WARPING EFFECTS / CH. 14:PEAS
ARTICLE IN THE ROYALIST AND NEW REPUBLICAN POST, TUESDAY, 21ST JAN, 2296.
EXCLUSIVE to Royalist and New Republican Post
Personal Interview with Prince Luke!
Royal reply next week!
This very same write-up will appear in the Royalist and New Republican Post.
According to normal editorial policies, readers of the New Republican Post may offer comment on any article. As part of this special joint agreement, Royalist readers may also comment via the NRP site.
Peas, your highness? by Catherine Wyatt
I met HRH Prince Luke twelve years ago. He left a lasting impression on me. Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to see if my impression of a pea-hating and hair-pullin annoying royal brat was accurate. In some ways it was. In others... I was surprised. This article comes to you without any censorship, except that it has been agreed that Prince Luke has the right of a reply interview. And Prince Luke does like to answer insult for insult, question for question. Peas with hair-pulling. Still. So I'll try to be civil and balanced. Slightly.
C: Would you like some peas, your highness?
L: Would you like me to pull your hair, just for old time's sake? Why were you flicking peas at me?
C: Because it annoyed you. Why did you pull my hair?
L: Because it annoyed you back.
C: Peas don't hurt.
L: One hit me in the eye.
C: No it didn't, in the eyebrow maybe.
L: Still clinging to the same old lies, I see. I have witnesses.
C: If I really hit you in the eye I'm sorry, but peas aren't supposed to hurt. Hair-pulling is.
L: I wasn't pulling that hard.
- etcetera. I won't admit how long this wonderful example of civilised debate lasted.
Heather Findhorn-Bunting then intervened and suggested that I ask some of the questions I'd prepared. And that we be a bit quieter because the grown-ups (she's my age) wanted to talk.
But first: victory!
HFB: What's he ever done to you? Except pull your hair when he was ten, I hear. Surely you're not still harbouring a grudge?
[I blushed. Of course I was.]
L: Sorry. Will you forgive me for being an irritating brat?”
C: Can I quote you?
And that's where we agreed that he'd get the right to interview me, as a reply article, and one of us had the idea of it being a joint publication with the Royalist.
And then I get to reply to him. Maybe. If I want to prolong this. So, on to the interview — proper. I won't quote it verbatim, just some highlights. I was trying to get him to admit that he was a bit of a waste of space, the archetypal younger royal. We traded a few insults... I admit it, I got most of mine in preemptively.
But I did learn some things. Heather F-B, for example. Very frequent visitor to the palace. Ahh, how romantic. Nope, how frustrating it must be for her. On Saturday, for example, she was there all day. Prince Matthew wasn't. There's a possibility they had a chance to wave or maybe even give each other a kiss in passing, but my sources say she had to leave before he got home. And that sort of thing is normal.
The palace is an office, where people — ministers, Heather, and other experts — talk to their majesties or the younger generation of royals. Prince Matthew isn't in the office much, he's out talking to other nations or our ambassadors, and he can talk to his parents and grandparents at breakfast even if he's not there for tea. Breakfast is apparently a business meeting too.
Rumour has it they got to sit next to each other in Church on Sunday. Having seen the hours my friends who've been in love have spent in each other's company, Heather and Matthew have my sympathy. Honestly? Who'd want to marry into that family? Heather you have my sincere respect, but you must have an overdose of duty or something.
My main line for this article was intended to be Prince Luke, grow up and get a job. The thing is... I admit it, Luke, almost two years younger than me, has been earning an income and paying his taxes as a part-time pizza chef, (at a highly secret location) for more than ayear. I've had a job for urm, five months now. So, great, Prince Luke you got a job before me. Well done. And you're studying micro-electronics, history and politics.
C: At the same time?
L: Electronics because its useful to know whats happening in the world, history and politics because well, they're useful like that and in other ways too. Like debating with people.
C: You like to debate, then?
L: It's one of my annoying habits.
C: I thought you liked arguing.
L: Don't you?
Well, do I? Arguing with Prince Luke was fun, in the sort of let's pretend we're kids and jump in puddles sense. We were arguing about old things we'd really forgiven each other for ages ago. Well, mostly. But we knew the things we were arguing about didn't matter in the adult world. But Prince Luke has grown up and he has got a job. He tells me that on average every week there's some kind of crisis. Genuine ones, that need answers now, and action now; that mean coursework would be abandoned if it hadn't been done; with scary things like bulk-purchased goods shedding electronic bugs around the palace when they get used. Things the average royalist or republican just never hear about. Why not? Because the Royal family are competent leaders, and the crises are not allowed to develop into disasters. I may not, philosophically, like the system of monarchy, but I do honour and respect the people we've got over us now. Even prince Luke the hair-puller. A bit.
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ANCHORAGE, EMBASSY OF THE RESTORED KINGDOM, TUESDAY 21ST JAN 2296, 4:55PM.
It was nearly closing time, when a woman in her early twenties seemed to just step out from behind the two-meter tall plant which had been carefully positioned to hide some ugly 'decorative' plasterwork on one wall. The plant seemed to like it there, but no one in the receptionist's experience had used it to hide behind before. Why hadn't he seen any branches move?
She couldn't have been waiting there for long, the receptionist was sure he'd have noticed movement. But how did she get in?
He'd been on duty since lunchtime. He'd have seen her, surely?
But he certainly hadn't opened the door to this woman. It was very strange. So was the way the window beside the tree had been stuck on dark all afternoon. It ought to have been transparent. But she was speaking. “Hello. Firstly, I was just wondering, is his Excellency the ambassador recovering?” the young woman asked, quite normally. Well, it sounded a bit forced, actually. “I'm afraid I can't divulge medical information.”
“Oh. That doesn't sound good, I'm so sorry. Urm, the next bit is urm... even more tricky, I think.”
“Yes?”
“I wonder what the rules are about seeking asylum.”
“You, yourself?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“That's a very serious step.”
“I know. And I don't know if I qualify, even. But I'm scared. So very very scared.”
“What of?”
“I was there, in the coven.” Mona said, “And outside before, I was the one who your internal investigations lady talked to, Miss Trevithick, I think the papers said. The police took my report that night. Then they took another report. Then another, the next day. Every day. It's like they're determined to keep on at me until I say something that doesn't quite match up with what I said before. They keep suggesting lies, and I have to correct them. Sometimes they write them down and I have to tear up the paper, and they write it down again, with the same lie, and I say no, it wasn't like that. The third time, so far it's always been the third time, they get it right. But they're trying to mess with my mind, I'm sure they are. I don't want to know what happens when they get me to sign the wrong bit of paper.” She was gabbling and she knew it, but after keeping absolutely still behind that bush so long, she couldn't control herself any more. “The first time, I didn't tear it up, I just gave it back to them, and then they read th right version and gave me the wrong one to sign. Slight of hand. But I know those tricks, I saw through them. I'm terrified of what else they might try. And it's a full moon tonight. Are you a Christian?”
“Some of the staff are, I'm not. I'm sorry, what does it being a full moon have to do with anything?”
“Full moon is not a good night to be a renegade witch who's running away from the coven.
I'm in double danger, and I don't want to die.”
“Miss... I'm afraid I didn't understand the importance to you of everything you said, but I think it sounds like you're facing police intimidation and you're clearly afraid for your life, for um, some reason. Allow me to call someone else, please. Would you like to sit down? And a cup of tea or coffee maybe?”
Mona gave a hollow laugh. “A cup of tea to calm me down? Maybe I do need it. I'm fairly sure I was followed here, by a plain-clothes policeman. Please don't leave me with the door unlocked and unguarded.”
“Don't worry, Maam. Someone needs to trigger its opening.”
“You didn't need to for me. You had your back turned when I came in.”
“Computer, lock outer doors to all but embassy staff, darken windows to
fifty percent. Report status.”
“Asylum application in process. Applicant is Mona Bridget Kepler. Mona Bridget Kepler will be protected. Automatic protections fully active.”
“How does it know my name?” Mona asked.
“Computer, state source of information and protections.”
“Recognition data pre-programmed. Mona Bridget Kepler to be protected on arrival.
Mona Bridget Kepler to be allowed 24 hour access to embassy as protected person.
Less lethal force authorised to protect Mona Bridget Kepler. No known follower of witchcraft to be allowed near Mona Bridget Kepler.
No known follower of witchcraft to be allowed to see Mona Bridget Kepler. No local authority to be allowed near Mona Bridget Kepler. No local authority to be allowed to see Mona Bridget Kepler. Authorisation: Vivian Trevithick. Confirmed: Royal decree.”
“Wow. Urm, I guess you were expected, maam, which is why it let you in.
And it sounds like the computer has been told to sleep-gas any policeman who might try to even look at you.”
“Who is Vivian Trevithick?”
“Very important civil servant, Maam. In what you'd call internal investigations. She also teaches a course at the academy we called spooky stuff. But I didn't really pay much attention, it seemed too crazy.”
“Can you find someone who did? Preferably a Christian?”
“Yes, maam.”
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WYATT FAMILY HOME, RESTORATION, SATURDAY 26TH JAN 2296
“I suppose I'd better say welcome to my home, your highness,” Caroline said, glad the bodyguards were waiting outside. Sort of.
“That's one of the most grudging welcomes I've ever had.”
“Do you know what you coming here means?”
“I'm sure you'll tell me.”
“It means, your highness, that while I've had groups of friends over a couple of times, you are the first ever not-part-of-a-group man I've been responsible for bringing into my parent's home. Even if you did invite yourself.”
“I've stepped onto holy ground you mean, into your private space?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“Shall I take off my shoes? In the not trampling mud into the carpet sense, not the holy
ground sense.”
“Why not the latter?”
“Because I don't want you to think I'm making fun of you. I'm sorry, it didn't even occur to me you'd feel anything like that.”
“Why did you want to come?”
“Probably because I didn't know what you were going to write, and I guess I thought... if.she's going to comment on my parent's decor then...”
“You've got a very eye-for-an-eye attitude, haven't you?”
“It's one of my annoying habits, yes.”
“You seem proud of it.”
“Proud? No. It annoys me. I find myself doing it all the time. Seeking my own petty little revenges, settling scores. It's not right, I know.”
“Revenge belongs to God, don't you take it, that's stealing. So said the pastor, last Sunday.”
“Guilty as charged. When did you write the article?”
“Saturday night.”
“It wasn't what I expected.”
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“You haven't disappointed me. I was expecting to have a lot of scores to settle. Thank you for not tempting me to sin, Caroline. I don't want to steal from God. Would you like to go somewhere else?”
“What?”
“Go somewhere we're not on your holy ground?”
“It's not really holy ground. It's... safe ground. My cocoon.”
“Doesn't that mean it's all the more important that we leave it? If my being her makes you feel unsafe?”
“No. It probably means I'd feel less safe somewhere else. Your mother staying visible the other side of that door? To my mind that was just wonderfully pure compassion. Please thank her.”
“You're that nervous of... of what men? Strangers? Strange places?”
“Strangers and strange places.” She shook her head “Why am I a reporter? What on earth set me in this direction? It's utterly mad! I'm terrified of my own shadow half the time, why am I in a job where I have to go out and meet new people every day?”
“Do you?”
“No. But it feels like it. I want to run away and hide and not tell anyone what I feel.”
“You're being very open with me.”
“That's probably because you've managed to sneak your way into the old acquaintance, no chance of romantic entanglement category in my brain. I.e. moderately safe person.”
“I'm not saying there is, but if there was a chance of romantic entanglement, where would that categorise me? Not a safe person at all?”
“I hope you're not about to start a hymn to the praise of my beauty. Firstly I won't believe it and secondly I'll run a mile.”
“Because royalty, or because romance?”
“Romance is lovely in books and messy in real life and totally terrifying if anyone tried to apply it to my life. Royalty is enormously hard work, I realised last week, and I am not looking for a handsome prince to come and sweep me off my feet into what looks very like bonded servitude to my eyes.”
“OK. I get it.” Luke said.
“Do you?”
“I think I do, yes. When you write, or when you argue too, you're big and bold and brash and confident, but really you feel very small and fragile.”
She looked at him for a while and said “Yes.”
“And when I write my article, I would hurt you a lot if I said that, wouldn't I?”
“Yes, probably.”
“And if I called you Caroline the pea-flicker, that would be rather pett and vengeful, yes?”
“Yes. But it wouldn't hurt. Not if you mean it as a sort of in-joke, and I think you would.”
“And I would like you to think of me as an old safe friend. Because I don't think we wanted to hurt each other last week at all.”
“Not once we'd met, no.”
“Would it be at all painful for you if we talked about your Republican leanings and then I tried to demolish your arguments?”
“Are you sure you're no threat?” she asked. “I'm just thinking you're acting all protective of my emotions here.”
“You're not looking for a handsome prince. I'm sure you're not looking for one as ugly as me. I'm not looking for a wife right now. I'm too good on the vengeance thing, that'd turn into point-scoring and could ruin anyone's life. But yes, I do feel like I shouldn't have insisted on coming, on trespassing, and don't want to do any more damage to you. You're obviously getting over it, because you can work as a reporter. I don't want to ruin your life, just to score points. I'd much rather people say Huh, Prince Luke can't interview people to save his life.”
“You'd suffer that humiliation to protect me?”
“To save your career? Certainly.”
“You, prince Luke, need to be very very careful, or you're going to slip up and put yourself in the knight in shining armour category, which is very much a romance prospect.”
“But I can try to demolish your arguments?”
“You can try boyo.” Caroline said, “I won't say hundreds, but certainly dozens have tried and failed.”
“Oh good. And I can attack them viciously without hurting you?”
“Go on, get attacking before I christen you 'sir knight'.”
“I'm a bit confused. If I do somehow slip up and end up in the knight in shining armour category, does that mean you still feel safe, or get scared and run away?”
“At the very least I ought to run away because no matter what sweet inducements you offer to win my favour, you'd be trying to lure me into the bonded labour of royalty. Let's have an argument instead, it's much safer ground.”
“Here goes: you have stated that you are a republican. But that's such a slippery term. Would you be willing to describe your ideal system of government so I can respond to it?”
“Hack it to pieces, you mean?”
“Where I see it returning us to corruption, instability and eventually chaos, certainly.”
“Not where it would mean that your dad and your big brother end up out of a job?”
“If I may loosely quote your mother, servant monarchy is not a job anyone sane would choose, but nor is it a role someone with a strong sense of duty would refuse. If you come up with something better, I expect they'll listen, just as the Tsarina of Russia and Taiwan has implemented the taxation of bribes your mother suggested.”
“Russia is a very interesting example. If the Tsar had only had his son, then he would not have disinherited him, and we'd have had war.”
“I hope I am not publicising something that is an Imperial state secret, and that if I am, the Tsarina of Russia and Taiwan will find it in her generous heart to forgive me, but I have been told that that the day after the attack on the Mer Ambassador, the late Tsar added a codicil in his will declaring that his son would not inherit the title of Tsar, and showed it to a number of his generals. There may have been a period of uncertainty within Russia, but the world would not have been brought to war. Our own constitution does not depend upon the will of a monarch to disinherit an unworthy person, nor does it automatically grant rule until death.”
“You are speaking of the clause on royal oaths?”
“Exactly. So, Caroline who used to be such a poor aim with peas, what would you replace your servants the royal family with?”
Caroline decided she'd definitely get him back for that at some point, but answered the question.
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THE PALACE, SATURDAY 25TH JAN 2296
“Eliza, sorry for interrupting your Saturday,” Prince Albert said to the head of the field arm of Security, “We hope it's not even particularly urgent, it's just that we're a bit busy on other things that are, and there's a slot now.”
“That makes it urgent, highness, doesn't it?”
“It makes this bit urgent, but apart from hearing what I've got to say and firing off some messages as an initial response, I think you can wait until Monday before applying much brainpower to it. We believe it's to do with that young woman in Alaska, Mona. You got the 'for your information' thing yesterday?”
“Yes, sir. It looked like everything was under control there.”
“It did. Travel documentation has been issued, embassy staff went to collect her most cherished possessions for her, she's been able to put her home on the market, and so on. The latest news, however, is that the embassy itself seems to be under twenty-four hour surveillance.”
“That's not urgent, sir?”
“Yesterday, anyway, there were no approaches to staff or people coming or going. They were just.. openly watched as they come, openly watched as they go, and so on. One person, across the street, nursing a thermos of hot drink, then replaced for an hour and then switching back. Independent of the policeman out the front, you understand.
It'd just be a normal part of life in some countries, after all. But we thought it ought to be... responded to.”
“But the fact that it's not normal there means it's a raising of tensions, yes. Thank you for calling me in, sir. Has their ambassador made any comment?”
“Not yet. Unless there are further developments, the foreign minister will be speaking to him, formally, on Monday afternoon.”
“And Mona is still within the Embassy, sir?”
“Not the embassy proper, no. The consular quarters.”
“Which is also being watched?”
“Not openly,” the heir to the throne replied.
“And you'd like an initial response, sir?”
“I'd like you to trigger some extra enquiries, both on the field and to communications, see if there's anything in particular that we ought to be aware of about this Mona that we've missed, and also whether this looks to be part of a pattern at all. If anyone happened to find out what Alaska thought was happening, that'd be wonderful. We'd like to make sure the foreign minister is fully briefed by Monday afternoon.”
“Certainly, sir.”
“If there's anything urgent, do get in contact, but hopefully it's all just routine.”
“Is interviewing Mona again within parameters of the enquiries, sir?”
“I think it ought to be, yes.”
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THE PALACE, SATURDAY 25TH JAN 2296
“So, you're looking thoughtful, Luke. How did it go?”
“On one level, very well. There's lots to write about.”
“But?”
“But she's very fragile. I shouldn't have asked for it to be at her home.”
“Because?”
“It's her safe nest, and she's still shy, behind the mask, and I don't want to hurt her. Mummy?”
“Yes, Luke?”
“Am I falling in love with her?”
“You want me to have a peak, or you want to talk?”
“If I talk, then I'll convince myself that I can't be. Which would be nice but I'm not sure it'll be honest.”
“Why would it be nice not to fall in love with her?”
“Because when I was apologising for coming to her home she said she's decided I'm an old friend with whom there's no danger of romantic entanglement and when I asked what if there was, she said she'd run a mile if I said anything about her being beautiful, because she wouldn't believe me and she was adamant that there's no way she'd ever marry into the royal family.”
“But you think you are?”
“I've never felt so protective towards anyone. I kept on asking her if I was being too nasty with my responses and she ended up calling me 'sir knight'. As in her self-appointed defender.”
“But she didn't run a mile?”
“I think it was sort of a defence mechanism. 'Poor little prince Luke, I've made him worry so much about my feelings that he thinks he needs to protect me now.'”
“Is that a quote?”
“Not exactly. Oops.”
“Overheard decisions?”
“I'm in trouble, aren't I?”
“You need to go back or make a phone call and ask her if she wants to press
charges, yes.”
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WYATT FAMILY HOME, RESTORATION, SATURDAY 25TH JAN 2296
“He's nice mum. That's what the problem is. He's nice and can be very kind.even though he's vicious on the attack and knows he's not being a good Christian in seeking petty revenges. He called it his annoying habit, but I'm sure he meant his habitual sin. And when I told him I was shy and this was my safe nest and he got very protective of me, mum. Self-appointed knight in shining armour.”
“You think he's falling in love with you?”
“He can't be. It would be a disaster, it'd never work.”
The phone rang. “Hello? Catherine Wyatt speaking.”
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“Catherine? Perfect! Eliza. My idiotic son is about to knock on your door to ask to speak to Caroline and beg her forgiveness. State secrets involved — class alpha, but still.... And ultimately it might be up to her to decide if he's just broken an oath or just bent it a bit. Warn her, OK?”
“So, should I vanish?” Catherine asked.
“Probably better if you don't, actually. Otherwise it might get awkward for Caroline to discuss with you if she thinks she needs to.”
“OK. I guess I'll just remind her of the laws on state secrets.”
“Thanks, bye!”
“Good bye.” Catherine said.
“State secrets?” Caroline asked, “Is this about the late Tsar?”
“What about the Tsar? No, I don't think so, nothing about him would be a class alpha state secret.”
“What does a class alpha state secret mean?”
“It means, you're in very big trouble if you pass on what prince Luke is about to tell you. I think it's just ten years in a think tank for a class alpha. As a royal he's allowed to know and to trust, that's to say, he's allowed to know state secrets and to trust others to know them. Eliza said that it might be useful if I was there too, but she obviously didn't trust the phone enough to tell me herself. She did also say that he'd come to beg your forgiveness and you had an important decision to make.”
“He's not about to propose is he?”
“Not as far as I know. This is something else. I wasn't asked to pass it on and passing it on might mean I break a royal confidence, which is just one below a state secret.”
“Gulp. What on Earth is this about?”
“Just pray for wisdom and a forgiving heart, love.”
There was a ring at the doorbell a few minutes later.
“Come in Luke,” Catherine said, “your mother rang, and suggested I be in the room, since there are state secrets involved and Caroline might need help thinkingbthings through. I've known your family long enough to have some guessesbof what might be about to be said anyway. I suggest you start at the logical beginning and lay some foundations before leaping into complicated apologies.”
“I do want to say sorry first, Caroline. I was just thinking about you so much I just didn't think about what I was saying.”
“Since I have no idea what you're talking about your highness....”
“Luke, please.”
“Fine, Luke, why don't you follow mum's advice?” Caroline said.
“Start at the logical beginning?”
“Yes.”
“I've taken the vow of a truthsayer. I heard some of your decisions about me. Unthinkingly, I summarised some of them to my mother, I realised I've probably broken the law and you could press charges. And I've probably broken my truthsayer oath too. I'm really sorry.”
“I can now say Luke's mother said that it might be up to you, Caroline, to decide if he's broken his oath or only bent it.”
“So... you're basically saying that you're handing me the knife to cut you permanently out of the monarchy, and get you thrown in jail or something?”
“Urm, yes.”
“But that if you hadn't had a sudden attack of a guilty conscience then nothing would have changed, no one would have known, and so on?”
“That wouldn't be right.”
“And it's right to give a convinced republican that sort of power over a prince of the realm? You're suffering from an over-dose of nobility and a distinct lack of self-preservation my friend. So, let's hear it.”
“What, what I told my mother?”
“Yes.”
“I said I thought you calling me 'Sir Knight' for the last half of the interview was a defence mechanism, 'Poor little prince Luke, I've made him worry so much about my feelings that he thinks he needs to protect me now.'”
“I see.” Caroline said, “You heard that thought did you?”
“I edited it quite a lot.”
“Yes you did. Good for you,” Caroline said. “Mum, what do I do?”
“You could remind him that you were thinking to each other when you were ten, and let him know what you heard from him.”
“Not with you in the room, mummy. I don't want to break my vow.”
“Good point,” Catherine agreed. “Shall I leave then?”
“No, I want a witness. Luke, you are a good man and I'm not going to drag you through the courts. I am sure didn't break your oath, because you were very careful of my privacy in what you said. But I still stand by the thoughts you edited out.”
“Which ones?”
“You didn't hear what went before, did you?” Caroline asked, somewhat horrified.
“Yes. You were quite loud on those ones.”
“And you are far too good at playing with ideas. I hardly heard anything from you.”
“I promise to be available for interview next week,” Luke said. “You may choose the location.”
“Anywhere?”
“Within reason. Not Mars, that takes too long to get to. Want to watch some penguins? I've never been to Antarctica.”
“Did you hear that, mum? Is that bribery?”
“What, offering to take you places in a peace submarine as a peace offering?”
“I don't know how he got the idea, but he's just offered to take me to my 'I'll only go on a date with you if it's to... ' place. And he doesn't even know his parent's submarine is free.”
“You gave it as an answer to 'Name somewhere you'd love to go but never will'
in your 'meet the journalists' interview for the student paper.” Luke said.
His eyes danced, “I didn't know you used it to respond to people asking for a date. If only I'd known...”
“There's no way you're going to get me to agree to go on a date.”
“OK.” he said, deciding he'd just hide some candles and bring them out when they got there.
“I heard that.”
“You were meant to. It's called teasing.”
“Mum!” Caroline protested.
“I think I'll put the kettle on. Why don't you just talk it through, dear?”
“We don't need to. He knows that if he wasn't a prince then he'd be the only person I've ever met that I'd feel safe going out with. But I'm not going out with a prince.”
“And Caroline knows that I feel very protective of her and I'm about fifty percent sure I'm falling in love with her.”
“Which is sweet and romantic and utterly pointless” Caroline said. “So I ought to just say get lost. But I like arguing with him too much.”
“So, Caroline, if you're really not interested,” Catherine said, “do you have any less picky friends you'd like to introduce him to? I expect he doesn't meet many intelligent beautiful girls with as much moral integrity as you have.”
“Mum! It sounds like you're on his side.” Caroline said, thinking that her nicest friends were in couples and the ones must likely to latch on to the prince didn't deserve him.
“No, dear, I'm just trying to help you avoid a mistake,” Catherine said.
“What does that mean?”
“I mean that for the last week you've been looking forward to today exactly like a girl looking forwards to a first date: you chose your best dress, you made sure it was properly ironed, you cleaned the room until it practically shone, you grouched at me and dad if we dared wear shoes in here, you made sure there wasn't a hair out of place, you even put on some perfume. So listen to your heart, daughter, and accept that for you this was a date of sorts, and you're looking forward to your next scheduledbargument, and that eventually you're going to decide philosophical differences don't matter as much as a shared faith and a joy in each other's company and let him take you somewhere just to enjoy holding hands together. Or, of course, one or both of you decide you can't get on and your friends and parents then give you what support they can to help your broken hearts heal.”
“Why can't we decide that now?” Caroline asked.
Luke looked at her, held some imaginary peas, and flicked them at her. Each flick, he decided to remind her of one of the things she'd thought about him earlier that day: he's kind; I could help him change that; he's generous; he's not bad looking at all; this is fun; he'd be perfect if I wasn't a republican; he's apologising again, this time just for being himself; I don't want this to stop; I want to see him next week even if there's no interview.
“Arrgh! Stop that! Make him stop, mum!”
“Stop flicking invisible peas at you?” Catherine asked, entirely confused at what was going on.
“I was just reminding Caroline of some things she'd thought.”
“He's taking unfair advantage, that's what he's doing.”
“You could have hidden your thoughts,” Luke said.
“Would you have stopped flicking?”
“How would I have known to?” he asked.
“In which case, my brain would have been trying to guess which pea was which, wouldn't it? Would that be better?” Caroline asked.
“I don't know. Would it?”
“No,” Caroline said, in her most condescending, stating the obvious voice, “It wouldn't. That was supposed to be what's called a rhetorical question. That's where the supposedly intelligent person you're talking to...”
“Gets the opportunity to wind you up, yes.” Luke interrupted.
“Please can I strangle him, mum?”
“No, dear, not yet. Wait until he's taken you to Antarctica or back to Atlantis and anywhere else you want to go to have arguments.”
----------------------------------------
“Knock knock,” a familiar voice said, from the other side of the door.
“Who's there?” Mona replied, putting down the Bible she was reading.
“Security guy,” the guard said.
“Security guy who?” Mona asked, with a slight smile. It was childish, but childish felt safe. She presumed that was the whole point.
“Security guy who needs to ask you some questions, sorry.” Normally he said 'who's bringing a meal' or tea and coffee.
“Oh. Come in, then.”
“I've also got a tray of food,”
“Ooh, interrogation and sandwiches?” she went and opened the door.
“Weekend, maam. We have gone a little bit up market, and instead of mere sandwiches, I present you with... ta-da!”
“Lasagne?”
“Mousaka, actually,”
“Oh yes!” It looked home-made. “Did someone actually make this?”
“It keeps the bills lower, maam.”
“I'm impressed. I guess I shouldn't be, but I am.”
“You're impressed that any of the embassy staff know how to cook?”
“I'm impressed that any of the embassy staff know how to not over-spend their food budget.”
“Oh, well, unlike certain embassies, we don't have a separate foodnbudget, except for special occasions. My wife made this.”
“You're now going to announce that you've also got three teenage kids, and I'll go 'but you look my age'.”
He blushed, “We married six months ago, maam, here.”
“And are you planning to watch me eat, or eat with me while your wife is eating alone in wherever the kitchens are?”
“I'm planning to ask if you'd mind her coming up, and helping ask some of the questions. There's more space here.”
“I get to see another face? Very happy.”
“You're not actually required to stay in this room, maam, just... on the first day it was easier if you did, what with all the comings and goings. And as you've noticed, the doors are either computer-locked or not locked.”
“And the computer doesn't understand my voice.”
“It understands your voice, maam. It's just, with the nightmares...”
“Having the computer reacting isn't a good idea. I get it.”
“Exactly, Maam. So, I can invite Helen up?”
“Your wife is the Helen who prayed for me?”
“Yes, Maam.”
“Certainly. What's the topic of questioning?”
He tapped a few buttons on his wrist unit.
“It's a bit about your past, Maam. Part of it is just records, but there was a bit of unusual activity around the embassy yesterday. We don't know if it's at all connected with you.”
“Unusual activity?”
“Just... observers. They change every hour. Do you know of anything that might make the security forces decide to watch who's coming and going from the Embassy?”
“Just watching?”
“People coming and going get watched, today, some are getting photographed, except to my view it was either pretend, or someone has a thing about shoes”
“Shoes?”
“I did a bit of watching myself.”
“Someone's playing mind-games. Are you sure they're police or security?”
“No.”
“Because it sounds just like one of my brother's plays.”
“That is one of the gaps,” Helen said, coming in. “Your form said, 'brother, estranged.' Could you tell us more about him between mouthfuls? Robert, could you give thanks?”
Her husband thanked God for their meal, and for his wife and her cooking skills.
“He's a play-write. Writes topical things for art-group theatre companies, school plays, that sort of thing. A bit subversive.”
“And you're estranged because?”
“This is really good, thanks! “, Mona said, “Claims he's interested in giving the common people... mental survival tools, in some ways. Little ways to fight back. One of his earliest plays was about the use of surveillance robots in hotels, and to listen to my brother it was supposed to tell people how to phrase the complaint that the police had to go away and get a court order.”
“Oh! Yes, I've heard of it. It got put to good use by some teens a fortnight ago,” Helen said.
“Really? It really worked?”
“Yes.”
“I called him a time-wasting idiot who ought to be looking out for himself not risking police ire over something that wouldn't work.”
“I've been asked to pass on a formal thank-you to the playwrite from the people involved, but I'm struggling to find his address.”
“You will, he moves around a lot. I'm not sure even his publisher ever knows it.”
“They don't.”
“If I tell you how to contact him, can I add a note with your letter?”
“You know his address?”
“Last week's anyway. He's been trying to 'explain himself' recently, little notes on rice paper saying 'please eat or flush, the ink is non-toxic'. Mona the witch considered him a paranoid fool and a liability. Mona the new Christian thinks he needs to meet her saviour.”
“And you think somehow he might be behind the people watching the embassy?”
“He's not fully isolated in his little conspiratorial world. I presume the embassy computer's been noting faces?”
“Yes. They don't show up on any records we've looked at.”
“Has the computer looked for subversive camera-shy actors?”
“I don't know we've got that category pre-defined,” Helen said.
“Try the cast of 'The Bugging Game' the first year it came out.
They weren't so paranoid back then.”
“Computer,” Helen instructed, “identify cast of first public performance of theatre play 'The Bugging Game', cross-compare with observers.”
“Two faces, seventy percent match. Comparing observed activity to play 'The I Spy Game', correlation eighty percent match.”
“That's his latest one,” Mona said.
“Incorrect assertion,” the computer said, “Latest theatrical piece by Maximilian Kepler called 'The Vanishing Sister,' being released in episodic form.”
“Oh great,” Mona said, “Who needs a biographer when your big brother's a play-write who loves flash-backs?”
“Computer, generate gait and bone-length model from available records on Maximilian Kepler. Compare with observers and all people in vicinity.”
Helen said. “Person resembling Maximilian Kepler in stage make-up identified on road approaching consular quarters. Match probability eighty percent. Estimated closest approach in ninety seconds.”
“I wonder if he'd like mousaka?” Helen asked.
“Probably. Whoever acosts him in the street should probably say 'Mona says they had to eat the minstrel, and there was much rejoicing'.”
“Is that a quote from one of his plays?” Helen asked.
Robert, her husband, who'd tried not to choke when Mona quoted the Monty Python film, said “We are the knights who say Ni!, bring us.... a swubbery!”
“Oh that film. OK, fine! You go, Robert, I'll fill in some other gaps. Mona, let's start with what dates were you at university, and what exactly did you study?”
----------------------------------------
THE PALACE, MONDAY 27TH JAN
“Alaska: outside office hours, it's not been official activity at all,” Eliza the head of Field operations said.
“Then who?” Prince Albert asked.
“Her estranged big brother, and his band of merry actors,”
“Why?”
“Well to start with he wasn't the one pushing her away, and he liked to keep an eye on her. He saw the police were hassling her, and then she vanished, and so did the police from round his house. Cue ideas about police raids, etc. Then a neighbour told him that Mona had said she was going to the embassy, and might not come back, and then another neighbour said some strange people had come and taken some of her stuff, but he wasn't sure that was true or not, and he started worrying about more complex variants.”
“OK.”
“But then the neighbour let him in and he saw what had been taken was things like pictures of their parents, and that there were some embassy-marked shipping boxes, and he saw that she'd put the house up for sale, fully furnished, saying she was moving here. And she'd included a few words that convinced him it was her. So, he was finally convinced, but still wanted to talk to her, and the policeman outside scared him off approaching the embassy during working hours. He hoped that either she'd be in the embassy, looking out of the windows, and would see him, or that Mona would tell us his name and that our all-seeing computer would recognise him under the face-paint, or at the very least someone would go and ask them what they're doing, taking pictures of people's shoes.”
“I see. He wasn't worried about the police doing that?”
“Apparently, they'd have said it was an art project. They were reenacting one of his plays which is set outside an embassy outside a real embassy.”
“Hmm. So, foreign minister has no reason for his meeting?” Albert concluded.
“Oh, I think he does, actually. What Mona forgot to tell us the first time is that she worked in the palace as a student, in the records office. She believes she got the job because of her then-religion, and was never made to make any oath or sign any contract of secrecy for the same reason.”
“So she knows some official secrets?”
“She wishes to be careful and not pass on what she shouldn't if that'll cause an international rumpus, but doesn't feel a lot of loyalty to the crown there. Her brother suggested that sort of discussion was better conducted out of the country and the embassy staff decided to accept his offer of a little fishing trip into international waters. I've told them I generally liked to encourage people on-the-spot to take decisions, but maybe not start their very own little international incident.”
“On her brother's boat?”
“It belongs to friend of his,” Eliza said.
“I see. So one option is they go back and then Mona probably has issues leaving the country, and the other is that the foreign minister talks really quickly?”
Princess Eliza entered the room, “Hi, Eliza!”
“Highness,” Eliza greeted her, “did you hear?”
“We've got two agents, an asylum seeker and her brother, bobbing around near the arctic circle in a fishing boat?”
“Yes, Maam. And Vivian's friend the asylum seeker apparently picked up the odd official secret or two.”
“What would you recommend we do next, Eliza?” the princess asked.
“Mona has just come to Christ. I expect there are some Mer gold-hunting or whatever, not far away. So if we ordered the lot of them jump into the deep blue sea they might survive.” Eliza said, in exasperation.
“Calm down, Eliza, it's not that bad surely?” Prince Albert chided.
“No? They decided to just take a person we've given protection to go off embassy premisses, back into the jurisdiction of what is rapidly trying to become a rogue state, sneak past the harbour authorites, and basically stow away on a fishing vessel. I suppose they could have made it worse for themselves by dropping some bombs at all the police stations they went past. Sorry, I'm exaggerating. It was only one police station and the base of their intelligence services. What were they thinking?”
“They were thinking of the stink it would cause if, on realising quite what secrets Mona possessed, the crown there declared that she was a traitor and an enemy of the state and the only way to stop us harboring her would be to shut down the embassy,” Princess Eliza said. “Information from Mystery, Eliza, sorry.”
“Mystery talked with them?” Eliza asked.
“No, no thought hearers in the group. There is one in the embassy though. Helen thought it would be handy to get a truthsayer to witness her swearing that no one had asked her to swear an oath of silence. Mona leaked what she'd witnessed, and the truthsayer sent a help message.”
“But didn't actually pass on what she heard?” Eliza asked.
“Certainly not. Her thoughts were 'Based on what I heard, if this was China or pre-Tsarevna Russia, we ought to be thinking of full-scale evacuation.' “When Mona's brother suggested that he had a friend with a boat, then Mystery checked with our friendly seer and gave the go ahead. Helen was told to add 'M. aware,' to her report to you.”
“Maybe she did,” Eliza admitted, “I didn't read all of it, just until she mentioned engine failure, at which point I screamed a bit, and tried to think of options.”
“Engine failure?” prince Albert asked.
“Partial engine failure, I should say. They've got an auxiliary engine, but the main engine developed some kind of fault.”
“I don't recommend calling the coast-guard,” princess Eliza said. “Not with Mona onboard. And picking her up by guillemot is not only a bit too obvious, it's also not guaranteed to enhance the prospects of peace, given the current mental state of their king.”
“The section fifty-nine invitation did go to him, then?” Princess Eliza looked at the head of security. “Eliza, I think you'll realise you've just implied that I'd be willing to violate United Nations resolution 56747. Please don't do that, I'm not.”
“Sorry, Maam.”
“I was merely referring to the various odd instructions that are coming out of the palace, for instance the harassing by police of someone who knows a number of state secrets.”
“Of course, Maam,” Eliza said.
“So, us using Mer-built technology is not an option, and it's too far for a helicopter, and rather too far away for any of our surface vessels to get there before any more local forces can work out what we're doing.”
“I tend to concur,” Albert said.
“So it's either we ask Svetlana or Karella to do us a favour, or we upset the navy and get them to try out their prototype,” Eliza said.
“We'd better tell our friends if we're going to do it ourselves, that thing is rather noisy.” Albert said.
“Shall I call the Mer ambassador?” Eliza asked.
“I actually think we'd do better to trust Russia with this,” the princess said. “They've got ships in the area anyway, it is just on their doorstep, and if Mona's brother decides to come too, then we don't know what his spiritual state is.”
“I expect he's having too much fun being subversive,” Albert said, “but yes, I think I agree. Any concerns with that plan, Eliza?”
“Not really, sir. I'm still feeling rather sorry for the foreign minister.”
“I think,” Albert said, “what we probably ought to do is have him inform the Ambassador that Mona has left the embassy complex and the country, ask if it is normal that no one asked her to swear anything before she ended up handling what she thinks might be classed as official secrets, and that we really hope the whoever received the section fifty-nine invitation is planning to attend an interview.”
“We don't mention the 'art-project'?” Princess Eliza asked.
“No, I don't think so.” Albert said. “Oh, has anything been done about Mona's possessions?”
“Her brother made some calls on their way, I understand,” Princess Eliza said. “I expect her flat will be quite empty except for the furniture by now. Quite how many of her clothes end up as theatrical props and how many eventually get to her here, I'm not at all sure.”
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ARTICLE IN THE ROYALIST AND NEW REPUBLICAN POST, TUESDAY, 28TH JAN.
EXCLUSIVE to Royalist and New Republican Post
Reply Interview BY HRH Prince Luke!
Civilised replies and comments are invited on the New Republican Post site.
Caroline of the flicked peas describes herself as a rarity: a republican.
Not even her mother has called herself one of those for decades, despite being lead reporter at the Post. But since Caroline publicly stated that she respects me a bit, even if it's only in the 'pretending we're kids and jumping puddles' sense, I'm going to try to respect her views and argue with them in a coherent manner. But as for her interview of me? What? She left out a lot of the best bits and then added some bits from another interview! Please Caroline, be consistent. If you're interviewing someone, let the readers hear their voice!
Caroline, what would you say to some of our readers who suggested after last week that you and I meeting regularly must mean romance is in the air?
C: Romance is lovely in books and messy in real life. Royalty is enormously hard work, I realised last week, and I am not looking for some handsome prince to come and sweep me off my feet into what looks very like bonded servitude to my eyes. No, as far as I'm concerned this is ultimately about selling newspapers, keeping my job, and maybe trying to change attitudes.
L: Thank you. And you have stated that you are a republican. But that's such a slippery term. Would you be willing to describe your ideal system of government so I can respond to it?
C: Hack it to pieces, you mean? You can try boyo, I won't say hundreds, but certainly dozens have tried and failed.
L: I'll try to hack it to pieces where I see it returning us to corruption, instability and eventually chaos, certainly.
C: But not where it would mean that your dad and your big brother end up out of a job?
L: If I may loosely quote your mother, servant monarchy is not a job anyone sane would choose, but nor is it a role someone with a strong sense of duty would refuse. If you come up with something better, I expect my parents will listen, just as the Tsarina of Russia and Taiwan has implemented the taxation of bribes your mother suggested.
C: Russia is a very interesting example. If the Tsar had only had his son, then he would not have disinherited him, and we'd have had war.
L: I hope I am not publicising something that is an Imperial state secret, and that if I am the Tsarina of Russia and Taiwan will find it in her generous heart to forgive me, but I have been told that long before he publicly disinherited his son, the late Tsar added a codicil in his will declaring that he would not inherit the crown, and it instead should pass to whichever living relative was worthy. The world would not have been brought to war. Our own constitution does not depend upon the will of a monarch to disinherit an unworthy person, nor does it automatically grant rule until death.
C: You are referring to the clause on royal oaths?
L: Exactly. So, Caroline who used to be such a poor aim with peas, what would you replace your servants the royal family with?
C: I'd replace the monarch with a known and respected leader, chosen by the will of the people.
L: Chosen from a list of the rich and famous?
C: Not necessarily rich. It might be a factor against, actually. I'd reject people who had too many employees who might feel they had to vote for the boss, for instance.
L: So famous film stars, reporters, naturalists, prize-winning scientists,musicians? Apart from reporters, most of those are quite rich too, of course. Did you know you're in a job which scores high for average fame and below average for peak wealth? I don't think there's a word for rule by reporters. Repocracy? Messengocracy?
C: Stop poking fun.
L: I thought you liked arguing with me? You realise that most of the famous but not rich are either famous because they're due to inherit wealth or because they're reaching the ends of their careers, don't you? Plutocracy or Gerontocracy. Not what I'd recommend. But you'd what, have some panel pre-select the most worthy of the not so rich but famous, who'd lived in public view for a decade or two so we'd be able to judge their character?
C: I'm not a reporter because I'm interested in money or fame, thank you very much. I want to make a positive difference in society.
And if I wanted fame, all I'd need to do would be set the location for next weeks interview somewhere romantic and talk to some photographers, wouldn't I? Not interested. But, as to the selection panel, yes, exactly. I don't think any of us would want to go to people just nominating themselves.
And then a term in office which I expect would be fixed, either to a decade or until retirement.
L: Which could well be sooner. Hmm. I'll get to that later, I hope. What about them having experience in preparation for the role of president?
C: I'm sure that the whatever role they come from, their unique perspectives and experiences they bring would be very useful in the role.
L: No, I mean gaining experience of seeing the role itself in action?
Things like balancing vested interests, intimately knowing the subtext of the geopolitical situation, the limits of intelligence-gathering capabilities, the strengths and weaknesses of ministers in different roles, all the hidden workings of government.
C: I'm sure that the civil service would be able...
L: Not at its current size. And a large civil service advising an ignorant titular leader brings with it the possibility that the civil service actually ends up making the decisions, by selective reporting.
It has happened many times in history. If you do have permanent staff then there is the possibility of unaccountable grand-vizier type figures. If you don't you have another four steps towards chaos: loss of information; loss of history; inconsistency; short-term thinking.
C: You hold up the prospect of unaccountable grand-viziers but how accountable is your grandfather to the will of the people? Not at all!
There is nothing at all in our present constitution that allows the people to express their attitude to the direction our country is being led in. All we can do is elect some politicians who then spend their careers trying to make sure they follow the official line and the ones with strong majorities don't even bother to hold constituency meetings, so they have no idea what the ordinary people think. You're isolated by layers of security and hardly ever hear an opposing voice!
L: I can hear yours, there's no need to raise it. My grandfather is accountable to parliament for the upholding of his oath of office, if he makes or has made decisions that parliament decides harm ordinary people and are not justifiable then he can be censured or removed from office. Your fixed-term presidents have no such accountability.
They are here-today, gone-tomorrow temporary placeholders who will be out of office before the decade is out. My grandfather is still dealing with some problems caused by my other grandfather, the very popular politician and secret criminal-mastermind Roland Underwood. I am not proud of that member of my family, but I'm very proud of having his sister as an aunt and of course of my mother.
C: I don't think I'm aware of what your aunt's role in government is or was.
L: I'm not surprised. Most people are not aware of that role and several others, who fills them now, or what they entail. That is the way it should remain. During the age of chaos certain sensitive roles became public with tragic consequences. We have learned from those mistakes and do not wish to repeat them. The monarch and royal family are the public face of the upper levels of government. There is no need for departmental heads to be exposed to needless danger.
C: You're talking about things like Internal Security.
L: Things like that, yes. Where would the wisdom be in the general public knowing who runs such departments? Where is the wisdom in publicising to our national enemies who to assassinate in order to destabilise the country?
C: The king and his heirs, surely.
L: The king, his heirs, his advisors and their understudies and predecessors, his ministers and the junior ministers. We cannot all be hidden. Let those who deal with the most sensitive issues, whose role most infuriates our enemies, remain as anonymous as possible.
C: How are they different to the unknown, unnamed, unaccountable grand-viziers you mentioned earlier?
L: If there was no continuity of rule, they would be such. But there is continuity of rule, there is accountability for past mistakes and reasonable surety that if they have misled their king they will face justice. It is of course not only the fact that rule is within the royal family that ensures their honesty and integrity, but it does ensure that they have ample motivation to resist any temptation to fail in their duties.
Moving on to another issue, how long do you expect your presidents to have
witnessing the processes of government first hand before they take power? A
year? Six months?
C: I'd have thought six months sufficient.
L: I've grown up in the palace. My brother also, though of course he
studied in Atlantis, which has left him a little out of touch. I can tell you
that my mother, having studied modern history and government, and plunging
straight into her new role as my father's fiancée, has told me she was still playing catch-up after five years to things that my father knew instinctively. After ten she felt that she had a good understanding, and was mostly able to assist grandfather on an equal footing with my father. You have stated that being royalty is hard work, you're correct. But it is satisfying to know that you are helping, that you are keeping the country stable, that you are solving some crises and avoiding many others by catching them before they become a problem. From the outside you cannot see how totally inadequate six months or even three years preparation would be to take someone from another position and place a crown on their heads. They would quite simply fail in their duty. If there was a disaster, and after I've left the palace and been in full time employment somewhere for a decade the crown suddenly landed on my head, may God prevent such a thing from happening, then I'd have some idea how to cope. I'd need an enormous amount of support, I'd probably draft in friends of my parents, who they've talked to about different issues, and so on, I'd probably ask friendly royals for advice too, but I'd have some idea what to do, who to call what to tell them, how to contact them, because I've grown up in the palace and know how things work. Your presidents would be ever so tempted to try to make the civil service and the government work like the offices or companies they are used to. They wouldn't know what they were breaking as they did. Every single analysis of the age of chaos shows that ultimately the problems stemmed from governments that failed to function because of change, because of short-term thinking, because leaders were thinking of their retirement from office or of past favours or the next election and not what the country or the world needed. I'm not denying that there are a lot of well educated, responsible people in this great nation of ours. But I think the best way for them to assist the stability of this country is to carry on doing what they're good at, what God's gifted them to do, and to be available when needed by their monarch as so many of our nation's leaders are. Not rip them out of one job and put them in another where they're left floundering like fish out of water and crushed by responsibility until it's time for another victim to be crushed by the weight of office.
But other than that, it's been nice talking to you, Caroline. You of course get to reply next week.
C:Just you wait.
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COMMENTS
Roy14:Good article HRHL, well argued. But what about Caroline's other points? And be nice, she's still young.
HRHA: They're both being very respectful in the press. You should have heard some of the things she said but didn't publish last week!
Ben10:Inquiring minds want to know!
HRHE: Privacy laws apply to shouted arguments too.
Roy14: Were voices quieter this week?
HRHA: They graciously agreed to shout at each other somewhere else. Any comment RPCatherine?
HRHL: No shouting this week. Well, not much. And I probably deserved it. Roy14, please note that I'm younger, even if I grew up and got a job first.
As for Caroline's fine points, they've been noted.
Sam24: I think Roy14 was referring to her arguments in favour of constitional change, HRHL.
HRHL: Some of them were very reasonable and fine, yes. I chose to answer those points where we disagreed most strongly. What did you think I meant?
Scooby: I thought you were referring to what she looks like.
Ben10: No sign of a picture of her anywhere, so hard to judge.
Sam24: Oh well. Gotta give her high marks for attitude.
StableRule: Attitude? She ought to be under arrest for some of those things she said. How dare she?
RPCatherine: Welcome to the comment section StableRule and other newly signed up people. Please read the terms and conditions carefully before posting.
LoyalSubject: I don't understand why his Highness needs to take time to explain this stuff. Isn't it obvious? Didn't she pay attention in school?
Sam24: Chat section is for light-hearted banter, not letting off steam.
Royalist3: I hate it that certain reporters think they can get away with insulting their majesties under the guise of an interview.
Royalist2: Why is our paper even printing this stuff? I don't want to read about what some stupid republican anarchist thinks.
HRHL: Urm, Royalist2, Royalist3, read who wrote and had full editorial control over the article, please.
Scooby: Maybe we're learning about the comprehension skills of the average
Royalist reader here?
Ben10: Not at all convinced they got to the bottom of the article before commenting.
Royalist1: No I didn't. I liked last week's respectful piece, this was far too disrespectful to his majesty. And the thought of using his highness just to get famous! Shameful!
LoyalSubject2: Caroline Wyatt is a stupid slut with no morals who deserves to be locked up.
HRHL: So called 'LoyalSubject2', please withdraw your statement about my friend or I promise you can expect legal proceedings for defamation. You have no right to anonymity under terms and conditions if you make actionable statements about others.
Sam24: Woo, that might be a first. Retract, LS2.
RPCaroline: HRHL, thanks for support, but you can't take every person to court who didn't read past half-way.
LoyalSubject2: I resent implication I didn't read the whole article.
HRHE: LS2, please withdraw statement. HRHL will not be backing down.
LoyalSubject2: Litigious is he?
HRHA: No, my son is 3rd in line to crown and has given his promise. My wife and I will be supporting him in his action to defend the reputation of a young woman we have known since she was 3. This is your last chance to retract your vile statement. H.R.H. Prince Albert.
LoyalSubject2: Ha ha, very funny.
Sam24: LoyalSubject2 does not seem to realise that HRHA has been regular reader of comment section since before he and HRHE got Catherine her invitation to the palace.
RPCatherine: Someone's got a long memory. But true. LoyalSubject2, for your information, your identity has been supplied to the royal soliciters, your account disabled and your posts hidden.
Royalist2: Just re-read whole article. Understand better now. Strong argument but devastating come-back from author. Well done, sir! Then I got to catch up on comments.{shock} Their highnesses actually regular participators here?
HRHL: Important that we reach past our insulating cocoon and interact with some real people, isn't it, Caroline? Drat, forgot to reply to that, didn't I?
Sam24: R2, if you want to join in the fun, expect a lot of cynicism, and light-hearted give and take, and plus grudging but honest respect for our favourite royal family. Just try to read whole article before you comment, or you'll get the mickey taken out of you.
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ARTICLE IN THE ROYALIST, TUESDAY, 28TH JAN.
Shameful
An apparent reader of this publication, styling himself 'LoyalSubject2' has just earned himself an appointment at courts, with an unprovoked and (legally we have to say potentially) libelous statement against Caroline Wyatt, journalist at the diametrically opposed publication 'New Republican Post'. The statement was made in the comment section of the Post, in response to the latest in what seems likely to turn into a series of comment and reply interviews between Caroline Wyatt and HRH Prince Luke.
In today's article, he quotes (at least part of) her views verbatim on the philosophical legitimacy of servant-monarchy, before grinding her alternative suggestion very firmly into finely powdered dust. The comment was made in an area where the normal tone is one of light-hearted banter, and was quickly responded to by Prince Luke himself, who wrote: “Please withdraw your statement about my friend or I promise you can expect legal proceedings for defamation.” Shamefully, the author refused, despite warnings from other commentators on the group, including Prince Albert (a long-time reader of the Republican Post) and Princess Eliza, that a royal promise, even made on-line where many went under pseudonyms, was not going to be broken.
The case is due to be heard in court tomorrow. As the prince, who has brought the case, was only indirectly the target of the attack, a settlement out of court is considered unlikely.
The prince's claim that she is his friend certainly means that he is affected by the attack on the morality and character of this young woman with whom he is spending time on a regular basis.
From their two articles published so far, we might think that 'antagonist' or 'sparing partner' might have been more appropriate than 'friend', but we presume there is far more to their relationship that what we have seen until now. So far, no friends of Miss Wyatt, a committed member of the church her parents attend, have been able to comment more on their relationship, except to quote the classic fantasy-humorist Terry Pratchett: 'I expect they get on like a house on fire: Screams, flames, people running for safety'.