SQWOOMPHLETTES AND SUPERSOAKER SPELLS

Mibbet was unbelievably bored; for some reason, when something wasn’t trying to kill her, divine intervention wasn’t happening, and when she wasn’t designing a massive infrastructure overhaul, there really wasn’t a lot for her to do.

All the books were at home, so she couldn’t even read to break the mind-numbing tedium. So it was time to do something she had been putting off for a while. It was time for her to practice some magic. She started off short and simple with a basic ice ball (tradition dictated fire was the most basic magic, but frankly, it was also the one where things went wrong most spectacularly, so it seemed rather silly to Mibbet to start off with the hot, unpleasant burny spell, as a frog she had even more of an aversion to hot, dry things, this despite Rosalind urging her to learn it first. But frankly, the princess she was hosted by liked fire far too much, and Mibbet felt the need to offset that a little for the good of everybody. Including herself, if Rosalind ever got her body back.)

So ice ball it was, it took several attempts to get the temperature right (according to the magic, really friggin cold is not a valid measure of temperature, no matter how loudly you shout it. Magic is picky like that and really selective in who it likes.) and more than a few Sqwoomphlettes. (Sqwoomphlettes are apparently what happens when a sqwoomph manifest with insufficient manner to cause any particular hassle. They look like pink or, on rare occasions, blue and purple bipedal mice with a teeny tiny trunk, a tufty tail, and big, well big for a creature barely 1 apple tall, fluffy puppy ears. They really are adorable if you ignore their tendency to eat things twice their size and hunt in packs. Luckily they specifically hunt magical creatures, mostly horned rabbits. Usually, such creatures would be worrying, but teeny tiny hands and a habit of eating like people. Including, in some cases, napkins and itty bitty knife and fork give them a get out of extermination free card, and the occasional eccentric noble even keeps them as pets.)

“create-object: ice-ball

Set-temperature: -10degreescelsius

object-scale:1000x1000

object-density:default

manifest.”

The ice ball did indeed manifest. Unfortunately, at that moment, Mibbet came to the crushing realisation a 100cm by 100 cm ball of ice manifesting in front of your hand with no set velocity regardless of the cause of manifestation is still subject upon manifestation to the laws of physics in general, and in this case gravity in particular.

Suffice to say, her feet did not particularly appreciate reaching this realisation the hard, icy, and somewhat heavy way and more than one passing Sqwoomphlette quickly covered their oversized ears at Mibbet’s response. (Other, of course, listened, after all, learning new, creative, and varied swears is never a waste of time.)

Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform. Support original creators!

“Hopless, spawn-sucking scum-hopping ICE GAAAAAAHHHH”, She cursed, while the gathered audience watched her hopping about nursing her good leg (and those hops were, of course, pretty impressive.)

After that, Mibbet quickly switched the magic she was using to hydromancy (after all, a water ball landing on your foot doesn’t hurt) and, after a little practice, succeeded in manifesting a water ball and even managing to launch it at speed in a specific direction.

She didn’t expect it, but somehow using water magic was a lot easier for her; maybe it was a froggy thing. A lot of magic was visualisation, apparently, and frogs have a tendency to understand water. (Something to do with living in the stuff made visualising it a little easier, go figure.)

************************************************************************

Errol watched the princess practice her magic curiously. From her early failures (which he definitely did not see, especially the time she dropped a massive ice ball on her foot. Which was not funny at all, even when she started hopping about and swearing. He didn’t see anything there, honest, swear down. He only started watching when she got good at it, promise.)

She was getting the hang of it rather quickly, and that was good for him; he really did not wish to deal with a grumpy Princess. Especially not this one, Sir Leeroy was busy elsewhere, keeping Elvira occupied, so she didn’t offer any oh so helpful suggestions. (As you probably know, nothing is more likely to produce a pissed off person than unsolicited advice while they are trying to learn. Except on rare occasions where solicited suggestions gain the edge.)

Then Errol noticed something scary; quickly picking up the Sqwoomphlette he was petting, he got them both to a safe distance. The princess had ideas face, this was going to get messy, and he wanted to get a safe distance away (but since he couldn’t flee halfway across the world, doubling his observation distance would have to suffice.)

************************************************************************

Mibbet had an idea; she remembered the waterfall near her home and how being hit by that much water hurt. Then physics classes (at least the ones that she had managed to stay awake through, there weren’t that many,) but she remembered water pressure and PSI She now knew magic needed her to designate a range, a direction, and a speed. But maybe she could swap speed for pressure; she knew in pressure bigger numbers meant it hit harder. Other than that, There was really only one way to find out.

The gathered crowd, on spotting that face, moved away, and Mibbet began to chant.

“create-object:water-shot

object-range:5 metres

set-temperature:2degreescelsius

object-density:default

set-pressure: 55000 PSI

Manifest.

It was around this point Mibbet came to the realisation she may have made a bit of a mistake.

55000 PSI is a LOT of water pressure, and Mibbet and Rosalind were NOT a lot of Princess, apparentlyMibbet had slept through the class on equal and opposite reactions and physics rather generously decided to give her an impromptu and rather high-velocity lesson.

Mibbet travelled backwards at high velocity, skidding on her backside until she eventually remembered she hadn’t set a duration and screeched “TERMINATE”. Skidding slowly to a rest twenty meters from her start point, with a spectacular CRUNCH.

“Maybe I should brush up on physics first”, she groaned.