It had my daughter’s face, and that should have bothered me, but somehow it didn’t. For the half-second it took for me to cast that first god card to save Cliff, my heart was in my throat, but by the time the Fireball he tossed at me singed my hair, I was over it. It’s in the eyes. Those eyes might be the color of hers, but they glinted with Fizzbarren’s smug superiority, something Kat would never have.
I sent my own Fireball back at the faker and it felt good. This was the supercilious incompetent who had ruined my life and then had the nerve to think he was superior to me. On top of that, he was so lazy that he had to use my daughter’s stats to even have a chance to beat me. To beat all that, he was a terrible writer with entitlement issues that stripped all my patience away, which annoyed me, because I was normally proud of my own ability to empathize with almost anyone. I have to say almost now because of this twit. There were just some people in this world that you can’t tolerate, and nothing can cover that, not even the mask of my daughter’s face.
Health -40 (23,477/23,517)
Kat level 22 (Health 20,385/20,425) (Mana 21,500/21,660)
Will +1
It was also in the way he held her shoulders. Kat was forever insecure in how people viewed her. She might cover it with bravado, but that bravado never reached her always tense shoulders. Fizzbarren, having bolstered his ego by surrounding himself with AIs that were programmed to be a fawning set of groupies, held Kat’s shoulders like a man who didn’t know the meaning of insecurity, or ethics, or the essential empathy that Kat hid under that shell. Those were the things I loved about my daughter and there was nothing of that in what stood against me now.
“Epic indeed,” the pathetic excuse for a sentient being gloated with my daughter’s lips.
“Hardly,” I nearly yawned my response even as I laid the poison in his chest. “This trope is overdone in general and totally trite in this scenario. That’s what makes you such a bad writer. You just don’t know the difference between trite and epic.”
Kat level 22 (Health 20,310/20,425) (Mana 21,500/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
“I also have that spell, Mommy,” Fizzie attempted to goad me, casting the poison back at me.
“Oh, my goodness,” I gave it my best, bad-horror-movie-dumb-blonde accent. “I can’t hurt my daughter. This is so ethically difficult for me to stomach.” I cast Cement Shoes on him to keep him on his side of the room. “Oh wait, it’s the dialogue that is hard to stomach.”
Health -75 (23,402/23,517) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 20,235/20,425) (Mana 21,180/21,660) Poisoned and Grounded (-75/5 seconds)
Will +1
Constitution +1
Acting +1 (it really should be -1 for that performance but I’m supposed to be on your side)
Exp +10 (3,154,615/5,985,462)
“It’s a classic!” he raised his eyebrows at me and cast a Cure Poison on himself. It failed. Kat’s Cure Poison was only at level 10 while my Poison Cloud was at 92. With health pools as big as ours, she probably hadn’t wasted a lot of time grinding spells she hadn’t seen a use for. I’d taken a peek at her character sheet before I’d popped in, so I knew her strengths and her weaknesses.
“It’s trite,” I protested, taking a little more time to cast Summon Familiar. Kat’s poison was also weaker than mine, but she made up for it with a backstab that I was never going to let Fizzbarren use. “It was classic in the dark ages. Now it’s just overdone. Grounding my daughter? That’s a tiny bright spot.”
Health -75 (23,327/23,517) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 20,160/20,425) (Mana 21,500/21,660) Poisoned and Grounded (-75/5 seconds)
“You’re too young to appreciate the wisdom of your elders,” Fizzbarren insisted disdainfully.
“I’d cast Silence to shut up your villain dialogue, but it would be a waste of a spell.” My Familiar spell took a few rounds to cast so I contented myself with enduring the Thorny Vines he threw at me. I didn’t want to move anyway. I was happy to go toe-to-toe with him. “I can’t believe that you have all this experience and yet are such an incompetent idiot. That takes talent.”
Health -115 (23,212/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 20,085/20,425) (Mana 21,460/21,660) Poisoned and Grounded (-75/5 seconds)
“What do you know of the struggles of a writer?” Fizzie scoffed at me, his form sparkling with a shielding spell, probably Kat’s Summon Better Armor spell. I’d spent some time studying her spell sheet from one of the previous chapters so I knew what I was getting into and I had a hell of a fight ahead.
“It’s about time you showed back up,” Terra’s voice soothed my mind.
“It’s good to see you too,” I told Terra, just glad to have someone on my side.
Health -115 (23,097/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 20,010/20,425) (Mana 21,440/21,660) Poisoned, Grounded and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
“I know I have more followers and views than your stories on Royal Road,” I retorted, Terra’s presence bolstering my ego. “And I didn’t need to create a machine to do my writing for me.” I cast Lightning to punctuate my point.
“Absurd bragging,” Fizzbarren denied, casting another of Kat’s buffs. He needed them. I had more health and mana than he did and my spells did more damage. “You needn’t throw that false bravado at me, dear. It is only the villains who need to lie about their accomplishments.”
Health -115 (22,982/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,915/20,425) (Mana 21,300/21,660) Poisoned, Grounded, Shielded and Blessed (-75/5 seconds)
“Classic denial,” I nodded, casting an Icestorm between us to counter his building Fireball. “Not only have I written better books, I’ve studied enough psychology to know that you’re delusional.”
The room we were in wasn’t really big enough for the fight we were having, so half the storm settled on Fizzbarren and fizzled out his Fireball before it fully manifested, flummoxing Fizzbarren enough to have him shut up for one round. If I had to guess, the windowless walls and floor were made of a mahogany-type wood that had been polished to a high shine. The walls were hung with rich paintings and the floor was covered here and there with a deep rug that was more likely to trip a person than save them from the discomfort of cold-feet-in-the-morning syndrome.
“Shadow is under the bed, so maybe lay off the AoEs (area of effect spells)?” Terra suggested, tossing a heal at me even as she scooted away from the edge of my storm.
“I do not need your protection, cat,” I was surprised to hear Shadow speak directly into our link. All I saw of Shadow was a pair of liquid green eyes staring out at the falling ice that was pummeling the posh bed above her. “I am not in my physical form, nor am I on this plane of existence.”
Health -15 (22,967/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,860/20,425) (Mana 21,140/21,660) Poisoned, Grounded, Shielded and Blessed (-75/5 seconds)
Why did that shake me more than seeing Fizzbarren in my daughter’s body? Because my daughter loved DnD and those glowing eyes reminded me more of a displacer beast than a housecat. There was a mini displacer beast under that bed who could spontaneously decide that I was hurting its master. Right now, I was the lesser of two evils, but if I killed Kat, what would happen?
“Fine,” Terra spat into the link and then said more into a tighter wave to me. “Spunky for a kitten, huh?”
“I heard that,” Shadow growled in a non-cat way. “I cannot attack my mistress, even if she is housing a demon, but I may refrain from attacking our true allies, as long as they are not too annoying.”
I cast a very tight version of my Dispel Magic spell at Fizzbarren’s mystical-armor-clad body and then recast my Poison spell to see if it worked. While Kat had dual-wielding for her spells, Fizzbarren couldn’t seem to get the hang of casting different spells with each hand. All he could do was double up on a single type of spell, his favorite being Fireball, which he tried again.
Health -155 (22,812/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,765/20,425) (Mana 20,820/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Dispel Magic +2
Exp +20 (3,154,635/5,985,462)
“You have studied psychology at a university,” Fizzbarren looked down Kat’s nose at me as he formed yet another set of Fireballs that lost half their damage on their way through the Icestorm that still rained icicles down on him. “I have studied the idiocy of the human brain for ten centuries. That is a thousand years, just in case your pathetic schooling didn’t make that math easy enough for you.”
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“I can’t argue with the fact that our school system is pathetic, but it’s obviously better than what you had as a kid in the dark ages,” I quipped back to Fizzbarren, sending a Dust Devil in the Icestorm just to help maximize the damage. I laid the Dust Devils over the top of each other but at opposing angles. “After all, I still write better than you do, and you’ve had a thousand years to practice. I shudder to think how badly you wrote even five hundred years ago if you think your experience has made you better.”
Health -155 (22,657/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,644/20,105) (Mana 20,500/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Icestorm +2
Dust Devil +2
Exp +40 (3,154,675/5,985,462)
“Impudent child,” Fizzbarren muttered, and I think he was trying to use his Telekinesis to push away my storms. “I have a god card left and I could send you back to your real world obscurity at the flick of a wrist if I wanted to. This card was earned through my writing, so it is hardly as bad as you infer.”
While his Telekenesis was higher level than mine, I doubled down by casting Acid Rain combined with yet another Dust Devil to push the storms back at him.
“I’m not inferring,” I pulled out my remaining god card. “I’m stating flat out that your writing is garbage, because I happen to know that it took you two years to earn those three god cards that you came in with, while these two only took me two weeks.”
Health -115 (22,542/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,528/20,105) (Mana 20,495/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Acid Rain +4
Exp +40 (3,154,715/5,985,462)
“How do you have a god card?” Panic flitted across his eyes until his ego reassured him with lies. “You are bluffing, of course, and it will do you no good.”
“Bluffing?” I laughed, and while he had been distracted into missing the next turn of spellcasting, I was not. I built a Firestorm to replace the waning Icestorm. “I used the first one to send Cliff to safety. Did you miss the red-headed gal in the rainbow tutu that appeared just over there right before I came in?”
Health -115 (22,427/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 19,293/20,105) (Mana 20,495/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
“Impossible,” Fizzbarren asserted, summoning a Dagger to throw at me.
“Don’t believe me?” I used my forearm to parry the dagger and my other hand to cast another Lightning bolt at Fizzbarren. “Ask Sammi. They are the one who gave Cliff the tutu, though I suppose Cliff is going by Destiny now. I’m pretty sure that the constructs are on my side now and that includes the game engine.”
And this is where I did a little math and wondered if maybe I was in more trouble than I’d first thought. My health was going down almost twice as fast as his, at least it was as long as he was actively trying to kill me and not flummoxed by my insults. It wasn’t that Kat’s poison spell was higher level, but the roots had thorns, so they did more damage. I needed to do more damage.
Health -115 (22,312/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,998/20,105) (Mana 20,415/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
“You are just trying to distract me,” Fizzbarren remained in his delusional state, as I added up numbers in my head. “I could do the same by saying, aren’t you worried about what will happen to your daughter if you kill her body here?”
Health -115 (22,197/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,763/20,105) (Mana 20,415/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
“Not really,” I admitted, using the round to rub my hands on Terra to restore some mana, not because I needed it really, but more because my spells were doing their jobs. The bare fact was that I was worried about exactly that. Wherever Kat was, it wasn’t here in this body. I was banking a lot on the knowledge that this wasn’t Kat’s real body any more than it was Fizzbarren’s. Then again, Fizzbarren’s stupid world didn’t often act the way I expected it should. In that way it was actually more like the real world than I wanted to admit.
“And yet I can see the doubt on your face,” Fizzbarren gloated some more, misreading me like most people do. Fizzbarren chose to try to recast his armor and a heal at the same time, fumbling both spells.
Health -115 (22,082/23,517) Poisoned and Rooted (-115/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,603/20,105) (Mana 20,235/21,660)
“I think you’re the one who’s having trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time, buddy,” I refreshed my Poison Cloud on him and cast the Armor spell on me. There really wasn’t much that Kat had that she hadn’t shared with me. I didn’t have a lot of experience with the spell, but it lessened damage enough that I could just ignore the next Summoned Dagger.
“What do you mean that the game engine is on your side?” Fizzbarren said, going back to casting a single spell type at a time with a double-barrel of Fireball at me.
Health -80 (22,002/23,517) Shielded
Kat level 22 (Health 18,528/20,105) (Mana 19,915/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
I couldn’t help but think that if this bantering dialogue continued for two hours, I was going to have to do something to amuse myself on the side. I could try to outwit, outlast, and outplay him, but, while I was equalizing the damage we did to each other, this was a much closer fight than I wanted it to be. That didn’t keep me from casting another Lightning spell with one hand, sneaking my own Summon Dart into lightning that upped the damage by a smidgeon.
“You have given yourself away,” Fizzbarren laughed, casting Poison at me again. “The game engine doesn’t talk. You have no way of knowing whether it is on your side or not.”
Health -70 (21,932/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,389/20,105) (Mana 19,595/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Spell Learned: Darting Lightning (the engine doesn’t talk to HIM)
Exp +30 (3,154,745/5,985,462)
That was new. New wasn’t normally in my favor, but I was willing to give it a chance even though everything in me was screaming that new was unpredictably horrific in all ways. The engine had been snarky in giving stat boosts at the very beginning, but it had settled down lately. Then again, that was before Cliff and I had spent two weeks fiddling with it. My mind raced even as I almost automatically cast Lightning again.
“I’d had quite enough of my creations talking back to me,” Fizzbarren declared without an ounce of empathy toward the constructs. I saw the thunderstorm forming over my head and could have rolled my eyes because I didn’t use Thunderstorm for a reason. It just didn’t do enough damage, never had until it reached Lightning level. “I have half a mind to mute them all, or at least install the option of it when I update the remote.”
Health -80 (21,852/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,254/20,105) (Mana 19,555/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
“I have also decided to shelve your character instead of deleting it as I first wanted to,” Fizzbarren was ranting as I ignored him to focus on this newest variable. “I was very irate with you for using my own machine against me, but it has given me insight into some changes that I need to make to all the constructs. You may not know it, but a very intelligent mind like mine cannot be forced into rest during the game’s comatose resurrection time. I was thinking during that time.”
I didn’t care what he’d been thinking. He was casting what felt like an ice-based spell at me, my innate feel for the magic of this game world helping me anticipate almost instinctively. Since he was fond of fire and was now looking to lean into ice, I thought maybe I could get creative and combine the two resistance spells I had for those elements. I cast Fire Resistance with my right hand and Cold Resistance with my left and let the magic settle over my body and merge.
Health -75 (21,777/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,179/20,105) (Mana 19,515/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Spell Learned: Resist Fire and Ice (
Resist Fire and Ice +1 (You heard me! And yes, Cliff managed to unwire one of my limitation clamps.)
Exp +40 (3,154,785/5,985,462)
“That’s great,” I thought, not sure what the hell it meant for us. Fizzbarren, of course, thought I was talking to him. At least I’d gotten ahead on damage with about a two-hundred-point lead in damage done to him over what he’d done to me.
“While I understand that you are mired in this sarcasm thing that you think you’re good at, I have been perfecting sarcasm for centuries,” Fizzbarren was saying, but my mind was singing in a different key, so I ignored the buffoonery in favor of Acid Rain, letting my mind calculate the pace of the fight. If I was careless and let him get the upper hand again, I was dead in about four minutes. If I could keep him distracted, he would be dead in a little over five minutes. I truly enjoyed the mental calculations that my mind was capable of doing at 140 Intelligence. It was like having an Excel spreadsheet in my head.
Health -75 (21,702/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 18,089/20,105) (Mana 19,515/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Intelligence +1 (clever, clever girl)
“But can I ask questions and get answers?” I wondered aloud, even as I studied the magic in the Fireball that Fizzbarren was casting through rain and sleet that sapped it of damage output.
“I’d be more than willing to sit with you and explain my logic for each and every design feature I made in creating this world you have such disdain for, my girl,” Fizzbarren’s audacity broke through my mental calculations long enough for me to look at him like I did my ethics professor when he claimed that because I was suggesting that all human beings have as much of a right as animals do to pursue sex that I was also condoning killing people because lions do. There is just this point where people who claim to be logical beings go so far in trying to appear logical that they lose sight of the point, no matter how simply you try to explain it.
Terra sneaked in another heal, while edging behind Fizzbarren.
Health +25 (21,727/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 17,999/20,105) (Mana 19,355/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Mana Manipulation +1 (that was a stretch but yes, you can ask me questions)
Exp +10 (3,154,795/5,985,462)
“Is Kat okay?” was the first thing that sputtered out of my mouth.
“Now that is up to you, my dear, isn’t it?” Fizzbarren had Kat’s eyebrows up in her hairline and her nose in the air. “You may stop casting any time and we can talk like reasonable beings.”
“How are you still so amazingly arrogant? You make a machine to write your books for you because you’re such a hack. Then,” and I punctuated each then with a Lightning bolt, “you make a world so sloppily that I found half a dozen exploits in my first week here. Then you don’t bother to nerf them because you thought my hubris would end me?”
Health -75 (21,627/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 17,804/20,105) (Mana 19,355/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Lightning +1 (Kat is here with me in the buffer. She says hi.)
Exp +10 (3,154,805/5,985,462)
“My world is not sloppy! It is realistic,” Fizzbarren professed, casting his version of Icestorm at me. I countered by shaping my Dispel Magic into an umbrella over my head and holding it there by adding my Preserve spell to it. I hadn’t expected it to work, but when it did, I could only roll my eyes.
“My class is so sickly OP, I’m finding it hard to keep it challenging enough for readers not to just dump us into author-wish-fulfillment category!” I snapped at him, pointing out the new spell I’d learned, while thinking as hard as I could at the game engine, “What happens if Kat’s body dies here?”
Health -75 (21,552/23,517) Poisoned and Shielded (-75/5 seconds)
Kat level 22 (Health 17,729/20,105) (Mana 19,275/21,660) Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)
Spell Learned: Protection Umbrella (I’m not sure. I don’t have specified parameters for that.)
Exp +30 (3,154,835/5,985,462)
“Don’t be silly,” Fizzbarren said, spreading his hands at shoulder height to dramatically cast a Wall of Frost at me. “This allows for maximum creativity in the characters of the books. As it allowed you to rise as a very interesting main character. I admit you are that, but that hardly makes you a good author. I haven’t decided that I even want to… Oh what was that silly word you young people use? Oh, yes. Nerf. I haven’t decided that I even want to nerf this exploit. It has made for good writing as is evident by the quick god cards you say you’ve earned.”