“I can’t believe we’re hunting Theseus,” Bee grumbled as we rolled the whiteboard into the middle of the Green Room.
I wasn’t thrilled about it either. One of my least favorite things about working for Rocko had always been high-pressure ‘do this now’ Episodes, and now I had that same pressure from the Council of Heroes. On the other hand, every instinct said to withdraw, dig in, and try to play defense as the villains took advantage of the chaos Golden Goose’s death had caused. That wouldn’t work, but it felt like the right thing to do.
“I know, I know. Let’s run this assault through our usual planning so we know it’ll work.”
“Got it.” Bianca grabbed the marker and started writing in three columns: ‘Known Problems,’ ‘Likely Problems,’ and ‘Solutions.’ “Okay, we’re going to start with what we know. Alkirk is a robotics, medical prosthetics, and experimental weapons corporation, so I’d expect ‘henchmen’ with power armor, lasers, missile launchers, and guns. We know Theseus has rocket launchers, spider legs, grapples, sword arms, and now he’s got a laser cannon arm, too. Anything else?”
“Yeah. He’s still following the Code of Conduct, so we don’t need to worry about him intentionally endangering Extras or anything like that. We also know that the balance of power outside the tower’s going to be a mess, so we’ll want to move fast in case McHammer and Lord Destructo make a play somewhere nearby and we get sucked into it.” I pointed at the screen, where the whole of Tokyexico City glowed an angry red. “So, under solutions, we can put speed and stealth.”
“Ha. I don’t think either of us can do the stealth thing.”
“TA-1LZ can, and honestly? We did okay getting into the 3V1L base. I’ll ditch Lucky Star for Lab Assistant Panic on this one. If they’re working for Alkirk, they know Theseus is working with them, and they’re okay with villainy. We won’t need to save any Extras on Saturday night, anyway. Besides, we’ll be quick. In, fight Theseus, and out...” I wasn’t thinking right. Did I have a stealth power I’d never used? I couldn’t remember, and I couldn’t deal with builds right now. I could barely deal with this.
“Okay, okay. We’ll try stealth until it doesn’t work. What about our Likely Problems?”
“Move Theseus’s laser weapon over there. It could be something defensive like Sister Sly’s laser grid grenade, or it could be a full-on weapon system. My money’s on weapon system, to be honest. If we can counter that, it’s possible that Alkirk won’t be able to replace it.”
Bee grinned. “Remember, we’re going after any offensive arms first, then running Chokehold while I break up Theseus’s mobility. That’ll leave him pretty powerless if you can keep the re-arm drones out of the fight. Can you do that?”
“I think so. Yes.” We’d come up with the plan after our last encounter, and if it worked, we’d keep Theseus from hitting full power and get a quick win. “As long as Alkirk feels like they’re well-protected enough. I think our best bet is that they won’t want to overengineer the drones themselves, so they’ll have the minimum protections in place.”
“What if he doesn’t use drones?” Bee asked.
I paused. “Like, if he’s got a different re-arming system in his base? Then we break that up or shut it down. The plan is the same every time, just the specifics change.”
“Okay. Alright.” Bianca finished scribbling on the whiteboard. I nodded slowly. “So, break in, find Theseus, pin him down without his best arms, and Chokehold until we win. Then get him to the police and…what? Let them take it from there?”
“Yep. That's the best we can do. It’ll relieve pressure around Mid-Town for a bit, and that’s what the Council of Heroes asked for.” I grabbed Tails and my wand. Okay, transforming. Let’s get to it.”
----------------------------------------
[Casting Call]
[Episode: Power War, Short: Armed and Dangerous - PG-13]
[Role: Assault Hero! Do you accept the role? (Yes/No)]
[Role Focus: Cunning+Flamboyance]
We flew through the night toward Alkirk Tower, heading for the helicopter pad where Theseus had started the ‘Dark Hand of Capitalism’ Episode. There’d be a door there, and since they wouldn’t want Theseus wandering through the entire building every time he wanted to leave, his quarters would be close to it. He probably had a penthouse and everything.
[Power War, Short: Armed and Dangerous: Act One in Progress]
The moment we landed, I blasted a pair of security cameras with [Starlances], and Fursona hopped off my sailboard with a breath of relief. I felt for her; we were every bit as high up as we’d been for ‘Gourmet’s Glutton Hour,’ and the only way she’d get off this tower was through the air with me. But we’d both agreed that Roo-sona would be better for handling Theseus than Eagle-sona.
She kicked in the glass double doors, which shattered into a white-and-chrome atrium filled with fake plants as I shifted into Lab Assistant Panic and [Speed Hacked] the security system so it wouldn’t go off. TA-1LZ activated her active camo—I’d dropped [Check the Script] for it—and crept forward on two perfectly silent metal paws, her [Head-Cannon] not spooling up to keep her movements even quieter.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
[Good Thinking! +1 Cunning Point]
We were in, just like that.
Fursona sneaked down the hall a dozen steps behind TA-1LZ, who kept pausing mid-stride to look around. I didn’t know what senses she had, but she quietly motioned us forward with a paw, and we stepped around a corner and into a white-padded corridor. I stopped and emptied a small bag, then started fiddling with it as TA-1LZ said, “74% probability of a trap here. Probably laser grids or something similar. Recommend a counter-play, or just rushing it and hoping it activates too slowly.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you sound like Sara?” I asked my robo-cat.
“Not anyone who’s lived.”
“Great. You sound nothing like her, then. Okay, [Science has Rules?] Not on my watch—this watch, specifically, which jams passive sensor signals using theta-waves and ion pulses so that defenses can’t trigger.” I held up the bulky bracelet I’d created. It looked vaguely like a watch if you squinted right.
[Pseudoscientific Mumbo-Jumbo! +1 Drama Point]
We sprinted down the hall as the watch hummed and hissed, then broke apart around us. Sure enough, lasers filled the hall, but the chunks of watch reflected them away from us, almost like a pocket without any danger at all. Then, suddenly, we were at the far door, without any laser grids, tear gas bombs, or other nefarious traps going off.
“Nice,” Fursona said.
“Thanks. Breach in three. Two. One.” I kicked the door as hard as I could, and TA-1LZ and Fursona dashed into the room beyond. It was round—almost perfectly circular—and a dozen machines whirred and buzzed around a figure standing on a white-and-chrome platform in the center. Theseus raised one arm, this one with a sword attached, in greeting. More fake plants lined the walls, and I stared for a bit; this wasn’t what I’d imagined Theseus’s lair would be like, but Alkirk had its fingerprints all over it.
“Hi, girls. I applaud your efforts—or I would if I had hands!” Theseus said. A robotic arm holding another robotic arm descended from the ceiling. “You got in a lot faster than I expected, but that’s okay. You’re in my lair now, and Alkirk’s given me a leg up while I’m in here.
Rubber bullets bounced off the unattached arm harmlessly, and I told TA-1LZ to switch to taser rounds. Fursona dashed forward, trying to get in between what was obviously a laser cannon arm and its intended recipient, Theseus’s empty shoulder socket. I stuck with the plan—the Chokehold plan, the one that required me to take out Theseus’s re-arming machine while Fursona and TA-1LZ defeated him.
I tried a [Speed Hack] on the arm-mounting arm. Green ones and zeroes filled my vision, and it started moving more jerkily before stopping in place a foot away from the supervillain. He groaned in frustration, parried Fursona’s tail slam, and threw his body into the arm. “I have to do everything myself!”
[Good Thinking! +1 Cunning Point]
I’d hacked the machine, for now, but Theseus had successfully rearmed, which meant it was time for Phase Two. I ducked behind a computer console and started transforming into Rainy Day. I’d go for an overload on the whole damn system, forcing him to really re-equip everything manually.
Bweeeeeeem!
A red beam cut through the computer and slammed into me, burning through superhero damage at a disgusting rate. Since I was stuck mid-Itsy-Bitsy Spider, I couldn't dodge, so I ate the burning feeling in my stomach and chest until Fursona landed a blow that knocked his beam off course. Its whining, high-pitched scream stopped a moment later, and a beeping filled the air.
[HP 7/12]
“He’s recharging! Hurry!” Fursona shouted.
I finished with an “Up the spout again!” The machines above me had started to move, looking disturbingly spider-like. The illusion was only made worse by the literally hundreds of taser wires crisscrossing the room like webbing; re-arming arms had tangled in them, and they snapped, sending sparks showering down on us.
That smelled like an opportunity—and electrical wires burning. I used [Thunderhead] and filled the air with even more charge. A shockwave crashed out from my outstretched arms, knocking machines off-center for a moment but not doing any permanent damage. I could feel my hair standing on end as the power built and built, and I regretted not being able to set up a proper combo.
[Pause for Effect! +1 Drama Point]
Theseus and Fursona traded blows, and even with only one melee arm and no spider legs, it was clear that he still outgunned her. His sword flashed out, and she blocked it with her arm, letting her [Fursonal Furcefield] take the hit. Her counter-kick landed to basically no effect. It looked like a clean trade, but he'd probably overpower her on a long enough timeline.
I couldn’t give him the time. The clouds built, the tasers sparked, and as the charge in the air reached a crescendo and my hair stood perfectly straight up, I used [Ride the Lightning].
[Electric Lightshow! +1 Flamboyance Point]
[Environmental Combo! +1 Cunning Point]
[Thunderstruck! +1 Drama Point]
[Feedback 1]
[HP 6/12]
[Confirm Combo Continuation?]
The room sparked and crackled as I overloaded the combo, trying to maintain it. The longer I could keep hold of the power surging out of me—out of the tasers and the cloud, too—the more damage I’d cause to Theseus’s re-arming machine. I kept going.
[Electric Lightshow! +1 Flamboyance Point]
[Environmental Combo! +1 Cunning Point]
[Thunderstruck! +1 Drama Point]
[Feedback 2]
[HP 5/12]
[Confirm Combo Continuation?]
The storm crackled out of me, filling the whole room with lightning that jumped from surface to surface. Fursona screamed and threw herself away from Theseus, who leaped in the other direction, landing on his sword arm with a sickening crunch. I tried to keep the combo going even longer, but as I went to confirm, one more beep filled the air, and Theseus’s laser fired again—straight for my chest!
Bweeeeeeem!
[HP 4/12]
I rolled onto my back to get out of the worst of it, waited until the whining scream of the cannon stopped, and hurried to my feet to press our advantage. The whole room smelled like electricity and smoke, and I could barely see two feet in front of me. “Fursona! You good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I think Theseus bailed, though.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay. He’s going somewhere to get more arms, and maybe his spider legs. Let’s keep up the pressure!”