When I returned to my place a few hours later, I realized… I had a problem. ‘Hmmm… cook something… order something? Cook something? Order something?’ I was taunting myself, there was no way I was going to actually cook something. I gave my head a decisive and dismissive shake and tossed my work clothes around my room before putting my pajamas back on and reached for my phone.

While I unlocked my phone and scrolled through the many fast food places I knew of and sorted out what menu I wanted, I went back to the kitchen and cracked open the fridge to get more chocolate milk, then held that under the arm where my hand was still working the phone, and used my empty hand to open the cabinet in search of more of my precious, precious cookies. I shoved three into my mouth and glanced at my phone to read the menu for the local pizza place.

“Oh khom on aht khant be zat hard.” I said through my stuffed mouth as I tried to pick an order.

I settled on what I had a coupon for. A two for ten deal with four meats, a two liter of soda, and two sides, garlic cheese sticks and an eighteen piece hot wings… ”But what will I feed Celia?” I laughed at my own joke after I swallowed my bite and reached for three more.

No sooner than I sent the order request after selecting ‘delivery’ than I got a message. ‘No orders are available at this time. This establishment is currently closed.’

I read it three more times and slammed my jug of milk down on the counter, sloshing some of it around out with enough force that a few ounces flew out of the top and spattered flat on the floor. “Damn it!” I cursed and wiped my footy pajamas over the mess on the floor. My foot was damp with chocolate milk… not my favorite thing, but the alternatives were worse.

I stormed away from the kitchen and flopped down on the couch, turning on the television and using one hand on a remote to sort through shows, while the other hand on my phone went to another pizza place and tried to place another order.

‘We’re sorry, this location is currently closed…’

“What the hell?!” I shouted down at the phone and shook it several times as if it were broken.

I scrolled to a food delivery app and selected a burger joint…

The little triple dots were like the choir of angels after I selected my order for me and Celia and then…

A little ‘thwip’ noise went up and the chat box appeared for the delivery app… ‘Due to a gas outage in your area, food delivery services may not be available for several hours. Please be patient and try your order again later.’

I gritted my teeth. I could already see it.

Celia appearing at the door.

Her belly rumbling.

I could hear her voice as her hand touched where her temporarily human stomach waited to be filled. Her eyes closed in that shy way she had and one hand raised to wave hello. “Hi, thanks for having me, I’ve never taken a vacation before, and I wonder what it’s like to just… not do work stuff all the time… I’m absolutely starving, what is there to eat?”

I spun around as if to answer the person who was definitely not there and made an apology to the absent ghost of my visiting friend. “I’m sorry! I fai-i-i-i-iled you! There’s no food! Everything is closed and dinner is rui-i-i-i-ined!” I grabbed my hair dramatically and arched my back with a cry to the heavens.

So real… I could see her response already, her eyes would open, they would become dull and listless, her hand would drop, all hope would be lost, her forlorn, neglected belly would rumble angrily again.

“I see. So this is how vacations are… want and hunger and emptiness… I will never understand why you punish yourself so, Kayobi, but I hope you get the help you need. I’ll be going now, please don’t ever do this to me again. I’m going back to work.’

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Then… she would turn and walk away. I reached out for the person who wasn’t there, “No! Celia! This isn’t what it seems like, I promise vacations are fun! It’s the gas! Just the gas! Don’t work yourself to death for nothing and waste your life!” I shouted and yanked open the door…

To find the real Celia standing there in a casual skirt and short sleeve shirt, disguised as a dark haired girl with glasses and a freckled, pale face.

“What was that about me wasting my life?” She asked and crossed her arms in front of her almost flat chest and cocked her head at me. “Who were you even talking to? Are you alright, Kayobi?” She asked.

The bad thing about ‘swapping’ from one life form to another is that I can’t just ‘exclude’ bodily functions, which meant of course that I blushed red in the face when I was really, really embarrassed… like right then.

“No, no, it’s nothing! Nothing!” I exclaimed and stepped aside, “I was just, ah, acting out a scene… on t.v. but the show isn’t on now, and it won’t be on again for a long time so I can’t show you uh… have a seat!” I said, my voice going up a few octaves as I swung a hand toward my couch.

“Alright… so… what do we-” She started to speak. But I knew what she was getting to.

‘She’s going to ask about food! Dinner! I can’t have nothing but chips and cookies!’ I thought as my mind raced, and cut her off to buy myself time. “Oh, watch? This.” I picked up the remote as fast as I could and pushed the play button for whatever I was sorted through.

“...Time for your humiliation…” The character on the screen said, he was a giant skeleton, and the one to whom he spoke… appeared to be a young girl in a Victorian era girl’s dress… ‘And…great… he’s using her as a chair.’

I knew the series. It wasn’t nearly as pervy as it sounded, it was just that one scene but… damn.

“Ah, not that one!” I exclaimed and backed out of the show while she cocked her head and looked up at me.

“I’m not one to judge, Kayobi, do what you want with your own time, but is that-” I cut her off again.

“No! It’s not like that! It was just ah, a mistake, I meant this one!” I said and switched to another show.

I breathed a little sigh of relief. “Awww… so cute… why is the little girl person getting in the basket?” She asked.

“Oh, well we have to watch from the beginning for you to get it!” I insisted, and then went back to the start.

“Here, let me get you some chips, cookies, and chocolate milk.” I insisted and went back to my kitchen area, I shoved the bag of chips in my mouth and bit the top closed, dumped a bunch of cookies into a bowl, poured the chocolate milk over them, then…realized what I’d done. ‘The… screw it, it’s probably good anyway!’ I thought, and poured two big red plastic cups full, held the cups against my chest and sat the plate on top of the bowl, and awkwardly waddled back into the living room.

“You… want help there?” Celia asked as she looked at me when I reached the couch.

“Yesh pwease.” I said, and she reached up to take the chips, I opened my mouth, dropping the big yellow bag into her hands with a hefty rattle.

She then accepted the plate and set it down, then the bowl, which got her to cock her head again just as the title intro started to roll over the screen.

“What is…” She trailed off when I handed her her cup.

“Dinner!” I said suddenly, struck by inspiration, or maybe desperation? I don’t know, in the right circumstances the two look exactly alike. “Yeah, um, it’s a common first thing on Earth, you know… cookies and milk… they go together, they’re really popular. I can get you a spoon if you like.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that, I’ve never been to Earth, it looks nice though.” She said and poked a finger at one of the soaked cookies.

“Thanks!” I brightened up and said, “They call it ‘cereal’ here. Some like the white milk with no chocolate, but I say those people are crazy. Oh, we need spoons!” I added, pretending I’d forgotten them, thankfully I had a lot of plastic wrapped single use plastic spoons from all my past deliveries. They usually just threw handfuls of stuff in my bags, and I kept them in a drawer for just… whenever, like now. I held out my hand, and a plastic spoon appeared in my palm. I closed my fingers over them immediately so it wouldn’t fall, then handed it to her.

“Hmmm… well I’ll try anything once, you’re the host after all.” She gave me an encouraging smile and relaxed, ‘dinner’ was saved, and the evening carried on as she got absorbed in the quest of the young boy and his tiny cute sister to slay just… all the demons.