Axel’s hand reached up, curling about my chin, and he tilted my face down. I absorbed his expression. He was smiling brightly, his eyes soft and dazed, as if he couldn’t believe I was there, carrying him. Despite his health not being fully restored, he looked better, the colour coming back to his skin. And that expression…

Yeah. Yes. I was sure. It was clear to me.

Why taking Adrien’s life had been so easy and why I didn’t regret it, even though the guilt shredded at me.

It was difficult to admit, but I truly never thought I’d kill with intent, despite knowing my end goal of bringing everyone back. In self defense, yes, but to purposely do it… I’d thought that was what sociopaths like Adrien did. Even when Axel, Jye, and Tam killed, I mentally excused it. They were fighting for their lives, after all. And me helping them, I'd said I'd killed, but I hadn't. Not at all. It wasn’t the same thing.

I'd been running from it.

Acting holier than thou, I'd been a hypocrite, clinging to ideals even though I stated the opposite. I'd told the others we'd take lives if necessary, but I'd been foolishly believing, hoping, I’d never have to follow through; I'd been avoiding it at every turn, accepting events that were otherwise unacceptable to confirm my own convictions.

If I were being honest, the majority of life-or-death situations we’d face were a result of my ego. From Anna’s killsteal of the Minotaur, to the gate guard confrontation, to letting Adrien play with us, I’d been hellbent on remaining good, pure. Keeping my hands clean.

Underneath the pretension of “no mercy but no murder,” I believed that I was above killing, better than it. That I would never let myself sink that low. That my morals were infallible. I could never be so base as to murder another living person for such self-serving reasons.

But I had to confront the ugly truth.

It had been revealed to me seconds ago.

I’d kill any number of people who put Axel's smile at risk, anyone who threatened his life. It wasn’t even a question. I’d have killed Adrien again and again to keep Axel by my side. Whatever it took to protect him and the people I cared about. The emotion was messy and despicable, but it existed inside me.

Perhaps that made me ruthless and immoral and selfish. All things I'd thought I wasn't, that I thought were wrong, that I would never let myself be, that were too barbaric to allow myself to feel. Though those aspects of myself must've been there all along, hidden beneath the Lee I thought I should be.

It was almost enough to make me laugh.

Everything always came back to the autopilot, to society's expectations, to finding myself after all those years of not knowing who I was or what I wanted after Chrissie.

Maybe it was okay that Axel didn’t make me a better person.

He made me more me.

“I hate to say it, but you actually managed to take me by surprise,” the blond admitted from my arms, his voice still hoarse.

I wanted to tell him how glad I was he was alive, that it was like breath in my lungs, but I found myself saying, “Let me put this warning in words you understand, Axel. If you try to die for me again, I’ll kill you myself.”

What had led to this same sentence back in Nabu’s Dungeon is what had meant infinitely more, had been everything, had changed us. I wasn’t ready to say the same thing. That, for me, wasn’t something I knew entirely just yet.

But one thing was clear.

Ever since the party had been split, it’d become startlingly obvious.

Without Axel, I wasn't whole.

Said blond laughed at my callback of a threat and then groaned, digging his face into my chest. I thought I glimpsed blushing cheeks. He said, “Eugh. I can't believe I coughed blood on you.”

“I think we’re beyond caring about that.”

“You might be, but I have a reputation to uphold,” he whined.

I was glad he was feeling more like himself enough to be this vain.

“Dudes, holy shit!” Jye exclaimed, coming up to our left. Similar to me, they were carrying someone: Wren. She gave us a small wave, but there were bags under her eyes. To my relief, both Jye and Wren looked to be in mostly good health. She'd likely been healing them both as they made their way over.

Seeing them in the flesh was a weight from my shoulders. I hoped the smile I sent their way expressed my feelings enough, because we didn't have time for a proper reunion.

“Stamina, mana?” I asked, eyes on the countdown in the system. Twenty-three seconds on the clock. I’d gotten lost in thought but was glad not too much time had passed as I’d run.

I could see Tam's barely moving form beyond the scout that was pursuing her. She must've really pissed it off for it to be so intent on her death. I could kind of understand its feelings. If you didn’t try to understand her, she could rub you the wrong way. Unfortunately, mordexi were probably not capable of forgiveness.

Wren, Axel, and Jye reported to me their current capacities.

It would be enough.

“Volley the scout, as many as you can, Wren.” I turned my attention to Jye. “You've got Whetstone on?” They nodded. “Good. Load it down once it's hit. I want it pinned to the ground.”

The redhead saluted me. “Aye-aye, boss.”

I helped Axel to stand by himself and found myself missing how warm he'd been pressed into me and physically had to stop myself from drawing him back closer, snapping my arms to my sides. The reaction stunned me, preventing me from saying anything, my cheeks heating up.

Huh.

Axel brushed himself off, flicking free some dirt from his clothes, not fully recovered by any stretch, but better than he’d been when he was dying. He cleared his throat. “What do you need from me?”

I sized him up for a moment, and he gave me a look.

Accepting his silent reassurance, I said, “After the Volleys, go in. I'm going to see to Tam.” Wren was likely low on mana since their trap battle, so I’d have to take on the role of medic.

“Do you have to?” he asked, smiling with spite.

His disdain for Tam was undeserved, but his return to form was relieving. Axel summoned a new sword from his inventory. How many did he have in there? Well, he had [Smithing]. He might as well make as many as he could to get some practice in.

“At will,” I said, and then I dashed toward Tam's cat form, giving the scout a wide berth.

As I did so, the fizzle of abilities sounded, then the twang of an arrow being released, followed by the chorus of several others. They whistled through the air in front of me, reaching their apex, and then the leading one was throttling in faster as Jye applied a Load to their shot. In mimicry, all the other arrows accelerated, hurtling towards the scout.

I ran past before I could see how many hit the target, my concentration solely on the cutthroat struggling, pawing forward. There was a trail of blood, as if she'd been dragging herself.

“Tam!” I called. My voice was like an off switch; she immediately stopped, falling limply to her side, curling in on herself.

Reaching her, I took in how badly she was doing. She had to be on her last hit points. There were cuts and shreds through her blood-matted fur, sinew and cartilage visible beyond that. One of her ears was missing completely. I almost didn't want to know what she would've looked like in her human form.

I laid my hands over the most injured part of her and cast [Healing Hand]. As the green soothing glow formed under my palm, her eyes flickered open.

With a smile, I said, “Better late than never, huh?”

Even though it had to take more energy than it was worth, she rolled her eyes. Classic Tam.

“Thank you,” I said, glad I could express my gratitude again.

I thought maybe I saw her lips curl into a smile. But as she was a cat, I couldn't be sure.

Letting the ability do its work, I turned my attention back to the others. The volley of arrows had struck the injured scout, several piercing its body. With Jye's additional Loads after their impact, it'd sunk to the ground, effectively locked to the floor.

It must've been tricky to figure out how many Loads to add after the fact. Too little and they'd just be an irritation. Too many and they’d drive straight through and into the ground. But I guess with the mordexi horde, Jye must’ve gotten some practice in.

Everything was going as planned.

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Axel was now heading in.

~Mordexi Respawning: 0:10~

He was a bit off kilter in his run but still as sure as ever.

Part of me wondered at his swordsmanship. Gigi had barely given him any further guidance, just had professed that xir own school of blade differed to Axel's, so xe couldn't comment beyond offering another perspective on style. I'd tried to follow their conversation during practice, but I still struggled to hold my glaive correctly, so I'd focused on the basics: swinging it without hurting myself. In fact, Gigi had cautioned me to use the wooden staff I'd originally gotten from Kmart.

Axel must've practiced a lot more than I'd thought. He'd messed around in backyard cosplay as a kid, but this was beyond that. I did remember a pamphlet for different sports once magnetted to our fridge, with fencing as one option, but I'd thought he'd just put it up there as a conversation starter for his parties. Had he actually taken fencing lessons?

The blond rushed towards the scout, its head snapping back and forth, and he got a clean cut at its open neck. His blade sank into flesh, purple blood spurting forward. It looked like he'd managed to nick an arterial vein.

Was there anything I could do to support him?

Time was almost out.

Another arrow, absent the additional volley, thunked into the scout's back, and it let out a shriek. Blood was seeping from all the arrows sticking out of it, the gash at its neck, and the other cuts that Tam had gotten on it, but it wasn't going down. I wished Gigi was here with xir bestiary and combat knowledge. How much health did it have left? Could we kill it before they all respawned?

The mordexi raised one of its free claws to slash at Axel, and he rolled back out of range, careful to avoid the sharp of his own blade.

~Mordexi Respawning: 0:05~

Thoughts of Gigi reminded me of xir information regarding the guardians and where their weak spot was. The creatures were all the same species. Surely they shared a similar vulnerability?

Unlike its bulky kin, the scout was lithe. Its skin and coat were practically aerodynamic, flat to its frame. Because of that, the indents of its head were more visible. Maybe Axel could find it.

“It's third ear, Axel!” I shouted.

His brow furrowed, and he sprung back to get a better look.

An arrow from Jye flew out again, this time missing, sinking into the snow next to the scout. I cut the giant a break. They'd only been using the bow for about a week. That they were already so proficient was testament to how much they trained. In fact, I didn't think I was imagining it, but the muscles of their shoulders and arms had already appeared slightly larger. Jye no doubt was over the moon at that. But should they really have seen progress this quickly?

“I think I see it,” Axel said back.

00:03

His blade raised, and he used the pinned back-foot of the mordexi as a stepping stool, ascending onto its hindquarters, then up along its back, approaching its head.

00:02

The scout bucked at him and he lost footing, stumbling, falling to his knees at the creature’s shoulders. He locked his thighs into a vice. His face was crinkled in concentration, sweat beading on his forehead, one hand gripping for dear life onto the beast's thin coat.

00:01

With his other hand, Axel lifted his sword and then plunged it down into the very top of the mordexi’s crown. The scout went limp under him, a fountain of indigo blood spraying up into his face.

Its limbs shuddered in a death twitch.

~Dungeon 11 cleared for the first time by Just Friends. Gate frozen~

“Gate frozen”? I guess that meant no one else could enter. It was a small consolation. We wouldn’t have to deal with the peanut gallery, at least.

Nexus available.

I'd be checking that before we left this time, for sure. What followed that was much nicer: XP and credits, 1,500 and 1,000 respectively.

I hadn’t been keeping count, but surely we’d gotten enough to roll over into LVL 4 by now. We’d been pretty close before, maybe a few hundred off. Hell, maybe we’d made it to LVL 5, but that was probably wishful thinking. Life would never be that easy.

As Axel sank down off the dead creature, chest heaving, covered in gore, I was hit by the thought that he had never looked so… him. He wiped the purple from his disgusted face, slicking it back into his hair. The blood had stained his clothes, and his body looked weighed down with exhaustion, clothes torn in places from his previous combat. The man was half dead as this point. By all accounts, he should’ve looked a right mess, and he did.

But there was a spark in his eyes that elevated the sum of each part all into something transcendental. Almost divine. Just like when I saw the softness of his sleeping face, this too was something I couldn't look away from, my breath caught in my throat.

It was an odd feeling.

In a puff of black smoke, Tam transformed back into her human form, her clothes ripped practically to shreds, but she didn't seem to care. I didn't for that matter either. That she was letting me help her was all that meant something to me.

When I caught her gaze, I realised she was staring up at me watching Axel through the clearing blackness. Her left ear was still missing. Maybe we could fish it out of the scout’s stomach. Which reminded me… My fingers…

An evil grin snaked across her face.

“Well, call me an old heifer and put me out to pasture. Never thought I'd see the day you’d finally figure it out, sunshine.”

I blinked down at her. “Figure what out?”

“What’s worth killing for.” She didn't say it aloud, but as she followed my gaze to Axel and the others patting him on the shoulder, I could hear what her words actually meant: who was worth killing for.

Ah.

Just exactly as she'd been doing when I met her. Just exactly as she'd done in Nabu’s Dungeon. Just exactly as she would continue doing. And I would let her. Because she was right. Now I fully understood.

With my left hand occupied by healing, I reached my injured one up to start unclipping the collar from her neck, ignoring the odd detached pain. Thankfully, I was still capable of a pincer action with my pointer and my thumb. She halted my movement, squeezing a weak hand over mine.

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What in the blazes are you playing at, pumpernickel?”

She would think I had ulterior motives.

“You can leave the party if you want, Tam. I hope you don't.” I smiled. “I’ve been meaning to work on my spice tolerance, after all.” A steeliness entered my voice, and it surprised even me. “But if you choose to leave us, don't expect any mercy when we cross paths again.”

Sensing my intentions, the prompt from the system appeared before me.

Release [Collar of Control]? Accept | Reject

Instead of responding, Tam started croaking with laughter, though she blanched from reawakening the pain of her yet unhealed injuries. I stared in utter bewilderment. The cutthroat was truly beyond my understanding on so many levels.

Grinning widely, she said, “Cheese and fucking whiskers, babes, you're a dime in a dozen. I'd stick around just to watch the trainwreck of your life.” She paused in consideration. “I just wish I had popcorn half the time.”

Thrown off by her reaction, I raised an eyebrow, and she brushed my touch away from the collar. Using the same hand, she pretended to cover a yawn, saying, “I'll keep this pretty little trinket for now.” Her gaze flicked around, and her voice dropped, muffled by her fist. “I got my reasons. Just promise me when I say, you'll cancel it.”

“I swear.”

With a long groan, she sat up and then slapped me on the shoulder. She was nowhere near recovered to a decent amount, several wounds still weeping blood. “I can handle the rest, dandelion.”

Unwilling to push our new comradery too far, and sensing somehow I'd missed an important admission from her, of what I didn't know, I withdrew my healing and stood to welcome the others who were beginning to approach. As I did, the thought that Mumma didn’t assist Tam in this Dungeon hit me.

Had she been holding back to save belief? By all accounts, Tam’s sponsor didn’t seem weak. She could’ve afforded to have intervened. Considering Mumma's behaviour in the Deity Commentary, it seemed like she adored Tam.

Why hadn’t she helped?

As for Nabu, that was self-explanatory. The man was a husk of a god. Besides, he was attached to Makris, not Wren. Or maybe he was shared between them and that messed up the sponsorship. Either way, he definitely couldn’t be relied on to lend a hand. Even with all the belief that Wren had to be raking in for him. We’d cleared two Dungeons now!

Like the Dungeon reacted to my dawning thoughts, the familiar sensation of the world falling away hit me. We were being summoned to the Dungeon’s Deity’s Domain for the rewards. Damn, say that fast five times. My surroundings coalesced into that endless white before flickering into an idyllic millionaire’s holiday home with an infinity pool, a refreshing breeze and the lazy kiss of the afternoon sun completing the vacation atmosphere.

A sigh exhaled from me, drawn from the depths of my marrow.

With the pressure of the clear off me, I found myself left with nothing else but tiredness, even in the face of a Deity. There was a sinking in my bones I didn’t know I could feel, like I was fading into the ground beneath me. A short throb pulsed up my right arm. Oh, right. I also had only half a goddamn hand. Less than half!

Bone-chilling fatigue dragged at me. Only spite seemed to be propping me up.

I hated the Deities, I hated the Dungeons, and I hated how I knew we'd have to do this again and again to stay alive.

All I wanted to do was lie down, cocoon myself in a blanket, and then sleep for seven thousand years.

As everyone teleported in with me into the Deity’s Domain, I watched them pop into existence. They’d been at least a football field away, but now the party, Gigi included (who waved), was close enough to form a huddle before kick-off. The pressure of weight returning to my feet alerted me to the fact we’d fully loaded in.

We’d been summoned to the shaded area next to the pool. Sweat began to pool under the layers of clothes on my body. Very cool.

As though sensing my frustrations, Axel gingerly took my right hand, mangled and all, into his. He didn't even blanch.

His palm was sticky with mordexi blood, but I didn’t care in that moment. Tired as I was, his touch alleviated my negativity, a comfort, a promise of better things. He was looking at me, just as he always had, his head tilted, waiting for me to respond, the question of my wellbeing clear as day in his eyes.

He had to be on less health than me.

But he was still…

Carefully, I squeezed his hand in answer, embarrassed by how much I realised I never wanted him to let go. Then, clearing my throat, I brought our hands up to check my watch.

We’d gotten the clear in the hour that Adrien had promised. Well, he wasn’t a complete liar.

“Just Friends.”

Relaxing on a sun lounge, pina colada in hand, was a bikini-clad Amazonian Deity, their sunglasses dipped to watch us, golden eyes dancing.

They sat up, swinging their muscled legs over the edge of their seat, revealing they were likely taller than Jye, and their long cascading tresses of curly blond hair fell over their shoulders with the movement.

A crushing atmosphere of absolute certainty emanated from them, an aura of confidence and strength. As my breath stopped in my chest, I had to admit that heavenly didn’t even come close to describing them. Their beauty was beyond human understanding.

I couldn’t stop staring.

Other than their get-up, this, perhaps, was closer to what I would’ve imagined when someone spoke of gods—a being who should’ve been in Olympus, a pantheon, something. This was someone I could imagine people worshipping. Hell, if I’d been any less jaded, I might’ve considered dropping to my knees.

Tam audibly gulped.

With an unreadable smile, the Deity said, “Come closer.”