Yeah, so I have no idea what exactly Olive is expecting here.

I don’t know how to feel about the whole ‘wife’ thing, but she was practically frantic…

(You should probably talk to Izahne,) Nyx suggests.

…

I glance at the fox maid in my bed next to me, intently watching me and radiating expectation, but I have absolutely no idea what she’s even angling for here.

(You should probably talk to Izahne before you get in this situation.)

What, is she going to get mad about this too?

And there’s another Nyx sigh. I’m guessing this is another one of those stupid human things that they all just assume everyone knows and nobody talks about, let alone explains.

(Here. Let me make it as absolutely basic as possible, considering you’re an absolute moron.)

Hey!

(What? You are one.)

I didn’t say I wasn’t! Gods, this is obnoxious!

(You’re telling me.)

No, I’m not! I don’t know what to tell you, I thought you were going to be telling me!

If she were materialized, or anywhere actually near me, I’m sure I’d have the pleasure of hearing her hand hit her face again.

(Okay, look,) she starts… finally. (Remember how I explained marriage before?)

Yeah, I own her and she owns me, right?

(Yes… something like that. Anyway, if she belongs to you, would you want her going off and making herself belong to someone else?)

…

Huh. I haven’t really thought about that.

(And how does that make you feel?)

I don’t really care.

(At all?)

Nope. Doesn’t matter, as long as she stays mine too.

Oh, and that they don’t break her or something. I’d have to utterly destroy them and shred their soul.

(Alright, sure. Anyway, how would you feel if you did care about that?)

I ponder the thought for a moment.

…

My former Assistant sighs again. (Look, I’ll simplify it even more. Remember how you practically attacked Elobahn for acting even remotely threatening?)

I can feel myself starting to bristle even thinking about it.

(Yes, that. That feeling. That feeling that someone else was doing something to YOUR WIFE.)

Gritting my teeth, I… wait, since when did I get comfortable having teeth, or a body!?

(FOCUS,) she snaps.

Meanwhile, Olive has just been watching me and listening to the conversation in my head.

(Think. Really. Olive isn’t actually attacking you… per se. But in a sense, this situation is sort of like the one with Elobahn, except that Izahne is in your place, and you’re in hers. If Olive was attacking you, how would Izahne feel?)

Wait, this is like being attacked? What does ‘per se’ mean?

(In a way, sort of? Anyway, really. Talk to her. Do it now. She doesn’t sleep, right?)

No, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t… except when she insists on it here…

Alright.

Hey, you’re awake, right? There’s something we should probably talk about.

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It takes a moment, but eventually I feel a telepathic push from our bond. It’s faint… much more faint than I’d expected.

What is it? my wife asks in my mind.

You’re not in the middle of anything, right? This might take a while to explain.

I feel a brief pulse of irritation from her, followed by a feeling of acceptance.

I guess that’s a yes? Or a ‘yes I was busy but tell me anyway’?

So I explain what happened with Olive earlier. About how she keeps standing closer to me, or doing things to try to get me to pat her head or praise her or whatever. And then how she said all those things about having been Astraea’s wife, and since I have Astraea inside me somewhere she apparently wants to be my wife now too? Or that she doesn’t see me as a different person than Astraea and thinks we’re already married because of it? I don’t really understand it, but I think it's something like that.

Oh.

Oh, that’s an ugly feeling. I don’t really know what it’s called… I think I felt a little bit of it when I made Pearl into what she is now.

I’m talking about it because I think this is one of those things that I need to talk to you about, because I don’t know the rules or whatever around this sort of thing.

…

Also Nyx said I should talk to you about it, instead of just being confused.

Silence stretches for a moment before she finally replies.

Talk. Fox come get? her voice intones.

“I know you can hear what Nyx says in my head,” I say to the fox spirit laying next to me, “but can you hear others too, through the bonds?”

She shakes her head. Oh well, I guess I just need to explain it.

“Izahne wants you to go pick her up so we can talk about this. Would you please do that?”

Olive blinks at me a moment, and then stands from the bed, switching seamlessly from her pajamas to maid uniform even more seamlessly than I can change.

And then she disappears in her customary flash of blue fire.

…

…

…

She’s taking a while.

…

Eventually, the two of them appear again. And sure enough, Izahne looks upset.

Meanwhile, Olive has a bright red mark on the side of her face.

“Did something happen? Were you attacked?” I ask the pair.

Izahne furrows her brow and stares at me for a moment, while the fox maid practically draws back from us with a sheepish look on her face.

And then my wife lets out a sigh. “Thank you for at least talking to me before you tried to cheat on me.”

I blink. “I have no idea what that means.”

“And that’s the problem with dealing with you. This is common sense. You stay faithful to your partner, especially when you’re married! We’re literally bound under the gods!”

“Yes,” I nod. “But I don’t remember being, uh. Unfaithful? I’ve never really doubted you, at least I don’t think I have…”

(That’s not what that means.)

“Why now, Nyx? She can’t hear you. You know that.”

(Not my problem. This, all of this, is your problem.)

“What did she say?” my wife snaps.

“She said that that isn’t what unfaithful means. And then she said this isn’t her problem.”

“Nyx is right. This is your problem.”

I look at her for a moment and when she doesn’t continue I gesture for her to.

“Let me guess, you don’t understand what the problem is.”

“Correct,” I answer.

She sits down on the edge of the bed, facing away from me. “The problem, Nemesis, is that you were repeatedly pursued by someone outside our relationship, and then you not only waited to make any mention of it to me but waited until you had literally just taken her to bed.”

“I mean, technically she took me to bed, but–”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER!” she shouts.

And then she takes a breath… and says nothing.

…

Wait a second…

“Um, I might, maybe understand something…”

She glares over her shoulder at me. “Is it something Nyx told you?”

“No! Really. She mostly just insults me now, she doesn’t have the old compulsion anymore.”

“Then what?”

I take a moment to get my thoughts together before speaking. “Okay, so. For a long time now, even though I don’t need to sleep, and even though you don’t either, you’ve wanted to take time at night to at least lay down together. So maybe this is, I don’t know, a special marriage thing? Like this is something you want me to only do with you. Is that at all right?”

Izahne sighs again. “That’s… not completely wrong. But there’s a lot more to it.”

“It’s another one of those human things I don’t understand, right?”

…

“Then help me out here. I don’t know these rules. I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong.”

“Well,” she quietly huffs, “at least you didn’t do anything more, I guess.”

“More like what?” I ask. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Olive blush.

Out of nowhere, Nyx materializes leaning against one of the room’s support columns. “Here, Izzy. I’ll make it easier for you. They’re stupid. They’re a literal child in the head, and on top of that they don’t have any kind of reproductive instincts, because the only way they can reproduce is breaking pieces of their own body off and pushing directives into them – their spawn isn’t even sentient! That’s why your big dumb particulate cloud of a spouse has no idea about infidelity. The best I could get them to understand of marriage as a concept was mutual ownership, and they apparently can’t process the idea that you might be upset about them considering having the same thing with someone else.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right,” my wife says, standing from the bed and walking a short distance away. “But that doesn’t make it feel any better.”

Nyx crosses her arms. “Then you need to make sure they know what your expectations are. You need to have a serious talk about what exactly your relationship is, the one you’ve been putting off for months.”

Izahne nods mutely.

And then Olive breaks the silence. “Other one, official. This one, concubine?”

Nyx inhales sharply.

I don’t know what that means, but from the glare she’s leveling at the fox spirit I assume my wife does.

And that it’s apparently a bad thing somehow.