The executive dining room of the church was meant to seat more than two dozen of the church hierarchy after holy day services. The great hall held one long table that was probably supposed to look humble in that it was made of rough planks. The fact that it was laid with fine China symbolized the vast number of discrepancies that could be found in dogma and religion. Otherwise, the room was straight out of some Viking castle with a huge fireplace on one long end and lines of benches both at the table and along the other long wall. The chandeliers that hung from the tall ceilings looked like they had candles in them, but only in that way that magical candles flickered all together rather than like real flame creating this eerie light that might have been freaky except that it was only a little after noon and the large stained-glass windows gave more light than the ever-lit candles in those chandeliers.

There were two doors to the room, one which was the entrance, and the other that led to the kitchen where servants in the form of many low-level priests shuffled enough plates of food to the long table to serve all two dozen of the eaters instead of the mere two that chose opposite ends of the long table rather than seat themselves next to each other. Where were we? The shadows. No, really. Kat was hiding in the shadow of the chandelier, hanging from her knees so that her hair nearly touched the table in the middle of the room, Shadow daring to take a lick out of a bowl of cream near her. Dom stood behind the servant’s door to the kitchen which was left open as long as food was being carted to and from the table. I was sitting on a ledge of one of the stained-glass windows along the wall opposite the fireplace.

How weren’t we seen? Game mechanics. Our skills were high enough that actual effort didn’t matter anymore. It wasn’t like some DM was managing this campaign and saying, in a parental tone that we couldn’t hide in those shadows realistically. A game AI was making rolls on a table somewhere and Kat had scored so high on the roll that she was practically invisible to the two NPCs who were more interested in stuffing their faces with food than who might be waiting to kill them. It worked in my favor, so I didn’t fix it, yet.

On a nod from me, Dom slipped into the kitchen and put the staff in there to sleep like the spell that settled on the whole castle in Sleeping Beauty, one little wisp of magic at a time. I had already barricaded the entrance on the other end of the room and used my time to cast several layers of Silence in that hallway so that anyone passing by would ignore us. This is how Dom and I had decimated a staff of over a hundred priests between the level of ten and thirty-five on the ruse of marriage counseling. We might have still been doing that, but we’d run out of priests who were considered experienced enough to perform marriage counseling. What an NPC level had to do with the ability to ask the question, “How do you feel about that?” escaped me, but what can you do when your NPCs were based on popular sitcoms?

This didn’t actually solve our problem because there were still these two cardinals who were reasonably exhausted from having to activate ALL those resurrection stones for the hundred priests we’d killed. The bodies of these priests were all resting comfortably in a medical ward where they were looked after by, and I’m not kidding, two level two priests. There were no guards on that coma ward. Resurrection stones would bring them all back to life, but they would spend one week in a coma state after that resurrection, so we really hadn’t done enough damage yet at all. Even when we took out these two Cardinals, the High Priest would resurrect them, except that the High Priest was in a very deep sleep that I didn’t intend to lift until everyone capable of casting the resurrection spell was dead. Thus, the strategy of our week-long decimation of the priesthood from the bottom up, instead of a more top-down approach.

See why Fizzbarren wasn’t getting worried about it, yet? Not only didn’t Fizzbarren know that he was my next nemesis, but he was also soaking in the supercilious knowledge that I was making a grievous error because I could not know that the resurrection made irrelevant all my hard work of killing off the church hierarchy. Plans within plans within plans. See? I’d be voted off first on Survivor. One, I’d have these complicated plans that didn’t account for basic human nature. Two, I’d tell people those plans too early. Three, I’d count on their understanding those plans and get painted as a paranoid mastermind by cameras and fellow island-mates. Instant vote out.

Luckily, I wasn’t on Survivor. More luckily, the mirror hadn’t gotten to Survivor on the constructs binge-watching list yet.

Intelligence +2

“Very good sermon, Matthew,” Cardinal Mark nodded sagely with a mouth half-full of mashed potatoes and gravy that was a little under-salted for my taste. “I might have used Mark fifteen rather than First Corinthians, but that is a personal choice, I suppose.”

I failed to see how a rendition of the last supper was more appropriate, but then leave it to a priest to find all sorts of messages in their reading and rereading of the good book. Then I got to thinking, sitting on that windowsill as they sat at their last supper, that I did have a chance to ask these questions. It had been our tradition that family members who went to church service together got to go out to eat afterward and discuss the lesson of the service. This made me a Jack-Mormon in some eyes since we aren’t supposed to force others to work on the holy day, but if you take into consideration that there are some Christians who worship on Saturday instead, you could argue that I was supporting the idea of freedom of religion, but then I could argue almost anything. I was a philosophy major, after all. Oh, and I wasn’t Mormon any more either, not that they believed that.

“I disagree,” I broke the Silence spell of the room to say to the shocked Cardinals. “Unless you are specifically trying to compare Judas, as the betrayer of Jesus, I don’t believe Mark fifteen has anything to do with judging the mysteries of God before the second coming. Then again, I didn’t think First Corinthians had anything to do with the message either, so I’m not really on either side of this.”

Intelligence +2

Give Kat the credit that she cast the first Fireball. It took Dom a moment to digest and discard my words before he cast his own Poison spells at both Cardinals. I didn’t miss my cue. I cast Charm right after the damage took hold, making sure that my conversation could continue. It wasn’t like I was going to get my minister at church to spend a few hours talking to me about the subject. We were forever bombarded with how busy and overworked ministers were and that predisposed me against asking them to have these discussions with them, no matter how much I wanted to do so.

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 4,300/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

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Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 4,300/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“I mean it was a reach to go all the way to Revelations for a wrath of God reference, wasn’t it?” I brought the charmed Cardinals attention back to me.

“The issue isn’t the biblical verse as much as the impact of the statement,” the AI spoke through the NPCs who were singed but still standing. “The use of Corinthians Four is generally used to distinguish the difference between God’s wisdom and man’s wisdom, with God’s wisdom being greater.”

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 4,194/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 4,185/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“I do wonder,” I pondered out loud. “You don’t actually think Fizzbarren is God do you?” And I was asking the constructs, not the characters.

Intelligence +2

“Of course Fizzbarren is the God of our world, this world,” Cardinal Matthew answered and I wasn’t sure whether it was the construct or the NPC talking.

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 4,088/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 4,070/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Two Fireballs, a backstab, and a light rain to put out the burning table later, and I was ready to ask another question. It took an extra cast of charm that Dom helped out with, but they were a higher level than the priests we’d taken out so far had been, so I forgave their interruption of what I considered the bigger picture questions I wanted to ask.

Cardinal Mark level 40FHealth 3,902/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 3,875/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“But what about all worlds? Do you think Fizzbarren could be the God of a world where he has so little control of things that he has to make an engine to escape into just to avoid a world he can’t control?” I asked.

“When you put it like that, child,” Cardinal Mark was charmed enough to reply to me, but Cardinal Matthew was resisting it stubbornly. I shrugged off the minor version of smite that took off about a hundred points of my health pool. “You are showing an ignorance of godhood. A god is a god and belief in a god presumes that you believe that they are all-powerful and all-knowing.”

Health -100 (23,066/23,166)

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 3,796/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 3,760/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“And you believe Fizzbarren to be this way?” I asked.

Our conversation was interrupted by Ice Spikes from me and a backstab attempt that backfired on Dom. The problem with fighting these higher levels was that they resisted our spells more often than not. That didn’t help them in the long run since our backstab abilities had increased with everything else, and physical damage was physical damage no matter what your level. Combine that with the fact that we had more than five times their health and mana even at almost half their level and we weren’t in a lot of danger, though Dom had decreed that I not be a main target. I distracted myself with spellwork and philosophical questions.

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 3,652/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 3,657/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

I took the time to cast several Charms and then heal up my peeps even as I asked the question again.

“Fizzbarren is our god,” Cardinal Matthew continued, with a much too banal answer for my taste. “Because he has created us and by creating us must be wiser and more powerful than we can understand.”

“The teleological debate,” I shook my head at him. “Really? It’s a little weak and only proves the existence of some creator based on the idea that we are watchlike in complexity, that complexity cannot exist in a vacuum, and therefore we, being even more complex than watches must have been created.”

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 3,546/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 3,542/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“You think an AI is going to be able to answer philosophical questions on the nature of God?” Dom questioned my tactics.

“ChatGPT gave it a try,” I shrugged and cast another offensive set of spells, an admission that Dom was likely right. “And technically, I’m arguing with constructs who were given at least a little autonomy by their own creator.” That could be referencing NPCs and not the constructs, but the constructs knew I was referring to them. At least, I believed they did at the time.

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 3,402/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 3,389/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“If the teleological debate applies anywhere, shouldn’t it apply there?” Kat had gone to the same class I had. You know how Einstein didn’t do all that well in basic algebra? I had been that way with my philosophy 101 class. I’d written one paper on the overbanality of the teleological debate being used in debunking a belief in God, and had had to kiss-up lie on every subsequent paper just to counter the bad grade that one challenge of professorial ideas had done to my overall grade.

Fireballs, Ice Spikes, a little Rain and I was more interested in turning my Rain spell into Acid Rain, or even purple rain than I was in debating teleological logic. If I combined Fireball with Rain, I could either make Mist or Rain of Fire. With enough trial and error, I got the spell Acid Rain. I kind of figured that my creation of yet another spell could give the engine enough to write for Fizzbarren that my teleological debate could be a footnote. I mean, who wants to read about philosophy, right?

Spell Learned: Acid Rain

Acid Rain +15

Exp +180 (3,150,915/5,985,462) Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 467/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 422/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“This is for every stupid sermon on how suffering was the price of sin,” Kat double-backstabbed Cardinal Mark, diving flaming daggers up and into his lungs.

Cardinal Mark level 40 (Health 105/4,400) (Mana 4,960/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“This is for every time you preached about abstinence in public while practiced gluttony in private,” Dom did his own double-backstab with poisoned blades. Dom and Kat had decided to take out their aggressions in an insult contest once I gave up my theological debate.

Cardinal Matthew level 40 (Health 69/4,400) (Mana 4,920/4,960) – Blessed, Charmed and Poisoned (-75/5 seconds)

“This is for every time the church called me evil because I questioned the belief system,” I got in on the act with a double dose of Acid Rain that both Dom and Kat had to jump back from to escape. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

You have killed Cardinal Mark – Exp +1,653 (3,152,568/5,985,462)

You have killed Cardinal Matthew – Exp +1,653 (3,154,221/5,985,462)

“Okay,” Dom gave me a little stink-eye on it. “As long as including Kat and I wasn’t the intention.”

“I don’t think so,” I hedged, casting heals at them both as I explored the idea. It wasn’t like Acid Rain did much damage at this point. It was a newish spell, so it didn’t… um. “Maybe?” I admitted, and they both sent glares at me, unamused with my candor. I wondered if I could combine the acid with the whirlwind, but decided to test it later, rather than now. Some things just weren’t done at the dinner table.