Wren finally woke up around about the halfway point in our trek and unnecessarily apologised several times. Once she’d been reassured none of us took any insult from what had happened, I tried to convince her to spend a lot of her points on attributes.

However, while discussing her upgrade pathway, every now and again, she’d say “Makris thinks…” or “That’s not what Makris said,” to my absolute annoyance. I felt like a divorced parent and Wren was my child on a call with my ex partner. It was an absolutely unrewarding hassle. Why couldn’t have the man stayed silent? There’d been no problem since we’d met Wren until he’d revealed himself!

Or maybe all along Makris had been judging us, whispering his opinions in Wren’s mind?

I didn’t even know if there was anything we could do to get Makris’s errant soul out of her. Could we perform an exorcism? Was he actually dead? Or was it more like… he existed in another dimension and his only tangible link to ours was through Wren?

It was like getting another Tam without the reassurance of having the [Collar of Control]. Technically, Makris could say whatever he wanted to convince Wren to agree with him. We’d never know. But the girl was smarter than that, wasn’t she?

Thinking about it, I couldn’t even say how much of what I knew about her was Makris in her ear or her own personality. Either way, the sudden appearance of him was more of a risk than an advantage, especially considering that I was almost certain Nabu had somehow sponsored him and not her.

Gigi and Tam had both said she should’ve gotten a title from Nabu. But she hadn’t. Which led me to believe one thing and one thing only. Makris had somehow stolen it from her.

I would’ve liked to have known why, but that would mean revealing the man in her head had less than positive designs for her. Or maybe he was doing it to keep her safe, just like he was with her memories? Though none of us could be sure what he was preventing her from remembering. It was just as equally possible that he was denying her the right to recall nothing damaging at all.

How was I to know?

I had to trust that Makris wasn’t evil, and that I wasn’t a terrible judge of character.

One of these things was relatively impossible to prove. The other I had somewhat middling to poor evidence for.

Axel informed me he’d mostly proc’d further into DEX as well as an assortment of other attributes to support him. I’d asked the party to hold off on picking from the abilities whilst we were unsure of what awaited us at the CBD Dungeon and to keep around 300 credits in their system. I think Tam listened to me. None of the abilities were missing when I checked.

Gigi had further buffed xir STR and miscellaneous supporting attributes and had agreed about not choosing further abilities mostly because xe couldn’t learn any more anyway.

This was when Wren proudly announced, “Oh, you can’t? I’ve got six empty slots!”

I stared at her in sheer awe after that. The whole team had. Six empty slots. Which meant she could learn eight in one class. Therefore… that was sixteen over her two classes. I didn’t even think we had that many skills available for us to purchase.

But thinking of Wren’s two classes brought up something I’d been meaning to address.

“By the way, Wren, do you prefer being an assistive-type support or a debilitating-type support?” I asked. “It might be better to just stick with one of your classes unless there's an emergency. Like, main one of your classes instead of swapping equally. Considering you only level up one at a time…”

She frowned in concentration, and I finally recognised the look as Makris talking to her.

“We both think that’s a good idea,” she replied with a nod. “I think I’d like to assist more, so I’ll main my [Synergist] class.”

“It’s pretty whack how Wren’s class levelling works. Which would even count for the culling?” Jye asked, green eyes mildly curious.

I shrugged. “The sum level above our party window changes when Wren swaps between them, so I’d hazard a guess it’d be whatever class she has active when the time comes.”

Then to see if my words held any credence, I turned to check with Gigi. Xir expression said xe had never come across such a situation so xe wouldn’t be able to weigh in. Tam had long since decided to walk ahead once our strategy discussions had finished so there was no point in calling after her.

“Makris says that he thinks that’s wrong.”

Trying not to funnel my animosity toward Makris at Wren, I pinched the bridge of my nose, and I replied, “He says that, does he?”

“He’s saying that since he’s the [Scourge], it’ll always be [Synergist] when the time comes.”

Where was he getting that from? His body had disappeared before the Dungeons activated. Had he even gotten a chance to see his screen? Then again, I'd had access to the system when I'd been in Twilight. It wasn't beyond belief that even existing as a tumour in Wren's brain that he could see his.

And if he’d been the one to save her from the CBD Dungeon the first time when she’d lost consciousness… that would’ve meant at the same time he’d first taken over her body, her second class had appeared. But was it just a coincidence her trait had appeared then too? If Makris hadn’t controlled her unconscious form, would she still have had the [Mercurial] trait?

For awhile now I’d been feeling like a lot of traits were based on intrinsic qualities of the person themselves. Axel’s traits for example. [Swift Footed] could’ve stemmed from his sprinting background, and perhaps the trait had only compounded an already existing element about him. His… uh, other trait as well appeared to be related to his personality and character too. If that was the case, could Wren’s terrible unknown past be linked to hers? Or maybe it’d appeared as a result of Makris shrouding her memories, especially since without her life experiences Wren could very well be an entirely different person.

I let out a sigh. I could drive myself crazy thinking about the reasoning behind everything. Maybe, just maybe, all abilities and traits were absolutely random, and I was making mountains out of mole hills. Which reminded me, I should try to see if I could borrow other people's traits sometime, since I'd been able to [Channel] Gigi's.

“All right, well, I’m not sure I agree with his explanation, but either way it fits with your plan to stay [Synergist], so I’m okay with it.”

She gave me a sweet smile, her focus falling to about a metre in front of her. Her attention had clearly turned to the system and checking out her stats. Maybe I’d ask for her to share them with me later. Though I'm sure Makris would have something to say about that. Eugh, I’d only just met him, and he was already becoming a pain in the neck. I just hoped he had good intentions toward Wren.

Every now and then she’d mumble something, and it made me realise just how much she must have been speaking to Makris and hadn’t shown it.

Increasing the length of my gait to approach Jye, whose long legs could out step me any day of the week, I found the giant was still oddly silent after their question regarding Wren’s levelling.

This was as good a time as any to bring up the topic of their concerning attitude. I wasn’t the best conversationalist, but I figured a straightforward approach couldn’t hurt. Especially since the last time I'd tried to be more tactful when I’d confronted Axel about his behaviour, I’d ended up making him cry.

“So… you all right?” I asked.

“Aw, yeah. Existing,” they said, wiping at the sweat on their brow. The midday sun was glaring at this time of year. I suppose the one consolation of the system was that even if we got sunburned, it’d heal quickly. It didn’t stop the discomfort of the heat though. “You know how it be, man.”

Okay, maybe I needed to push a little harder. “You don’t wanna talk about our convo at the hospital?”

“Not especially keen on that, no.”

I gritted my teeth. You could drag a horse to water… “I won't force you. But I’m here, if you wanna talk.”

“Don’t count on me cashing that in, man. But thanks.”

Attempting a reassuring smile, I slapped them a few times on the back. “You’re welcome.”

All right. Mission failure. Nice work, Lee.

As I let my stride return to normal, I found Axel hovering by me, the smallest crinkle to the edge of his eyes. It was obvious he was mulling over how to approach me about something. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what it might be. I slowed my pace a bit to put some distance between Wren and us, slotting us at the back of the party.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“Yeah?” I inquired.

“Yeah, what?”

“Yeah, what do you want?”

His lips pursed, caught in the action. “Well. I had been thinking. Before the whole ‘Wren’s a man thing,’ we’d kind of been walking in a relatively unique way. You and I, that is,” he began, an intentional airy casualness tone to his voice. “And you seemed mostly okay with that. It got me wondering, perhaps… perchance, you’d be open to exploring alternate possible–”

“Jesus christ, Axel, spit it out.”

“I just want to hold hands,” he murmured, his eyes darting away, the slightest blush on the highs of his cheeks.

Oh.

“Oh,” I replied, mindlessly. I echoed back what he’d said like a bad automated phone receptionist. Sorry, could you repeat that? Did you just say, “You want to hold my hand.”?

Before he could respond to my inane, useless comment, as if she had a sixth sense, Tam whipped around, squinting at us in the distance. That she hadn’t just ran off was a miracle in itself. Who knew what counted as “helping when necessary” when we were out of the Dungeons? She stared at me and Axel for a moment before seemingly grumbling under her breath and turning back to watch where she was walking.

Taking that as some sort of cue, the blond stepped in closer, dropping his voice. “You can say no.”

“I know I can,” I whispered back, annoyed.

“Well, I just wanted you to think about it.” He flourished his hands, as if performing a feat of magic. “Put it out there.”

I guess this was Axel’s attempt at closing the distance between us. He knew how he felt about me and was aware I was struggling to figure out my feelings towards him. Perhaps he was hedging his bets by increasing our physical intimacy? I mean, I couldn’t be mad about it, really. If I were him, I wouldn’t have known how to deal with me either. Again, I found myself not wanting to say no and yet still hesitating.

The idea of holding hands with Axel didn’t seem awful.

“What are we, in kindergarten?” I said back instead, very aware of what accepting this request might mean to him.

His cheeks had gone redder still. Some part of me definitely got something out of this expression on him. I wasn’t in the mental space to examine that reaction properly.

“Mocking me? Really?” Sincere eyes met mine. “I’m trying to respect your boundaries, man.”

It surprised me that I found his reaction endearing. Despite his defensive tone, he really was doing his best. It was almost cute. I lamented the pinkness fading from his face, as he continued to stare, pinning me under his gaze.

Fuck me.

Throwing my hands up in frustration and surrender, I announced, “Fine! Hold away!”

I offered my right one to him.

A gleeful smile brightened his face, and it was like the sun rising. The sheer earnest happiness radiating out of him nearly knocked me off my feet. For a moment, looking at his overjoyed expression, I wondered why I hadn’t said yes sooner, a strange warmth filling my chest. I'd probably have done anything to have seen–

His hand slipped into mine, and, strangely, he brought them both up to his face.

Then, without any warning, Axel kissed my knuckles lightly, barely brushing his lips against my skin, his breath warm. I was so taken aback by the action, I wasn’t able to respond immediately.

“Axel!” I eventually hissed, tugging our hands down, irritation thrumming through me.

The sensation of his lips lingered on my fingers. It wasn’t terrible but underneath the fading feeling, there was guilt. For anyone else, what he’d done probably would’ve been scintillating. Yet I… It wasn’t that I had disliked it, it just made me feel lacking, unable to respond or feel the way someone should to such a display of affection.

In my search for someone, anyone, who might want a romantic relationship, I’d long ago resigned myself to the fact that intimate touch of any sort with those you were seeing was considered a running step toward sex.

It was why I’d hesitated to even hold Axel's hand.

It was like signing my name on a contract I could never learn how to read. Not that sex always happened or was even on the cards, but it was the hint, the natural performance of that physical want of it, which I’d learned was the general purpose of these touches. For me, who couldn't fathom the need, I enjoyed the touches for the connection they provided, but had since forsaken them.

Because I found that these caresses were like a beacon to most people that displayed your sexual desire, almost like boasting of your want to them. They were a manifestation of how the subject of your amorous affections made you crave them; small pieces of intimacy that said, “Look, I desire you and your body.” They were an expectation, an ask and an answer.

To allosexual people, it was obvious, their mother tongue. But for me…

The blond, unaware of the thoughts rushing through my mind, grinned triumphantly. “I’m but a man, Lee! Give me an inch, and I’ll steal a kiss.”

I’d learned to read the signs, be wary of them, because I’d trained myself to, because if you don’t, you get into weird situations and dates that presume a little too much about you when you hold their hand, so you know how to count to the exact number of seconds of touch that wouldn’t lead someone on and also conversely wouldn't assume you disliked them. A balancing act of parsing a language of longing you could only understand through a dictionary even after a lifetime of study.

Nothing within me reacted the way Axel’s kiss had been intended to inspire. There was no spark for reciprocation of want. I never wanted Axel like that. I could never want anyone like that.

It was a churning nausea in my gut.

“You’ve butchered that saying,” I mumbled back, only just conscious of our hands swinging between us.

Though his hand was warm and his hold gentle, as we walked in silence for a while, I simmered over these thoughts.

I couldn't even react right. I never could when it came to Axel, but this… This was worse. Axel deserved someone who’d be able to reciprocate his desires, like Killian or the dozen of men who'd shared his bed. Even if he said he wanted me, he couldn’t possibly understand what it really meant to be with me. For me to not be able to give him properly what he wanted.

Locking him into a relationship with me wouldn’t be good for him. He was used to being sexually desired, to being wanted in that way. For his kisses to be understood and returned in kind.

I couldn't do that. I couldn’t be good for him. Did it even matter what I wanted? I should just reject him for his sake. Maybe that’s why he’d been expecting that reaction from me all along. He’d known I’d–

Axel squeezed my hand, drawing me out of my thoughts. As I met his gaze, I noticed he appeared apologetic. Huh.

“Sorry. Won’t do that again,” he said.

I blinked. An apology? For what could be seen as such a small thing? And from Axel, no less?

I mean, it obviously hadn't been unimportant to me, but for Axel, a kiss on the hand had to be minor in comparison to other similar tokens of signage.

“I know you’re not really into all that stuff, but I was–” He cleared his throat, a reproachful look bending his brows. “I’ll ask next time.” He frowned, possibly at my baffled expression. Then he added, a little panicked, “Not that I’m assuming there’ll be a next time or anything.”

Truly I was an awful person. Making him jump through hoops and repeat these incantations three. I honestly couldn’t be worth this. Even if he loved me.

And yet… this was Axel.

“Why’d you do it then?” I asked, the words spilling forth before I could stop them.

I don’t know what answer I was expecting. How did one even answer this question when they weren’t aware of what their own actions innately meant? It was stupid of me to ask.

His head tilted in confusion. The response he delivered was matter-of-fact, an undeniable flat truth. He might as well have been reading an article from a newspaper.

“I was happy.”

“That’s… it?” I replied, dumbfounded.

For a brief second, Axel’s brow furrowed deeper. As the silence stretched an eternity between us, an understanding dawned in the depths of his eyes. A mischievous grin stretched over his lips. “What, were you hoping for something else?”

A flush of embarrassment ran up my neck. Had I been wrong? He’d flirted with other men in similar ways, I’d definitely seen it, and they’d led to the one outcome generally desired with such an action. How could I have been wrong? Those types of physical intimacy were always hidden codes. And every time I’d seen Axel do it, it had meant that!

I stumbled to respond, “I– You–”

He snorted. “You know, sometimes I wanna touch you, just to feel you.”

This… this fucking guy.

I was speechless.

For someone to desire my touch for the simple mindless want of me and nothing else ulterior? That just wasn’t… Platonic and familial love had similar shows of affections; warm embraces, kisses goodbye. But in the romantic quadrant, it felt like it was impossible for these things to exist without becoming something else. You didn’t just kiss someone you were romantically attracted to. There was the bodily motive underneath. Sex was always part of the equation, even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t, because then it was teasing the absence of it.

It was a myth, a disappointment, to expect anything else.

And yet here came Axel, toppling down my lifelong learnings in under ten words. He loved me, romantically, he’d made this very clear. He was not asexual like me, as I’d seen quite the proof for over our friendship. But he was saying his affectionate touch wasn’t always sexual, wasn’t suggestive, wasn’t wanting in that way?

It was like someone had drilled deep into my subconscious and cracked open the shell beneath.

The idea that Axel had sought my touch, to touch me, because he just wanted it, and not as a precursor to signal something more, obliterated a barrier I hadn’t even known I’d built. The tears pricked at my eyes before I could stop them. Using my free hand, I wiped at them quickly, hoping Axel hadn’t seen. This was an overreaction. I shouldn’t have been fucking crying.

But I’d never expected to hear those words in my life.

I hadn't replied, and Axel sought my gaze.

“Like now,” he said.

Swallowing back the dryness of my mouth, I asked, “Like now what?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Using our held hands, he guided me toward him.

My heart stopped in my chest.

Deity Absalom offers Player Lee Baz Smith a sponsorship. Accept | Reject

What the fuck.

Divine intervention really had some sort of timing.