Chapter Nineteen

Maybe it was the presence of human emotions of this sort… this ‘pity’ thing was kind of new to me. I know, I know, you might be wondering, ‘Didn’t you pity Suki?’ or ‘Didn’t you pity Jin?’ and the answer is ‘no’. Maybe if things got worse for them, but Suki was alive and Jin was still in school, they weren’t at what humans call ‘Rock Bottom’ yet, so why would I feel pity?

But stealing snacks and working for someone who loathes you to buy old bento while wearing dirty clothes and living in a body they had to know was kind of bad smelling? Maybe things could have been worse but… well if it got worse that didn’t mean they weren’t at rock bottom, it just meant that they were at rock bottom when somebody handed them a stick of T.N.T. like out of one of those old cartoons so they could blast their way down deeper.

So yeah, yeah I pitied the boy, which probably was obvious and probably made him feel worse. But then again he did pick on Jin and so I wasn’t too concerned about him feeling bad about eating pity-bento.

Jin showed up about two hours prior to closing, a smile on his face, he was clearly increasingly happy in the last few days, and this was no exception. “Thanks again, Kayobi! I’ll lock up!” He said and waited while I bought snacks for myself.

“Sure thing, see you tomorrow.” I promised, and went back to my apartment.

I immediately turned on the television and tossed my snacks on the coffee table sitting in front of my plushy, soft couch, and after a moment’s consideration I decided, after putting on my pajamas, I would make Asahi’s life just a little bit easier.

I gathered my dirty clothing and threw it into an old green laundry bag I’d acquired, along with a few single-use detergent packets, then put the little box of trash bags out on the countertop for him to easily find, right next to the dish soap. I had almost no dishes, but there were some plastic ones I sort of kept and reused.

And that was that. I teleported my snacks into my hand and flopped myself on the couch, leaving the door cracked open so that Asahi would know I was there and couldn’t later pretend he knocked and nobody was home or something equally absurd.

I did have my doubts about his arrival, would he show or not show? I looked at my chocolate cream cookies and my bag of melon chips and licked my lips. I chose to have a little fun with it.

I stacked up my cookies, ten high. Then I set out a few handfuls of chips on the table and checked my phone. He had ten minutes. “Alright, if he shows up, I eat you.” I pointed at the cookies. “If he doesn’t show up, I eat you.”

“Nooo…” I gave the cookies and chips voices, and messed around with making them protest their pending consumption.

“I’m sorry, cookies and chips, but you are made of deliciousness, and Kayobi must consume to be content. But worry not, for you will live on in memory, no matter what happens, bear it bravely, and you need die but once.” I said and made a dramatic half bow to my snacks before laughing at my silly game and turning on the show to watch a boy getting flung around by a lamia’s tail as he tried to bear her… superabundant… affections.

I liked this show a lot, the characters were fun with all their silly romantic hijinks, I really felt the haphazard struggles of the male lead, but of all of them, Smith was my favorite. Doing all she could to avoid work at every turn…

Stolen story; please report.

I don’t know, something about her just spoke to my soul.

So I watched the story unfold as he was nearly choked, accidentally did some no-no touching thanks to her poor directions while he was blindfolded, and otherwise just had his life turned upside down.

And while I watched I took a look at the food menu for a delivery place. Before I could order anything or even make a decision, there was a knock at my door.

It opened a crack, and I said, “If you’re a Yakuza hitman, I’ll murder you, but if you’re Asahi, good timing, come on in.” I didn’t bother looking toward the door.

“H-Hi… ah… Yakuza hitman?” He asked, his boldness was completely gone from him, and he now seemed a lot smaller to me as he slipped in the door without even opening it all the way.

I snorted and gave a dismissive wave, “It’s an inside joke, don’t worry about it.” I proceeded to reach for the cookies and popped the top one into my mouth, and while my left cheek was puffed out I said, “Here’s the deal, Asahi, I hate chores. So you can do them for me to pay me back. Start with my laundry, and by the way, there’s enough detergent for ‘extra’ loads. If you happen to use it all up while washing some of your own, fine. Don’t care, just get mine done.”

I then pointed to the green bag sitting against the wall. “But don’t do anything pervy with my underwear. I watch your shows, and this is not one of your ecchi programs.” I glowered at him, and the young man blushed a bright crimson in his face.

“I-I wouldn’t! I-” He tried to protest, but I cut him off.

“Don’t worry about it. After you’re done, there’s some dishes to do and some cleanup here in the living area. Get that handled, and by then, well I’m about to order dinner, if you want the leftovers, that’s fine. Then we’ll call it square for today. Questions?” I asked, and when his stomach rumbled, I threw another cookie in my mouth.

He was all but salivating. “Yeah… I… I got it.” He murmured.

“Then get to it, and I’ll see you in about two hours.” I said, and then went back to watching my show while he went to do my laundry.

The door closed behind him, and you know something?

I’d never felt so bad about anything in all my life. Never. Not once. I looked at the remaining stack of cookies and chips, “I am afraid, since the goddess of your world is kind of an evil monarch, there will be no clemency for any of you. Your sentence is to be carried out immediately.” I said to my food, and tossed them cookie by cookie and chip by chip into my mouth with crunch after crunch continuing until such time as the whole of my doomed snacktopian subjects were quite devoured.

But they hadn’t tasted good.

It was more like ashes in my mouth than explosive tastiness.

I felt like the Yakuza bosses by exploiting Suki and who knew how many others around Shinjai. Or like I’d kicked a damn puppy for chewing on a shoe. Alright, what Asahi had done was bad, but I’d already punished him and he’d seemingly stopped.

“Stars above… he is just a kid, don’t kick him while he’s already down, Kayobi.” I told myself and contemplated my now devoid execution square where all the chips and cookies were sacrificed on the altar of my divine laziness.

As I watched the protagonist start to drown in the mermaid’s pool, I selected an order for pizza from my phone. I ordered some from a local chain, Aoki’s, and one from a popular American one, Domino’s. I used a few coupons to get some freebies thrown in, and then that was that.

It was only a matter of time before that got here, and Asahi got back, and then maybe my food would stop tasting bad. Evidently treating people badly ruins meals, even if they deserve it. “Hmpf. Who knew?” I rolled my eyes at my own question, stretched out, and resumed watching the nigh invincible protagonist suffer every kind of indignant injury, and I laughed the entire time.