Leomi pulls me into her grasp, entrapping my legs between hers. She then wraps her blankets around us. Her cool hands travel across my body, her right slips between my chest and the floor mat, pushing my breast up for her left to seize after finding its way under my shirt.
My body stiffens but all it takes for me to relax is to remind myself of Leomi's state, that right now she can't handle me being less than hers. My nipple refuses to settle down from its hardened state though, but I think Leomi appreciates the feeling of her palm, I know I do.
Leomi's right hand slides down my waist and rubs my lower stomach, causing me to experience a brief but intense bolt of mental hurt that I almost immediately dismiss with a mere reminder that she promised to be twisted enough to like my body.
Her gesture wouldn't feel nearly as possessive if she didn't inscribe her personal crest there in my flesh. She continues for a little while but soon follows the direction the lance is pointing at, brushing my pubic hair with her nails as she does.
Her fingers slip inside my pants and stretch into my underwear. Her middle finger presses onward without pause to insert itself between my flower's two dewy inner petals, the base resting on my bud while the tip finds the opening to the depths of my womanhood, settling there protectively. She settles the rest of her fingers over and around my two outer petals.
It isn't the time to feel sexual desire, not to mention the deal we just made, but her sudden push and the wet caresses involved on parts of me that are so sensitive it feels like each touch brings ecstatic agony. This isn't something I can handle with my self-control, not with how desperately I love and desire this woman.
It isn't the time because Leomi does not mean to do anything to me right now. This position is the one she took when we were at our closest as Elizabeth and Leomi, likely when she wanted to possess and protect Liz the most. I slip my hand inside my pants in turn and lay it over hers in affection and support.
It's likely that to Leomi this is the purest way she can physically express her emotions about me, us, and herself. The way she's holding me is so utterly intimate that I've never even held myself like this on my own, even in my adolescent explorations.
It's so completely like her to do this, twice no less, that I don't suspect her of trying to take advantage of me for a single second. She, was really, trying to love me? Liz' heartfelt and sorrowful remark hits me deeply but we don't linger on it because this moment belongs to Leomi for her to start grieving me.
As I almost manage to accept her hand seizing my breast and her fingers taking possession of my sex, Leomi takes a deep breath. It makes her entire body move by a tiny amount. Her middle finger, especially, slides forward and back inside my flower's petals to devastating effect.
“Auh!” I can't help but let the sound out, it is simply impossible for me to stop it.
My sex quakes against her slender fingers, she can't have missed that even if she didn't hear my moan. I feel deep shame at this intense craving to have my body loved by her even though Leomi would never even think of any reproachful remarks to make.
Still, I thank this shame because it is the very reason why I succeed in controlling myself and bring my mind back from the edge of a frenzy. Thankfully, I am not tested again as Leomi kisses the pit of my neck and turns immobile.
“I love you, please don't die.” She pleas in a miserable voice, the wind of her words brushing against my skin.
It nearly breaks my heart to hear her say that. The lust I felt in spite of her need for comfort vanishes like an ephemeral dream in the morning. I devote myself to being the lover she needs to hold, almost feeling happiness at being able to be that person for her. If only I wasn't the one who hurt her.
We remain stuck together like this for hours on end, almost until nightfall. It felt blissful but unsettling because of the occasional trembling that would shake Leomi's body and by extension mine. Then again, not once do I doubt that I'm safe in her hands.
“You picked the worst time for abstinence, I could be making you forget.” Leomi finally speaks up with her nose stuck in what remains of my left shoulder.
“Aren't you the one who needs comforting?” I try to ask teasingly but my voice comes out too tense, no doubt because of where her hands are.
“You're the one who's dying.” She chokes the last word out like it's ripping her from the inside.
Her logic is baffling to me, she isn't denying she needs to be soothed but insists on helping me. I have no idea how I'll ever be able to get away from her when the time comes, I'm likely going to have to run away.
With her mind back but still in a rather fragile state, I decide that my passivity is no longer what she needs. Besides, the presence of her middle finger within my intimacy is a little too arousing if she's 'conscious' of me. I gently wrap my hand around hers and pull it away.
Leomi makes a small unwilling groan but she doesn't fight it, she even pulls away from my breast without trying to tease or pinch me. I hear the blankets ruffle and a sound of licking soon after, confirming that it got sexual for her not long ago.
“Are you really...?” I question, my voice trembling just a bit.
“You taste delicious.” Leomi confirms, her nose nudges at my neck.
In spite of her bravado, her tone is still difficult. She's suppressing her anguish for us. I need to convince her I feel fine while getting her to feel better. An idea pops in my mind and I decide to go for it in spite of it being much too soon for my comfort.
I start stripping under the blankets, to show her what I look like so that she can prove herself to me. It'll lift both our spirits, which is the only way to make her feel better because if it's only about her, she won't allow herself to be better since she needs to do something for me. If it goes wrong, I'll go a bit mad at the worst.
“What are you doing?” Leomi asks shakily.
“Light the fire back up, it's cold.” I respond.
We're both playing the fool but it doesn't matter since we're both aware of it. Leomi sends a burst of flow and lights up the firewood without wasting a moment. Obviously, there's a bit of revenge involved because she decided to so flagrantly taste me.
I pull my shirt off, dragging along the strip of cloth covering my breast that she loosened. I throw the clothes to our feet before sliding off my pants and knickers, giving myself not a moment to rethink my decision or pay attention to the terror wrenching my guts.
This is beyond risky for me, we, us. I just got back to the point where I could withstand and enjoy her touch, showing her my flesh now is stupid and unwise because the slightest negative emotion I catch on her face will undoubtedly turn me insane.
The fact we both need it gives me the courage to go for it, I'm tired of hiding myself, of fearing what she'll think when witnessing the state I'm in. She promised she would accept me, no, love me if I gave her the chance. If she lied, then we'll both bear the consequences.
I stay still under the blankets, taking deep breaths. Leomi lays her left hand on my thigh, apparently unable to keep it to herself any longer. I expect her to lose her cool, but as usual her self-control is spotless.
My anguish grows and I start having second thoughts. This isn't the right time. I decide to get dressed up again but act in the opposite by throwing the blanket covering me to the side.
I fear standing up in the light so I do exactly that, shaking from head to toe as I face the fire. I don't feel much heat in front of me but I couldn't ignore the illusion of a burning gaze on my back if I tried.
My nipple softens, there isn't a trace of desire left in me. I'm too exposed, vulnerable, nervous, utterly dreading what will happen once I turn around as there aren't even half as many scars on my back than there are on the other side of my torso.
One saving grace is perhaps that I can hear Leomi's bated breaths and that she isn't pressuring me. I'm past mere nervousness, the three insane beings in my head are wordlessly deciding to get dressed up every few seconds but my body is refusing to listen, it instinctively understands that it's far too late to backtrack.
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I turn around and face her. There is no direct source of light on me but the fire is intense enough that Leomi doesn't need one. I might as well be standing in broad daylight for her because it is impossible for her not to be using an eyesight enhancing construct right now.
Her light gray eyes travel up and down and then the other way. I tremble, utterly terrified as the abyss in her irises devours me from top to bottom. Yet, I refuse to close my eyelids and risk missing the expression that'll destroy me.
Yet, no matter how I look or interpret her traits, all I can see is hunger and admiration. She seems to be reveling in my body. Her hands are twitching like she's barely able to stop herself from launching at me.
I feel like I'm in a dream as I end up being the one to wait for her to control her emotions and come to me rather than the other way around. This reaction of hers literally could not be any better for me.
If Leomi tried to touch me right now, it would be a betrayal that no amount of consequences could ever fix or even diminish. But, if she were not to be excited to the point of almost losing herself to my body, then I would always hold a seed of doubt towards her sincerity about what she feels for my wreck of a body.
I absentmindedly notice that my requirements for her go far beyond what she expects from me. But, then again, Leomi demands the best of herself but not of others. We're both insecure but express it in very different ways.
A flash of illumination strikes me like a bolt of lightning. She's so focused on physical contact because words aren't enough for her to trust someone. It's why my lies merely anger Leomi while her omissions enrage me. Her burning gaze clears up a bit, like she's coming to herself.
“How is it? Does my body disgust you?” I ask in a flat tone, seizing control of the conversation. It doesn't matter what I read or feel from her, I need to hear her say it in unequivocal words.
“No.” Leomi replies softly, reaching out to me with a gaping mouth. “Come to me.”
I don't move. I actually can't move. In a bit of irony, my knees and legs are locked in place from physical fear which prevents me from joining her, which is what she needs to tell and show me in truth that she accepts me.
Her expression flickers from admiration and craving to one of determination towards a challenge. She starts taking off her clothes on the bed without breaking eye contact, starting from her shirt and the white bra underneath.
Her two small round mounds are too perfect, they make me lower my eyes. I don't even care that I do because her cute nipples are so erect it means that I'm not losing. Abstinence, huh, even that we cannot do like normal people.
Wait, not losing. When did our state of mind turn from fright to flirt? I watch her, dazed, as she unfastens her belt and pulls her pants down to reveal gray silk panties with laces holding them closed.
She unties the strings, revealing that the area above her intimacy is entirely shaved. It takes a huge effort of will to throw a quick glance up at her face but my curiosity is strong enough. Our eyes meet and her embarrassment appear clear to me from the blush on her cheeks.
I look back down, finding the moist sex she so shyly exposed to me that night in the dark tent on Liz' command. Her rose inner petals are still endearing, so thin and fragile looking, her bud so delicate seeming.
She must be so very sensitive, no wonder physical intimacy is so important to her, sexual stimulation must almost be painful for her and even harmful if not done right. I feel my heart melting in my chest.
Her exquisite and tender appearance breaks the last bit of hesitation in me. I reach out with my hand and she very carefully wraps her slender fingers around my hand to pull me down on the blanket next to her.
I lay on my back while she leans over me so that we can both look upon each other without restraint. My hand instinctively finds her breasts to gently caress one after the other, treating her nipples like pearls that I might damage if I weren't careful.
Leomi's eyelids tremble from enjoyment. I watch her nervously as she leans down on me, her lips going straight for mine. Her left hand, the one that isn't supporting her body, moves to my chest and takes hold of my breast with strong fingers as we share a tender kiss.
I suddenly realize that we're making love without having sex, which is precisely what we so desperately need to fix our relationship. I scrutinize her expression as I stroke her chest, looking for the smallest clues that even Leomi cannot hide.
The corner of her eyes narrow slightly as the base of my palm grazes her right pink nipple. She isn't entirely comfortable with my touch, but it's normal and it only makes me more passionate about working hard to get her past this as she did for me.
Our mouths separate naturally but we both keep fondling the other's breast, it amazes me how perfectly hers fits inside my hand, like they were made on measure for me. Even her nipple pokes at exactly the right spot in my palm, slightly down and to the left of the center where I am the most sensitive.
I try to be as affectionate and soft as possible while she inflicts on my slightly larger breast the full extent of her passion. All feel right within our tiny world but she must now speak because right isn't enough for us.
“Where did you get this, it looks like a rip?” Leomi questions, her fiery stare directed at a scar on my left side.
“It's from when I tried to kill myself from doubting your feelings.” I admit, having trouble looking straight at her body because I feel silly for having ever doubted.
“I'll make sure it won't happen again.” She declares firmly, like a resolution to herself. I smile at how she doesn't seem to have even considered blaming me for that.
“It won't.” I nod.
Leomi shifts down and deposes a small kiss on the white jagged line of flesh, apparently attempting and somehow succeeding to reinforce my love for her. A grin takes over my face and I completely mellow out, my back espousing the bed for her to inspect and slowly dispose of my insecurities.
“These?” She then asks, looking lower on the same side.
“In Meria, needle constructs if I recall correctly.” I reply.
“Those?” She presses, as her hand slides to my stomach.
She licks her upper lip as her fingertips travel over the ridged scars, clearly reveling in my flesh's scars as well as the intact patches of skin. I sigh in relief from the bottom of my lungs, feeling so accepted, wanted, and desired that I can scarcely believe it.
“Tianeel teeth.” I tell her.
Leomi continues asking, going from one mark to the next without hesitation, even pressuring me to scour my memory when I have trouble recalling how I got the wound. No matter how ugly these scars are in my eyes, she seems to be inscribing them in her memory like so many treasures.
Unfortunately, at one point she'll soon find one with an answer that won't be as easy to accept as those before. I fear that moment but do not plan to lie or hide anything in the least because it was no longer an option from the moment I revealed myself entirely to her.
“The eyes.” She mentions in a whisper. “I really like them, it merely... irks me how you got them.” I lose myself a little and grasp at her breast. “Ihm.” Leomi manages to close her lips tight just before moaning. “I, I... huu.” She gasps and recovers. “You know I would enjoy you blind and at my mercy but it would affect something you do that I love too much for it to be even remotely worth it.”
“What is that?” I ask, hanging onto her every word.
“The way you look at me.” Leomi murmurs like it's a difficult confession to make.
“Hm.” I acknowledge, flattered, but wait for her to continue because there's something missing to what she's saying.
“But, either way, it's your choice.” Leomi adds, apparently catching onto the shadow of my incoming rebuke.
“It was hard for you to say that.” I note, lifting her breast to feel the weight of it in my hand.
“You have no idea.” Leomi sighs with a look of delight. “I want you so much. I want you but also to control you, to listen to me while knowing that I wouldn't like it if you frequently obeyed me. It feels insane at times but also correct at others, which seems to be even madder.”
“I shouldn't be concealing so much from you.” I tell her, thinking of the few scars the Rykz left me that she hasn't gone to yet, some she missed, some she's avoided like the left part of my chest. And Celyz.
“Don't be, I've often picked the time to tell you things as well. We're too important to risk on impulse.” Leomi says.
I frown, still uncomfortable even with her approval. Her expression turns to one of concern and she leans down on me, pulling her hand away from my chest. She places her lips around my tit and starts sucking it with a few nibbles, giving me an array of gratifying and thrilling sensations that utterly obliterate my worries.
She stops after a few seconds, which is good because her action toe a line we don't need to cross tonight. Leomi resumes caressing me while her eyes trail down to the tiny white marks on my thighs that she left herself with her signature lance construct.
“You didn't get rid of those.” She comments with a smile, looking back up to me.
“Well, it wouldn't have felt right to do that without asking.” I reply.
“Tell me about all these scars the Rykz left on you.” Leomi demands in a quiet voice.
“H, how did you...” I stutter.
“Your expression shifted depending on where I looked, Jessica.” She explains.
She manages to stop me from panicking in the gentlest way by rubbing my chest in a loving and reassuring way, apparently trying to communicate to me that she'll accept whatever she hears. I can't help the fear that arises but I don't let it stop me. Yet, before I can start talking, Leomi continues.
“Don't be afraid, my jay.” She murmurs. “I have never felt disgust towards you, never.” Leomi affirms strongly. “Not even towards Elizabeth when I realized what the arm was.” I throw her a look, my face likely expressing my disbelief. “I won't lie, it felt wrong.” She tells me with a worried frown.
“It made your skin crawl.” We utter, starting to feel a disquieting and harmful itch where her skin touches mine. “I'm a monster.” I inform her, using all I have to look her in the eyes without flinching.