DIPLOMATIC EFFECTS / CH. 3:REPORTERS
ST PETERSBURG MILITARY PORT, 9AM, SUNDAY DEC 30TH
The young reporter gingerly presented his credentials to the gate guard, who checked them extremely critically. “You are expected. Harbour one, quay three, berth five.”
“The... the foreign harbour?” the reporter asked. This was mad. He'd only been a reporter for a few months, now he was getting cryptic messages to meet people and it was turning out to be at the foreign harbour.
“That's all my instruction say. Follow the signs.”
“Yes, sir, thank you sir.”
“You're already late, so get a move on,” the soldier said, “That way!”
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ST PETERSBURG MILITARY PORT, 9.10AM, SUNDAY DEC 30TH
The reporter found berth five. He almost missed it. There was a very strange looking submarine, a piece of string floating in the air beside some kind of articulated arm, and no guards. No one was about at all. He heard laughter from within the submarine.
“Hello?” he called, nothing, except the sound of people talking. He called again, “Hello? Am I at the right place?”
There was a brief motion at one of the windows. Was someone looking out?
“Just walk on the forcefield, Vladimir Vladimirovitch, where the string is!” a woman's voice called out; it sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it.
Gingerly, he poked the air by the string; it resisted, and didn't seem slippery, either. He prayed a quick prayer and stepped onto it. Step by step, he reached the submarine. “Permission to come aboard?” he said nervously
“Get on with it,” she sounded impatient, “where's your faith, Mr intrepid reporter?”
It couldn't be the Tsarevna. It sure sounded like her. He was surprised to see a spiral staircase, rather than a ladder. It was rather steep, and he couldn't see very much. He went down the steps, not feeling at all intrepid.
“Jake, meet Vladimir Vladimirovitch, reporter and boyfriend of the daughter of one of my mother's ladies in waiting,” the Tsarevna said in English.
“Vladimir, you're late. Meet His Highness, Prince Jake Karella Christoph, heir to the throne of Atlantis unless he can get out of it.”
“Hello,” Jake said
“Er, hello,” Vladimir said.
“You might recognise Andriy Ilyich,” she indicated someone Vladimir recognised as another reporter, “you know Olga, and this is Karella Natasha Lamura, soon to be princess of Atlantis. So, let me make it perfectly clear, this is not happening, I am most certainly not speaking to you personally about this at all, and my father did not tell me to leak anything to anybody. I'll call anyone who claims anything I've just denied a truthful but dangerous shark, and ask Karella to act appropriately. Is that clear?”
“Err.” Vladimir said, “I think so.”
“Yes, Tsarevna,” Andriy said.
“Shh,” she replied. “I have no name, no title. You may, if you want, call me a highly placed source in the palace, or something else vague like that.”
“You're giving us an officially sanctioned leak?” Vladimir asked.
“Who me?” Svetlana asked, fiddling with her hair, “not at all, I've just invited some people I know to somewhere we won't be overheard before I go off on a secret visit, aren't I, Olga?”
“I think Vladimir's brain is going to overheat. Just interpret that as a complicated 'yes', Vladimir.”
“The topic, gentlemen, is the wife-beating drunkard scum known as Koschev. Stop burying your heads in the sand and look up some records, please. He was only sent to Mars because you can get home from Siberia. Oh, another thing... Mer tend to be quite a direct, truth-loving people. If they say something, it's either a joke or it's truth. You may not quote me on any of that, of course. You may quote your source as saying people in the palace are incredulous about how long this stupidity is going on without anyone doing any basic reporting. End of this briefing, handle it nicely and you might get another one in a week or three. You may stay a bit if you like.”
“Are we allowed to ask questions?”
“Not about that scum,” Svetlana said.
“Don't bother asking me anything,” Olga said, “all I know is I'm going to be a wedding guest in Atlantis.”
“Otherwise, yes,” Jake said.
“Would visiting Atlantis be possible for me, too?” Vladimir asked.
“Not on this submarine,” Svetlana said. “It's a long journey and it's only got four beds.”
“Are you a politician, diplomat, or military person with command of more than ten people?” Jake asked, when Karella had translated his question.
“No,”
“Then you are welcome to apply for a press visa at the embassy,” Karella said, “as my father's staff would be happy to tell you, upcoming events in Atlantis include the annual new year's celebration, which will almost certainly be louder than it has been in the last few centuries, the marriage of the heir to the throne, probably around the third, don't you think, Jake?”
“Probably.”
“Then there's the marriage of the Russian ambassador to Atlantis to his long-lost school-time beloved, very romantic, that's planned for sometime near Christmas, but don't tell her that yet, it's a surprise. And then...” she looked at Svetlana and asked, “may I?”
“Go ahead, but it's not at all publishable until it's happened.”
“and then certain heirs to thrones or almost heirs to thrones of different countries will be taking an oath of peace to my by-then mother-in-law — wow what a strange thought — and the High Council of Atlantis, and will be gifted with a guillemot-class space-going forcefield submarine, capable of getting to Mars in about a week, and will then spend some time learning to pilot and fly them.”
“But... you've not been made heir to the throne,” Andriy asked Svetlana, “have you?”
“I have not been made heir to the throne,” Svetlana agreed, “but the Mer here know some things you do not know, and they will not tell them until they are no longer secrets.”
“Realistically, there's no way I'm going to get to Atlantis,” Vladimir said.
“So, score some points with your editor,” Svetlana said, “and tell him to send someone, and get that someone to tell you immediately when I leave, and when you hear that I'm leaving Atlantis, get yourself to the palace. You ought to have about half an hour before I arrive, apparently.”
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“The palace, not the harbour?”
“The palace, no matter where my father might be,” she confirmed. “No more hints.”
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NEWS REPORT, ST PETERSBURG DAILY NEWS, MONDAY DEC 31ST
Is Koschev really a hero?
A highly placed source at the imperial palace has given some hints about why the public acclamation of Lieutenant Koschev has been met with stony silence from the palace: incredulity and annoyance. Certain people in palace feel the press have published inaccuracies about the lieutenant's career and so misled the public. This paper hopes to take the lead in calling on our fellow reporters to wake up to the distinct discrepancies between their reports and his military and police record. Also, our source mentioned that on some scales, Siberia was more comfortable than Mars.
According to the local police at his home town, Koschev, was a familiar face at the station, enjoying their accommodation most weekends. Publicly available records show that Lt Koschev was been been demoted for disorderly conduct on three occasions, including one offence of wounding a superior officer.
So, has he become a reformed character while on Mars?
Was he just hoping to get one thing right, even if it cost him his life, so he could somehow earn a hero's burial after a miserable career? Or was his five minutes of defiance at the 'trial' no more than an effort to avoid the final humiliation of being summarily dismissed for the total failure to carry out any of the objectives of the raid he'd personally planned and overseen from the very beginning? Hero? Or a disgrace of an officer who should have never been promoted beyond private? The other question we might perhaps dare to ask: are the Mer correct in stating that whoever ordered the attack on their ambassador overstepped their authority?
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NEWS REPORT, RUSSIA TODAY, MONDAY DEC 31ST
Palace frustrated at press behaviour
The popular press has been mounting a sustained campaign which in effect tells our glorious Tsar that the uninformed masses know what he should be doing, and he does not. This is, of course, nothing new. Have we not all thought or said such a thing at our kitchen tables? Have not most of us, at some point, informed God how he should be running the universe? Could this not be the sin known as pride? But investigative journalists are supposed to investigate before they print. Have the popular press investigated Lt. Koschev?
Do they not wonder why the lieutenant is not known by his patronymic? That, at least, is easily explained; his father removed his blessing. Does this not tell us something? Why would a father remove his blessing if the man is the stuff of heros? Why has some joker amongst the police in his home town put up a sign on their holding cell saying it used to be lt. Koschev's weekend residence? People there obviously know what sort of man he was before he was exiled to Mars.
A highly placed source at the palace expressed the incredulity there at the presumption of the press, demanding a hero's welcome for this insubordinate wife-beater, three-times demoted for drunkenness and associated unruly behaviour, without any attempt to expose him for what he is. Why does the popular press seek to undermine the monarchy? Does our society not have enough problems?
The palace has also been silent on the question of who actually gave the order to attack the Mer ambassador. Yet, sources close to the palace have witnessed numerous friendly acts from the Mer to our Tsar. Recently there was a medical evacuation to save the live of an unborn baby, on Saturday, ice was cleared in St Petersburg harbour, so that the parents of our ambassador in Atlantis could arrive for New Years' Eve, and indeed our soldiers who have been based there these last three months could return home. An informal visit of friendship was made to the palace by the Mer crown prince, and the Tsarevna has been invited to Atlantis to attend his wedding.
Let me return to that medical evacuation; it included not just the mother but the entire family, including the general whose wife and baby had the — so far successful — complex operation. No military commander may visit Atlantis, but compassion is a greater law than politics, so this man was not separated from his wife in the time of family crisis.
None of this sounds like the Mer hold our noble Tsar responsible. Could it be that the Palace is waiting for the inappropriate beatification of an evil man to come to an end, before his superior is publicly denounced for overstepping his authority and bringing us to the edge of war? Or is there some other reason we have not heard? Is it that the Tsar has made his decision and even enacted his justice, but the press, wallowing in their folly, have been judged unworthy to know?
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NEWS REPORT, RUSSIA TODAY, MONDAY DEC 31ST
Tsarevna on surprise official visit
Numerous events on the royal appointment calendar of our beloved Tsarevna have been removed in the next two weeks. When asked if the people should be praying for her, a palace spokesman stated that she has accepted an invitation to Atlantis to attend their crown prince's wedding, and that indeed, she had already arrived in Atlantis, so as not to miss the happy event. The palace spokesman was unable to give more details for the royal wedding. The Mer embassy reported that the future bride of the Mer prince was none other than the daughter of the ambassador here. As is normal amongst Mer, the wedding has long been in the thoughts of the happy couple, but as there is very little preparation needed for a Mer wedding, the timing mainly relies upon the availability of wedding guests. The father of the bride will be flown to Atlantis for the wedding on one of their marvelous 'albatross' class spaceships, or 'guillemot' class space-submarines. The closely related vehicles are both powered by the Mer's recently-invented antigravity drive, and according to the embassy are fully capable of interplanetary travel or a short hop from one point on Earth to another at Mach 8 or above. When asked how antigravity enabled you to accelerate in any direction you chose, the embassy staff said they were unable to comment, both because they didn't know and because of the potential military uses of the technology meant it was a secret.
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NEWS REPORT, INTERNATIONAL NEWS, MONDAY DEC 31ST
How long does it take to arrange a Royal Wedding?
Tourists to Atlantis can expect increased security over the next few days, not because of the annual New Year's celebration, but because a number of heads of state and other royal figures will be arriving in the underwater city, and probably playing tourist themselves. The first arrival was Tsarevna (Princess) Svetlana of Russia, who has been rumoured to privately disapprove of her father's heavy-handed approach to international diplomacy. Later today, Prince Albert and Princess Eliza will arrive for their first sight of the city's fairytale towers, and other royal figures will be arriving in the next few days.
The wedding itself, however, despite the fairytale setting, and royal visitors will be not be a thing of great pageantry. As wedding traditions on land have got more complicated over the centuries, so weddings on Atlantis have been stripped of all unnecessary ornamentation. The bride and groom are expected to wear traditional Mer 'scale', and after a short sermon will take vows that they have written themselves in front of all the witnesses that manage to get there on time. At some point during the party that follows they will depart without much fanfare to begin their life together, and the party will continue until the food is gone or people decide to leave anyway. The exact date and time have still not been set, in order to allow various people on the invitation list to arrive. This is also a Mer tradition. So, any day now, there's going to be a royal wedding in Atlantis. We understand that there'll be at least a hour's notice, maybe three. Presumably Queen Karella, probably the most powerful ruler in the Solar System, knows in a little more detail that the rest of us, as she will be personally cooking for her son's wedding guests. It's not, however, unusual for others to also bring some food.
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NEWS REPORT, NEW REPUBLICAN POST, DEC 31ST
What did we do wrong?
Dear readers, your intrepid reporters are currently scratching their heads and wondering what we said this time. A mermaid has just knocked on the office door, handed us an invitation to Atlantis and said 'You are coming, aren't you? Be at the jetty at nine tonight.' Did you know they've got a crown prince? He hasn't been in the news much. Much? At all, as far as we can see. So, did you know he had a long-standing girlfriend? Join the club. His mother thought he probably did, but her father thought that the reason she was crying two years ago was they'd broken up. But no, it was much more complex that that, involving an oath not to plan their next date. So, after not managing to bump into each other for two years — how? Atlantis isn't that big — they've finally met, and absence has obviously made their hearts grow fonder or something, because by the evening of their meeting they were engaged. The exact wedding date is 'sometime this week'.
How does this get us invited to their wedding? We've no idea, but apparently we're going to be rubbing shoulders with Mer-warriors armed to the teeth and assorted royalty from around the world. We did ask if we were allowed to poke fun at people in Atlantis. The mermaid immediately asked, 'Since the pen is mightier than the sword and the sword just a big knife, does that mean I can poke my knife at you?' So, there you have it; their minds are sharp, their knives are lethal, and we're risking our skins if we upset people too much. Of course we're going, it should be fun.