DIPLOMATIC EFFECTS / CH. 7:TRAVELLING IN STYLES

BERN PALACE, 6PM, FRIDAY 17TH JAN 2278

“Thank you for coming to visit us, your Imperial Highness,” Rudolph's mother said, “And I understand Rudolph will be giving an informal tour of the university?”

“Yes. Not quite dressed like this though, your Majesty.” As when she'd arrived home on the submarine — in fact in any public appearance that might be reported at home — Svetlana was currently in her state robes. She was planning to change into something entirely less noticeable.

“I had hoped not,” the queen of the Helvetic Confederation said, “and you're going to use another title, I understand, Tsarevna?”

“Yes. It's a title I inherited title from my grandmother, but it's mine, so soon I'm going to be princess Svetlana of lower Monaco. My cousin, His Majesty the king of Monaco, is quite happy for me to use the title.”

“Lower Monaco?”

“The most recently reclaimed land, where the new beach is. I technically receive a small income from any buildings there, but since it's a beach, there's only the ice-cream stand. But they do acknowledge they owe me rent, and pay it off in ice-cream when I visit. Which isn't very often, of course.”

“Oh, OK. But shouldn't you get them to pay in a more normal manner?”

“It's such a small amount, it's never going to be worth paying someone to go and collect it, and the terms say it needs to be collected by me or someone I nominate. They can't just put it in a bank. So instead I've got some pleasant memories of getting ice cream for my friends and family whenever I wanted.”

“At cost to them or customer cost?”

“Oh, I expect they've been charging me double. But I've not been there for a long time.”

“What happens if they see you coming and shut up shop? Or close down the company?”

“Oh, that is where it gets interesting. They've either never bothered to repeal a whole heap of laws there, or maybe re-introduced them, I'm not sure. In terms of taxation, I'm their feudal ruler. If they don't pay up then I can require their son to present himself for military service in his own armour and on his own horse, or require the whole family spends a year working my land, all sorts of fun things like that. And of course they can't sell without transferring the debt to the new owner, either.”

“And if they declare bankruptcy you claim their daughter as a servant?”

“As long as I stay in Monaco, otherwise I get accused of all sorts of things. The other thing I can do, of course, if they say can't pay, and their children have fled the country at my approach, is demand that they provide accommodation and food for me and my companions. All in all, they are very happy to give me the ice-cream.”

“I imagine they are, yes. How did you manage ordering?”

“Oh, I speak French better than English,” Svetlana said in German. Svetlana realised it shouldn't have been a surprise to her, but it turned out that the queen was entirely comfortable in French too. So they switched to that language for a bit.

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BERN PALACE, 6.35PM, FRIDAY 17TH JAN 2278

Svetlana had changed quickly, into something much more... chic was probably the right term. She'd have fitted in well in Paris, or Monaco, of course. In other words it was entirely in fitting with her alternative identity.

“Bon soir, Rudolph,” His mother said, “Permettez-moi de tous présenter la princesse de Basse-Monaco.”

“Enchanté, votre altesse “, Svetlana said.

“You speak French also?” he asked in surprise, but also speaking French.

“Although I do not live in my small fiefdom,” Svetlana continued in the same language, “it is French-speaking. Is it not right for a ruler to speak the language of her suzerain and the people who owe her service?”

“Lower Monaco?” Rupert asked.

“The lowest part of the kingdom, also called the new beach. My cousin, his majesty is an undemanding overlord, and so I follow his lead and do not attempt to extract full tithe from my tenant-merchants, but perhaps one day we will travel there together and I'm sure they will be only too happy to give sample of their wares to me and all who accompany me,” Svetlana said, adding with a little steel “otherwise I might demand their back rent in full.”

“I don't understand.”

“I inherited the title to the fiefdom of Lower Monaco from my grandmother,” Svetlana said, “as feudal tenants I can number the operators of an ice-cream stand, a young man who hires out deckchairs and sun-shades, and a number of seagulls. I'm not interested in anything the seagulls might offer me, but the sun-shades are pleasant in the summer, and ice-cream on demand is very good.”

“You hide the fact you are the crown-princess of Russia, by using another title?”

“Exactly, and it occurs to me that sadly my cousin has as yet no direct heirs, so perhaps I are also heir to that throne. The bit about the security council might be a problem, but the submarine is partially explained.”

“And policy matters?”

“I've given him some advise once or twice. Like telling him he needed to find an intelligent wife, not just the brainless beauty queen he asked me about.”

“Does that count as policy?” Rudolph asked.

“It ought to. So ought not messing with the tax system. He was playing with the thought last year that since everyone else had an income tax, he ought to introduce one too. I pointed out that he had the revenues and the population he did because of the tax regime.”

“Surely his ministers have said the same thing?” Rudolph asked.

“Of course they have. But for some reason he trusts me more than them. Maybe because I got him lots and lots of ice cream when he was eighteen or something.”

“He's what, five years older than you?” the Queen asked.

“Yes. He really wasn't prepared to rule when his parents died in that speed-boat accident. Mother tried to help him, but he didn't really trust her not to be secretly pushing Russia's interests.”

“We should be going, Tsarevna.” Rudolph said.

“I know. And you need to get used to calling me Altesse or Svetlana, don't you?”

“I can use your given name?”

“When I'm not the Tsarevna, of course you can, Rudolph! It's all about context, remember? I assure you the Tsarevna of Russia would never wear a tight-fitting pullover or a skirt of this cut, or have her hair loose like this. Yes, Krista?” she asked.

“The prince or princess of Lower-Monaco is by law the heir-apparent, highness, until the king has an heir. And shouldn't you be using your French name?”

“Mais ouis! I forgot! Rudolph, the Princess of Lower-Monaco is called Claire. The meaning is the same.”

“I need to call you Claire, not Svetlana?”

“I'll answer to both, mon cher, but if you call me Svetlana I'll try to remind you I'm not in Russia at the moment.”

“You didn't mention you speak French at all, ma chère Claire,” he said, feeling much more comfortable calling her 'ma chère Claire' than he would have done calling her 'my dear Svetlana'. It must be a language thing.

“I forgot a big chunk of your country spoke French, sorry.”

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BERN UNIVERSITY, FRIDAY 17TH JAN 2278

Anelie was taken aback to see a woman she categorized as French arriving arm-in-arm with Rudolph. Who was this? As they got closer she realised who it was “Svetlana!”

“Bon soir, Anelie, I was very forgetful when we first met. Please, call me by my French name, Claire. I get so used to being Svetlana in Russia that I forget it is only right that the princess of Basse-Monaco be known by her French name when so close to her fiefdom.”

Anelie's French wasn't very good, so Rudolph translated.

Anelie was surprised, but managed to ask “you have been to Monaco recently, your highness?”

“Not for some years, but I think I will pay my cousin and suzerain a surprise visit, even though it's not really the weather for ice-cream.”

“Ice-cream?”

“Princess Claire's vassal-tenants run an ice-cream parlour,” Rudolph said, “and pay their rent in ice-cream.”

“'Parlour' is overstating it, mon cher. Unless they've expanded without asking me, it's a small wooden hut attached to their house.”

“On the new beach?” Anelie asked.

“Yes, you know it?”

“Not personally. But I think Arianne's family run it.”

“Arianne Dubois is here?” Claire-Svetlana asked looking around for her old summer-time playmate, language-coach and provider of ice-cream.

“Not yet,” Anelie replied, “but she's often late.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“You know Arianne?” Rudolph asked.

“Bien sur! We used to play together most summers, and she really helped me become fluent in French.”

“We'd better go in,” Rudolph said, “it sounds like they're about to start.”

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After a worship time, and a talk on the theme of a new year being a good time to start taking God seriously — which Svetlana felt was quite appropriate, there were announcements, which were mostly irrelevant, until she heard the young man leading the evening ask anyone new to stand up and introduce themselves, if they felt comfortable doing that.

“You don't have to.” Rudolph said.

She stood, and spoke mostly in German. “Bonjour, I am Claire. My old friend Arianne Dubios who I think I see looking round in surprise from the front row, called me Claire De-la-Plage, more formally I am Claire, princess of Lower Monaco, which is indeed mostly beach. I became a Christian just before the new year, was invited to Atlantis, and met Rudolph there. My parents work in St Petersburg, and I grew up there. I do hope to visit again but I do not think I can travel here every weekend.”

“I am Krista. Claire asked me to come with her to translate, but I think she does not need me so much. But I am glad to be here. I am studying law and law-enforcement in St Petersburg, and became a Christian two years ago, thanks to the witness of Claire's mother.”

A young man stood, “I am Yuri, from St Petersburg, an exchange student, and I do not understand how you speak of becoming a Christian. Surely you were not raised in another religion?”

Krista said, “I speak of not just a rite or education, or upbringing, but of a personal decision to repent and believe as the Holy Scriptures say all must do; a decision to fully trust the cleansing blood of Christ, and not any works of my own.” Seeing Yuri looking confused, Krista repeated it in Russian. His puzzled expression remained, but she at least knew he understood.

Svetlana meanwhile, wondering how good her disguise was, hoped he wasn't going to ask how she'd got here from St Petersburg.

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After the meeting, Svetlana made a bee-line for Arianne and greeted her.

“So, the mystery is revealed... Rudolph's princess is my ice-cream-eating friend Claire! You look well, crown princess.”

“I hope my cousin will resolve that issue quickly, Arianne, and that he'll have lots of lovely children I can treat to your family's delicious ice-cream some time. As for other titles I might have, they are known to some, but not to most here, I hope. Claire du Basse-Monaco will be going to university next year.”

Arianne understood immediately, “With security, I hope?”

“Of course. But not too much, I hope. Have you heard of my cousin making any progress finding a suitable wife?”

“After last year's dumb blonde? No. With all due respect, I really don't know what he was thinking there.”

“He told me he was thinking he doesn't meet many Christian girls. And for all that she wasn't very clever, she had that in her favour.”

“Not very clever? Did you ever hear her trying to put more than one clause into a sentence? She really struggled.”

“That's why I told him he needed to break it off. I told him that while he didn't need a genius he certainly needed someone capable of university study.”

“You did?”

“Certainly. I added that I knew no one's ever going to call him a genius, that's fine, he has advisors, but if he marries someone who's even thicker than he is then I only see trouble ahead.”

“You actually said that to him?” Arianne asked.

“Well, I might have been a bit more polite,” Svetlana said, grinning.

“What's he like? Other than rich, and handsome? He's really a Christian?”

“He's really a Christian. Quite serious about it, too. He's not at all happy about how much of the economy is dependent on gambling, but knows that if he shut down the casinos there'd probably be no end of the economic chaos. Otherwise... he's got a very good memory — I think that's how he managed to get his degree — but he's not so good at problem solving. Fortunately he knows that, and isn't ashamed to ask for advice.” Svetlana looked at her friend, “If you're interested in applying for the job, I'll happily drop a word in his ear. I'm sure he remembers your strawberry and chocolate ice-cream, he probably remembers you, too. Not least for giving him a double portion of strawberry and chocolate ice cream in his bare hands when your parents were getting low on cones.”

“Hold on... that was his majesty?”

“It was,”

“I didn't realise!”

“So, you've met, but feel free to ask for a re-introduction.”

“Claire! Don't be silly. I couldn't!”

“Couldn't what? Offer him some more ice cream?”

“Poor daughters of poor ice-cream salesmen do not go chasing royalty, unless they want to be laughed at.”

“Oh, OK. We'll let him do the chasing then, that way it's socially acceptable. Just tell me when you're home and likely to be serving if he's interested. What are you studying?”

“Accountancy and law.” Arianne said weakly.

“Are you interested? Not just the man, but the job, the labour? It ought to be enough to scare you silly. Imagine permanent hours like high summer.”

Arianne had often spoken about how hard those few weeks were.

“High summer keeps us fed all year,” Arianne repeated her father's words. “Your highness, I could make ice cream in the summers and study the other half of the year. I even had thoughts about seeking permission to extend the shop, and a bank-loan, and of serving more than just hot snacks in the winter and ice-cream in the summer. But half way through every summer there's the fear that the tourists aren't buying enough, and the thought of not having enough to pay bills and pension and healthcare and set aside rent and eat is scary, it really is. So I thought, maybe, if I got some other qualifications, then I could do something else with my life, or at least have something to do other parts of the year. I've grown up, I guess; I'm not afraid of work, I'm afraid of not enough work. Please don't give me false hopes.”

“Firstly, Arianne, I am your friend and your feudal land-lord; don't your dare apply to some money-grabbing bank! Read up on your rights and privileges! I promise you three things: firstly, if you want to extend, tell your parents they may write to me and as long as I think it looks reasonable the answer is yes, and as long as they keep proper records and plan to repay the money in a reasonable timespan, they may borrow from the back-rent money set aside, or if that is not enough, you or they may talk to me about plans and expectations about how long it'll take to repay a bigger loan. Secondly, I will remind my cousin of getting served ice-cream in his hands, and tell him you are studying here and are a Christian. How he responds is up to him. Thirdly, if he's too picky for his own good or you decide you don't like him, I promise that if you need some kind of letter of support or small start-up loan to enter accounting or law or whatever other career takes your fancy, then you shall have them.”

“My princess, thank you,” Arianne said, with tears in her eyes.

“I do not have many so many tenants, Arianne.” Turning to Krista, she said “Please, Krista, give Arianne Olga's contact details. I'm not allowed such technology, Arianne, so Olga acts as my secretary.” she explained.

“What's wrong, Arianne?” Anelie asked, coming up. “Why are crying?

“Because my princess has just reminded me she cares for her subjects, and has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.”

“I forgot to ask Arianne, how's your brother doing?”

“Not very good. He helps out at home, but he doesn't have the qualifications to find a winter job. Not even as a security guard.”

“What qualifications would he need for that? He's got the muscles, surely?”

Arianne's big brother was the life guard on the beach.

“Everyone wants past experience or — would you believe it — a criminal record of injuring someone in a fight.”

“A criminal record?”

“Demonstration that you can beat people up, I guess. He doesn't apply to those places.”

“Good for him. Has he got a girlfriend?”

“Yes, fiancée now.”

“What's she do?”

“Roughly the same. Summer job as waitress, currently watching every penny, occasionally getting a few days as a cleaner in a hotel.”

“Right, I presume she's a Christian?”

“Yes.”

“Trustworthy?”

“Yes,” Arianne said, “why?”

“When you've read up on your rights, explain them to him. Her too if they marry. It'll mean travel, of course, and the pay's not going to be great.”

“Your highness, what are you speaking of?” Anelie asked.

“My tenant under feudal laws, Arianne's brother, has no regular source of income at the moment. He and his wife, being of working age and sound bodies, have the right of voluntarily entering my service in exchange for room, board and a small stipend.”

“Your Highness, those ancient rights have been untested for centuries!” Arianne said.

“So? I haven't been informed they've been repealed.”

“You'd consider yourself bound by them?”

“Don't you consider yourselves bound by the counterparts, of setting aside rent until such time as I claim it, providing me with shelter when I visit, and so on?”

“Of course, but...”

“No buts,” Svetlana said decisively, “except that I insist you explain to them their rights and mine very carefully, if they choose that path.”

“Yes, my liege,” Arianne said.

Svetlana suddenly had a thought about those rights in relation to Mars. “And please point out to them that while at the moment I have no fields in mind which I might set them to farming, I do have plans that might easily change that.”

“I will try to remember all this, my liege, but my next trip home is not due until the summer, and I'm not sure I'd want to do it by phone.”

“Oh that's no good,” Svetlana said. “Rudolph, what are your plans tomorrow?”

“I'd vaguely hoped you weren't going to vanish and we could spend the day walking or skiing, maybe, but I've nothing specific planned.”

“Isn't he sweet! What about you, Arianne?”

“Urm, nothing that can't wait.”

“Wonderful! Rudolph, how about a quick visit to my snow-free fiefdom?”