As I geared up, I tried hard not to be jealous of my teammates, out there in the midst of the action. I kept an eye and an ear on the comms channel. Arjun, Sage and Juana hunched over the command table, constantly scanning between feeds, working like an oiled machine. Our hunter squads implemented their orders instantly. I saw Grandpa shadow-step in behind an orc, start into him with a coup, follow up with a scalp and then at Sage’s quick suggestion, shadow-step away to the orc’s buddy. The first orc, turning to try to get at Grandpa, left his back exposed to Bob and Bill’s guandgo attack.

All over the island, our kill teams were tearing through our opponents. They avoided any group of more than three and fell on smaller clusters like a pack of ravenous dogs. Arjun fed them strategies, telling them how to target each of the orcs, which skills to use. Every now and then, one of the orcs pulled out an ability we hadn't seen, but we adapted fast.

Our opponents had way more health than we did, but they couldn’t match sustained firepower. They didn't have anyone coordinating them. I remembered Mak’Gar and some comments he’d made about how a leader had to be out at the head of his men, that otherwise no-one would listen to him. I suspected the orcs had a cultural aversion to taking fighting advice from someone on the sidelines. That was a stupid sort of philosophy, but it could save our asses here. Their individual movements were good, but they couldn't seem to work together. By the time another group got word that we were attacking some of their fellows, we had finished and melted back into the jungle.

During a lull, I mentioned my theory to Juana, who thanked me and told me to get off coms. A minute later, she directed Bob to ambush a group of five orcs — more than we’d dared touch before — hitting them with Babel before the rest of our team stepped in. Sure enough, their minimal coordination dropped to none at all. Grandpa’s team slaughtered four, the fifth melting away into the jungle in the confusion

I itched to get out there. Black kept muttering under his breath as he picked up, armed, and stored each of the bombs in his inventory.

I moved on to what Dwight called the taunters. They were a variety of objects, from maracas to little sparkler fireworks to a repurposed slingshot, all with the ability to gain the attention of a mob or player.

Sage explained our strategy. "You're going to be our tank," she said. "Your job is to make the boss and the orcs, if necessary, focus on you and then to stay alive." To that end, they had given me half a dozen cases of healing potions, as well as assigned Lakshmi to heal me full-time. On top of her own healing abilities, Dwight's crafters were churning out healing wands that would output a stream of positive health when she used them.

Black was the third member of our assault. As soon as the kill squads were done, Mitch would help him out. They would be deploying all the bombs the crafters had just made.

Right now, seven of the orcs were dead, with three minutes until the first of them respawned. The other eight were clumped up near the boss. Grandpa said, "We need better eyes on them. Send in one of the spies."

"We're not sure how far the range is on the Old One," Juana warned.

"Do it," Grandpa said. He hesitated. "We're sure the death rules apply to them, too, right?"

"Absolutely," Juana assured us. “I double-checked.”

"Then go."

A minute later, one of our spies stumbled out of his hiding place, running down the beach where the boss was waiting. It still sat out in the water, gently pulsating, its glistening, dark mass oozing across the enormous skull beneath. I saw the boss pulse, then constrict. "It's gonna lash out," I warned.

Just then, the orcs burst out from cover, running to engage it. The boss shot a wave of water onto the beach. "Run!" I yelled, not that our spy could hear me.

But it was too late. The camera feed was a blurry mess as the spy was knocked off his feet and washed into the woods. The feed cut out.

A minute later, Grandpa said, "It's all right. He's back in the respawn box."

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

"Jones, send in your bird."

Jones flew his drone over. The eight Existalis orcs were once more dancing around the boss, chipping down its health. "Good," Grandpa said.

"Good?" I asked.

"We just made them engage again, and it's still two minutes before any of their allies are back up. We've got this." He called to the kill team. "Get in position. Annie, you're going to suicide in and do that move again. Bill, Bob, if she needs an escort, you're up. Everyone else, stay back. We want you for our boss push. Shad, are you guys ready?"

I picked up the last of my taunters. Black had finished collecting his bombs a couple of minutes ago. "We're ready."

"Then head out. And good luck. I'll be following along behind in a minute, but I'll rendezvous with the kill squad. We'll be your backup as planned."

I nodded. "Let's go," I told Black and Lakshmi, and we set off.

When we were about half a mile from the beach, Juana's voice came over the comms channel. "Annie, go now." I resisted the urge to call up a feed and check. Right now I needed to be watching for traps or ambushes.

As we approached the last line of trees, Juana came back on the comms. "The boss is reset. We took out nine of Existalis."

"We'll play interference from here," Grandpa said. "You get in there and do what has to be done."

I took a deep breath and started pulling the special buff items out of my inventory. Mitch joined us as we approached the beach. I handed him his share. There was a Lightfeet potion; I drank it, and it gave me 200% increased movement for the next 15 minutes. A belt of shielding we’d looted from the treasure room during the special event. That was just for me. It had 50 charges. Each charge could take one direct hit, but there was a 15-second cooldown before the next hit was up. Between that and my water resistance, we hoped I'd be able to withstand some of the boss hits. If not, this plan wasn't going to go anywhere.

Mitch and Black drank potions that increased the strength of any explosions they caused. Then Black used the special inventory item he'd been packing, a suitcase, and handed it off to Mitch. It contained some of the bombs Dwight's team had made and was faster than giving them to Mitch one at a time. “Once you’ve got the boss’s attention, we’ll go,” Black said.

“You stay up on the beach," I told Lakshmi. "As far back as you can and still heal me."

"Don't worry. I don't want to get any closer than I have to," she said.

I stepped out onto the beach. The boss took no notice of me until I reached the waterline. Then its surface began to swirl once more. I watched the patterns. I'd seen enough of Existalis's attempts to recognize when it was about to launch a wave of water and when it was about to lash out with its tentacles.

I threw the first of my taunters. The boss formed a pseudopod ready to smash me. I threw one of my Shad Dummies ten feet to the right. It popped up wearing a coat like mine, with a big straw hat on its head. "Over here, you big dope," it called with what I hoped was not my voice.

The boss launched its pseudopod right at the dummy, smashing it into splinters and bits of straw. I tossed another taunter, darted to the side, threw a dummy, avoided a tentacle, and got ready for the longest dance session of my life.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

Meanwhile, Black and Mitch were at the edge of the water, crouched over an enormous pile of explosives, hooking fuses to each of them. I wasn't going to bug them.

Juana said, "Incoming. Four of Existalis."

"They're on my radar," Jones called on comms. “Kill squad will handle them."

I focused on the boss and my dance. It was getting ready to throw one of its water waves. "Back up," I warned Mitch and Black. They scrambled up the beach. Lakshmi retreated.

I thought I should be able to withstand the water, but I wasn't sure about its force, so I braced myself. A wave exploded out from the Old One. It washed over me like a gentle mist, soaking me but doing no damage. I grinned and threw another taunter.

All right, Reality Engine. If you're behind this, I see how you're tweaking things, I thought. Give me resistance to water and then make sure the monster we faced is water-based? Yeah. It had its thumb on the scales.

I wasn't going to take anything for granted. I was pretty sure this monster still had plenty of ways to beat me. Juana came back in my ear. "The Kill Squad took out Existalis, but Ice Spice, and Brown are down.”

“That's no good. We can't lose people.”

“You focus on your job, and they'll do theirs," she told me crisply.

I tossed out another Shad Dummy. "Tell Sage I hate the expressions on these things," I said as the Old One smashed the smirk off its face.

"You can do that when you're done here."

Juana's calm was starting to get to me. "Aren't you at all nervous about this?"

"Horribly nervous," she said. "But I'm trying to be professional here and so should you."

"Right. Fine.” I dodged another pseudopod, watching the thing's glistening patterns. Mitch and Black had moved to another point on the beach to start their second cache of explosions. We weren't doing any damage to the boss, so I wasn't expecting it to throw any of those water droplet ads, but if it did, I'd keep their attention too.

We got the second cache finished, and the bomb team moved to their third location. Juana spoke up. "I think Existalis is on to us. Six of them have respawned, but there's been no movement out of their outpost yet.”

“So they're going to wait until they can make a big push," I said. "They probably figure it'll take us a while to chip the boss down and they've got time to come in. It wasn't a bad plan. How long until the last of them is back up?"

“They have fifteen total, like us. The four we just took out have another 15 minutes to go before respawn, but they could have eight up in --" Juana paused. "-- nine and a half minutes.”

“Can you get all of the bombs laid in the next nine and a half minutes?" I asked Black.

"We'll try," he said. "Look out!"

I dodged to the side as a pseudopod crashed into the water next to me. I tossed out a dummy and got back into my rhythm.

There was no room for mistakes here. The dance wore on and on and on. "You're a pretty good dancer," Juana observed at the seven minutes mark.

"Thanks, no one's ever said that before."

"Really?"

"No, the girl I asked to the prom turned me down on account of, she said, she wanted to go with someone who wouldn't step on her feet."

Juana giggled. "Guess it must be the points you put into dexterity."

"Well, if there's ever a dance here, I'll be sure to ask you," I said, tossing out another taunter.

"I'll hold you to that," she said. "And I might just ask my sister to arrange something like that. She's in charge of the morale committee now, you know."

"What?" I almost missed a step, threw out a Shad Dummy just in time. “We have one of those?”

“Who do you think threw that party last week?”

“I guess I didn't really think about it.”

“It's all part of our strategy to keep people focused and happy, which you are most assuredly not right now. Focused, I mean. Pay attention, Shad.”

The next wave broke over me. "I am paying attention. Those waves don't hurt me," I said.

"Uh-huh." Juana did not sound convinced.

Black yelled, "It's done! Get into position!"

Finally. "Juana, we're going."

"I'll get everyone else on their marks," she said.

"Tell me when.”

A moment later, she said, “Existalis is moving out, pack of eight together. They'll be here in four minutes, give or take 30 seconds. There are three more respawning in five minutes, the last four ten minutes from now. You’ve got to engage the boss now, before they get here.”

"Got it," I said. I threw another of the taunters, then backed up toward the bomb cache. I threw one of the taunters right on it, and then raced off to the side.

The boss's pseudopod smashed down right on the cache. The cache exploded in a gout of fire. Flame seared the oozing black tentacle. It burned to ash, fire racing up it, devouring it, hitting the body of the monster.

The Great Old One shrieked aloud. An answering rain of giant water bubbles appeared, blorping their way along the beach. I threw out tiny jack taunters everywhere, getting them to focus on me, and then pulling out a freeze grenade Dwight had made me. As the bubbles surrounded me, I tossed it down, locking the water bubbles in place.

The edge of the freeze caught my coat and sent icicles up to my arm. I shook them off. They did no damage. I threw a Shad Dummy to the side to buy me time as the boss's outer surface spun and hissed.

“Down to 80% percent,” Juana said. “Just like we calculated.”

"Good." I moved to the next cache, threw one of my bigger taunts, waited as the tentacle formed. As it raised its psuedopod high, I left a dummy in my place and scrambled out of the way.

Just like before, the psudeopod smashed into the cache, burst into flames, and carried flame back to the main body. The boss summoned another wave of droplets. This time, Mitch and Black were close enough to help me with them.

"Forty percent down,” Juana said. "Existalis is two minutes out."

"At least it's dumb," Grandpa said in my ear. "Must have been programmed to do the same thing no matter what."

“We’re counting on it,” I said. We had noticed that behavior in many of the NPCs. I repeated my strategy on the next cache, and then the next. The boss’s health dropped in big chunks. It sent out big waves of droplet minions with every explosion, but I had the rhythm now, freezing them and letting Mitch and Black blow them up.

The seconds ticked along. I was in the groove. I could keep this up all day.

The boss was down to twenty percent health as Grandpa repeated, "We have contact.”

I made for the last cache and threw my taunt, but the boss didn't respond as we expected. It seemed to draw in on itself, shrinking, turning black as night. Existalis hadn't gotten it down this far. We didn't know what was going to happen.

"We've got to get these bombs to the boss," I shouted.

"How?" Black asked. "We weren't expecting to move them."

"We need a teleport or some sort of shove ability," I mentally ran through everyone’s skill sheets. “The boss won't move, and we can't get the bombs to him. Have we got a… trebuchet or…” I trailed off as I had a brainwave. “Get Lara up here right away!” I yelled into my coms. “Black, Mitch, get the bombs loaded up in your suitcase or — whatever works, we need them stable just long enough to transport them.” I lobbed a taunter at the boss, blessing Dwight’s crafters. They’d gone all out. I still had several dozen taunters and dummies. They’d last long enough.

“Busy here,” Grandpa called back. “Fighting!”

“Get Lara here, I need her!” I threw a Shad Dummy beyond the boss. It was still hunched in on itself and spinning. The dummy hit the water. A spout exploded under it, knocking it thirty feet high.

Lara sprinted out of the jungle. “I’m here!”

“Get Mitch and Black to the boss. Blow it up!” I shouted.

She looked confused. “How —”

“Minivan, right?”

“Oh, right!” She raced to where the munitions experts were collecting their gear.

“And hurry! Existalis is on our heels!” I could hear the sounds of fighting, not just over the comms but with my own ears.

Lara waved her hands and summoned an actual, literal minivan around the men. The van screeched forward in a cloud of tire smoke, right across the top of the water.

The boss writhed. A jet of water began to form under the minvan.

The minivan crashed into the boss and exploded. Fire blasted the boss. It screamed and writhed as flames ate away at the black viscous skin. The minivan was gone. One tire bounced up onto the beach and rolled toward the jungle.

The smoke cleared. The water settled. A enormous crystal skull, ten feet tall and just as wide, sat in the middle of the lagoon. The box over its head read, [Boss defeated by Misfits Guild. Where would you like to send your agent of primeval destruction?]

I grinned and mentally selected Existalis’s outpost. “Kill 'em all,” I said. “Break all their stuff.”

And then I lay back on the sand and took my first easy breath of the day, maybe the week. There would be more battles, sooner rather than later. But today, today we had won a fight nobody had expected us to win. One we hadn't asked for.

Not that we'd asked for any of this. Today, we hadn't just out-fought them. We'd out-thought them. Nobody was going to take Earth for granted anymore. That might not be a good thing, but it was a thing that I had done.

Grandpa's voice sounded in my ear. "Gonna just stay there all day, sleepyhead?"

I got to my feet as the kill squad trooped down onto the beach. "I just thought we'd let him get a head start," I said, pointing to the water where the Old One was forming once more. This time, it took the shape of a midnight-black scintillating squid, lifting its skull high atop a pulsating body.

It crawled to shore on its pseudopods, gaining speed as it went. As it hit the trees, it was going at least 30 miles an hour. It smashed through them, leaving only debris in its wake. "Better warn our spies," I said.

"Already on it," Juana said. “A couple of 'em have volunteered to stand watch at Existalis, just so we can all enjoy the recording later.”

“Get the crew,” Grandpa said. “We’re going to accompany Cthulhu the whole way, just in case any of them decide to try to take him down. This ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”

I laughed and reloaded. “Right, so let’s finish this.”