Clearly, this wasn’t just another episode. This was personal.
I pulled my gaze from the smoldering letters. The air smelled like gasoline and charred wood. I stared at the burning bank as part of the atrium fell with a crash.
So did my stomach. Peter had gone too far. I’d get inside, drag him and the hostages out, and see him arrested and tried this time. I just had to get inside first.
“Understudy! Thank God you’re here!” I spun, cringing inside at the Extra’s seemingly-canned line. The man running at me filled out his bright yellow fire suit. A helmet covered his hair, but his walrus mustache wasn’t hidden behind a mask or face shield. “We’re losing the building, and the Panic Pals took hostages inside!”
I bit back a sigh. Peter—no, Professor Panic—was in there. Or at least his robotic minions. And I couldn’t focus on him because that wasn’t how Act One needed to go. I had to save the Extras instead. The silvery-chrome camera drone hovered high overhead somewhere, but I had no illusions that it would miss a thing. “That’s terrible, Chief Thatcher! How long do they have?”
[Intense Line! +1 Drama Point Pending]
He shrugged. “Could only be a couple of minutes if they found a safe place. Could be longer if they’re in the vault. Can you do anything?”
“I can. You said the safe was…safe?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s safer than anywhere else in there. They’d have hours of oxygen if they got inside, and it’s air-sealed. And I’m sure that Genius Professor Panic wouldn’t do something like this without a way inside the vault.”
“Alright, then I’ll find a way in. Try to keep a window open for me. [Starwave Sail]!” I jumped onto the magic sailboard and flew toward the building. Below me, another fire engine pulled up, and firefighters started dragging a second hose forward. Chief Thatcher directed them and the first hose team toward the left front window. Before they could start spraying, I’d surfed behind the building. The chrome camera drone followed closer now that there weren’t extras around to spot it.
I waved goodbye to the plushie cat, then stared at the back door. As I reached out for the handle, I had an [Inkling]. Busting the window open would give the fire more air but also give me a way out that was harder to block. I wasn’t trying to save the bank. Just the people inside, and Peter, if I could get through to him quick enough. I stepped back and looked at the second-story window.
“That’s pretty high up,” I thought out loud. “[Starwave Sail]!”
I leaned back as I flew through the air, making a long, wide loop over the bank’s parking lot. Then I turned sharply and flew right at the building. I had to get closer to it to make the shot.
Closer to the window. Closer. Now!
My hand flew off the sailboard’s handle and pointed toward the window, fingers wrapped around the gold-and-tourmaline wand. “[Stellar Ray],” I shouted. A beam of solid, pale blue light punched through the window, shattering it inward. I threw myself off the sailboard a second later and tucked into a ball. I hit the floor far across the glass shards with an “Oof,” rolled once, and hopped to my feet. The chrome camera drone followed silently, floating up into a corner.
[Bull in a China Shop! +1 Badass Point Pending]
[Showoff! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]
I’d made it into the bank.
I hacked and coughed from the smoke. If I remembered the last time Professor Panic used fire, the smoke wouldn’t slow me down too much. It would make fighting harder inside, though. Especially if—
“HE’S COOL! EVIL! SMART! ALL-ORGANIC!
CLAP YOUR HANDS FOR PRO-FESS-OR PANIC!”
—that happened.
I barely had enough time to think about how dumb that synthetic-sounding lyric was before the first Panic Pal flew around the corner.
With friends.
A herd of blue steel bots swerved into the burning hall behind it, metal-fanged mouths chomping and green headlights searching through the smoke. One blasted Professor Panic’s theme song from a speaker, the hip-hop beat drowning out the fire’s roar, while the others dove toward me.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
“THE FACTS ARE IN, THE TRUTH IS OUT, PANIC’S THE BEST!
HE PUTS RIVERSIDE TO THE ULTIMATE TEST!”
“[Beep] it, P! Turn your bots off and surrender!”
[Rating Warning #2! Episode Rating - PG! Censor in Effect]
I screamed in frustration. I didn’t have time for this! The bot swarm buzzed toward me, and I ducked under it. One caught my back with a long, spindly arm, knocking me to the side. I jumped, spinning mid-air, and aimed for the one playing the music.
“TELL EM, PANIC PALS, WHILE WE’RE ALL JUST CHILLIN’!
WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE ULTIMA—”
“[Stellar Ray!]”
Even though Stellar Ray didn’t punch much harder than a boxer’s fist, the Panic Pal’s case wasn’t very thick—just a few sixteenths of an inch, if that. Plus, it didn’t have much of a cooldown—only a few seconds—so I could spam it if I missed a shot.
But I didn’t need to. The light beam caught the bot dead-on, and it crashed through the wooden floor and into the bank’s main floor. “Ha! One down!”
[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]
[Stylish Shot! +1 Flamboyance Point Pending]
The others collapsed on me before I could fire another [Stellar Ray].
I found myself in a punching contest with the Panic Pals, and I didn’t like it one bit! Each bot was only the size of my head, but I couldn't get any distance with four of them attacking me.
Trying not to…panic…I flailed and punched one in its single green eye. It snapped back, eye shorting out, and skittered along the floor.
A pair of thin metal limbs slammed into my chest, and spiky metal jaws closed over my glove. I winced and sucked in a breath. The magical cloth held against the bite, but I’d have a bruise from the slams tomorrow!
[HP 5/6]
We rolled across the scorched floor. Fists, feet, and metal limbs flew. One of the bots broke free from the scrum and popped open its speakers.
“HE’S COMING FOR YOU, AND IT WON’T BE FUNNY!
GIVE HIM YOUR PHONE, YOUR KEYS, AND YOUR MONEY!”
I kicked one of the bots away from me. It went spinning across the floor and crashed into a wall. I stuck my wand out again, screaming, “[Stellar Ray]” at the biggest threat; the speaker-bot. As the beam slammed into it, I rolled away from the others.
Crack!
The weakened floor gave way, and I fell, along with the remaining bots. I crashed into the teller’s counter, feeling the air drive from my lungs. Bots and wood flooring panels rained down around me. I took a deep, painful breath and pushed myself up off the shattered counter, ready to fight the rest of the Panic Pals. Luckily, superhero damage took most of the fall. It wasn’t a full shield. It still hurt. But I could power through injuries that would stop an Extra in their tracks.
[HP 4/6]
[Dramatic Damage! +1 Drama Point Pending]
[Gritty Recovery! +1 Grit Point Pending]
One bot hovered down from above, keeping its distance from me. Another picked itself up slowly, regrouped with the first, and started…fleeing? I watched as they headed for the stairs. The speaker started up again as soon as they’d left my line of sight.
“YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE TOUGH? THINK THAT YOU’RE MEAN?
PROFESSOR PAnic’s the best you’ve ev….”
As the bots fled and the song faded away, I couldn’t help but smile. Painfully. Peter had kidnapped a rap group by hijacking their tour bus. He’d led me on a high-speed chase while he forced them to record his theme song. ‘Panic Prof and the Beastly Boys,’ the episode had been called. One of my favorites, even if the music sucked.
The last bot lay motionless beneath a beam. I l glanced at it just long enough to confirm it was toast, then took stock of the room before I accidentally became toast too.
The odds of becoming toast were getting higher by the second.
Smoke from burning desks and half-melted rolling chairs rushed out the hole I’d made in the ceiling. The drive-through’s windows had shattered; the fire roared as it greedily ate the cool night air. The carpet smoldered, and the lobby’s front half was covered in wreckage from the collapsed atrium and roof. Another floor panel crashed down, shattering behind me on the teller’s counter. Flames licked at the counter’s base, and stacked paper lit up.
It was time for me to leave.
The Panic Pals had headed toward the stairs. Therefore, the hostages were probably downstairs by the vault.
I followed them down. The smoke had pooled at the bottom of the stairs, and steam hissed up as fire hose water turned to steam around me. I felt like I’d descended into a fog world—one whose acrid stink made me cough and choke. The fire’s roar faded to a background hum. After the deafening battle above, it felt like silence to me.
Safe deposit boxes sat half-opened, their contents strewn across the floor. Pearl necklaces, gold bracelets, and promissory notes lay scattered everywhere. Had Peter even taken anything?
A muffled crying across the room caught my attention. Then another sound interrupted it—a cough. The hostages were on the other side, near the vault! Or maybe…in the vault. The door hung open on the far side. Pushing through the smoke, I started talking toward the single green light in front of me. “Professor Panama, I presume?”
No response to my disparaging nickname. Oh well. He’d always been one for theatrics, and the chrome camera drone hovered just above me. Time to give the viewers what they wanted.
“You can’t beat me, Professor. If you turn off the bots and come out, we can save these people from your fire. Together. The jury will like that.”
[Intense Line! +1 Drama Point Pending]
The single green light grew brighter as I picked my way through the mess of safe deposit boxes.
“Or we could fight. And I’ll have to destroy your bots, disable your super suit, and make you give up. Again. Lives are at stake, Panda. Do the right thing for once. For me.”
A yawning circle taller than a person loomed in front of me. Inside, the single green light cast a pallid glow across a half-dozen sitting and kneeling silhouettes. I peered through the gray-black miasma at the lonely light on the room’s far side.
Then a second green light flicked on. And another. And another. And two more, glowing like a cartoon mouse’s ears.
“Professor Panic can’t come to the phone right now, Magical Girl Understudy,” a synthetic voice said. “Please leave a message after the bang!”