“Um. Hi.”

I really didn’t expect Izahne and Pearl to surpass level 200 by now, but, well.

Here they are. In front of my throne, on the last floor of the dungeon.

Pearl sneers. “Hello, queen asshole. Are we gonna fight or what?”

Sighing, I gesture vaguely at…

Actually, who should I have test them? Not Omorth, he’s still level 0… I should probably do something about that.

“I’m planning to fight too, by the way,” Nyx adds.

“Alright Nyx,” I reply, “but if you do, I’m assigning more than one retainer to test… everyone else, I guess. Pretty much everyone else. The point of this thing is a good show, a good test. I’m not going to let you just end this in a heartbeat by materializing behind someone with a knife to their throat or whatever.”

Nyx clicks her tongue in annoyance. Guess she didn’t expect me to anticipate that?

Well, whatever.

“Rose is out for now. If its avatar dies it’ll take a pretty long time to generate a new one, and it might not have the same personality or something? I don’t know, Abaris tried to explain it once. And Omorth is still level 0 – sorry, I’m going to need to you to grind some levels going forward. We’ll figure that out later.”

Izahne locks eyes with me. “You know we're not here for you to monologue. Although I guess you’ll probably do that no matter who comes here.”

“Probably!” I say. “But you’re right. Olive, Vivianne. Do you two object?”

“I have no objections, it’s been some time since I’ve had a challenge,” Vivianne replies as she strides down the single step before my throne, stretching her neck and emitting an audible crack. For her part, Olive simply offers me a quick bow and vanishes, reappearing in her usual flash of blue flame to the knight’s side.

I nod. “Remember, no killing. Make an effort to avoid any kind of disfiguration I can’t fix.” Shifting my gaze to the challenging party I continue, “That goes for you as well. In my mind, we’re all still allies, even you Pearl. Especially you. Please remember that I am the target of your hostility, not them.”

“Go fuck yourself,” the mimic snaps.

“I have zero interest in that. Anyway, begin I guess.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Nyx vanishes as predicted, appearing behind Olive, who promptly parries the daemon’s dagger with her own. Sparks fly between them as their blades clash again and again, their seamless footwork almost like a dance.

Meanwhile, Vivianne’s gleaming silver trident appears from nowhere and with a flourish, flies directly at Pearl.

…And Izahne steps in front of it, deflecting the attack with her fifteen daggers.

Ah, right. She’s up to fifteen now apparently, levels make a big difference.

My wife promptly launches herself forward, but the ringing metal trident is already back in Vivianne’s hands, rapidly moving in flashy arcs to deflect or sometimes even destroy the solid shadow daggers. At one point she even manages to leave Izahne overextended with a feint, hooking the back of her trident between the nightwalker’s knees and sending her spinning off toward the far wall.

And in the back line, Pearl continues muttering what I can tell is a spell.

Or she was, until she suddenly vanishes and reappears near the ceiling in a flare of blue in a free fall – it would seem Olive has no issue with multitasking. Pearl seems to have been anticipating something like that though, as she barks a few twisted syllables and her body dissolves into a smear of gray oil. So that’s what her teleports look like!

And sure enough, there’s the telltale drop of grease falling behind Olive… who simply grins, as the tentacle mage lashes out a dozen feelers at Nyx.

“Woah!” my former Assistant exclaims as she leaps backwards, catching herself on her wings.

And Olive vanishes again, while Pearl - clearly under the influence of one of Olive's illusions - continues flailing her appendages at Nyx.

Picking herself up from where she impacted stone, my wife shakes her head groggily as Vivianne slowly approaches. With a snarl, she launches her remaining daggers at her assailant while rapidly forming more. Or at least she was, until Olive appeared from behind and yanked her feet out from under her to crash into the ground. When Izahne moves to stand, her eyes meet the centipede knight’s trident an inch from her throat.

And Pearl howls before starting to chant another spell. Maybe it’s cheating to have access to her Status, but I can already tell from the weight I’m feeling that she’s finally activated her Aura of Lethargy. Why didn’t she do that first? I’m not really sure.

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Meanwhile, Olive has rejoined her previous fight – now a high-speed aerial battle between her and Nyx. Although most of the speed is actually coming from how quickly they’re matching blink for teleport and dematerializing for turning to mist.

I raise a hand and say, “That’s enough.”

The still-standing challengers don’t look particularly keen to call the fight there, but Olive and Vivianne have already withdrawn to stand to the sides of my throne.

“So, what did you think?” I ask the two retainers as I begin channeling ash toward Izahne to repair her body.

And she steps back. “I don’t need it. I’m already recovering.”

“Alright, if you say so. Tell me if you change your mind.”

I turn toward Vivianne. “You first. Thoughts?”

“Not bad,” she answers with a rattle of mandibles apparently hidden inside her mouth. Then she turns toward the party. “Your battle strategy for dealing with stronger foes is underdeveloped. Even disregarding Nyx, you have a frontliner and a mage. You should have focused on a single target while Nyx occupied the other. Pearl, while I have no doubt that the spell you were casting was intended to end a fight, long spells against a stronger enemy are a poor choice. Stick to shorter spells of six words or less and you will fare much better. Izahne, your bladework is solid but clearly self-taught. I recommend you seek training with Olive – she is an expert with… I’ll just say more than a thousand years of experience. Also, you have a speed build; consider taking advantage of it with hit-and-run tactics, ideally to stay in an opponent’s blind spot.”

Their personality differences are pretty clear, considering Izahne has been nodding along and clearly taking mental notes while Pearl instead just scowls and mutters, “Would’ve finished it if it weren’t for the damn fox.”

And Vivianne is suddenly a foot in front of her face, causing the mage to stumble backwards a step. “Would you now?” she asks smugly. “I’d wager not.”

Olive clears her throat, startling the centipede knight who turns, offers me a quick apology, and returns to her previous place.

“And you, Olive?” I ask, before catching myself. “Ah, tablet. On the tablet, if you please.”

The fox spirit maid pauses for a moment before pulling her writing slate from her miraculously unwrinkled apron and begins taking rapid notes. After what must have been a solid book, she offers it to me.

“Hm, hm. I see. Looks like she thinks a lot of the same things as Vivianne, at least for you two. Nyx, you need more practice fighting strong foes, especially in dealing with teleportation. Also, Izahne, Pearl? If you can’t get Skills to manage mind attacks, try to find equipment that can instead. Half of Pearl’s contribution was chasing illusions, and the same could have just as easily been targeted at you, Izahne.”

And Pearl is glaring at Olive, though I’m not particularly surprised. At least my wife is mature enough to take advice… although she’s what, mid-300’s? I’d hope she’d be mature by now.

(Age means very little for that, you know,) Nyx interjects.

You’re probably right.

“Anyway, what did you three think?” I ask.

Pearl grimaces. “That fucking sucked.”

“She’s not wrong,” Izahne comments. “I underestimated that trident’s speed. I couldn’t get a single blade past it.”

Sighing, Nyx says, “I’ve never actually had to fight seriously since getting this body. I’m going to start bothering people to train, because I’m just not good enough right now. There’s only so much that crafting better gear can account for.”

“Well, this was fun!” I say with a grin. “Olive, Vivianne, did they pass the test?”

“They need work, but if nothing else they’re fairly strong individually. I’d call them adequate for mortals,” Vivianne answers.

Meanwhile, my maid offers a polite nod.

“Very good. Well done, challengers! This means you’ve cleared my dungeon!” I clap primly. “The planned rewards are some kind of magic equipment or gold or something… Uhhh Vivianne, you’ve been there the longest, is the armory intact?”

“Exactly as it was left,” the centipede knight answers, and I nod.

“And there you have it. You can each choose something from the armory, with Vivianne’s option to veto your choice. Or do you want gold? I’d offer you jobs, but, well.”

Nyx speaks up first, almost too quickly. “I want you to use Spellspeech on a piece of equipment for me in the future.”

“Alright, sure. I can do that. I would have done that already, you know?”

In what I can’t help but feel is an odd mirror of myself, she shrugs dismissively.

“I’ll look at the armory,” my wife says.

Pearl continues glaring. “I want you to remove this damn bond.”

I can’t say I’m that surprised.

“Let me take a look at it then. {analyze Pearl [Traits (Hidden)]}.”

Sure enough, she has a hidden trait.

[Soul Link (Nemesis, Permanent)]

That’s… the same as Olive’s, isn’t it? Why is hers hidden?

…

Does Izahne have it too?

…

…

Yes. She does. I can’t help but furrow my brow.

“{analyze Pearl [Soul Link (Nemesis, Permanent)]}.”

…

Huh.

“Yeah, I can’t.”

“What the fuck do you mean, you can’t? You’re a gods-damned god!” Pearl snarls.

I shake my head slowly. “Here, I’ll read the description.

“A divine bond joins your soul to that of a greater power, allowing you to communicate and draw strength from them. In exchange, your soul will lose independent integrity and will rapidly dissipate if this bond is disrupted. WARNING: This Trait cannot be removed.”

…

“And what in the hells does that mean? Wait, what Trait even is that? It’s not in my Status!”

“Correct,” I reply. “It’s a hidden Trait. I didn’t know they existed either, not until Ananke forced mine to show.”

And the tentacle mage channels Nyx’s flat stare.

“Right, meaning. It means I can’t remove it, and your soul will implode if I force it. Sorry. Pick a different reward.”

Pearl’s gaze drifts down toward the ground and despair leaks from our bond.

“Although… you know what, I have an idea. You don’t have any telepathy Skills, right?”

She shakes her head without looking up.

“Do you want one? If you progress it enough it’ll eventually evolve so you can talk with one voice. Just a base level Skill shouldn’t knock me out, at least probably not? Maybe? Well, if you want it, I’ll do it anyway.”

Silence dominates the room for a moment.

And then Pearl breaks it with a shrug and a weak, “I guess.”

“Very well. {bestow Skill [Thought Projection]}.”

A massive amount of mana rushes from my body, causing my vision to blur as my head pounds. A wave of vertigo causes me to sway in my seat before Olive catches me…

And so does Izahne, radiating worry from our bond.

I… didn’t expect that. I thought she hated me.

…

I look up at her for a moment, and she meets my gaze.

“Did it work?” I weakly ask.