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Give my lily pad back. (currently undergoing editing.)
Dodgy Dave, and the core precepts of Dave'ing.

Dodgy Dave, and the core precepts of Dave'ing.

“Dodgy” Dave was a common sight around town, not that he was the only Dodgy Dave of course. Every town had one, (every town really wished that they didn’t, and if they ever found the people responsible for said Dave there would be trouble.) It was commonly believed they were spawned from somewhere. As nobody would ever admit to being related to them. Though he would insist that half the population of the town was his cousin, and would “sort you out” if you gave him any trouble.

They also seemed to think they would join in on sorting said individual out. Despite weighing eight stone wet through, with all the tensile strength of a soggy paper bag.

Of course, this was absolutely not true, and if any individual mentioned overheard they would probably join in on the inevitable kicking he got just on principle. They were always called Dave too, and despite everybody's fervent desires, they were always a well-known feature about town. Promising that they could get their hands on anything short of the holy grail. Unless you actually asked them to produce the item you had paid for, at which point it would quickly become apparent that they could not in fact get their hands on anything, but would always offer an implausible alternative item, of clearly no relevance to the task they had been assigned, and usually of far lower value.

Yet everybody knew him, like the knowledge of said name was magically implanted into their brain. They had all been scammed by him at least once, yet no matter how many times it happened they always seemed to fall for it, vow to never fall for it again, and then six months later they’d be scammed all over again. It was infuriating. Everybody knew that they should never trust him with anything, but he always managed to convince people he was “on the level,” this time. It was bloody infuriating, and a constant source of confusion to the local populace.

That said, it wasn’t that Dave’s were entirely without principle, and what was going on in town right now was something so despicable that even he could not condone it. He would never borrow anybody's last coins (after all when you do that they have nothing left to loan you next time, it was far better to cadge a small amount each time and be a minor annoyance. Than to be a complete nuisance, a condition that was not conducive to further borrowing, this was Dave’ing 101, and what was going on around here completely violated that in unspeakable ways. It was bloody disgusting.

“Lending money,” he spat. “There ought to be a law against that sort of thing.” Of course, that wasn’t exactly what he meant, what he actually meant was that there should be a law against lending money rather than simply giving it to him. That said the interest rates nowadays were murder. Which is what Dave had been worried about in the first place.

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So in a rare display of common sense, he was one of the very few individuals in town who had not taken out a loan. That said now he was facing a rather problematic situation, usually, he supplemented his income by cadging money from everybody who had any to spare. But now that he desperately needed to get out of town he found that nobody had any to spare. This was not an environment individuals like him were built to thrive in. But the thing about changing places was that it cost money, and rather a lot of it. So Dave found themselves resorting to their secondary (and rather less effective) survival tactic.

In theory, Dave would nick anything that wasn’t nailed down. But in reality, he was not actually a very good thief. Still, he was desperate, so when a heavily armoured carriage rolled into town he figured they had to have some stuff that was worth nicking.

So, keeping to the shadows he crept up when the carriage pulled up, slipping closer and closer to his target. No response so far, maybe he was getting better? Yeah, that’s it, he was Dave, the unstoppable shadow thief. No loot was safe from him. All the shinies in the world would be his. After thinking that he got braver, picking up the pace, as he slipped closer and closer to the fancy carriage. Before as sneakily as he could slipping the door open. It was at that moment, as he heard a squroark from within, and the heavy footfalls of a construct from behind, accompanied by the clank of a suit of armour. he decided maybe being a shadow thief was not in the cards for him.

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Meanwhile, in a well-lit, and impeccably kept office an unremarkable gentleman looked through the memos. It’s far too easy to forget that while conspiracies are traditionally performed in dark shadowy places, they aren’t the only ones to watch out for. Sometimes the ones plotted out by efficient monsters in the right place at the right time can be just as dangerous.

As he read the memo his eyebrow rose, there was talk of a royal tour, yet there had been no inspection. He did some hasty, yet incredibly accurate maths in a notepad. Before ringing a bell.

The room suddenly seemed to darken as a devil took their place behind him, not even being acknowledged by the gent as he sifted through the papers.

“It would appear that our Princess suspects something. She will be in town by now, I want you to arrange a proper reception for her highness.” He said in a tone as if the arrangements were a mere background detail. He threw a bag of gold coins to the devil, who didn’t even hesitate before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

The gentleman merely sighed, knowing the smell of sulphur would linger for days now, he spritzed a little perfume before going back to his work.