As my health bar plummeted, my killer snatched their blade immediately from its sheath of my back. If I were being honest, it hurt more going out. Imagine for a moment, if you will, the feeling of millions of claws tearing the fibres of your flesh apart. Then add accompanying nausea and a white-out of sight, and you’re about halfway there. My back felt wet with eerily warm blood. I was surprised I hadn’t blacked out from the whole ordeal. I guess I was just lucky that way.

“Stupid,” the teen said, jumping back, revilement curling their top lip. They blended into the fading smoke, their silhouette eventually disappearing.

Me? Stupid? I wanted to argue, but they had a point.

I was dead.

Or I should’ve been.

Thank fuck the idea I’d been mulling over since the Gates appeared had borne fruit. For the longest time I’d been wondering about the wording of the singular ability I’d been granted by this fucked up apocalypse. While the rest of my team had been given at least two abilities (I was making assumptions about Tam here), I’d gotten one, and it would’ve been absolutely useless had I been alone. However, it used a word that stuck out to me and had been hovering in the back of my mind.

[Channel] Use a consenting party member’s skills.

There were no “skills” in the system. There were, however, traits and abilities.

Like the frost melting into dew on a cool morning in spring, using [Channel] to borrow Gigi’s [Stubborn] trait, my body felt as though it froze and then thawed. Just like xir trait description said, the blow that should’ve killed me had left my health remaining at 1 HP. What it didn’t say was that, as my knees buckled, my vision beginning to fade, you’d remain at 1 HP until health regen kicked in (or someone intervened to either heal or kill you.)

I was two seconds away from being dead, and with my stats, I’d stay like that for a while.

It was good that Axel was there to catch me before I hit the ground, his arms wrapping around the deadweight of my body. I’d like to see anyone judging me stay on their feet after literally being stabbed in the back. Axel’s eyes were wide, panicked, and the fear in them almost made me laugh. Fuck, it was hysterical. Axel, being scared? In what world?

Oh, damn. Was this a side effect of blood loss?

This hadn’t happened before.

Gigi and Jye quickly stepped forward to defend Axel and I, their eyes darting about, alert for our assailant. Who knew what other tricks they had up their sleeve?

Still, a portion of me was supremely disappointed by our party’s performance. We’d allowed a single Gen-Zer to steal the boss loot, almost kill me, escape, and put us on edge. It was a little pathetic considering it was a four (maybe five if Tam was skulking about) vs. one (maybe two if we included whatever that shadow clone had been.)

We fucking sucked.

But we only sucked because we never knew what was happening. In this new world, where abilities were literally apparently limitless, how could we ever know what people could do? We’d done our best based on what we knew. That the teenager’s skills involved conjuring a clone of anyone and not turning into them was something none of us could have ever imagined. Who would’ve?!

Well, these last couple of battles had made one thing clear. We needed someone in our party with the sort of skill that gleaned critical information from opponents. Otherwise, we’d just keep blindly throwing ourselves into situations we might not come out of. We’d been lucky so far, really lucky. And Axel’s luck had almost run out this time.

But once again I was thinking about a future that wasn’t guaranteed… First, we needed to deal with this goddamned teenager.

I felt surprisingly lucid for someone at 1 HP. Maybe [Stubborn] did something to my emotions. Last time I’d nearly died (wow, that’s not something I’d ever thought I’d say), hitting 1 HP had me virtually slipping out of the realm of consciousness. But even bleeding as I was, there was some sort of mental block between the pain and my receptors. When I’d felt frozen and thawed, perhaps something had changed in my body. This was a trait, and not an ability after all. Maybe they did different things?

That said, I literally couldn’t move. The teen had pierced my spine. I really hadn’t taken that into consideration. I guess I was paralyzed. More than [Stubborn] intrinsically rewriting my DNA, full-body paralysis would explain my lack of pain more. It was just much, much, much more bleak of a thought.

I had no control over my limbs, and I wasn’t even sure I could blink. I might as well be a useless lump weighing down my entire party. Though that was par for the course for me. I wanted to protect, to help everyone. And yet, again and again I relied on them to shield me instead. Fucking hell. Maybe one day I’d be enough to save them all.

Well, since I was still alive, I had the rest of my life to keep trying.

At least this time I’d saved Axel. I could take some solace and satisfaction in that. Axel who was staring down at me, cradling my limp form, tears beginning to dot along his thick lower lashes. He had that look in his eyes that unsettled me. The expression that spoke of an incoming breakdown, mixed with genuine horror. This wasn’t funny anymore.

I hadn’t wanted him to cry.

Speak! I yelled at myself. I tried to say something. Anything. But my mouth wouldn’t open. I guess that I hadn’t yet swallowed my own tongue was some sort of miracle.

One of his shaking hands reached to my neck, his finger and forefinger testing my pulse. I wanted to cover his hand with mine, to reassure him I was fine. That he didn’t need to be scared. As I stared, my body refusing any instruction, the only pain I felt now was a hurt in my chest.

I’m not sure what I would’ve said. Sorry? I’m sorry I would’ve died for you?

Axel pulled me tighter to him, laying his ear against my chest. Huh. His hair smelled like citrus fruits. He did like buying fancy shampoo.

When he pulled back his tears had disappeared, and he exchanged a few words with Gigi and Jye. They were speaking about what to do. Something about finding a defensive position while I healed up. (It was both good and bad that I couldn’t tell them my health would take a long time to come back.) It was fortunate that when I went down, I had someone capable to take over the helm. However, it did worry me that whilst Axel sounded calm, there was a flatness in his tone that I’d never heard before.

Was this… better than him breaking down? I didn’t know.

It was hard to judge Gigi and Jye’s expression from where I was since Axel almost fully encompassed all I could see. There were worse views. But I hoped the two of them weren’t as affected as Axel. Neither of them had known me as long, but I knew Jye was pretty in touch with their emotions. And they kinda liked me like a friend? They had to be a little bit worried.

Axel’s arms shifted around me, beginning to pull me up, and a flush of embarrassment went through me, thinking back to how he’d snatched me up and carried me away from the battle not half an hour ago. He’d been right. I did basically die. Now, however, he appeared to be struggling with the deadweight of my body.

Just as he managed to heave me up, an ability hissed in my mind, followed by a scream bursting through the clearing smoke.

Everyone’s gaze whipped over to the direction it’d come from. The voice the shriek belonged to was familiar since it was the same one that’d been peppering us with insults lately. And that also belonged to the person who’d paralyzed me, which was the more serious of the two offences. Probably.

Since I couldn’t move my head, my sight was limited to where Axel currently pointed me. Which meant, where I was resting in Axel’s hold, I could barely just see the edge of two figures in the distance, obscured by the remnants of smoke. It looked like someone standing over a prone body on their knees.

“Please, don’t, please, I beg you, I’ll let you clear the–”

Just Friends eliminated Anna Dainsworth.

Just Friends earned 500 XP.

Just Friends awarded 332 credits.

“And Tam comes in with the clutch again. You’re all welcome,” came the cutthroat’s words as she approached us, dragging the corpse of one Anna Dainsworth behind her.

With her free hand, she waved the vestiges of smoke out of her face as she walked. She stopped in front of us, letting the dead body go slack upon the floor. It fell limply with a wet thud. My stomach curled in disgust.

Twice now Tam had killed someone. But neither time had I been able to see her abilities. She really was a conniving little thing. And she’d not given an inch on who Mumma was, not since the cabin. It would’ve been impressive if it didn’t actively thwart me. I wanted to take a deep breath to calm my frustration but couldn’t, my body loose and unreactive.

Tam raised her slit brow, definitely not out of concern, probably out of idle curiosity. She grinned at me.

“Don’t say I ain’t ever not true to my word, sunshine. I saw the chance to go for the kill and I took it, just like you commandated.”

This was met by silence. Because I couldn’t reply.

“Lee’s paralyzed,” Axel said, tone still flat.

She propped her hands on her hips and shook her head. “I do not envy you.”

“Will he ever… be able to move again?” Jye asked.

The giant came into view, and I saw the genuine concern shining in their eyes. A little bit of guilt built inside me. I should spend more time hanging out with them. They were a nice person. Jye deserved more from me than just trying to think of a way to help them. The redhead deserved me to actually be their friend for real. Sigh. I really just needed to be better all around, huh.

“Once his health regenerates, he should be able to,” Gigi answered.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“Dibs on Anna’s loot, bee-tee-dubs.”

The party, me included, stared in horror at Tam but said nothing in response. I guess to the spoils go the victor. Finding no disagreement, the cutthroat turned to the corpse and started pilfering Anna’s pockets and bag. Gigi briefly explained how to access the dead person’s inventory, which had never occurred to me, and she shooed xem away, saying she already knew all that. I wanted to get xem to elaborate, but again I couldn’t say anything.

Helplessness bubbled up inside me.

Jye, Axel, and Gigi discussed what the next move was. They eventually settled on remaining where we were and letting me heal back up. We really should’ve been closing the distance between us and Wren, since we had no idea what was happening with her, or if she was even okay, but this was the next best thing, I suppose.

Who would’ve guessed half the end of the world would involve waiting around?

The others took the time to take shifts of watch and rest, eating some of the food we’d recovered from Test Name. They’d set up one of the bedrolls and had lain me down on it on my stomach. It was discussed whether they should try to treat my wounds with the first aid kit we’d brought along, but they decided against it. Something about being worried about causing more harm than good. It was true none of them were qualified.

My health slowly ticked up and so did my mana and stamina. Slowly being the imperative word.

As pain reawakened in my body, my nerves reconnecting, I realised just how much we’d taken Wren and [Healing Hand] for granted. Her ability must’ve had an anaesthetic side effect. It had never really hurt regenning health with her helping us.

The feeling that shook me as my spine healed was indescribable.

Sweat coursed over my body, and my muscles twitched on their own, spasming, clenching outside of my control, as stabs of pain struck different parts of me repeatedly. It hurt more than the strike that should’ve killed me. More than anything else I’d felt my entire life.

I wanted to scream, the pain lacerating my body, but I could barely breathe.

When blackness finally took me, I thanked a god I didn’t believe in.

Still, I didn’t regret it.

I came to, an unfamiliar warmth threaded between my fingers. It was a relief to be able to feel that. Every single one of my muscles ached, but it was barely a tickle compared to the excruciating pain I’d been in before I’d blacked out. A sigh of released tension eased from me. I hadn’t wanted to think about it before, but Jye’s words about never being able to move again had spun on a loop in my head. It was nice to know Gigi had been right.

Focusing on what I was holding, I realised it was someone’s hand.

I frowned, and with a groan of exertion, I turned to follow the arm to the body it belonged to, sitting up even though each part of me felt heavily bruised. Axel was resting by my side, cross legged, bags heavy under his eyes. When he saw me move, he perked up, eyes sparking. With that, I couldn’t say. At least it wasn’t that sadness I couldn’t handle.

“Fuck, man,” Axel said under his breath.

That was probably his way of saying thank you.

There was something else he wanted to express, though. I could tell he was holding back. It was in the crinkle of the edges of his flattened lips. He was probably angry. Anna hadn’t been wrong. What I’d done was stupid. If my theory about “skills” had been incorrect, I wouldn’t be here to be pinned down by Axel’s blue heavy gaze.

I opted to remain silent and wait for the incoming assault.

“I love you, you stupid shithead.”

Yeah, that sounded–

Wait.

What.

Axel inhaled, squared his shoulders, and said, “I’ve had a crush on you since we were kids and I’ve wanted you every day since. Lee, I’ll love you every life I live, and no matter what I do I can’t stop. It’s like a fucking sickness.”

My brain had blue screened.

I had no response.

No words.

Axel jaw clenched. “And it sucks ass that I know you don’t feel the same way. That you’ll never love me back, can’t love me back, whatever. But that doesn’t stop these shitty feelings I have for you. So, just don’t ever fucking do that again. If you ever try to die for me, I’ll kill you.”

It was like being hit with a ghost freight train. His words thundered through my body, leaving me stricken with a bizarre floatiness. My hand reached out on its own volition, to steady myself, because the world felt only loosely tethered to reality. I only realised that I’d taken hold of one of his arms, using it to ground myself.

All his words were definitely English. But that didn’t stop me from having a hard time making cohesive sense of them. He looked so scared; I could feel him trembling under my hand. After all we’d been through, this was only the second time I’d seen fear on his face. His panic at my sacrifice suddenly made more sense.

“What?” is all I managed to say.

Axel lifted my hand from his arm and cradled it in between his, now no longer able to meet my gaze.

His touch was soft.

“Come on. Don’t make me say it again. Makes me sound like a goddamn simp.”

Like the bottom Jenga block pulled, pieces started tumbling, crashing around me. Axel during our childhood, and how he was my best friend until he wasn’t, Axel during our teenage years and how he hated me but defended me from bullies, Axel during university and how he remained so aloof but I still saw him every other day, Axel during full-time work and how he asked if I wanted to be his flatmate.

All those small acts.

I had never understood him.

I’d always thought it was his parents, asking him to watch out for me, for their godson. But the entire time it was Axel. Again and again, it was Axel. Always there Axel.

His words reverberated in my head, echoing around, and replaying over and over. You can’t love me back. The way his voice had broken during them. Why had he said that? Did he think being ace meant…

Laughter erupted uncontrollably, but the shock on his face shut me up in an instant.

Clearing my throat, I shook my hand loose from his and then, ignoring the pain, leant forward and pulled him into a hug. “And you had the audacity to call me stupid.”

He tried to break away, but my face felt hot and I locked my arms around him. I decided he wasn’t allowed to see my expression. Mostly because I’m not even sure what I looked like at that moment. Maybe we shared the same face.

Axel for sure had enough strength to free himself if he wanted.

I explained, “I’m ace, not aro, man.”

His body went stiff and it was his turn to say: “What?”

“Twenty-eight years we’ve known each other, and not one time did you ever bother googling it or asking me.” I shook my head in mock disappointment. “I just don’t get physically attracted to people. I can, however, fall in love.”

“But you’ve never dated anyone!” he sputtered loudly into my ear, almost deafening me.

I leaned back to show him my blank face. “Gee, I wonder whose fault that is.”

He blanched. It had been friends’ and family members’ running joke that the reason we were both single was because everyone thought we were a couple. I’d let the joke run its course because it’d kept my parents off my back. But I’d thought Axel had hated it because he didn’t want to be known to be dating someone like me. However… I guess he’d actually hated it because it made him angry it wasn’t real?

My brain could only handle so many revelations.

“For real, though, it’s tough out there finding someone who doesn’t expect an, uh, intimate relationship.” I cleared my throat. “And fuck you, I have dated people, for your information.” There was one date that came to mind that had completely checked me out over a romantic relationship. “But they all kind of fizzled out.”

“Then all this time that I’ve been pining–” He shut his mouth, his cheeks now beet red. “–I mean, all this time we could’ve…?”

The words hung in the air.

“I mean, you’ve been a bit of a dick to me since Chrissie died. So no.”

Axel laughed, and again it was bitter. I never understood him. Not before, not now. Probably never would in the future either. But now I think I was getting closer. I knew what he was asking. What I’d never thought he’d ask.

In his downcast eyes, I knew he was asking: Could we be anything?

I replied to his unspoken question. “Well, since the Gates, you’ve been… different.” I tried to put it into words without triggering him, dancing around the subject by talking about it. “Like, you’re you, but also ultra you. The best parts of you that were my best friend became who you are again, but also… in a worryingly unhinged way.”

What was I saying now? I think Axel had turned my brain into word soup.

But I owed him an answer. He’d poured his soul out. And it was the soul I’d known when we were kids. The one I’d adored. The one I’d–

Swallowing back my own emotions, I took a breath. “This Axel, the current Axel, the one I’d put my life on the line for, might be someone I could, you know, maybe…”

“Love?” he offered forward, so tentatively, so hopefully that I couldn’t even mock him like I wanted to. It would’ve been like kicking a puppy.

“That’s just maybe.” I wasn’t about to string him along either. I wasn’t sure how I felt. It was like being given a pair of glasses and realising you were short-sighted all along and now everything you didn’t know was blurry was in crisp 8K resolution. It’s hard to comprehend. My brain was still buffering.

At gunpoint, I would never admit to it, but Axel had been my first crush. One of those puppy crushes you get when you’re still a kid. I had been eleven when I realised. We’d still lived in a time where calling people gay was an insult, so I’d repressed it, only thinking about it in moments where it was only Axel and I. It’s weird thinking about it now, but spending time with him had been some of the best parts of my childhood.

But then Chrissie had passed, and he’d abandoned me.

Or at least that’s how it had felt.

Not only had that thoroughly shattered any illusion of affection I had towards him, I think it also fundamentally affected my self-confidence. If my best friend couldn’t love me, who could? It was the domino that teetered my social skills off the edge. That shut me down permanently.

Not that I blamed Axel. Death is never easy. We’d both been affected, just in different ways. Axel chose to leave it behind. And I guess I chose to never leave it.

The memories edged away as his confession replayed in my mind, and a large grin grew across my face. “To clarify, I can’t answer any time soon. I’ll have you know, it’s a lot of pressure knowing that you love me so much that, what did you say, what was it? How did you phrase it… That you’ll love me in every life?”

Axel let out a pained groan. “God, that was so cringe.”

The anguish on his face truly fulfilled some deep twisted desire in my heart. I couldn’t stop myself from ribbing him further. “Blinded by your love for me, obviously. Say, would you agree with Eminem that you love me so much you can barely breathe when you’re with me?”

“Sometimes.”

My response died on my lips and the tips of my ears burned. In that same moment I realised we’d been wrapped in each others’ arms for the whole conversation. Suddenly feeling very claustrophobic, I released my arms and tried to lean away.

Axel didn’t budge. He could basically lock me in place, given I was still feeling weak as shit.

“I’m not afraid to [Ground Smash] us both,” I said.

He didn’t reply, and instead bent his neck to rest his forehead on my shoulder. It wasn’t unpleasant being held like this, though I felt overly warm where we were in contact and growing warmer still. I was sure Axel would hear my heart beating loudly in my chest, and that was embarrassing, so maybe I could wiggle out–

“I just… Can I have this for a second?

There was something in his voice that made me stop trying to escape. It was the same emotion I’d heard when he’d first asked to call me Lee. Grief. I guess he could be mourning the world we knew, or even the relationship we might’ve once had. But somehow I knew it wasn’t that. It was something else.

Axel was grieving something, someone.

I think all along that brokenness was this same grief. For who? I couldn’t say. But it mattered to him. It mattered a lot. So, I could stay like this for him. I owed it to him. I could be here for him. The same way I guess he’d always been there for me. Albeit, maybe he had ulterior motives. And also, despite its warmth, this hug wasn’t that bad.

Lightly, I leaned my head down and rested my chin on his hair. It was softer than I thought it would be.

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that.

Definitely longer than his requested second.