The sight of Leomi crying like her world is falling apart hits me so hard the pain in my chest returns. I grit my teeth through it, finding that I'm far less willing to witness her like this than I am to suffer.
Yet, my body is rebelling against me. My every nerve feels on fire and the pin-point healing constructs she's applying all over my body because she doesn't know what to do to fix the problem... aren't fixing the problem.
“Tell me what to do!” She yowls at no one in particular.
Her voice is like a sharp blade that cleaves through my brain and then stabs into my chest, making me realize that my problem isn't so much physical as it is emotional. It gives me courage, which relieves me of part of my agony, which grants me strength.
I raise my hand and place my palm on the center of Leomi's chest to push her away. She resists instinctively at first but immediately retreats once she realizes and lets me rise to a sitting position with an anguished expression.
My heart, which is surprisingly still in one piece, jumps and seizes. I tightly grip the left side of my chest in reaction, almost feeling the organ contract erratically as a panicking animal would.
I scowl and reinforce the three constructs anchored to my heart before rising to my feet under Leomi's uncertain and moist eyes. She reaches out to touch my clenched hand with her slender fingers, apparently unable to allow herself to relax even though I stood.
“This is my fault.” She mutters with a hoarse voice for the nth time.
“It isn't.” We tell her. “I pushed myself too hard, last few days.” I lie because this has to do with my greed to hold onto both my loves. “I'm okay.”
No matter whether Leomi would blame me for betraying her by loving Celyz, telling her this would make her feel guilty because it means it was so difficult for me to talk to her my heart crashed.
“You should lie down, no?” She asks, her traits twisted by uncertainty and tears.
Pain billows in my chest so I further strengthen my grip to, at least psychologically, fight back. It somewhat works but I still stagger into her arms. She instantly moves to support me by the waist and shoulder.
“I'm okay.” I repeat.
“Your hand is going to break if you squeeze any harder.” Leomi replies frightfully.
“I might not be completely okay.” I reply with a hint of humor.
“Jay.” Lance reproaches and tightens her grip on me.
I notice a little silver bird land atop her head once more but don't turn my eyes, the agonizing pain coursing through my nerves flares regularly so I don't have the presence of mind or courage to move any more than necessary.
Leomi suddenly raises her leg and snaps her heel down on the ground, causing a root-like network of different sized silver strings to appear on the ground out of my field of view.
It takes me a moment to realize the brief vision was in the shape of an arm with tendrils. The Little one likely rushed to my help. My eyelids flicker on their own and cause Lance to panic.
She hesitates, turns me left and right as she searches for an issue before suddenly hugging me in desperation. Her silly reaction, which is so unlike her usually controlled demeanor, melts my heart.
Cold suddenly spreads upward from the base of my spine and invades my torso. My fingers twitch, disturbing the thin skin of my chest, the tips jerk down a few ribs and I collapse in her grasp, completely drained of strength. We, might actually, have a physical health issue, after all.
--- --- ---
I awaken rocking back and forth inside Leomi's arms sitting on the bed between her thighs. My nerves are raw but no longer on fire. My heartbeats are regular if a bit lethargic. My clothes feel sticky, drenched, and there is a prickling smell in the air.
“It's my fault, all my fault.” Leomi whispers with her chin resting atop my head. “But I don't allow you to die.” She adds forcefully. “The healer, I'll cut him open and tear his nerves from his flesh to drip them in vinegar.” She murmurs.
“Why?” I ask, stunned.
“Because it's my fault.” She replies hazily. “Wait, Jessica?!” She suddenly startles from her trance.
“Who else?” I reply with a thin smile.
“I'm so so so so...” She chokes. “So sorry.” She murmurs while squeezing me tightly.
“I told you, not your fault. The healing construct he taught me was fine.” I tell her.
“But, you, you collapsed, it...” She stutters.
“I would have noticed if there was a problem. You should know that since it's why you got him to teach me instead of healing me.” I berate her.
“I, did?” Leomi asks in disbelief before straightening up. “I did!” She exclaims, her tone almost relieved but still somber. “But, then, what happened?” She asks with despair and confusion.
“My heart is in a worse state than I've led you to believe.” I reply guiltily. “It's my fault, you're not culpable because it's a consequence of my choices.”
“How could it not be? Anything that affects you, affects me, we share everything. We are absolute.” Leomi replies rapidly while pulling me against her chest, her breasts lying on my shoulder and a half.
“We are.” I reply, acknowledging that her logic is much sounder than mine.
“Good.” She murmurs, her voice full of affection and relief.
I blank out for a bit, stunned by the fact that what consoled her wasn't the fact she isn't guilty or responsible but that we both share the weight of the crisis I'm going through. I have to tell her. I have to tell her.
“How? Why? When?” She asks.
“I don't know, my heartbeats turn irregular, my heart tightens, and this time my nerves felt on fire. Exertion and emotional distress. It happened twice in succession and then now after weeks without a problem.” I reply honestly, unable to hold anything back any longer. “I've pushed through long treks in the snow twice and been relatively fine apart from needed to take breaks so it isn't only emotional or physical, either can trigger it or both.”
“Okay.” Leomi murmurs. “Okay.”
“We need to talk.” We tell her in a whisper. There is no need to say any more, she is no fool.
“Okay. Not now.” She replies with a tight voice.
I fall silent, unsure of whether she's delaying again or seriously planning to have the conversation. Likely the latter in this situation. I feel a twinge of guilt at the fact she agreed because of the circumstances.
Yet, that makes it even more important we not talk about a subject that important now when she might feel pressured to be gentle. I hadn't planned for things to go this way at all, I can't tell if it'll be good or bad and I can't even use that uncertainty to justify a delay anymore.
“You shouldn't have hidden this from me.” Leomi says without a hint of reproach in her tone.
“I...” I trail off. “I knew I shouldn't have but I felt like I should.” I explain, hoping she won't take my answer to mean my choice to conceal this from her was casual.
“You're headstrong and independent, it doesn't surprise me.” Lance utters back with an odd voice mixing pride and regret.
She rocks back and forth while holding onto me, her body expressing that releasing me isn't an option yet so I don't bring it up. It allows the nourishing, strengthening, and healing constructs on my heart to do their work. It takes her a long while, at least an hour, to relax and loosen up.
“What happened to the Little one?” I ask awkwardly.
“Threw it back in the chest.” She replies briefly.
“It, if things came to the worst...” I start hesitantly.
“Then I wouldn't hesitate to use the parasite.” Leomi says with a hard voice that prevents me from taking any relief from her response. “Simply because I can tolerate it does not mean I find it pleasing in any way.” She bluntly declares. “I fell in love with the whole of you and we promised no less to each other.”
Her declaration is no doubt a rejection of the Little one, as if it made us lesser. It, did. What!? I half-yell at my sister in my head because she's the one most attached to the parasite. We are lesser without her or each other, do you agree? Of course.
She could not love me at the time I had the symbiont but she did not know of you. Then... Then, naught. Liz interrupts before Jess can despair and think that Leomi couldn't love Elizabeth Vil at all. There is no conclusion to draw from this, we were separated by lies and revenge we had yet to fulfill.
“I've changed a lot since.” I whisper to Leomi.
I recall the timid Jessica who overcame her limitations only to vainly throw herself at Lady Lance. Yet, that girl is the one who obtained the promise and turned it into nothing.
“You have, for me. I have yet to climb half the cliff you overcame.” She replies softly, throwing me into confusion.
What does she mean? That there is hope but not much because she believes us to be human. I sigh and nod to Liz. Her perception of us and the Little one is intricately linked to our conversation about Celyz but even if that problem posed no issue, it wouldn't solve my kitten's issue with my oak.
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“Do you need to keep holding me?” I ask, feeling awkward in my soaked clothes which are no longer comfortably loose but unwilling to push Leomi after what she went through.
“Yes.” She replies matter-of-factly. “I do.”
“Um.” I acknowledge with the tiny sound.
“But we don't need to sit here.” Leomi adds.
She flips me and picks me up in her arms, her left supporting the back of my knees while her right holds onto my torso. As I lean in to remain steady because I'm a bit lightheaded still, my eyes fall on the wet stain between my thighs. I freeze and realize I soiled myself during my seizure.
“I'm gross.” I utter, feeling mortified.
“Never.” Leomi denies quietly as she carries me into a small room.
I notice that the ground is covered in white tiles and half the walls as well before spotting the copper pipes coming down from the ceiling. I check around, finding a bathtub and a stool upon which rests the belt with an iron rod that we used to sodomize each other back then.
“Leomi?” I speak up with a tight tone.
“I need this, to take you and feel your life.” Leomi explains in a weak voice. As I was about to protest because she didn't seek my opinion, she continues.
“Please?” She pleads with parted lips, showing dismay at the idea I could refuse. “I'll be gentle, I need to be gentle.” She quickly argues.
“Okay.” I reply, smiling at her neediness.
She sets me down and activates the heating runes on the piping before turning the faucet to start filling the tub with warm water. Then, she proceeds to undress me with swift movements.
Leomi's breath is short and her cheeks redden when she kneels down to undo my belt. Her slender fingers trail the scars they pass by but only stop for a moment when they find my tattoos. She remains clear to her purpose.
Once I lay bare at her sight, she leans in and licks my soiled slit. I stiffen in surprise because I didn't feel embarrassed after she reassured me so this act was purely for herself.
I feel myself grow moist at her indecency. She notices immediately and reaches up to my outer lips with her thumb to slide it in. I shiver as the cool finger touches my most intimate place without warning, the sensation of a foreign finger is rare and it's hers so my sex responds within moments.
She pulls away before I grow completely wet, a sticky string of my excitement extends and remains connected to me for a moment before it breaks, at which point Leomi raises her thumb to her mouth to suck it.
Lance looks up to me with a passionate expression and despair in her light gray eyes. I extend my hand out to her. She lays two fingers on my palm and gently presses on it as she stands up. I approach, naked, and kiss her. She smiles.
I undress her, removing the pieces of her uniform one by one and appreciating the muscular curves of her body with a touch of jealousy. I'm no slouch but she's chiseled like a marble sculpture, she's so gorgeous I have to seek the tattoos I left on her to reassure myself.
Satisfied that she belongs to me, and me alone, I take her bra off and caress her breasts. I refrain from flicking her hard nipples even though she loves and hates it because it would throw us into an uncontrollable swirl of passion we can little afford to fall into before we get engaged.
I instead do as she has and move on to her thighs to slowly slide her laced underwear off her long legs. Her delicate flower appears before my eyes, already dewy from desire but not so much that I could be fooled into thinking she is lustful.
Neither of us is right now. We plan to make love, not have sex. I reach up to my messy hair and push the strands that fell on my face aside to lean in. I open my mouth to taste her directly with my tongue as I can do no less when faces with her magnificence.
The metallic, lemony bitterness erupts on my tongue. The taste is much stronger than last time, almost uncomfortably so, but I revel in how it overwhelms my senses. I soon feel the back of her nails caress my cheek, telling me that it is time to pull away.
I do so and reach out to take the belt with the iron rod. I place it around her waist and adjust the false penis to rest on her sex. Once I'm done, I stand up and she kisses me. I close my eyes and allow her to pick me up.
Leomi steps in the tub and sits down before helping me settle between her thighs. I feel the cold iron rod press on my back and my anus clenches by itself from apprehension until the water's warmth soothes me.
She seizes my breast with her right hand to hold my nipple between her thumb and index while her left caresses my bare lower-stomach. I lean back on her and close my eyes, reaching for peace.
The process of abandoning myself completely to her takes a minute during which I feel my heartbeat grow stronger and steadier in spite of the fact that all my muscles are losing tension.
“Go ahead, I'm ready.” I tell her in a whisper.
“Make sure to tell me when you get close.” Leomi murmurs in my ear.
Her hands travel down to take hold of my thighs, causing untold shivers as the tips of her fingers brush my skin. I feel her lift me up and arc herself back to bring the rod forward.
Leomi lowers me on the metal penis and moves me precisely until she finds her aim. She pushes the tip past the rim of my anus with a jerk, a necessary but painful penetration that I channel into an uncomfortable pleasure. We've taught each other to enjoy it but I do so more voluntarily.
She very slowly slides the artificial cock further inside me, causing me to gape and exhale in relief, in acceptance. I finally manage to let go of everything, my little fears, my blockages, my hopes, all that remains is the present and the fact I'm giving myself for her to take.
“The entire area is sound-proof, you can let go.” Leomi whispers as she pushes her thin rod fully inside me.
“Uuuhmmmmmmmm!” Liz and I scream out like furies, following a deep instinct to express ourselves when filled so completely. “Mhm, huu, mhm.” We pant.
Leomi pulls back once our moans die down but not at the same angle she entered. During her retraction, she uses the tip to apply pressure on the wall of my womanhood and causes a bolt of electrifying bliss to run down along it to my flower's erect bud. It twitches, causing a quake that spreads inside.
“Uww, uhm, wuu.” I mumble, feeling like I'm losing it.
Lance retreats the pressure, ending a climax that would have taken minutes of thrusting to complete before it can fully take shape. The frustration I feel is incomparable to what I would have experienced if she waited but it remains difficult to handle.
Yet, I don't resent her because I would not have asked her to stop so soon and consequently made it worse for myself. She waits for me to catch my breath before sliding her rod back in and then out.
Thankfully, she doesn't try to directly stimulate my sensitive clitoris from the inside again. Even better is that the water makes the experience much less painful than the first time we did this so I start moving my body along to enhance my sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
“Rhm, rhm.” Leomi starts making noises as she thrusts with her thighs.
“Stop.” I immediately call out despite the fact I wish for no more than to remain in my state of abandonment.
Lance freezes as she is with the rod half-in and half-out my anus. It's the more uncomfortable position for me, and makes me clench my buttocks, but she needs to take a break and I'm quite happy she didn't delay.
“This, this is very, frustrating.” She expresses, shaking.
“Yes. How does it make you feel?” I ask.
“Frustrated, I just said.” Leomi groans with humor. “But it's... good. It's good for us.” She replies more honestly.
“I agree.” I tell her with a sigh as I let myself slide down her iron penis to the point where the tip encounters a wall of flesh and causes me an acute pain. “Urhm!” I exhale with a groan of utter satisfaction.
It may seem insane but, doing the act while denying ourselves, for us, is both sexual and not. It's making love with restraint so that it builds our relationship into something stronger.
We're rebuilding Leomi's trust in her ability to control herself so that she can rein in her instincts to be what she truly wants to be with us instead of falling to her impulses.
That trust in herself is ironically what allows her to have self-control which reinforces her trust, it is a circle she is likely unable to complete by herself. There was madness in her long before she met us.
“Be ready.” Lance's warning cuts into my thoughts.
I take a deep breath as she shoves the slender iron rod back into me with a strong and steady push of her thighs. Meanwhile, her slender fingers and nails have their way with my breast and the ruin of my left side.
I open my mouth to scream in exultation but no sounds come out, she was just brutal enough to make me feel so great I lose my voice but not so much I felt true pain. She retreats at the perfect timing to allow me to breathe.
“Huuh. Huuh.” I inhale loudly. “Rh, rh.” Liz grunts.
“I love you.” Leomi murmurs. “Give me a moment.” She adds.
I blink and realize I almost made her peak. I angle my face to the side and down so that she can see the grin on my face. She leans in and kisses my cheek, allowing me to feel the rough breaths she's containing.
After a minute, she resumes sodomizing us but very gently and carefully this time. Leomi no longer rushes and always remains attentive to all three of us so that none gets so close to climaxing that it'll ruin this experience.
She penetrates us for a long while, at least five minutes before having to take a break which coincides with the growing soreness of my anus. Not that I mind or think she does, it's a mark of love.
I decide to rise on my knees and begin managing the pace and direction of the thrusts myself so that Leomi can enjoy herself without having to manage the three of us.
I'm not sure whether she manages to completely let go because she merely occasionally moans and gasps with half-closed eyes but I sure find the action of shoving myself on the rod to be exciting because of how obscene it makes me.
“Rhm.” Liz gasps by herself and grits her teeth to meld her aggressiveness into tenderness.
We feel true pride at being able to give this to her after frightening her so much. We're giving ourselves for her to take after all, how could we feel guilty, inferior, or humiliated when we so complete each other. The control we have over her, she has over us.
I last a few minutes before falling down on the rod from exhaustion, allowing her thin rod to penetrate us all the way until it hits the fleshly wall. I hear Lance lean down in the water and feel her soft pulpy lips on the small of our back above where she engraved her name.
“We've perhaps infringed our vow because of me.” Leomi states sadly.
“We walked, on the tightrope.” I reply, grasping for air.
“Hm.” She hesitates.
“We're the ones, who define us. What say you, my love?” I ask her.
“I agree with you, my love.” Lance replies fiercely.
“Are you okay, now?” I question, struggling with my lungs. “I can handle, a lot more, or give it to you.”
“I, I am satisfied you're both still there for me.” Leomi replies hesitantly, causing me to glance over my shoulder. “I'd like it if you took me very slowly, for very long, but not today, you're tired.” She says with rosy cheeks.
“I...” I trail off, gaping in amazement and excitement at the idea of doing it to her. “Right, okay.” We swallow our saliva, unwilling to frighten her again by pushing it but definitely keeping her request in a corner of our mind.
She pulls back while I rise up, pulling the rod out of me and ending our tryst. Yet, once she's taken the belt off, we instinctively face and fall in each other's arms inside the bath.
I nestle my face between her tiny damp breasts for comfort while I rest. Leomi, on the other hand, presses her womanhood to my lower-belly, no doubt to ensure as much of our skin is in contact as possible. My nervousness returns in full force but, this time, I don't let it stop me.
“Do you want to talk here? So you can fuck me as hard as you want.” I ask her, relying on brutal honesty to make it through my blockage. “It would affect your judgment in my favor.”
I reveal the last thought out of unwillingness to deceive her but also because I know that there is a chance she could agree because the last thing she wants is for us to fall apart.
“No, I owe you a serious conversation after my pushing it away tormented you for so long.” Leomi replies with a tight voice, finally revealing that she knew all along but refused to help me broach the subject, which is entirely her right. “The most I can do about this is break up, I cannot punish you and makes things all good because this isn't solely about the two of us.”
I freeze and wish I hadn't made the offer because her explanation is far more terrifying than the idea of Leomi having her way with me without limits. After all, she loves me as deeply as I love her, I don't even fear premeditated death by her hand but a break-up... I couldn't handle because it would be entirely the fault of my greed. Of our obsession.