Fenyz and Cetyz depart together, the latter bickering about the former’s pushiness. I smile as I watch them leave, trying not to dwell on the fact that I’m now alone with Celyz. I can’t betray Leomi again, she deserves the pain but I need to be a woman of my word and I am with her.
I grin at the thought. I’m with Leomi. Until I become Jessica again. And then, it’ll be a fight to go past her reluctance to be with me. I can do battles, better than relationships, I just need to figure out how to mix the two.
“Cetyz said that you…” Celyz starts, pulling me out of my internal debate.
“That I?” I ask, turning.
“It is.” Celyz takes a deep shivering breath. “Quite a personal question. And also, with what you just found out, it would be unfair of me to bring it up.”
“What do you mean?” I question.
“It relates to the symbiont.” She tells me. “If we speak of this, it might change your mind and you might take risks with your life you wouldn’t otherwise.”
“Well, I should have all the information if I am to make a decision, shouldn’t I?” I ask.
“You should.” She hurriedly nods. “But, you’re not comfortable with what you are right now.”
“I…” I hesitate.
“I can tell, Jessica. It is subtle but when I touch the places where the symbiont merged with you, your flesh recedes and the symbiont injects more of the substance it uses to make your body accept its presence. You fight it.” Celyz explains. “Which is not necessarily bad!” She adds. “It is probably the reason why the Little one has not expanded more than this, both because it spends more of its energy making your body accept it and because it obeys you, which includes your unwillingness.”
“I’m sorry.” I mutter.
“For what?” She asks, confused.
“I, I‘m a monster.” I stutter. “N, not just in flesh, I’ve killed so much.”
“They were enemies, Jessica.” Celyz says gently. Disappointingly echoing Cetyz’ position about the separation between those of her Hive and the rest. “You are too kind, feeling guilty about defending yourself against those who chose to fight you.”
“I‘m the one who went on the offensive.” I shake my head. Feeling like her reassurances are simply not enough, I smother the pain and guilt like I have so many times before. “But, it‘s okay, you’re right.”
“Did you keep how you felt about yourself because you thought you would offend me?” Celyz asks, carefully laying a tendril on my left shoulder and sending a construct inside my body.
“I did.” I nod with difficulty. “Aren’t you?”
“No.” She firmly denies. “You have lived as a human your whole life, I can understand that the symbiont would be hard to accept.” Celyz pauses, taking a short breath. “And it helps a lot that you called me a beauty.” Her core temperature raises as she says so.
“I, could say more, but…” I trail off, blushing.
“It would not be a good idea, no matter how much I want to hear it.” Celyz agrees in a rough voice.
“I can, um, just a little, if you really want me to?” I propose.
“Rhy.” She exhales. “Do not tempt me.”
“Your tail is…” I start, eager to see her reaction to the tease, but she curves the tendril on my shoulder to block my lips with one of the curves.
“Jessica.” She berates.
“Right, sorry.” I mutter, stopping myself from licking her appendage, smelling the tempting musky odor.
“You are not a monster, you will get used to it in time. We have encountered the issue with altered drones.” She tells me, swiftly pulling her tendril away from my mouth.
“I’m a bit more complicated than a drone.” I smile.
“Undoubtedly.” Celyz nods with a chuckle.
“We got off track.” I say, swallowing my saliva. “What did you mean to say?”
“Let me first tell you that I can untangle the tendrils that have merged, it is not too far gone yet. It will do some damage but I can use my flow to alleviate that.” She tells me.
“What about my muscles?” I ask.
“Tiny parts of the tendrils will remain but they’ll be replaced gradually with the tendril gone.” She explains. “It is a necessary step to both remove the symbiont and reduce the toll it takes on your body.”
“Okay, do it.” I hurriedly agree.
“It will take me an hour or so, and leave you quite exhausted. We also should discuss the other subject before I do.” She takes a deep breath. “You spoke to Cetyz about, reproduction.” She says, her resounding voice catching on the last word.
“We… have.” I admit, blushing. “I, won’t be able to so I was curious.”
“Are you sure you want me to tell you, Jessica? It could influence your decision.” She says, angling her ovaloid head back.
“I want to know if it’s possible.” I affirm, fighting my embarrassment. “But it likely won’t change my mind, Celyz, I’m sorry. It, matters but not enough on its own, not as much as choosing the right pers… being to be with.” I say, doing my best to drop hints that I can be shaken.
“I cannot court you, Jessica.” Celyz declares in a firm but saddened tone. “I already compromised myself by offering last time, thinking that it would be your decision to cheat on her. But the truth is I took advantage of your moment of weakness. Although I will never apologize for it to her, but I will to you if you want me to.”
“I don’t regret it at all, it was…” I hurriedly speak up but she blocks my lips again by curling her tendril.
“The choice is yours, my friend.” She declares with finality.
“I… want you both.” I groan in a rough voice.
“It will never happen.” Celyz tells me, failing to hide the vehemence in her resounding voice.
“I know.” I whine. “I’m so sorry.”
“Do not apologize for your desires, I do not for mine to be with a human.” Celyz says in a smiling tone. “And, do not worry, I am patient. The time may yet come for us to be together.”
“I cannot ask you to wait.” I say sadly.
“You do not have to.” Celyz tells me, shaking her head. “It is best for us both if I make the decision on my own, so that it is unbinding and for us not to feel like one is restraining the other if either of us finds someone else.” I take a deep breath and nod.
“You thought about this a lot.” I comment.
“You are often on my mind.” She admits.
“I, um, think we got most out of the way, what did you think would influence me?” I ask, eager to learn.
“I am capable of producing offspring with your symbiont.” She tells me in a calm tone, obviously repressing her emotions to focus on facts. “I would not, as I do not know what would come of it, but it is possible.”
“That.” I pause, trying to hide my disappointment. “Doesn’t involve me.”
“It does not.” She nods. “It could if you merged with it, at least partially. But again, we do not know what would come of that or if you would survive the experience.”
“You, yourself, you can’t, with me?” I say, stuttering through the entire question.
“No.” She shakes her head. I detect one of her tendrils twirl. An involuntary movement that I read as one of intense dissatisfaction. “If the two of you become one, it would not be guaranteed that we could, but it does not mean that we could not either.”
“Okay.” I say sadly.
“I am telling you all that I know.” She tells me in that calm, unwavering, voice of hers. “There is another option for you. The symbiont could take from you and that woman to try to create offspring of its own but that is a very remote possibility. I only mention it because you would want to know. The symbiont is not a creature that has existed before but it contains enough of our ancestors which have succeeded in hijacking the Rykz Queen’s reproduction process, meaning it is not entirely impossible it could do so for you and that woman.” She takes a deep breath.
Leomi would never agree. I think with despair. And I am not willing to impose my will on her. I swallow my hopes, unable to help my feelings despite having been aware that the possibility was very remote.
“Everything I am telling you would carry large risks to your life. As someone who cares very much about you, Jessica, I advise you against pursuing any of these options.” Celyz tells me in a difficult tone. “I would be entirely satisfied with you as a human.”
“You say that but…” I pause, unwilling to say that her interest in me came along with the symbiont.
“I tell you this against my own interest, Jessica. It would be easier for us to be together with the symbiont but that is mostly because the Silver Hive would have a harder time accepting you without it.” Celyz affirms. “The pheromones it emits are intoxicating, but the one I wish to be with is you, not the Little Princess.” She adds calmly, removing any chance that I could take this as a proposal.
“Truly?” I ask, my heart beating faster anyway. My symbiont lifts its shoulder, pushing on her tendril. “I think you vexed it.”
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“It is reacting on your expectations right now.” Celyz shakes her head.
“Ah.” I say, noticing that it isn’t communicating much emotion apart from comfort.
“If, and again I do not advise you to try but, if someday you find yourself in one of the situations I have mentioned, then you need to stock up on food for gestation. I do not know how the symbiont would proceed to produce offspring, but a Princess’ egg will develop inside three tendrils wrapped together, more are added as time passes and the egg, or eggs, grow in size.” She tells me.
“How long would it take?” I ask.
“A few years if the mother is a Princess, less for a Queen. It also varies on the quality and amount of food supplied. We remain rooted for the duration.” She says.
“You make it all sound so…” I complain.
“It would not be advisable for either of us to dwell on our emotions over this as they could lead you down a very dangerous path.” Celyz tells me.
“You’re so reasonable.” I smile. Exactly what I need but don’t desire.
“And boring, while you breathe excitement.” Celyz says quietly.
“You’re not!” I vehemently contradict her.
“My life is. My personality is.” She sighs. “Which is why I will wait for you to find your center and realize that this woman is wrong for you.”
“I wouldn’t want to give up our conversations for anything.” I tell her.
“Neither would I.” Celyz agrees, perking up.
“I could always visit, right?” I ask.
“Of course.” Celyz nods. “No Rykz would refuse you passage.”
“Then, we’ll see each other again, no matter what happens.” I say, forcing a smile on my lips.
“You’ve made your decision about the symbiont and the Rykz.” She calmly notes.
“You guided me to it.” I accuse.
“I wished to avoid a confrontation, once I calmed down and thought of your well-being instead of my wishes. It is evident that the safest way to resolve your health problems is to remove the cause in case more complications occur, even if you do come with us. It does not mean I’ve given up on solving the issue, as I have not. The Hive promised you an arm, I will ensure we deliver without harming you. Cetyz will require some convincing but she knows it will be for your benefit and that the Rykz will be exploring the possibilities our ancestors offer for the drones.” Celyz tells me.
“It’s…” I hesitate and choose not to tell her that I would rather not merge with it if I can remain human. Nor do I express my discomfort about those kinds of manipulations. “Thank you.” I say.
“I will not lie, this is also in my own interest. Being with you would be easier for me with the Little one bridging the gap between our species.” Celyz says.
“But not impossible.” I add, blushing a little.
“But far from impossible.” She corrects, sliding one of her tendrils along the side of my neck.
“And you said you wouldn’t flirt.” I say, shivering.
“I said I would not court you.” She says, making her head roll in a silent laughter. “I am not about to let you forget my advantages.” I blush furiously. “You would be welcome among any Hive, you would have peace instead of the constant struggle you’ll be exposed to if you remain in the Empire.” She tells me.
“I’m not saying no, it’s just… I need to…” I swallow. “Bury Father, and remain home in the hopes that my brother will send a coded message. It could take a while for him to get the money together since I told him to uproot himself but he is hard-working so it will only take time.” Not to mention Leomi but you don’t want to hear about her.
“You fear for his life?” Celyz asks.
“I did, my identity risked being exposed to the public. It has been to a Shade so my precautions weren’t useless.” I tell her. “I suppose it works for you. The highest echelons of the Empire will soon learn about what I am, if they haven’t already, although they don’t have much interest in me.”
“I very much doubt they would, this monster has overestimated herself thinking she could put one over on the Rykz.” Celyz declares confidently. “We know far more than she can ever find out on her own about our species, even if she did succeed, we would have found ways to neutralize or save them.”
“So you do have a way to take me down.” I note.
“I do.” She agrees. “But it would risk killing you so it was never really an option to use it.”
“Though the symbiont?” I ask with morbid interest.
“Yes.” She nods. “We could retract our instructions, which would mean it would have stopped listening to your commands. Although, we do not know how it would react exactly, we know we would be able to play on its instincts, like telling it to change host.”
“Which carries the risk of it deciding to consume me first.” I swallow. “And it likely would, no matter how close we are to each other.”
“It would, the Little one is an attaching nickname but it remains a parasite. I do not think it is deceiving us when it communicates its feelings, but nature is cruel… or amoral at best.” Celyz tells me. “Would you want to talk about what you have experienced before I start undoing the fusing process? You seem, on edge.”
“I, would rather not.” I reply, shivering. “It’s all behind me now.”
“Alright.” Celyz agrees. “If you could sit down, I’ll assemble the constructs I’ll need.” She points me to the center of the room.
I nod and grab my weapon, making my way there to sit down cross-legged right under the opening letting the sunlight in, which feels more agreeable through my symbiont’s sense than darkness. I set the liangi over my thighs, resting my forearms on it.
“You can remove your shirt if you want.” Celyz says. I start doing so before pausing, thinking back to the way she phrased it.
“I don’t need to, do it?” I ask.
“No, but you can.” Celyz says, chuckling.
“Hmph.” I exhale, smiling. “What if I did? I recall you brought the towel yourself. Would you be uncomfortable?”
“I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about your body.” Celyz affirms firmly. “But very tempted to have it within reach without obstacle so I would have stopped you… probably. I apologize, it was a foolish lapse.”
“And flattering.” I grin, reveling in the fact that my wreck of a body isn’t an issue with her.
“Alright, focus. You need to dismantle that healing construct and…” She pauses. “Do you trust me?” She suddenly asks.
“I do.” I say, frowning. “Why would you doubt that?”
“You have your weapon at the ready.” She says. “And I do not really doubt that you do, it is simply that you need to trust me while I do this because you will feel it when I cut the tendril.”
“Sorry, I’ll put it away.” I say.
I place the double-bladed staff to my left but reconsider and place it to my right. Celyz doesn’t comment but I can tell it concerns her that I haven’t truly put it away. I make a small shrug, refusing to consider splitting from my weapon more than that.
“You don’t need to cut my skin, right?” I ask.
“No, there is no need to remove anything, simply sever while preventing re-connection.” She explains. “If you had reached a further stage, your body would be trying to reach out to the symbiont just as it is to you. And there would be consequences if I prevented it because, at that point, you would be somewhat inter-dependent.”
“Do you think your ancestors found themselves in a situation where they had no other viable hosts and needed to merge to survive?” I ask.
“Yes, but likely not quite as immediate a situation as you could think. I believe that they were imprisoned underground and that the Rykz offered their best chance at survival.” She explains. “Are you ready?”
“I am.” I say, closing my fists over my knees.
“I have already informed your symbiont that it needs to separate, but do reassure the Little one as it happens.” Celyz tells me.
“Will do.” I nod.
I reach out to my symbiont and inform it to brace for pain with me. It sends agreement and starts infusing my body with the cool substance. I inhale deeply as Celyz places a tendril over the clothes on my lower-back, my belly, and left shoulder.
She sends many constructs inside my body, all of them localized around the merged muscles. I expect to feel quite a bit of pain so I almost unconsciously distract myself by thinking of Leomi, immediately stopping as I realize it’s unfair to Celyz. Is it? Regardless of the messed-up reasoning behind it, it’s how I feel.
Once Celyz has set her constructs in place, she starts injecting quite a massive amount of flow into them, mostly in the one that looks almost exactly like a human healing construct but with some additional segments.
One of the constructs encompasses my entire waist, likely giving Celyz the information she needs to be able to tell what she’s doing. Of the few constructs that are gathered around the symbiont’s appendages, none is complex enough to have healing as a purpose.
Celyz activates those first and I feel a call to pull away through the tendrils fused to me. I listen to it and pull the appendages away from my flesh in sync with my symbiont.
A moment later, one of the construct flares and I lose the ability to move the tendrils. My symbiont bristles, getting agitated, bordering on aggression. I soothe it, telling it that it is temporary. It opens and closes its fist but listens.
Celyz sends a few tiny leaf-shaped constructs in which settle exactly where the tendrils fuse with my muscles, edge pointing at them. They slowly advance, severing the tendril along its length.
Me and my symbiont tense up, feeling the same sharp pain. Yet, compared to the injuries I’ve received, this is relatively minor and easy to ignore. The Little one suffered much more when it was burnt.
My symbiont grows aggressive. I feel echoes of negative emotions pulsing at the Princess, anger, betrayal. She takes a deep breath and angles her head at me in a pleading manner. I nod and focus on it, telling it that the Princess is freeing its tendrils.
The Little one grips and squeezes my left knee with a tiny bit of strength, communicating its dissatisfaction and reluctance. I get the sense that it thinks I’m comfortable and that it doesn’t want to give my flesh up, yet feel that it’s about the convenience and against the resources it’ll take to heal.
I suddenly realize that there isn’t nearly as much pain coming from the tendrils being slowly severed, that the symbiont did something to stop suffering from it after realizing we weren’t going to attack. Something like what Cetyz did, treating pain like mere information.
When Celyz reaches half-way, she starts cutting through the surface of my muscles. I firmly close my eyes, welcoming the slicing pain and soothing bursts coming from the healing construct. It isn’t quite as intense as I feared, I can even enjoy it thanks to the cool substance dulling my edges.
“Hm…” I mutter. “Ah!” I exclaim as a spike of agony shakes through my lower back.
“Yells of pain, would be easier to handle, even coming, from you.” Celyz notes gruffly. “But the two mixed make me feel bad, and then worse.”
“Right, sorry.” I bite my tongue.
I do my best to stay quiet while she works, communicating my emotions to my symbiont instead of her. Which does help the Little one relax. She synced the rate at which she severed our flesh to arrive at the same point towards the end.
“This will mostly be your muscles I’ll cut, so be prepared.” She tells me, wrapping a few tendrils around my shoulders.
“Go for it.” I encourage her.
Celyz arranges some of her unused constructs which she uses to push against the inside of my skin to move it away from the leaf-shaped construct, an odd sensation. She suddenly finishes the process with one quick swipe, separating us.
“Oh, fuck, that hurt.” I growl rather lightly, unconsciously wiggling my feet and gripping my toes.
“Would not have thought so by your tone, expression, and smell.” Celyz comments in a difficult voice.
“Wasn’t about to cry.” I reply, trembling a little from the stinging pain. “But damn, it hurt a bit too much to really enjoy it.” Or too suddenly.
Celyz activates the healing construct to start mending my flesh. I notice that she’s directly controlling parts of it to handle the internal bleeding. She really is kind, she doesn’t feel pain like we do, yet doesn’t want to let me suffer despite probably not understanding what it’s like or how bad it can be.
The tendrils start retreating, telling me that the symbiont was freed. My symbiont gathers them around my left shoulder-blade while some join the rest, joining the rest to camouflage my missing left breast.
I let myself fall back to use Celyz’ right leg as support, resting the back of my head inside her reversed right knee, feeling exhausted and rather frail. She continues working to heal me without commenting.
After resting a good fifteen minutes, I notice that my bleeding has stopped, realizing that she definitely doesn’t need to keep controlling the construct. She isn’t saying a thing or moving away so I remain silent.