Jye’s large hand stilled my actions as I tried to light the wood burner.

“Whoa there, dude. You wanna smoke us all out?”

I stopped, and they helped me up from my knees, righting me like I was nothing more than a feather. An extended groan escaped me as I resettled onto my feet; the cold had locked up my joints even with all our layers. Trying to not look as rigid as I felt, I asked, “What do you mean?”

The giant gestured at our cave. “Dude. There’s no airflow or ventilation in here. You’re gonna nuke us with smoke inhalation. That there’s six of us shacking up in here for the night is pushing carbon levels as it is.”

With a nod, I slapped a hand over their back in appreciation. To be completely honest, I hadn’t even considered that. The combination of fleeing from my conversation with Axel and the idea of a toasty warm source of heat had completely stolen my thoughts.

“Damn, I’m glad you said something.”

I did wonder though if what Jye was worried about could actually kill us now with our health regen. Either way, I doubted it would be a pleasant experience.

The redhead grinned, abashed. “Hey, gotta put my childhood trauma to use, don’t I? Not much else it’s good for.”

It wasn’t the first time I was thankful we had Jye in our party. In fact, I could easily picture a universe where I’d lit the burner without thinking, and we’d all gone to bed, never to wake up. I smiled (putting a peg in Jye’s depressing comment) and noted that everyone’s tents were pitched up now, and the others were beginning to insert insulation pads inside them to ensure the chill wouldn’t travel from the hard and cold ground through the thin fabric into their backs as they slept. That too had been Jye’s suggestion. Having saved us from my attempt at carbon monoxide poisoning, they returned to helping Gigi.

As the others finished up, I checked in with Wren to see how she was holding up. She reassured me that seeing the monsters hadn’t been that scary, but I was worried she was just trying to make me feel better. This, in turn, had me questioning what Makris was saying in her head about me. He’d called us all bastards before. I hoped he wasn’t insinuating my concern for her wellbeing was selfish. Then again, if Chrissie had never existed, had never passed away, would I have cared about Wren as much?

I didn’t have an answer to that.

Either way, Tam waved me off, telling me I was distracting her “tent buddy,” (her words) and so I wandered away to see how everyone else was fairing. It looked like Gigi and Jye were pretty much done. It’d taken longer than I’d expected, but we’d only managed one practice set-up and that’d been before the shock of what’d greeted us when we entered this Dungeon. Everyone was clearly still unsettled. A palpable tension hung in the frigid air, fuelled by the unknown.

We desperately needed to wind down.

Carefully, I retrieved the hot cocoa from my inventory, the pot thankfully stored between two oven mitts. It wasn’t so much a discovery as something we’d taken for granted that the inventory preserved items exactly as is, like they were saved in that state. Time did not touch things inside our inventory. That said, we’d come across a couple more Unacceptable parameters error messages in our fiddling around. Things too hot or too cold weren’t allowed, but to what degree, I wasn’t sure. Tam and I’d prepared several hot meals for this Dungeon, but there was only so much prep we had time for.

This had been a last minute addition.

“Get your cups,” I said, placing the pot onto the ground, the steam billowing wildly in the cold air, and I plucked a serving spoon from my inventory.

Eyes sparkling with excitement, everyone summoned their mugs, each specially chosen from Lusi’s large assortment, and held them out. One by one, muttering thanks, they came by me, and I ladled the thick, hot cocoa into their chosen receptacles, glad that Gigi had mentioned how much xe’d loved the foreign food of chocolate and given me the idea. Each of us had pulled out a camping chair and had set it up in the middle of our tents, and the others settled into their respective seats, waiting until everyone had their drink. Once the entire party had been served, slowly they pulled down their balaclavas and took their first sips.

I joined them with the last cup, sitting between Axel and Jye, the swirling heat like a steam bath for the now cold and bare bottom half of my face.

The hot beverage was decadent and rich, sweet, and clung pleasantly to my mouth. If I was feeling Master Chef-y, the word unctuous would be an applicable descriptor. I’d added some cinnamon for extra warmth, and it rounded the flavour nicely.

Silently, we sat there, letting the heat seep from our stomachs throughout our body. It was no victory lap, like I’d wanted, but it would suffice. Besides, it wasn’t like there was anything else to do right now. We might as well just kick back and relax while we had it easy; try to forget the corpse pile in some inane conversation. Whatever Adrien had planned for tomorrow would likely not be easy.

Neither would betraying him.

“Unlucky you live in the north, sunshine. You could’ve made a pretty buck selling this in a colder state.”

Grinning, I said, “It’s mostly pre-mix, but maybe I’ll give it a shot when this is all over.”

Tam whistled in thought. “Getting a bit cocky there.”

“It’s better to think on the positive side.” I shrugged, cooling the drink with a white breath. “We’re gonna win, and we’re gonna get that wish, and I’m gonna make you all hot cocoa again in the future.” Saying it felt stupid, but for some inexplicable reason it made me happy.

Jye waggled their thick brows. “You take custom orders, man? Because, yeah, this is good, but some whipped cream and marshmallows would take it to the next level.”

“If you're open to other drinks, I want a hot strawberry Nesquik!” Wren chimed in.

Gigi said, “I would perish for a drop of ⦽⥸⧪.” Xir brows furrowed at xir use of Linnikian language. At our intrigued gazes, xe explained, “It is an alcoholic drink served hot and sweet. Retains heat in your organs for many hours.”

“Oh, yeah, I’d love an Irish cream mocha instead,” Axel purred, his lips dipped over the edge of his drink, almost continuously sipping.

I frowned, confused. “You hate coffee.”

“No, you hate coffee.”

That was true. I had just assumed Axel had too, since he’d never said anything. Even with many spoonfuls of sugar, I found the taste repugnant. There’d been no coffee in our pantry at home, just various selections of tea, as that was typically my preferred hot beverage. I thought back to the nights we’d watched TV together before he left for a party, and because I was making some for myself I’d ask if he wanted tea and a bickie and he’d say yes. He could’ve had coffee. I would’ve made him coffee, if he’d told me.

Why had he never told me?

“Oh, I wanted to ask, are you dating now?” Wren asked, all childish innocence, her hazel gaze flicking between Axel and I. Had Makris prompted this? Her carving of us back outside the shrine popped back into my head. Or was this all Wren? Perhaps her perception was more keen than I thought…

“Say, that’s a great question, kid,” Axel replied. He turned a teasing smile my way.

I took a sip of my cocoa, my cheeks burning. Were we dating? What was a date in this current world? Did our conversations at night count as dating, or us sleeping in the same bed? Our outings to get supplies?

Besides, wasn't it too soon to be calling whatever we were doing “dating”? It'd been six days since Axel’s confession, five since I'd started holding his hand, two since we'd started sharing my bed, and barely half an hour since I'd allowed myself to admit to Axel how his happiness influenced mine. Still… Tam’s rare soft expression, her mention of her wife, and then her succinct advice replayed in my mind.

Clearing my throat, I steeled myself, and then said, “Yes?”

Axel’s brows shot up, clearly not expecting my response, and he sunk his pleased-as-punch face into his mug, cheeks lightly pink.

“Congrats, dumplings,” Tam said with perhaps too much joy. Her eyes fell on Axel, the glee growing, some sort of bottle uncorked in her mind. I don’t know what this information was about to release upon the world, but it was clear her previous ribbing had been her being restrained. “What’s this make it for you? Your millionth man?”

Axel sputtered into his drink, insulted. “Are you calling me run through?!”

“Seventeenth,” I said unthinkingly.

There was a beat.

The party’s collective gaze creaked and jittered over to me.

“What was that, sunshine?”

I froze, suddenly understanding what I’d said, what I’d shared.

“Just joking.” Forcing a laugh, I took another drink, my throat incredibly parched, my cheeks stinging. Fuck. Shit. I couldn’t even meet Axel’s gaze, finding the icy floor suddenly very interesting.

Jye’s eyes had grown large. “Bro, did you say seventeen?” Their awed stare settled on Axel in the seat beside me.

Simmering in embarrassment, I risked a glance at him too. The blond’s expression was something between utter astonishment and befuddlement. The relationship count was not something he was ashamed of, this I knew. He’d always been the short-fling kind of guy. But that wasn’t what was causing his reaction. We were both feeling put out for the same reason.

Why did I know that number?

“Is seventeen on the low side on Earth?” Gigi asked, xir head tilted, having come to the completely opposite conclusion.

“Hold up, hold up, hold up,” Jye began, their hands held out in the air as if to stop an attack. “That’s not high where you’re from?” The giant appeared utterly flabbergasted.

“No, though our life spans may be longer than yours twofold. Still, my relationships number much higher.” Bloody hell. How old was Gigi? Xir lips pursed in consideration, hand rubbing xir chin. “Does this count relationships occurring at the same time as one or multiple?”

Hit again with such monumental information, I only managed out, “You’re poly?”

“Ah, that is your word for it. I was polyamorous, yes. It is how things were done back on my planet to keep our warring nations in check. Fighting with family is frowned upon. The marriages between my spouses and I kept civil unrest at bay.”

Everyone took a moment to catch up to this new Gigi lore drop. I was glad to have left behind my own poorly-thought-of response, having buried it under Gigi’s words. Though as I reflected on what Gigi had shared, if xir relationships had been so influential, didn’t that mean Gigi had to have had a high social position? Had xe been royalty?!

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

“You were married?” Wren asked, her eyes shining with curiosity. No doubt Makris had explained the definition of “spouse” to her. It was actually my preferred term for a marriage partner because it allowed for the fun phrase “house spouse” for a gender neutral stay-at-home parent. After losing Chrissie, my own father hadn’t felt strong enough to return to the workforce for some time, and he’d taken to the expression warmly.

Xe nodded to answer Wren’s question. “Yes, three times.”

Three times to three different people? Or three times to more than three people? Either way, Gigi’s personal life was much more complex than I’d ever anticipated. It annoyed me, but I didn’t know xem enough to ask in more detail. I felt like I’d be putting my nose where it didn't belong. Maybe once we’d become closer and if we had some time to kill, I’d inquire further. Perhaps once Gigi told us xir wish… But that was xir right to keep closely guarded if xe really wanted.

We’d tried to get xem to admit it when we were in the base, but xe’d clammed up, refusing to elaborate. Though I’d confidently demanded Gigi should tell us more once in Nabu’s Dungeon, I really was all bark and no bite. I’m sure Tam had wanted to push further, but her means and methods wouldn’t be allowed by her collar.

“I’d like to get married someday,” Wren said. She smiled tentatively. “I remember there was a boy I liked in my class. Xavier. He was always nice to me. I think.” Her expression faltered, and I cursed Makris. Why steal memories of her crush? How petty. “I hope he’s okay.”

Tam raised her hand to pat Wren on the head. “I’m sure he’s just dandy, doll. Just like I know my wife’s okay too.”

This resulted in a marked reaction in everyone but me, mostly shock.

Understanding hit Tam and she glowered. “You didn’t tell them?”

It was like she thought I’d tricked her into sharing this private information about herself. Did she really think me a gossip? I don’t know where she’d gotten that idea from. If anything, Axel would’ve been the one to spill the beans, if he’d known.

I gave her a look which clearly said, Of course not. Aloud, I remarked, “If your wife is anything like you, I’m sure she’ll be more than fine.” It was both a dig and a compliment. I could see the recognition of the double-sided comment settle on Tam, her eyes narrowing minutely.

“Is your wife pretty like you, Tam?” the ten-year-old inquired, tempering the anger forming in Tam.

I reflected on Wren’s question. Objectively speaking, Tam was attractive, though her strong jawline and cleft chin leaned more handsome than beautiful.

“Much, much, much prettier, poppit,” Tam said, an affectionate smile curling her lips.

I wondered how much of that was love speaking and how much was the truth. Certainly, it felt like Axel seemed to find me more attractive than I was. I don’t think I would’ve ever classified myself as cute.

A second passed, then Tam checked herself, the expression of tenderness dropping. Blinking to clear whatever memory Wren’s question had conjured up, she pinned me under her now hostile gaze.

“You’re not getting out of this.”

Pointing a finger at my chest, I asked, “Me?”

“Yeah. You. You’re up on the docket, dandelion.”

I breathed in. Well, since it was all coming out, I might as well too. Good time now as any. It wasn’t like I was intentionally keeping it a secret. It just didn’t normally come up in day-to-day conversation. And wasn’t this type of bonding activity I’d been seeking to get to know everyone better?

“Well, being asexual has made dating difficult. So there’s been nothing serious.” Until now, I guess… But I accompanied these words with a shrug, acting nonchalant. In the corner of my gaze, I took in their reactions. No one seemed surprised. It was a bit of a relief to share this aspect about myself. Until now the only person here who’d known had been Axel. As I went to take another drink, I added, “Marriage has never really been on my radar either.” A flash of Axel in a tuxedo down an aisle of flowers flitted through my mind, and I choked on the last bit of my cocoa, my throat burning.

Coughing, I turned to Jye, hoping to erase the image. “If we’re all sharing….”

They chuckled, threading their fingers together to rest them behind their head. “Oh, I’m a clean slate, dudes.”

Tam’s head tilted. “What’s that mean, Lurch?”

“Zero XP.” They paused, briefly glancing at Wren, then said, “I’d be able to rock white at my wedding, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” The giant then winked at us.

So, Jye had never… I stared, my mouth open in a daze, hoping Makris refused to elaborate on this bombshell to the ten-year-old girl hosting him.

It wasn’t like Jye being a virgin or having no dating experience was unimaginable or that there was anything wrong with it, but the way they presented themself had made it seem… not like that. Even Axel’s first introduction to them had been during their attempt to hook up with a DJ in the Bahamas (though that tale might not be true). Jye was most certainly not ace too because I’d seen the stolen glances the redhead cast at Axel and Tam on the occasion. I knew what lust looked like, even if I wasn’t capable of feeling it.

“I’m just not people’s cup of tea, you feel me?” Jye explained, still smiling. Underneath their words, I could sense something repressed, even as they tried to laugh it off.

An awkward silence followed this admission.

I’d never felt as they had. Rather, I’d felt incapable of finding others sexually attractive and guilty for not being able to return interest in the same way, but I’d been aware of being wanted, even if I didn’t understand it. In this same way, Axel’s feelings were difficult for me to accept, but I knew he wanted me too, somehow.

That Jye thought themself unwantable wasn’t right. My chest tightened. It wasn’t pity. It was sympathy. Our lives had been different, but beneath it, there was a similarity there. I wanted to let them know that they’d be fine, but I also hated empty platitudes. Telling another that “you’ll find someone” was stupid. Sometimes you didn’t. And sometimes you didn’t want to.

It was a difficult thing to comment on. Finding romantic partners wasn’t the be all, end all. However, society put that type of relationship on a pedestal, above friendship, above family. As a collective, history had decided that lovers were the default number one, the people we were meant to rely on, to give everything to. Without one, you would never be prioritised. I knew what pressure I’d put on myself to find something, anything, even when I’d been on autopilot.

It’s what people did, right?

You’re told to want something all your life. And to never find it, never even glimpse it, was unusually cruel. You might as well get a letter in the mail calling you a failure. Doubts filled you. I’d only shallowly had them, and they were tied to my asexuality, but I knew enough.

Am I not good enough as I am? Why will no one choose me for me?

Especially for someone like Jye, whose personality was as straight as an arrow. They struck me as the type to fall head over heels for another, throwing their whole heart into the fray. But that no one had ever wanted them back… was so egregiously unfair I didn’t know how to reply.

It wouldn’t be right to start ranting about decentralising romance. It would be hypocritical of me, particularly now with Axel to my side.

Laughing, the redhead said, “Oops, didn’t mean to kill the convo. It’s all G, guys. If I die before anything happens, it’s not like I’ll know what I missed.”

Somehow that was even more bleak. Nobody said anything. It wasn’t the same as comforting Wren and the potential loss of her crush. Jye wasn’t a child. It was obvious that beneath the thin facade Jye wore that the lack of interest had been hurtful. Banal assurances would be meaningless.

They’d once said they were happy with who they were. For the first time, I wondered if that was true. I’d been concerned about their mental health since I’d known them, but I’d never considered this an issue for them. Then there was the fact that the world as we knew it was over. The likelihood of finding another now… at least until we won, it would be incredibly low.

How did I make them feel better? Should I stop holding Axel’s hand as much in front of them? Was our fresh relationship a reminder of what Jye never had?

The moment withered away into nothing, the rest of us lost to thoughts of loved ones, real and or hoped for.

Wren let out a yawn, her expression sheepish. “Makris says I should go to bed.”

I checked my watch, glad for the topic change, and nodded. “That’s not a bad idea. Adrien will be back in around nine hours.” We’d been chatting for a while, nursing our hot cocoa.

Whatever the sorcerer had planned when we woke up, I guess we’d find out.

As confident as Adrien was that he could defeat us all, I was just as sure we’d be able to figure something out. We just needed more information and time.

Everyone started getting ready for bed, but Jye remained on their chair, staring into nothing. Their eyes were watery, lips thin. There was a look on the giant’s face, one I’d seen before, except they’d been high then, sobbing, all alone.

Was this unspoken personal crisis what had fuelled their sadness then?

Some people might think it trivial, but this kind of loneliness could damage someone deeply. I’d let my choices self-impose a type of isolation on me and my personal relationships until the Event, finding others to want something I couldn’t give them, but to think that Jye had earnestly sought something with others and never had it reciprocated…

“Jye?” I laid a hand on their shoulder.

Their green gaze focused on me. “Oh, I’ll be heading to bed soon too, man. Just thinking.”

I hesitated and then said, “I’m here, if you want to talk. Always.”

They grinned. “Dude, you keep saying that and Axel’s gonna start thinking something’s going on between us.”

“I’m worried about you,” I admitted, unamused by Jye’s attempt to play off my concerns. I dropped my voice to a whisper to say, “I saw you. In the basement.”

Their smile tightened, and one of their hands reached up to run through the loose locks of their hair. “Don’t worry about that. Just a bad trip.” I opened my mouth to say something, but the redhead cut me off as they stood and dismissed their camping chair. “Serious, man. I’m chill. Just let it be.”

Everyone was always keeping secrets in this party. Tam and her past, Gigi and xir wish, Wren-Markis and their memories, Axel and his grief, Jye and whatever this was.

Well. At least I was trying to do my part.

The giant walked off to their and Gigi’s tent, but they paused at the entrance. For a moment they just stood there. Were they changing their mind? To my disappointment, Jye didn’t turn around. Rather, quietly, they said, “Thanks, Lee. For caring.” And then they zipped the tent door open, stepped through, and closed it behind them.

I sighed, following suit to Axel’s and my tent.

The blond was already snug in his blankets, a drowsy expression tugging at his eyelids. He’d stripped off his balaclava, perhaps finding it too awkward to sleep in. I did the same as I entered fully, happy to take the extra tightness from my face, though the cold immediately rushed in to remind me of its presence. I tugged back on the beanie while closing the tent up.

Axel pulled out an arm from under his blanket to pat the section to his side where he’d spread out my own sleeping bag. Had he always been this considerate? Shooting him an appreciative smile, I settled into the bedding with a tired groan, letting my eyes close as I wriggled around. When I’d finally gotten comfortable, I blindly extended my hand out, seeking Axel’s.

Sourly, I had to admit I’d been absolutely right before; it would’ve been incredibly sanctimonious to have told Jye to not care about finding someone, reflecting on what I’d just done subconsciously. To be prioritised, to be cared about first and foremost…

Axel’s hand didn’t meet mine, forcing me to open my eyes.

He was staring at me from beneath his lashes, an amused expression on his face.

“Seventeenth, huh?” he asked.

Panic cut through my exhaustion, and I felt my eartips go aflame. I’d forgotten what I’d let fall from my mouth because of news of Gigi’s background and Jye’s existential loneliness. I curled into my sleeping bag, letting the top blanket cover my heated face.

“You were counting,” he stated, matter of fact.

There was no point in denying it.

“I was.” This was delivered muffled by fabric.

I felt him shift beside me, and suddenly my sleeping bag was being pulled back to reveal a very smug Axel looming above me. It was more than a little concerning that I also enjoyed that expression on him. Reflecting on that did nothing to help the situation, so I let the thought pass.

“You were jealous.”

It was positively narcissistic. But correct. I had to wonder why that was always what he had to say when we shared a tent.

Scowling, I clarified, “Of how easy it was for you to find someone.” That was the basic truth of it. It was similar to my feelings toward Killian. Mostly. The segment that wasn't the same… I didn't really understand. Had I wanted something else? I tried to distil my emotions into something I could comprehend, but like all thoughts that involved Axel, they danced out of any sensible reach.

“Still. Jealous.” His sleepy smile grew.

He was getting much more satisfaction out of this than the last time we’d been in a similar position. It’d been less than a week ago, and nothing extreme had changed, but it felt like so much had.

Knowing I wouldn’t come out of this exchange on top, and already feeling mortified and confused, I conceded, “Yeah. Now let's sleep.”

“Mmm-hmm,” he agreed, settling back down with a yawn. His eyes fluttered closed. “Love you.”

The words, delivered so casually, as natural as the sun rising, hit me in the sternum, and his hand dipped into mine. He brought both of them tight to his chest, hugging them close, as though my touch was a precious treasure he held dear.

Even through the layers, I could feel the beat of his heart; slow, relaxed, calming.

Huh.

Maybe it'd been this I'd been jealous of too.

Just being held.

I fell asleep to the rhythm of Axel's heartbeat.