was still a ways off.

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[Option 2, new themed skill. This will be a skill appropriate to your class, but guaranteed to fill a niche you don't currently have. You'll be able to choose between several offerings.]

Again, really tempting. I knew I had holes in my build. A new mobility skill, a recovery skill, or more wide-area damage would really help.

[Option 3, new piece of gear. This gear will be customized to work with your class. Gear effect is not guaranteed.]

"What do you think?" I asked.

"Three points isn't enough," Grandpa said firmly. "Not compared to another skill or a piece of gear."

"Gear," Sage said. "It's got to be." She was bouncing up and down on her heels. “We can always go back and farm more skill seeds if we have to. I like what I've got right now. We only get gear with a class evolution or as a major reward. I haven't gotten anything since my squeaky mallet, and that doesn't really work with my class theme.”

"I think she's right," tall Smith said. I found myself nodding in agreement with her. My gun and my coat were integral parts of me now, more than any skill

"All right, gear it is," Grandpa said.

I selected the option, and a patch of light appeared in front of me. I held out my hand, and a black Stetson dropped into it.

It wasn't brand new. No, this Stetson had seen a few rounds, and it looked like it would fit my head perfectly.

I examined it. The name merely read, "Cowboy Hat." The description said, "Good for keeping both sun and rain off of you. No self-respecting cowboy will be seen without his hat." Below, it had a list of abilities. Partnered item: Drover's coat. When worn with partnered item, wearer has an additional 20% hit points. Wearer is impervious to water-based damage. Wearer cannot be charmed.

"That's pretty damn awesome," I commented before reading on.

[Ability: [Tip My Hat] Used to acknowledge a party member or allied miner's ability. Gives them 15 minute well-done buff, which allows them to deal 10% more damage. Can apply to (2xlevel) other miners at a time.

Ability: [Lay of the Land] Used to view a distant object or area close up. 10 minute cool down.

Ability: [Home on the Range] Once a day, return to outpost. Channel time, 15 seconds. Can bring anything wearer is capable of lifting off the ground for that 15 seconds.]

That all seemed pretty awesome. Some of it wouldn't be particularly helpful right now, as I wasn't going to be leaving, but I knew I’d be using the hell of of Tip of My Hat.

I put the hat on. It settled into place on my forehead. It felt right, like it had been shaped and molded to my head. I could really use a pair of cowboy boots to complete this ensemble. I was wearing the combat boots that had been in my bag back on the ranch, but they didn't quite fit the look I was going for.

Sage had a fancy new shirt. It was white, buttoned down, decorated with silver piping and plenty of rhinestones. Just what you'd wear to a square dance or the rodeo. She squealed with delight. "I need to get this on right now," she said. "Everybody else turn around."

We did, though I was worried that the combat was going to start at any minute. "Wait till you see what this can do," Sage said gleefully.

Tall Smith was holding a sword. Not just any sword, a cavalry saber with a fancy gold basket hilt on tassels. "Nice," I commented.

He drew it. The blade gleamed. “This is going to be perfect for close-in melee combat. It has a passive aura that wards off projectiles and the ability to cancel spells enemies are using for defense.”

I whistled. “Okay, that does sound pretty good.”

Grandpa was holding a feathered war bonnet. He looked at it, shook his head, tossed it to the ground. He looked up at the ceiling. "Nope," he said. "Not playing this game. There's some things I just won't do."

The bonnet shimmered. It became a headband with a metal plate at the front, with a feather design etched onto the plate.

What's that supposed to be?" Grandpa asked.

"I think it's a ninja headband," Sage said. "I've seen them in anime."

Grandpa snorted in disgust. "Well, it's not my culture they’re mocking. And those bonuses are pretty good." He picked it up and tied it around his forehead.

“What’s the problem with the headdress, anyway?” Smith demanded. “This isn’t real. It’s all made up.”

I understood what Grandpa had objected to. Despite portrayals in a lot of popular American culture, the feathered war bonnet had special meaning to those tribes who used it. It was not something one put on oneself. It was an honor given by the tribe in recognition of a leader's deeds. The system didn't have the right or authority to do so. So I jumped in before Grandpa could “If the system had given you a congressional medal of honor that granted awesome skills, would you take it?” I countered. Smith frowned, nodding his head. “It’s stolen valor.”

I opened my mouth to ask what everyone’s gear did when a trumpet blast sounded. The crowd in the stands cheered as the strains of "Take me out to the ball game" began to play. The system announcer spoke over the PA as a trio of jets roared overhead, their contrails letting out red, white, and blue smoke.

[And welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first inning of the melee round. Whoever remains standing at the end will go on to the next inning.]

"Can we not mix up baseball and whatever else this is?" I asked. The system wasn't paying any attention to me.

[The winning team will be respawned and restored to health before the start of the next round. Play Ball!]

A bell rang, like the start of a boxing match, definitely inappropriate for the setting.

Now, spaced evenly around the field, were another four teams. Five orcs, thankfully not Mak’gar and his team. Five space elves. A combined team of animal people and one lone lizardfolk, and a whole group of Grignarians.

Everybody looked at each other for a second. I managed to toss out my Hat Tip buff, and Sage cast Cowgirl Cheer. Then the orcs, at first base, and the elves near second ran out toward right field, where the Grignarians stood. The tentacle-face aliens started firing their melty pustule guns at their attackers. Someone fired a weapon that filled the outfield with smoke.

There was no strategy here, no time to plan. I had my gun in my hand as I sprinted away from our group. I targeted a rabbit woman in the animal people ground and fired a barrage into her. Steer clear of that mess with the Grignarians, I told my team in chat. Let's take these guys down if we can. Maybe the orcs, elves, and Grignarians would thin each other out.

Two of the animal people, a wolfman and a foxgirl, had been heading for the main scrum as we fell on them. They were taken by surprise. Tall Smith had his M4 out and hosed them down with lead as Jones yelled a warning. “Activating Minesweeper!”

I dodged back just as a plume of sand erupted under the animal people. They must have been laying out traps, which Jones had just backfired on them.

I tried to watch everywhere at once, shooting my target while making sure the scrum between the orcs, elves, and Grignarians didn't envelop me.

Sage threw Mucking Out the Stalls under the melee mass. "Good thinking," I shouted.

"Let's keep them tangled up as long as we can.” Sage lassoed the foxgirl and spun her around, using Tame to make her attack her fellows.

In seconds, two of the animal people were dead. I changed my target to the lizardfolk male and fired one of my special bullets, a paralytic round, into him.

He froze up. Grandpa Shadow Stepped in behind and Scalped him a couple of times. The lizard disappeared in a cloud of dissolving sparks.

We turned to help Smith and Jones with the last of the enemies. Smith had his saber drawn and charged in, ignoring the knives that the wolfman was throwing. A shimmering electric field covered the wolfman's body, but Smith's saber cut through it and sliced him open.

I hit him with a Barrage for good measure and he was gone. "Regroup!" I shouted.

We scrambled and got ourselves together, facing the melee. Two of the orcs were gone and all of the Grignarians. The elves were only down one. They and the orcs were engaged in bloody combat, coated in muck and stench.

I grinned and reloaded. "Stay clear!" I warned and fired a Boom Round at the mess. It exploded as it hit, knocking everyone back.

Two elves and an orc dissolved into sparks before their bodies could hit the sand. We dove in as a team on the nearest two remaining, filling them full of lead and shuriken.

Sage ran out in front of us and lassoed an orc who was getting to his feet. She turned him on the last pair of elves. "I thought Tame had a longer cool down?"

"It did!" she chirped. "My new shirt gives me the ability that if my previous tame target dies while under my control, the cool down is reset!”

"Well that's overpowered!" I had been planning to use Call 'Em Out to get everyone's attention, but I didn't have to. A moment later, we stood gasping for breath in the middle of a cloud of sand as the crowd in the stands cheered.

We were all still alive. We'd taken down 20 enemies and we were all still alive. For the first time, I started to think Mak’Gar was right. We might be as good or better than these professionals. Certainly, we were all tuned up and had acquired a set of pretty impressive skills in the course of all those mission running.

I wondered if the alien professionals just weren't used to fighting other intelligent enemies. If they mostly killed creep and prepare for Phase Three, whatever that was, maybe we were ahead of the game.

Speaking of game, the announcer was back. [Congratulations! Team Twofeather is the winner of round 1. We have concluded the other round 1 battles. The next up will be head to head. And this time, it's going to be a grudge match.]